Chapter Eleven – Collins Charity

Mr William Collins arrived at Longbourne three days after the funeral, despite being given ample time to arrive for it. Mr Phillips despaired of ever getting to read Mr Bennet's will, and Mrs Bennet remained hopeful that he simply wouldn't arrive and allow them to continue to live at Longbourne until her girls were married and they had somewhere else to go. Elizabeth, Mary and Kitty sat in the study together, not knowing what to say. Their grief was deep, and they each had dreams that would no longer be possible. Mrs Hill would bring them fresh tea and some food at mealtimes. Often, she would have to usher them to bed.

Mr Collins' arrival was expected, and the Bennets all turned out to greet him. As he stepped out of his carriage, he looked over each of the girls appraisingly. None of them looked good in black, and Elizabeth could see him weighing all of them. When he looked at her, she met his gaze without flinching. He started, then turned back to Mrs Bennet.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Bennet," he said. "I am Mr William Collins."

"It is a pleasure to meet you Mr Collins," said Mrs Bennet, "though I wish it had not been in such sad circumstances."

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away," said Mr Collins. "I am sorry to not have met Cousin Bennet, as I feel that he would have benefitted much from my humble guidance."

"Yes, well," stumbled Mrs Bennet, "allow me to introduce you to my daughters."

"Of course, of course," said Mr Collins.

"This is my eldest, Jane," said Mrs Bennet, pushing Jane slightly forward. "Is she not beautiful? And this is my youngest, Lydia. Next to her is Mary, my third child, then Elizabeth, my second-born, and last is Katherine."

"Katherine?" said Mr Collins, turning away from Jane. "Are you perhaps the Katherine Bennet who writes so regularly to Miss Anne de Bourgh?"

"I am," said Kitty. "Anne and I are good friends. Lizzie writes to her as well."

"Miss de Bourgh is gracious with her time," said Mr Collins, "and her solicitude towards yourself can only be because I am her spiritual advisor. I am pleased that you are acquainted with her, as it can only improve you."

"How is Anne?" asked Elizabeth. "Our last letter from her mentioned a slight cold. I hope that she is well again?"

"Miss de Bourgh is much recovered," sniffed Mr Collins. "I would not have left Rosings Park without such an event. Lady Catherine de Bourgh depends on my advice and guidance. It is very impertinent of you to call Miss de Bourgh by her Christian name, as it assumes a familiarity that I am sure you do not possess."

"Perhaps you would come inside, Mr Collins?" interrupted Mrs Bennet. "You have had such a long journey. A change of clothes and a cup of tea will do well to ease your weariness."

"Indeed, Lady Catherine de Bourgh often says that a cup of tea is the greatest sign of hospitality," said Mr Collins. He led the way inside, not even offering Mrs Bennet an arm to escort her inside. Mrs Bennet huffed and followed him inside, and her daughters fell into order as they entered their home.

A half hour later, Mr Collins joined the ladies in the parlour and sat down. Jane poured him a cup of tea, which he accepted with flowery, empty words as he looked her over again. Elizabeth pointedly stitched in silence as Kitty sketched the tea set from her seat next to her elder sister. Not wanting an awkward silence, Mary took a deep breath and asked Mr Collins about his journey.

"Oh it was passable," sid Mr Collins. "I dislike travel, all the bumping along and dust is terrible. Were it left to me, I would not have made the journey at all. However, Lady Chatherine de Bourgh insisted that I come and pay my respects to Cousin Bennet. I am shocked that you did not wait for my arrival to bury him."

"We were not sure as to when you might arrive," said Elizabeth without looking up. "We received your letter informing us of your imminent arrival, but no word as to your delay nor when we might expect you. The dead deserve to be buried in a timely manner, and you sir are not more important than the respect this community gave to my father."

"As his heir, I deserve every consideration," said Mr Collins indignantly.

"The dead deserve as much consideration as the living," said Elizabeth, looking up at last. "And Longbourne is not yours until the reading of the will, which has been significantly delayed by your absence."

"A young lady should not know so much about the law," said Mr Collins with a frown. "It is unbecoming. How have you raised her, Mrs Bennet?"

"A mother does what she can," said Mrs Bennet. "But who was I to argue with my husband when he decided to teach Lizzie everything he could rather than stick to a regular education?"

"Ah, I see," said Mr Collins. "How very peculiar. Well, Cousin Elizabeth, I think you will find that your husband will not tolerate your impertinence."

"Then I shall not marry, and be as impertinent as I am," said Elizabeth. "I do not fear being alone."

"Shocking!" said Mr Collins. "Lady Catherine de Bourgh would not approve. All young ladies must marry, and once married, must submit to their husbands."

"Then perhaps it is best that it is the lady's choice whom she accepts," said Mary. "A woman must be careful lest she choose a jailor over a shepherd."

Kitty looked up from her drawing. "Uncle Gardiner is returning from Uncle Phillips's house."

"What excellent timing," said Mrs Bennet with a strained smile. "Mr Collins, I shall have to introduce you to my brother Gardiner. He has stayed with us since the funeral, that we might wait for you to arrive. I am sure the he is eager to meet you."

"He is a tradesman, is he not?" said Mr Collins.

"And a good man," said Jane. "He has been a balm in our time of need."

"Indeed, indeed," said Mr Collins. "I am sure that I can impart some relief for your sorrow after dinner. Yes, that would be just the thing."

"And I am sure that we all look forward to what you have to say," said Mrs Bennet eagerly.

At that moment, Mr Gardiner entered the room and noticed Mr Collins, seated in the chair reserved for honoured guests. Everyone rose to greet him, and he crossed the room to sink into Mr Bennet's old chair. With a sigh, he turned to Mr Collins.

"I am Edward Gardiner, Mrs Bennet's older brother," said Mr Gardiner. "I assume that you are Mr Collins?"

"Indeed I am," said Mr Collins a little aloofly. "Mr William Collins."

"Good that you're finally here," said Mr Gardiner, "as my brother Phillips is anxious to read the will and get the legalities sorted out."

"I too am anxious to read the will," said Mr Collins. "Lady Catherine de Bourgh – you have heard of her, I suppose? – made it very clear that it is imperative that I sort this out with good sense and Christian charity."

"As I churchman, I am sure that you know very well what Christian charity looks like," said Mr Gardiner. "It is, I understand from our own rector, the very foundation of the position."

Mr Collins looked a little put out. "Of course. Lady Catherine de Bourgh says the same thing, and I pride myself on always acting with good sense and charity."

"Lady Catherine seemed like a woman of sense the one time I met her," said Mr Gardiner.

"You have met Lady Catherine de Bourgh?" said Mr Collins blankly. "I was not aware that she had business with you."

"She did not," said Mr Gardiner. "I met her at Elizabeth's coming out. Interesting woman. She has a strong personality."

"She is the mistress of Rosings Park," protested Mr Collins. "Why ever would she have been at Cousin Elizabeth's village debut, so far from her home?"

"Perhaps because it was held at Darcy House," said Elizabeth. "And she had been invited, due to her connection with my family through Kitty and Anne's friendship."

"I believe that you are overstating your connection to the de Bourgh family, which can only be through myself," stated Mr Collins. "And this flight of fancy about having your coming out at Darcy House is preposterous. The Darcys are an ancient and wealthy family with connections to the nobility."

"So do the Bennets," said Mary. "We may be a smaller branch, but we are part of a noble family. We are not as lowly as you think, Mr Collins."

Just as Mr Collins opened his mouth to remark on her impertinence, Mrs Hill announced the arrival of Lady Lucas and her daughter Charlotte. The ladies and Mr Gardiner immediately rose, followed hastily by Mr Collins, as the Lucases entered the parlour. Charlotte immediately went to Jane and the two women clasped hands. Lady Lucas nodded graciously to Mr Collins and Mr Gardiner before taking a seat next to Mrs Bennet.

"My dear Mrs Bennet," said Lady Lucas, "I do not think I have expressed my condolences to you fully. I am so sorry for your loss. Mr Bennet was a pillar of the community, and helped my husband with the essentials of running an estate all those years ago when we were granted Lucas Lodge. How are you getting on?"

"As well as can be expected, Lady Lucas," said Mrs Bennet. "My girls have been a balm to me in this time of sorrow, as has my brother Gardiner. It is kind of you to share your memories of my husband."

"Mama," said Jane, "the Lucases have not met Mr Collins."

"Quite right," said Mrs Bennet. "Mr Collins, this is my dear friend Lady Lucas of Lucas Lodge, and her eldest daughter Charlotte. Charlotte is a good friend to my Jane."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr Collins," said Lady Lucas, nodding in his direction. "Though I wish it were under better circumstances."

"It is always a pleasure to make a new acquaintance, regardless of circumstances," said Mr Collins. "And I am very pleased to meet you and your lovely daughter."

Charlotte dipped a curtsey in his direction, then she and Jane sat in a corner together and talked quietly. Mrs Bennet and Lady Lucas also entered conversation, though theirs was more a contest in subtle sorrow than anything else. Kitty put down her drawing and began to chat with Mary about Psalms, and the comfort to be found in God's word.

"You are very quiet, Lydia," said Elizabeth.

"I am not yet out," said Lydia, "and the vicar said that if I am not good then Papa will haunt me and never find his rest. I do not want Papa to haunt me for then I shall never get a husband and I shall be an old maid like Charlotte."

"Lydia, that is an unkind thing to say about Miss Lucas," said Mr Gardiner.

"Well, it is true," said Lydia petulantly. "And I am grieving. I am allowed to say nasty things."

"Grief allows for slight impropriety, not for pure rudeness," said Mr Gardiner. "And rudeness is not prized amongst the majority of people. Get ahold of your nasty streak, or you may well end up an old maid."

"Indeed," said Mr Collins, "for is not the duty of a woman to be patient and obedient, meek and mild? Such is her lot, for she is a daughter of Eve and must bear her foremother's sin."

"And do you also believe that the sins of the father should be paid for by the son?" asked Elizabeth.

"A man's mistakes are his own, though his legacy must be carried by his sons," said Mr Collins. Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at him, then took up her stitching again. Mr Gardiner attempted to engage Mr Collins on the various subjects of Napoleon, farm management, trade and philosophy. Mr Collins parroted Lady Catherine de Bourgh on Napoleon – "We are England, and we shall win by virtue of God's will" –, was completely ignorant of farm management techniques, had no interest in trade – "gentlemen need know nothing of trade, that is a tradesman's profession!" – and had only a mean understanding of philosophy that was not condusive to interesting conversation.

After a half hour of talking with their preferred companion, the Lucases left, and dinner was called. Mr Collins sat in the seat of honour, rather than at the head of the table, leaving Mr Gardiner across from his sister, who sat at the foot. Each of the girls took their places and the meal was had with relatively little chatter. Mr Collins eyed each of the girls speculatively as he ate, and the girls pretended to not notice.

After dinner, they retired to the sitting room and sat in their usual places. Mr Collins, having entered last, cleared his throat and called everyone's attention to him. As the room stilled, he shifted, folded his hands behind his back and cleared his throat again.

"I am deeply grieved by Cousin Bennet's passing," said Mr Collins, "And I extend my condolences to each of you, who knew him so well. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Be comforted that Cousin Bennet is no longer in the pain of this mortal coil, and has been given his just reward.

"As a gesture of goodwill, I was prepared to marry one of my late cousin's daughters," he continued, and Mrs Bennet perked up. "However, as I have seen today alone, only one of those daughters is a good match for me. My dearest Jane, I propose a courtship between us, to begin one month from tomorrow."

"Why one month from tomorrow?" asked Mrs Bennet, bewildered. "Why not tomorrow itself?"

"Because tomorrow, my cousin's will shall be read," said Mr Collins, "and I shall take possession of this house. From that moment, you will have one month to find a new place to live. I think this is more than generous. Should Jane accept me, you may, of course, return to Longbourne. I think it best, however, to observe propriety in courting Cousin Jane and not live under the same roof whilst we woo.

Mr Gardiner's face darkened. "That is not charity, sir. That is casual cruelty. To force a widow and her children to move twice, for no purpose! It is absurd."

"I think, perhaps, that you do not understand the rules of propriety," began Mr Collins. Mr Gardiner cut him off.

"I understand that a good man does not leave women and children to suffer that he might live in luxury that once was theirs," said Mr Gardiner in a calm, tightly controlled voice. "I understand that Christian charity involves opening one's home to others rather than closing them out. Especially family.

"Sister, tomorrow I shall speak with our brother Philips and see if we cannot come to an arrangement," said Mr Gardiner to Mrs Bennet. "Jane need not marry an uncaring man for the sake of her family. We can and will get by together."

"Are you refusing my very generous offer?" sputtered Mr Collins.

"On behalf of my family," said Mr Gardiner, "yes, I am. In one month, they will move out still. But you will not court Jane."

Mr Collins went red in the face and stormed out. Jane sighed in relief. Mrs Bennet burst into frustrated tears. Kitty and Mary curled into Elizabeth's sides as she looked at their uncle with frightened eyes.