CHAPTER 11

"He'll never know Katniss." Peeta said. They walked down the hall and into his room. There was a glass of water and he handed it to her, and the sleeping pills. She nodded and took them, and then he did the same. They didn't care what they were wearing, they slipped into bed in there nice clothes. Before he pulled the covers over them, she reached down and lifted up his pant leg. She touched his leg and looked up at him. He wiped away the tears that fell and just smiled at her. They didn't want to say anything because they knew Snow was listening. They just curled up together and fell asleep. They were startled when Effie came in shouting at them to wake up. And yelled at Peeta about how inappropriate it was to sleep in the same bed as Katniss. They were whisked away to get ready. This was the big interview. After that, they would be heading home. Home. He couldn't wait. Then he never had to let Katniss go. They would be living right next door to each other. He had a fleeting thought of just asking her to move in with them. He was sure her mother wouldn't object, they lived through three arenas now, and a war. Surely they were adult enough to live together. But then he shook his head. Rushing her was exactly what he didn't want to do. It's funny, last time he was having the exact same thoughts. Of course, last time he thought she meant every word. He guessed through talking with her a little bit, that she did mean everything she said, it was just that the Capitol made her say them, in front of millions of people. It wasn't how she wanted to say them. He knew that. That's where they were different. He could care less expressing his feelings in front of people. It never bothered him. Some things obviously he wanted to keep between them, but when it came to the arena, he wasn't shy in front of the cameras. She was the complete opposite. Everything she held near and dear to her, she wanted to keep private. He knew now how awful it was to have her first kiss in front of all of Panem. She wanted that for herself, and she'll never get that back. The Capitol had stolen that from her. He was starting to see now where they had went wrong. She was scared when they forced him on her. Saying they had to be in love. Now he sees why she questioned it, and thought she wasn't in love with him. He was glad they had talked some, and would talk more, because he was starting to understand more who Katniss was. And that was all he ever wanted. He smiled when Haymitch escorted Katniss in. Haymitch glared at him and cornered him.

"You stay out of the girls room at night. Didn't I tell you that last night boy?" he demanded. Ceaser laughed and stepped in between them.

"Oh Haymitch can't you see there in love. They couldn't stay away from each other." Ceaser joked and patted Peeta on the back. Peeta smiled at Haymitch. To anyone else, that smile would be taken as Peeta didn't care what Haymitch said. But to himself, Katniss and Haymitch, that smile was a laugh. Knowing that Haymitch was acting. Knowing that they were doing ok. They were giving their second chance all they had. Because as every day went by, he realized it wasn't just Katniss' second chance, it was everyone's second chance. Ceaser pushed him a little. "Now go give the girl a hug and kiss before you sit down. She looks terribly nervous." Ceaser said, sitting down. Peeta gladly hugged Katniss.

"Is he happy with how were doing?" he whispered, pretending to kiss her ear. She hugged him tightly and buried her face in his neck.

"Very." was all she said. He pulled back and kissed her on the lips. Ceaser coughed.

"Alright you two none of that ten minute long kiss like last night. We have a very important interview. Come on." he joked, waving them to sit on the love seat. He looked around the living room and saw that it was transformed a little. The tight little love seat was made for them to sit close to each other. He couldn't be more happy to do that. Katniss kicked off her shoes again and sat close. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she smiled. She leaned into him again.

"I'm sorry for last time. You were so happy and had no idea what was going on with me. But I hope you know there's nothing to worry about this time." she whispered in his ear and pulled back. He smiled at her and brought her hands to his lips to kiss.

"Thank you." he said. Ceaser let them know that they were starting. He knew it's still hard for Katniss to just talk. She hates it. She gets nervous and doesn't know what to say. That much he does know, so he wants to help her out whenever he can. So he instantly starts up with Ceaser. Joking and laughing.

"Now Peeta. A little birdie told me that Haymitch is having an awful time keeping you two apart." Ceaser joked. Katniss covered her face from embarrassment, and Peeta just laughed, hugging her tighter.

"Haymitch just wants to keep me respectable. It's just such a shock. We were in the arena and slept in each others arms every night. We have to remind ourselves were not in our cave anymore. Were back in the real world. It's just hard. Something we have to get used to. But we'll be living next door to each other from now on." he said, smiling down at Katniss. She removed her hand from her face.

"My mothers going to kill me." she groaned, causing everyone to laugh.

"I think she should let it slide. You did survive the Hunger Games. What are the both of you looking forward to most once you get home? You get a beautiful house in the Victor's Village now." Ceaser asked.

"Picnics with Haymitch." Katniss snorted, causing Peeta to laugh with her. Ceaser clapped his hands.

"That's right that's what you both talked about that in the games. I'm sure Haymitch will have his work cut out for him. His job as mentor is not done for you both. He'll be playing the role of the dad keeping you away from sneaking into Katniss' bedroom window at night." he joked, laughing loudly. Katniss groaned and covered her face again. Ceaser leaned forward and patted Katniss' leg. "Oh dear I'm so sorry. Were just embarrassing her to much aren't we?" Ceaser asked Peeta.

"All at my expense." she said, hiding her face in his shirt. They both laughed, and Peeta coaxed her out of his shirt.

"I'm sorry. Come on Ceaser, no more jokes on Katniss. All she can think about is getting home to her sister. And she's exhausted. All she wants to do is get on that train and sleep till we pull into the station." he told him.

"Well then Peeta, we know from our days in the cave, that it was love at first sight for you at what, age five?" Ceaser asked. Peeta nodded and looked at Katniss.

"From the moment I laid eyes on her." he said, never looking away. Katniss blushed and looked down. He picked her chin back up to look at him. "From the moment I laid eyes on you. I never stopped." he told her. She smiled at him. He could tell she was trying not to cry.

"Oh that's beautiful. Katniss, what a ride for you. I think the real excitement for the audience was watching you fall for him. When did you realize you were in love with him?" Ceaser asked. He felt Katniss stiffen a little. She looked down and cleared her throat.

"Honestly Ceaser...I didn't realize it at first. It took me all this time to realize it. But there was a day back in District 12, when were just kids, and he gave me some bread. It was that day." she said honestly and looked up at him. "It was the day with the bread. It was always that day Peeta." she told him. His heart swelled. He never knew. He leaned forward and kissed her. Ceaser pressed his hand to his heart.

"Well I know when it hit me. That night when you shouted out his name from the tree." Ceaser said. Katniss looked back at him.

"I guess for the audience it was. I tried not to get to close to Peeta. Up until that point, I tried not to think about what my feelings were, because honestly, I already cared about him. I didn't think I could make it out with him. So I tried to ignore anything I've ever felt. I just couldn't stop myself when I shouted his name with the rule change. I didn't think about it. It was like when I volunteered for Prim. I did it out of love. I never thought twice about what it meant. Everything in that tree changed." Katniss said.

"And why do you think that was?" Ceaser asked.

"Because for the first time, there was a chance that I could keep him." she whispered. Haymitch snorts. He didn't want to laugh. Ceaser pulled out his handkerchief. Peeta pressed his forehead against her temple, and rubbed both her hands in his one.

"So now that you've got me, what are you going to do with me?" he asked. She turned to him and kissed him.

"I'm going to put you somewhere, where you can't get hurt anymore." she told him. He hugged her to him. That was impossible. They would be back here a year from now. In the other arena. Of course, at this exact moment next year, they'll already both be in District 13. Ceaser started asking questions from the beginning the games started. What it was like joining the Careers. Ceaser made a few jokes about Glimmer having a crush on Cato. Peeta just smiled and joked along. He hated that. She was dead, and they were making fun of her. Of course, he knew she was already in District 13. Hopefully she had already recovered from all the tracker-jacker stings.

"And my heart skipped a beat when you saw her in the tree. I mean the audience had no idea what was going on with you at that point. You joined up with the Careers, saying you could find her, and then pointing out her traps. But when you saw her wrapped in her tarp, and blew her a kiss. My heart just skipped a beat. Just skipped a few beats." he said. He talked about the fire next, and the Careers catching Katniss, and her finding the tree. Ceaser loved the banter between her and Cato. "Now I saw your face Peeta when she called him honey. You didn't like that at all did you?" Ceaser asked. Peeta blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"No I can't say that I did like it. But I know why she did it. She was just trying to bait him." Peeta said, looking at Katniss.

"I honestly don't know what came over me. I don't call anyone honey." she said.

"Well call the boy honey already. He looked like a lost little puppy dog when you called Cato that." Ceaser laughed. She laughed and looked over at him.

"I'm sorry honey, I won't ever call anyone that again, but you." Katniss said, and kissed him sweetly. He heard Haymitch laugh again. Those were laughs of joy. And laughs at the Capitol.

"Alright I guess I forgive you." he told her. Then Ceaser talked about him staying awake all night.

"Just so he could make sure you were alright. I mean, I was just dying for something to happen. I wanted him to whisk you away or something. Then you telling him to leave. And he came back to save you. I was a mess. I was crying for you both." he said. Peeta and Katniss smiled at each other. "I was a mess for those next two days, that you were passed out, and Peeta was in the river. I was so happy when you woke up. And your alliance with Rue." he said. Luckily, Ceaser didn't stay long on that subject, but couldn't wait to talk about when she was looking for him. "How did you find him. I just couldn't believe it. How did you know what to do?" Ceaser asked. He knew she had to be careful with that question.

"Well my father taught me a lot about tracking. He liked to leave trails of things for me to follow, and I'd get a prize at the end. I just knew I had to start from were I last saw him. And he left a trail of blood so it was fairly easy." she told him.

"How did you feel, when you found him by that river?" Ceaser asked. Katniss looked over at Peeta and smiled.

"I felt like the happiest person in the world." she smiled at him. She leaned in and kissed him, and turned back to Ceaser. "I couldn't imagine my life without him." she said, cuddling up to him. He hugged her tightly.

"Your days in the cave, I have never loved anyone so much in the games. The romance that you brought to the screen. The way you took care of him, and risked your life for him. Peeta how did you feel?" he asked.

"She saved my life." Peeta said.

"We saved each other." Katniss said.

"You did save each other. It was beautiful." Ceaser said. He talked with them about Peeta being so sick, and her nursing him back to health. Then her going to the feast and saving Peeta. Then Peeta taking care of Katniss. They talked about every moment practically that they had in the cave, and hunting. "Now, your little banter that we saw back and forth. The kisses. Is this going to continue when you leave here?" Ceaser asked. Katniss laughed and looked up at him.

"I couldn't imagine my life without him Ceaser. There's no way I'm letting him go." Katniss said. Peeta kissed her.

"That would be a yes." Peeta said, never looking at Ceaser.

"Now this big question. Katniss. When you pulled out those berries. What was going through your mind?" he asked. This was the big one. Was she going to keep it the same, or was she going to go all out. She looked down at Peeta's hand and squeezed them. When she looked back up at Ceaser, she had tears in her eyes.

"All I could think about was going home with him Ceaser. When his name was called at the Reaping, I knew even if I did make it home, I would never truly be happy without Peeta Mellark in my life. When I found out I could go home with him...I did everything I could to keep him alive. I didn't want to leave that arena without him. I was promised I could keep him, and I couldn't let anyone take that away from me. I wasn't leaving that arena without him. Even if that meant I died with him. As long as I'm with him Ceaser, I don't care where we are. I don't want to live a day without him." she said. She nailed it. For a girl who thought she wasn't good with words, she just killed it.

"Peeta, what went on in your mind?" he asked. He let a tear fall from his eyes.

"I will go wherever this girl goes. I trust her with my life completely." he said. There. They did it. They said their goodbyes, and were ushered to the train station. They said there heartfelt goodbyes to Cinna and Portia. He knew it was hard for Katniss to leave Cinna. She never truly had a chance to talk to him. She never got to say anything she truly wanted. But he knew she would be able to. They got onto the train, and sat down in the living room. Katniss sat curled up next to him. Haymitch and Effie sat across from them. Haymitch just smiled at them, sipping his drink. He gave them a thumbs up. They knew the microphones were on them, and listening very carefully now. They had to be careful with everything they said now.

"Well?" Katniss asked Haymitch. He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well what. I brought you two home safe and sound. Your in love. There's nothing for me to rattle on about. You did it. Perfectly. Were celebrating." he said, sipping his drink again. Katniss let out a small sigh and smiled. She leaned her head back against the window and closed her eyes.

"I can't wait to be back home." she said. Peeta reached behind her neck and rubbed it with his hands. She groaned.

"Oh I am just so happy for the both of you. I'm so sad to see you both leave me tomorrow, but I couldn't be happier to see you in six more months for the Victory Tour. You must start working on your talents. If you should need anything, I will send you anything your heart desires on the train. It's been such a bore being the Escort for District 12 with only Haymitch sending in requests for alcohol." she said, eyeing him rudely. They laughed at her.

"Paints would be nice Effie. And I love to bake you know. Anything you want to send me for baking I would truly appreciate." he told her. Effie smiled.

"And I can send you anything for your sister. Some new dresses that will dazzle any boy she fancies." Effie said. Katniss smiled at her. She got up and pulled out three small boxes, and handed each other them one. "Go on, I got you all a gift." she said. They each opened a gold watch, and Effie held out her hand for them to see hers. "I'll give Cinna and Portia there's when I get back to the Capitol. Were a team. Not just the four of us. The six of us. There gold for Katniss' Mockingjay." Effie said. They all stared in awe at them. Haymitch instantly put his on, tapping it with his fingers. Peeta helped Katniss with hers. They were very nice. They rode for a few hours, just sitting in the living room, making small talk. They didn't need to talk to hide anything really. Anything they really wanted to say could wait till they got home. But Haymitch's big smile was enough to tide them over. He was beyond happy. But his smile left his face as soon as they came to a stop to refuel.

"How about the three of us take a short walk hmm." he said. Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, and followed. He and Katniss walked hand and hand down a ways, until Haymitch turned and looked at them.

"What's with the face?" Katniss demanded.

"What's wrong Haymitch. I thought we did everything right." Peeta asked.

"You did. Everything you did was perfect. The Capitol loves you even more then they did last time. The other Districts feel stronger about you then they did last time. Apologizing to kids you killed, I know it was something that was real for the both you. You wanted to say that last time, and I know it's eaten away at you. I know why you did it. Snow is furious. That little word to dead bodies...it was huge. And you both did it." Haymitch said. They looked at each other.

"Should we not have?" Peeta asked.

"Oh no. It was perfect. I wanted to actually suggest doing that myself. But I couldn't make you do that. That's something you had to do for yourself. The point is, that added more fuel to the fire. They see your guilt, your sadness. That's important You both took your second chance and ran with it. I'm proud of you." he said.

"Then what's wrong?" Katniss demanded.

"There are microphones in our houses. They'll be listening carefully now. So you have to be careful what you say. All the time." Haymitch said. Katniss huffed, rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"For a whole damn year." she muttered. Peeta looked back to Haymitch.

"We'll get some moments. Not a lot. When the mics are down. And our watches will let us know." he said, holding them up for them to see. "You keep them on. They may look delicate, all covered in gold. But there anything but delicate. There like your trackers. You keep them on at all times. When you shower, when your baking, when your hunting. They'll be fine and can withstand anything your throw at them. They'll vibrate and send messages to you." he told them. Peeta looked down at his watch. So he would have limited times to really talk to Katniss. "During these next six months before the games...Katniss' indifference to you made Snow even angrier." Haymitch said. Peeta whipped his head up to look at Haymitch. "I told you this whole trip, do exactly what you did last time, but up the anty. Make it better...I don't want to be the one to tell you this, but for the next six months, you both can't be seen or heard together around the District." he said sadly, staring at Katniss. Peeta shook his head and looked over at her. She was shaking her head and backing up.

"No no no. I just got him back. I won't do that to him again. I can't Haymitch." she cried. Peeta jumped forward and wrapped his arms around her, not letting her walk backwards anymore as she started crying.

"Katniss it will be ok." Peeta said.

"Please don't keep us separated Haymitch please." she cried.

"I don't want to do that sweetheart. But it's the rebels call. Everything you did. Ignoring him. Leaving to hunt illegally and with Gale. Even kissing him. You know everything you did set things in motion to him coming up with the idea to put all the Victor's back in the games." Katniss let out a sob and he hugged her.

"I can't do this Haymitch. I thought I'd at least be able to breath. To be with Peeta. I just got him back. There's so much that I want to say." she cried.

"And you will Katniss. It will be hard at first. There will be times when the rebels shut the mics down. But I need you to do this. For everyone's freedom. Were fighting a war right now sweetheart." Haymitch said. Katniss cried harder. "You'll be together, and once the cameras leave, you'll go into your separate houses." he told them. Katniss shook her head.

"Gale won't kiss me. I won't let him. I don't even want to go hunting with him." Katniss cried.

"I'm going to have to talk to Gale. But he's a bigger part of this then you think. Snow hates that kid. I'll talk to him when we get back." Haymitch said.

"Why does he have to be apart of this. He hates us. He wants nothing to do with us." Peeta said. He felt his blood boiling. Gale would be able to see Katniss whenever he wanted. Go hunting all day on Sundays with her. Kiss her? That was out of the question.

"You remember what were fighting for. Both of you. This has to happen. I'm trying my best to make it so you have time together. But I can't just snap my fingers. I need you to work with me. I need you to stay away from each other. We all need it." Haymitch said. He put his head down. "The mics will be off for a few hours tonight. Just till midnight. I'm sorry." he said, and walked back to the train. He was so happy. He hadn't even thought what would happen once they got home. He wanted Katniss to move in with him. Now he had to stay away from her for six whole months. He barely saw her in those times. He'd sneak glances at her through his window a lot. He saw her outside, and in town sometimes. But to have to ignore her back now?

"It's ok. Haymitch will think of something. It's just six months Katniss. Then when we go on the Victory tour, we'll be together again." he tried to sooth her. But he knew it wouldn't help.

"I can't be without you another six months. I just got you back Peeta. You were gone for five months already. Even when you were here..." she trailed off from her sobs. He was hi-jacked and wanted to kill her. He just rocked her back and forth.

"Haymitch will get us out of this Katniss. I promise. I know he will. We'll just take it one day at a time. I promise." he told her. Effie called them back. They came back onto the train. Effie must have known what had happened. She patted both of their shoulders "Come on." he said, leading her to bed. They stayed cuddled up in bed together. He thought he would be so happy to be going home. But he wasn't now that he knew he would have to let Katniss go. How was he always this stupid, not realizing what was right in front of them. What would happen. He was an idiot.

"How am I just supposed to ignore you for six months?" Katniss asked.

"Well you did it once before. I'm sure you can do it again." he said. She sat up staring at him.

"I'm sorry Peeta. I'm so so sorry. I never should have done that. But I didn't know what I wanted. I was scared and confused. I wanted nothing with what the Capitol was forcing on me. I didn't know that I wanted you. I kinda did but I was so afraid of it. I'm afraid to love you because I don't want children." she cried. He shook his head.

"Katniss please. There's no reason to talk about kids."

"But I'm so afraid to love you. It hurts to lose you when I do. I was going to tell you when they rescued you. But you came back to me hi-jacked. You hated me. And I was a coward." she cried. He grabbed her shoulders.

"Katniss we don't need to talk about this now-"

"When will we talk Peeta?" she demanded. He sat there silently on his bed, just staring at her. "When are we gonna have the time. We promised we would talk when we got home, and look what's happening. Were going home and were not allowed to talk. I have to ignore you all over again. We'll never get the chance to talk." she cried.

"Then talk now." he told her. She sat there, crying on his bed. "You ignored me last time. I get why. You've told me as much. How did it make you feel?" he asked her. She stared at him in confusion. "I get why you did what you did. You were confused. You were angry. You were sad. You were a million different things, and I get that. I understand why you acted the way you did. I didn't for a long time, and it was hard to accept, but I do understand. You don't have to go into anymore detail about why you reacted that way. But I want to know how it made you feel. How were you?" he asked. Katniss stared at him for awhile.

"I was scared." she said simply. She let the tears fall. "I was scared. All the time. And sad. I tried to not think about you. But the more I tried not to, the harder it was for me to stop. I missed you all the time. And I couldn't understand why. I kept telling myself to talk to you. To apologize. To ask you to forgive me. But each day went on, it got harder and harder. And I never did it." she said, guilt written all over her face. Her held her face in his hands.

"Then ask me now." he whispered. She stared at him for a minute before she started talking. He knew she had to say it, she would never move on. He didn't care what had happened, but she did. And that's why he wanted her to ask him to forgive her. It would heal her.

"I'm sorry Peeta. I'm sorry for leading you on, and letting you down so horribly. I'm sorry for ignoring you for six whole months. I'm sorry for making you feel...I'm sorry for never asking you how you felt. Please forgive me Peeta." she cried, and he captured his lips in his.

"I told you. I'm not angry. I understand why you did everything you did. I forgive you. I did that day on the train when I told you I was sorry." he said.

"I never asked you Peeta. I never wanted to try and be selfish. I was just so afraid to hear what your answer was. But what did you feel?" she asked. He took a deep breath and sat back.

"You don't really want to hear it Katniss." he told her. She shook her head.

"Yes I do." she said. She wiped her face. "I can take it Peeta." she said. He knew she was lying. He took a deep breath and scrubbed his face with his hands.

"I was lonely. Plain and simple. I thought you meant every word. I didn't know you were acting for the cameras, and when I found out I felt stupid. I thought we were going to have to amazing life together, and I was miserable. I felt really incredibly stupid. I was alone in my house because my mom didn't want to move from the bakery into my house. I was alone and I missed you and wished you would fall in love with me." he said. She looked away as tears fell. He leaned forward and pulled her to him. "Come on that's why I didn't want to tell you." he said, wiping her tears.

"I made you feel alone...that's an awful feeling. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry Peeta. And you weren't stupid. Your not stupid. I'm the one who's stupid because I just couldn't figure out what I wanted. Or I wouldn't let myself figure it out. I'm sorry Peeta. But I did choose you." she said. He smiled and kissed her again.

"I don't care about any of that Katniss. All I care about is now." he said, holding her hands in his. She stared down at them.

"You did care on the train. That's why you felt you had to apologize. Like you did something wrong. That the reason we weren't friends was because you were making me feel bad. And I just let you apologize. I wish I told you then. I made you feel like an idiot. Like you had to try so hard to get to know me. Like trying to find out what my favorite color was. Peeta I promise I'll do better. I'll answer any question you want about me. You don't have to fight to get me to tell you things." she said.

"Shh it's ok Katniss. I know that now. And your doing great so far. You've told me so much already. I'm glad that I know these things so far. Your doing amazing." he said, brushing the hair away from her face. He pulled her close to him. "Just calm down and relax. Just keep talking to me. Tell me what was going through your head during the Victory Tour." he said. Katniss snorted.

"I don't know how you can keep asking me to torture you. My thoughts are terrible." she said, laying down a bit so she was practically laying on top of him again, her face on his chest. He knew she was listening to his heart beating.

"Because I like knowing what goes through your head. No matter how bad it may sound, or how it may hurt me. I understand you more and more. And I want to know everything about you Katniss Everdeen." he told her. He heard her gulp.

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you and tell you first that Snow came to my house. I won't make that mistake again. I'll always trust you. I was just scared to." she told him. He kissed the top of her forehead

"I know." he told her, brushing her hair.

"Haymitch always stuck up for you. He's always wanted me with you. And I think he knew how I really felt about you. That was why he always pushed me the way he did. He let me know I was stupid and selfish when it came to you." Katniss said. Peeta let out a sigh of frustration.

"Your not selfish or stupid. Stop letting Haymitch put those things into your head." he told her. She stayed silent a little bit. "I did feel pretty left out. You trusted him more then me. It did kinda sting." he said. He felt Katniss stiffen in his arms. "I want you to feel that you can trust me with these things. I know why you trusted Haymitch with these things, and I'm not mad. He knows what to do better then me anyways. I just hope in the future, that you feel you can come to me with your problems. I want to be better for you that I can make you feel safe." he told her.

"You do make me feel safe." Katniss told him. He smiled. "I'm sorry for not being more gentle with your feelings when I suggested we get married." she told him. Peeta remembered that day. It was horrible. When he left for his room, he just laid in his bed. All he could think about since the day he was 5, was marrying Katniss Everdeen. Having her as his wife. But being forced into it, when she didn't love him, was a mean, sick, cruel joke to him. What had he done that was awful to have a wife forced on him? He shook his head again.

"It's ok. I'm glad it didn't happen though. To have to get married because of Snow...I'm glad we didn't give him the satisfaction of him watching us say I do." he told her. It was the truth. She sat up and looked at him.

"Really?" she asked. He smiled at her.

"I hope we do get married after this is all over. But I don't want to get married because someone told us to. And I want it to be for us. With our family and friends. I want it to be in District 12, with all our own traditions I want you to pick out your own dress. And I want us to have a real toasting. I don't want a Capitol run wedding." he told her. She smiled at him and kissed her cheek, and then laid her head back down, but this time in his lap.

"You saved me all those nights on the train. Chasing away my nightmares. I hadn't slept in six months. And you helped me sleep again. I should have seen it then. I couldn't just trust anyone to hold me while I slept. Of course I trusted you." she told him. He smiled again. "I was foolish with that idea of running away. All of us. Your family, mine, Haymitch and Gale's. I don't know what I was thinking taking 14 people into the woods to survive. It was the most idiotic thing I could have ever imagined. Our families would be found and brutally murdered. I had this stupid thought it my head, that by staying with Gale that night that he got whipped, that I was choosing him. I didn't choose him. I felt guilty. I was leading him on to. I was trying to force myself to fall in love with him, because it was what the Capitol didn't want. I was trying to forget about you. You stepped right up to help me with him. You got in the line of fire, saying Thread had to go through you to get to my cousin. You stayed with me while I stayed with him, and never once..." she trailed off. It pained him to think about that time. He thought she was in love with Gale. He tried so hard to impress her, by letting her love him. By letting her love Gale, he just hoped she wouldn't hate him. Resent him. That just maybe they could at least be friends, even if she never fell in love with him.

"Never once what?" he asked.

"I don't even know. I treated you so badly. I just stomped around on your feelings. And I kissed Gale. I just had to see how it felt. I felt nothing Peeta. I never felt anything anytime we kissed. I tried to pretend like I did feel something, but I never once did." she cried. Peeta helped her sit up.

"Come on we don't have to keep talking about this. It's just upsetting you." he said.

"But when's the next chance I'll have to talk to you again? If I have a few hours to talk to you at home, I don't want to talk about this stuff. I want it all out. I just want to tell you everything. I owe you that Peeta."

"You don't owe me anything Katniss." he told her. But she just shook her head.

"I owe you everything." she said. She closed her eyes. "I thought by me choosing the rebellion, I was choosing Gale. If I chose to remain peaceful for the Capitol, that meant I was choosing you. I thought if I chose you, I couldn't have Gale in my life. Or if I chose Gale, I couldn't have you. But I see it now. I get it. I choose the rebellion. I choose to fight. And with that, I can choose whoever I want. By choosing one of you, I can still have the other as a friend. That's what I'm fighting for. My freedom. Your freedom, everyone's freedom. But I thought the rebellion was Gale, and the Capitol was you. I was wrong. I choose the rebellion, but your the rebellion. Your my freedom. To have that wedding with a toasting. That's what I'm fighting for. But you would never take my freedom away by not letting me be friends with Gale. And I get that now, that you'll let me choose what my relationship with Gale is." she said. He smiled brightly at her. She was choosing him. He took her hands, and placed them over his heart.

"I don't care what your relationship is with Gale, Katniss. And your right, I would never make you choose. If you still want to go hunting with him ten years from now, then great, if that makes you happy, then I would never stop you. If you don't want that, and your ok with that, if your ok with not having him around, then I'm fine to. Gale has been your best friend for so long. You both went through something I didn't understand. Losing your father, and becoming the provider of a family when your just a kid, fighting not to starve...I didn't have to do that. He understands you in a way that I can't. I'm not jelous of that anymore Katniss." he said. She hugged him tightly.

"I choose you Peeta." she whispered. He pulled back and smiled.

"I have waited so long for you to tell me that." he said. He kissed her sweetly.

"I'll tell you over and over again." Katniss said. He smiled.

"I don't mind hearing it." he told her. But there was something else that he'd rather hear. Something he wanted to tell her to, but now wasn't the moment. He wanted to make it romantic. He knew that would be harder now, that he couldn't see her. Or talk to her. But he just had to be patient. Their romantic moment would come.

"When that big blizzard comes. I don't want you to have to stay in your house by yourself. Stay with me." she said suddenly. Her mind really must be going through everything that had happened last year. "We both know your house will be fine. I want you to stay with me." she told him. He leaned his head against hers.

"Always." he whispered. She pulled back.

"You whispered that to me the night your brought me up to bed. I didn't realize it at first, I had to think about it a lot. But that's what you told me when I asked you to stay with me." she said. He smiled at her and nodded his head.

"Yeah I did. I thought you didn't love me at the time. But I would still stay with you." he told her truthfully. He saw in her face, that she didn't like hearing him say those things.

"I'll always stay with you to." she told him. She laid her head back on his chest has he held her.

"It scared me that night you were late. I knew you went hunting. We all did. And we just waited. We couldn't talk about it because the Peacekeepers were right there. But my mind was playing all sorts of tricks on me. At least I was right about one thought. They turned the fence back on. I just kept praying that you'd outsmart them somehow. And you did. You came home. Pretty banged up though." he said.

"It was stupid to go out there. I won't do that again. I promise. I'll listen better." she told him. He just laughed. "When I think back on that night though, how we were all acting for the Peacekeepers...it was really just me acting you know. Because I'm just not that friendly. But you fit so well in with my mother and sister. Even Haymitch does when he's not drunk. I just hope we can enjoy more moments like that." she said sadly.

"We will Katniss. I promise. At least after the Victory Tour we can be together a lot. Every day if you like. We'll be engaged by then." he promised her. She squeezed him tighter.

"At least then we won't have to go another six months without each other." she said sadly. They stayed silent for a few minutes. The train was relaxing to them. "I liked watching you paint. And staring at your eyelashes. Your very beautiful." she said drowsily. Peeta knew she was falling asleep.

"Just go to sleep Katniss. Just take a nap. I'll be right here when you wake up."he told her. And she fell asleep.