Chapter 11: Tell me where did you sleep last night

A week passed and things were getting better; Castiel didn't have another panic attack and the nightmares he had, Balthazar was always there to make them go away. However, Dean and Balthazar kept a sharp eye on the pregnant angel, in worry.

It was 3am when Castiel woke up and he didn't feel sleepy at all. As he was sure he wasn't going to sleep any time soon, he got out of the bed, put on a robe and slippers because it was middle November and the nights were getting colder. He went downstairs, leaving Dean and Balthazar sleeping.

Castiel was surprised when he saw Sam in the kitchen, wearing pyjama pants and a sweatshirt, not expecting his presence. "Hello, Sam," he greeted at the entrance.

Sam was heating something in the cooker and he shifted in surprise and looked at the angel. "Cas." Sam showed him a smile as he approached. "You can't sleep either?"

"I guess not," Castiel agreed.

"I'm making tea, do you want some?" Sam offered.

"Yes, thank you."

They had to wait until the water was boiling, and it was taking some time.

"Sam... Have you had any news from Gabriel?" Castiel suddenly asked.

Sam looked at him; no one had mentioned Gabriel during that week and, by the uneasy way Castiel had been lately (although he seemed to be better now), Sam was surprised he was the first to mention the archangel.

"No," Sam answered and sighed sadly. Gabriel hadn't showed up in the house probably because he didn't want to face Balthazar again, Sam thought, but he hoped the archangel would show up to him in those times he went to town to buy groceries. Gabriel hadn't appeared since that morning where the truth was revealed, in which Gabriel had left in grief and guilt; Sam had seen it in his face. So he couldn't help but feel a bit worried and apparently he wasn't the only one.

"I wished to know if he's alright," Castiel shared, looking down, with the arms crossed over his belly. Sam thought Castiel would be hurt, careless and maybe even a bit angry about Gabriel just like Balthazar, but the angel seemed to be concerned. "It mustn't have been easy for him to know those things."

Yeah, Sam bet it wasn't, it wasn't easy to anyone. "Cas... I'm really sorry what happened to you." Sam didn't want to bring up that subject nor upset the angel, he just wanted offer his solidarity, and by the little nod and small smile Castiel gave him, Sam knew the angel had understand it.

When the water was boiling Sam added the tea bag and after a while he served it in two cups and handed one to Castiel. They put a bit of sugar in the tea and then they went to the living room and sat on the couch, watching TV as they enjoyed the soothing drink.

After a minute Castiel trembled and hissed in pain as he covered his belly with his free hand.

"Cas, what's wrong?" Sam asked concerned, turning to the angel.

"It was just a kick," Castiel said after a moment, rubbing his belly over the t-shirt Dean had stolen Sam for him. "I'm okay, Sam." Castiel took a deep relaxing breath.

Sam sighed in relieve.

The sudden sharp pain was gone but the baby was still moving, probably because of the hot drink. But it was normal; the baby sometimes did that, so Castiel kept drinking the tea. After a little while, he felt another kick, but it didn't hurt so much and Castiel was already expecting it.

"Cas, can I feel it?" Sam asked curious and expectantly.

Castiel smiled. "Of course."

Sam placed his hand on Castiel's covered belly slowly, as if he was touching something precious. Well, it was precious; there was a life inside, but not any life, the life of his nephew or niece. Sam smiled when he felt it moving under his hand. "Wow..." he breathed in amazement.

Sam only withdrew his hand when the baby stopped moving, and for a moment Sam thought that maybe it had been too long and that he had taken advantage of the angel's permission, but then he saw Castiel's relaxed and pleased expression. After finishing the tea, they still stayed for a while longer on the couch. When they started to get sleepy, Sam decided it was best for them to return to their beds.

When Sam was about to enter his bedroom, Castiel asked "Sam, can I stay with you?"

Sam blinked confused. "You mean sleep with me?"

Castiel nodded, with a pleading look.

Sam surely wasn't expecting that, but... "Yeah, sure." He let Castiel enter his room.

They lied down on Sam's double bed, facing each other. Sam didn't understand why the angel wanted to sleep with him, but he didn't ask.

"Goodnight, Cas," Sam said before closing his eyes to sleep.

"Goodnight, Sam."

When Dean woke up, he looked for Castiel with his eyes, who was supposed to be in front of him, but to his surprise he wasn't. He rolled to his back, still a bit sleepy, and Balthazar appeared in his sight.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." Balthazar, who was sat on the bed, leaned down and kissed Dean unexpectedly passionate, gentle and deep.

Balthazar didn't have the tendency to stay making out; it was either some short kisses or the long ones would lead to sex. So a few seconds later Balthazar was about to pull away, but Dean grabbed the angel's hair tightly and stopped him from detaching from his mouth. The kiss continued for a while longer, until Dean was well awake from the injection of pleasant sensations.

What a nice way to start the day... Dean thought as Balthazar pulled away smiling and staring into his eyes, but he didn't share it; it was girly and the angel would get cocky (more than usual). Dean cleared his throat and asked "Cas' already up?"

"No. He's sleeping with Sam," Balthazar told him.

"What?" Dean sat on the bed and looked at the angel in confusion an incredulously.

"I guess they both woke up in the middle of the night and then Cassie went to sleep with your brother," Balthazar explained naturally.

The way Balthazar said it made him shiver of how wrong it sounded. Dean got up suspicious and went to Sam's bedroom, where the door was half open and he could see his brother sleeping on his belly facing his angel, lied on his side turned to Sam. For some reason, Dean thought they were too close to each other.

Something started hardening in Dean's chest.

"Getting jealous, are we?" Balthazar suddenly appeared behind him, mocking.

"Shut up!" Dean replied, turning around.

Balthazar looked in disbelieve; he knew when Dean answered this kind of questions with 'shut up' it meant 'yes'.

"No," Dean answered objectively. "I mean, why? Why didn't he want to stay with us?" He looked back at Castiel sleeping peacefully. Dean sounded like he had done something wrong and had pushed Cas away.

"I don't know," Balthazar answered truthfully. "Why don't you ask him when he wakes up?"

Dean seemed to think about it, whether he should or not ask.

"Until then... what about breakfast?" Balthazar suggested with a smile and pulled Dean by the arm in direction of the kitchen.

When the breakfast was ready, Dean went upstairs again to see if Sam and Castiel were already awake. At the middle of the stairs, Dean started hearing voices coming from Sam's room. He got closer and continued listening, hidden behind the door.

Inside, Castiel was sat on the bed above the covers and Sam was gathering things to go take a shower.

Suddenly Sam turned to Castiel. "Cas, I've got to ask you something." Castiel looked up at him. "I don't mind, I really don't, but why did you want to sleep with me?" Sam didn't want to make the angel feel like he was sending him away.

"Dean and Balthazar have been constantly worried about me," he confessed. Sam thought that was normal considering all that happened lately. "I can feel their distress; they're always on alert. I understand it, but... sometimes that makes me feel... uneasy. I just needed some peaceful time."

"If that is the issue, I don't think I'm a good company either." Sam hadn't been exactly calm inside in the last few days.

"Actually, you are." Castiel got up and met Sam's confused gaze. "I know you're also worried, about me, about Gabriel... But being troubled is almost part of your personality; you're caring and you're always concerned about something or someone. And I guess I got used to that; so it doesn't affect me that much."

Sam nodded, surprised but understanding. "Well, I'm glad I could help."

"If you ever need..." Sam paused; it was coming out a bit weird. But he was sure Castiel knew what he meant. "All you have to do is ask."

"I appreciate it." Castiel smiled at him.

Outside the room, Dean decided he should get out of there, so he went back to the kitchen a bit more relieved. They could work something out.

After a while Castiel showed up in the kitchen.

With a smile, Balthazar walked to him and hugged him. Then he pulled back a little just to kiss Castiel softly. "We missed you," Balthazar whispered to him.

Castiel should've guessed they would be upset. "I'm sorry. I needed some time away," Castiel said in an apologetic voice.

"Yeah, okay." Dean came closer. "Just don't make it a habit." He put an arm around Castiel's shoulders and kissed his cheek.

They went to eat breakfast and then Sam joined them after taking a quick shower and getting dressed. Dean and Castiel were still in their sleeping clothes (Balthazar magically got dressed with his usual outfit), so after breakfast they went to change clothes. Castiel was the first to get dressed, so he sat on the bed, waiting for Dean. Balthazar watched Castiel a bit suspiciously; the pregnant angel seemed anxious, as if he wanted to say something but was afraid to do so. Balthazar didn't push him.

When Dean finished dressing, Castiel got up. "I have something to tell you," Castiel looked at both of them. Dean and Balthazar turned their attention to him. "I've been thinking... and I'm going after Gabriel."

"What?!" Dean unconsciously asked, incredulous and confused.

"No, you're not," Balthazar said instantly.

"Balthazar... I have to talk to him." Castiel took a step toward his brother.

"Why?" Balthazar asked, but then he found the answer a moment later. "To ask him to come back?" He knew Castiel well enough to know what was on his mind.

"Gabriel can and was willing to help us." Castiel thought about the Leviathans, the monsters he released that were killing people.

"Yeah, he also wanted to help us when we were young and look what happened." Anger was once again present in Balthazar's voice.

"Balthazar, you have to stop!" Castiel said a louder voice that surprised his lover. "You have to stop blaming Gabriel," he said in a soft voice.

Balthazar was confused. "But it was he's fault. I thought you agreed with me."

"No, I don't," he said slowly. "It's not Gabriel's fault, and I don't think he was content to know what happened to us either,"Castiel explained emphatically. "I just..." he looked down a little, in shame. He should have told Balthazar earlier. "I only let you blame Gabriel because if you didn't, you were going to blame yourself."

Balthazar looked surprised by the revelation. Castiel was probably right; if he didn't hate Gabriel so much, he'd probably hate himself.

"Sometimes you still do," Castiel said softly. It seemed like Castiel was reading his mind, but Balthazar knew he no longer could do that, which didn't mean Castiel couldn't understand him.

"But it's not your fault, nor Gabriel," Castiel insisted.

"That may be true... but I can't! I can't forgive him, I can't trust him." Castiel could see despise and anger in Balthazar's eyes, and he knew Balthazar had just remembered all the horrible things he blamed Gabriel for. "Not after everything that happened, everything that he caused. It changed our lives completely!" Balthazar shouted.

"Yes, it did! But you only remember the bad things! If I hadn't been captured, blamed and tortured, I wouldn't have been sent to watch Hell, I wouldn't have rescued Dean and I wouldn't be carrying a baby right now!" Castiel shouted back, to everyone's surprise.

Balthazar thought about Castiel's words, and yes he was right; it was probably Castiel's melted grace and the traces of Balthazar's grace from when Balthazar helped Castiel heal after the torture session that made it possible for Castiel to bear a child. His child.

"Alright, you can go. But with one condition: I'll go with you," Balthazar said seriously, although he wasn't very happy about it.

"No!" Castiel refused. "The idea is to make Gabriel return. I don't think your presence would help." He knew Balthazar was very temperamental, especially about Gabriel.

"Cas, it's dangerous for you to leave the house! You're not going alone!" Balthazar shouted in a serious and concerned tone. Angels emitted a bright light, even inside their vessels, that several supernatural creatures could see. But with the light of a new life, even brighter, inside him, Castiel was glowing like a sun and the light would spread for the universe as soon as he left the house.

"Then find someone else to come with me!" Castiel shouted back upset, in higher tone.

Dean, who had been assisting to the whole discussion, was a bit afraid. He had never seen his angels fighting like this, especially Castiel who had been quiet for 5 months, and was unsure if he should intervene.

On the other hand, Balthazar smiled. He even started laughing a little, amused.

Castiel, who regretted the way he talked to his brother and lover, made a confused look. "Why are you laughing?" Castiel asked in a soft voice.

"Oh, because I had almost forgotten how much I love when you get that stick up your ass," Balthazar said, smiling. "I really missed it."

Castiel still looked confused. "I... I thought that was a bad thing." The last time he had been authoritarian was when he was God and all he did were big mistakes.

Balthazar came close to him. "I don't know if it's either good or bad... But it's totally hot." He smirked. Looking into Castiel's dark blue eyes, Balthazar kissed him softly.

Castiel pressed his lips a little harder as he grabbed Balthazar's jacket gently, in an apology for yelling at him.

"Now seriously Cas, Gabriel and I under the same roof... I can't promise anything." Balthazar warned him, friendly.

Castiel nodded, understanding. "Just promise you'll try to get along with him."

Balthazar made a little nod. He didn't want to, but he couldn't refuse anything when Castiel looked at him with loving eyes and asked with a soft voice.

Dean sighed in relief, seeing that everything seemed to be okay.

"We got you all worked up, didn't we, hunter?" Balthazar looked back at Dean, mocking a little.

Dean was a bit surprised by the sudden question. "No," he lied, acting natural as he walked closer to the angels.

Balthazar smiled amused, he shared a look with Castiel and when Dean was next to them, the angels kissed each of Dean's cheeks to somewhat apologize.

Dean and Castiel were in the living room, waiting for Balthazar to return with a fellow angel to go with Castiel search for Gabriel. Castiel put on his trenchcoat over the comfortable clothes he was wearing.

"Cas, are you sure it's good idea going after Gabriel?" Dean started to have some doubts. He trusted Balthazar and most of his decisions, but he still had some doubts.

"Yes, Dean," Castiel answered. "I'll be fine." Even with his powers at lowest, Castiel knew Dean was worried. "It'll be quick," he assured Dean.

"Hey, what's up?" Sam asked, as he walked it. He had heard the yells upstairs.

"I'm going searching for Gabriel," Castiel told him.

"Really?" Sam asked surprised.

In that moment Balthazar showed up with the other angel.

The angel guy wearing a dark suit walked immediately to Castiel. "Castiel. It's so good to see you," he said friendly with a smile, as he touched both Castiel's upper arms.

Castiel smiled at him too. "It good to see you too, Inias." Castiel grabbed his brother's forearms.

They stayed for a while like that, smiling at each other. It seemed some kind of bonding. Dean looked a bit suspicious to all that affectivity. It was strange to see two angels acting like that. Except if it was Cas and Balthazar; that Dean used to see every day.

Then the two angels let go of each other. Inias looked at the humans in the room, first at Sam and then to Dean. "I'm Inias. It's a pleasure to meet you both."

"Yeah... you too. I guess," Dean replied not so friendly.

Inias turned again to Castiel. "Are you alright?" he asked, looking at Castiel's pregnant belly.

"Yes." Castiel looked down as he rubbed his belly with both hands. "Everything is going well," he said with a smile.

"Wait, you already knew Cas was pregnant?" Dean asked Inias surprised and suspicious; no one was supposed to know about it for Castiel's safety.

"I told him about it," Balthazar intervened.

"More like you wouldn't stop talking about it," Inias corrected innocently, looking at Balthazar.

"What?! So that all angels could hear it through the Angel Radio?" Dean pointed out with sarcasm, upset.

"It was a safe frequency," Balthazar replied.

"Even if it wasn't, I doubt anyone would be listening. Everyone ran or is hidden; Heaven is almost deserted," Inias informed them.

"Well, that's good," Dean murmured in a low voice. It was less likely Castiel would met or be seen by other angels.

Inias heard it and he looked at Dean with a confused expression, but he didn't comment. "Why did you call me here?" he asked to Balthazar.

"It's Gabriel," Castiel answered it. "He's alive." Inias was surprised and a bit amazed with the news. "And he knows what happened to us," Castiel continued. Inias' little smile faded completely. "I thought it was a good idea we go talk to him," Castiel concluded.

Inias nodded in agreement. "Do you know where he is?"

"I have an idea where he might be, yes."

"But for Cas to go safely, you have to shield him to make him go unnoticed," Balthazar explained.

"I don't know if I can do that," Inias said. "Samandriel may be able to do it, but I don't think I-"

"I know you and the angel of imagination are very close... I'm sure he must have taught you some things," Balthazar commented, a bit suggestively.

Inias got slightly embarrassed, maybe he even flushed a little, but he didn't say anything about his relationship with Samandriel. "I never did this before, but I can try."

He grabbed Castiel's wrist, touching the skin, and said a spell in Enochian. A little light travelled down his arm to Castiel wrist, burning a sigil on the skin. Castiel flinched a little with the pain but soon it disappeared as he felt himself surrounded by an invisible protecting force.

"Better?" Inias asked.

"Actually, no. I already miss the warm bright light. Now, instead of a sun you look like a firefly," Balthazar said to Castiel.

Castiel rolled his eyes a little.

"Are you ready?" Inias asked to Castiel, still holding his wrist because if he let go, Castiel would be exposed again.

"Yes," Castiel nodded.

In the next second they disappear.

Dean sighed in worry. "I don't like this," he said.

"Honestly, neither do I," Balthazar agreed.

"Then why did you let him go?!" Dean questioned.

"First, because it's the first time Cas stands up for something since the Leviathan's story." Castiel had been on the safe side, scared of doing certain things that could lead to serious mistakes again. But now Castiel was becoming who he used to be. "And second, because I know Cas would go anyway, and at least this way we know it's safer."