Falling Slowly- Once soundtrack

Gay Bar- Electric Six

Jaw's theme tune

Chateau- Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack (CD two)

Elegy for Durkik- Atonement Soundtrack

Shiver

Chapter 10: In the Beginning...

I woke up in an incredible haze. I couldn't even remember the last time I had slept so deeply and completely, and as I blinked the cobwebs from my mind I felt my body sigh in restfulness. With the usual lethargy after sleep, the memories of the day before trickled into my mind until I didn't know if I should smile or frown.

I always had trouble remembering 'bad days' exactly. Maybe it was a defence mechanism or they were bad days because of my lack of concrete conscience, but whatever the case I was having trouble recalling Sasuke's expression the previous night, or what had triggered it all off. What I could remember, though, was how Sasuke had held me without saying anything, an anchor for a thrashing ship. I remember how his arms had felt like a refuge instead of a cage and as lost as I was maybe I was finding the trace of a road to follow, a path that wouldn't involve running away yet again.

Sasuke had, wordlessly, taken me home. In a sense it had been an extremely awkward situation. After the kiss and the way he had so carelessly pushed me away, there was bound to be tension in the air, yet the situation we found ourselves in erased those doubts and questions. Maybe if it had been something fictional it would need an explanation but in reality, the truth was that my breakdown and the fact that he had been there, concerned, and taking care of me, was something that couldn't and didn't need to be explained. Although I had cried against his shoulder and leant against him all throughout the trip I doubted we would talk about it at all because sometimes, it's how things are; so strange and new and delicate that it's too precarious to be brought up. But although Sasuke hadn't stayed the night with me to offer comfort, I could remember the way he had looked as we stood outside my apartment building's door, so drowned in appearance and yet with a striking determination in his expression. I remembered how he had lifted his hand and threaded it through my wet hair for a moment before asking,

"Are you gonna be alright," in that flat, deep tone that would have given the impression of uncaringness if it weren't for the words.

"Yes," I replied truthfully, and with only a moment of hesitation, of fingers lingering against my temple, he had turned away and into the inkiness of night.

I got up from my bed, stretching slowly and smiling. After the incredibly bad day, the new dawn seemed revitalizing. I was never one to give up, and I suddenly had new hope in myself and the people I was beginning to know better. I looked out of the window and smiled as a guitar sounded inside me. Slow and melancholic but, with a sense of hope as a piano rang out as well and then a duet began singing, pained but fighting, making it, achieving something more than the cards dealt.

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

And the next time I saw Sasuke I would smile at him, and throw an arm around his shoulder and near my mouth to his ear and whisper, thank you. He would tense and look at me from the corner of his eyes but his expression would be blunt and almost soft and he would grab the material of my jacket for a second and pull and squeeze in recognition before we parted ways. And things would seem the same. We would act in a bickering, joking manner, but inside things will have shifted and evolved, for though an action always ends, as long as the memories are alive it has an effect on those involved. And slowly, we were changing for the better.


Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black


You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won...

OoOoO

Time seemed to speed past me again. Before I knew it, December had arrived and brought with it a plummeting of temperatures so that jackets and scarves and gloves had to be dug out of the back of closets. I had been working hard, revising for mock exams and doing my coursework, especially in Music, incessantly. But with the last of the month of the year also arrived the Christmas Holidays and, apparently, the Konoha School Christmas show in which, as a music student, I was performing in.

With the announcement of the show, however, a buzz settled over the school. Everybody was talking about who would perform, and most, importantly, who would go with who to watch it. It seemed the Christmas Show was the new Ball for asks for dates to it and then plans afterwards was the new craze. It was impossible to walk anywhere with Sasuke without girls in groups tittering and whispering and throwing glances at him. It was extremely annoying, and I could take it was taking its toll on Sasuke, who normally didn't even like attention, let alone such useless one.

The experience, however, made me notice that though Sasuke had a lot of pretty and/or smart girls after him, he didn't throw them a second glance. On the contrary, he seemed to be cold towards them. I guessed that after having so many people approach you in the same manner, it became unattractive.

I had therefore taken to either further annoy or relieve Sasuke when I walked with him by singing wherever we went.

You!
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.

I called out in the middle of the hallway. I could see Sasuke's eye twitch now and then as Icooed him the words of the popular song.

Let's start a war, start a nuclear war,
At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.
Wow! (Shout out loud)
At the gay bar.

We passed a gang of girls chatting as they walked through the hall and they looked at me as I sang. I winked at them and a few of them blushed. Hey, at least it kept them away from the unwilling Uchiha boy.

Now tell me do ya, a do ya have any money?
I wanna spend all your money,
At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.

I crowed as we entered the Common Room and Sasuke turned to me, shoving me away with a "shut it!" and stomping away. I laughed, teasing him as we grabbed seats where our group always sat. It was lunch time and I was starving, as always. I grabbed a seat next to Sasuke and Choji, almost getting my hand chopped off as I stole a crisp from the latter.

"Hey! Don't touch my food!" the boy exclaimed, glaring at me. Kiba laughed, taking huge bites of his massive sandwich. The whole gang was crowded together, eating away. Ino was picking at her salad as she flirted obviously with Sasuke as Sakura glared at her, ignoring her own food in favour of the dirty looks. Sasuke seemed to be simply ignoring both of them, giving out only enough attention so that they didn't bother him any further than they already were. On the other side of Choji, Shikamaru was slumped in his seat, eating slowly with his head on the chubby boy's shoulder.

"Ew, Shino, what are you doing?" Ino asked the boy, who was sitting on the floor looking at an ant-farm and making notes. Shino glanced at her though his ever-present sun-glasses.

"To be wise you must not only concern yourself with what is big, but also with what is small," he said simply. Ino frowned at him as I smirked. Shino always talked funny.

Suddenly a hand gripped my shoulder and I turned around to see a boy who was vaguely familiar. I realised it was the boy who had complained about his assigned group at the start of the year, with his choppy blue hair and petit form. He was smiling down at me, an expression that could practically be called a smirk.

"Hello there, Naruto," he said as if we had been pals for the past months. I noticed that everybody around me had gone silent, noticing the boy's presence.

"Er...hi," I smiled hesitantly. "Do I know you?" I asked in order not to come right out and say 'Who the hell?'

"I'm Suigetsu," he said, and grinned a little. His teeth were white and surprisingly sharp, I noticed, and as his eyes narrowed slightly with the action I couldn't help but get the impression that he was a dangerous guy. Unbidden, the Jaw's theme song came to mind.

Dun dun. Dun dun dun dun. Dundundundundundundundun

"Er, hi, Suigetsu," who won't let go of my shoulder, I thought. He just smiled a little more.

"I was thinking," he started, "about how you'll have to be in the Christmas performance. How about you go with me and we can grab something to eat after?"

It took me a second to realise what he was suggesting. I looked up at him, twisted in my seat with all my friends watching me and I flushed as I grasped that he was asking me for a date. I frowned a little. Couldn't he have been a tad more tactful and pulled me away instead of making such a show of it?

"Erm, well, I..." had no idea how to turn him down, because saying yes didn't even cross my mind. The problem was, I couldn't attribute it to anything. I didn't have a prior-arranged date or boy/girlfriend. He wasn't even bad looking, it was just there was something about him I was warning myself against.

"I would show you a good time," he smirked, looking at me straight in the eye. I could feel myself flush further.

"I- er, thanks, Suigetsu, but no. I'm going out with these guys," I made a vague, nervous gesture. "But thanks anyways," I repeated. I really wanted him to let go of my shoulder.

Suigetsu held my eyes for a few more moments before he shrugged, still smiling his sharp smile. Slowly, he leaned down and I sat stock-still as he whispered,

"You know where to find me if you change your mind, Naruto," in my ear so that his breath was against it before letting go of my shoulder and walking away. I blinked, looking after him before turning around again to face my companions. That had happened so quickly.

I looked up to see most of them were none-too-subtly staring at me.

"Er.." I said, shifting in my seat. Damn Suigetsu, I cursed, feeling incredibly flustered and awkward. From the left, Shikamaru sighed.

"Troublesome..."

I looked around at the awkward Kiba, giggling Ino and Sakura and blushing Hinata, chancing a glance at Sasuke and seeing he was concentrating at something away from me, tense in his seat, and sighed as well.

He could say that again...

OoO

It seemed, however, I wasn't the only one destined to receive invitations from Team 6.

"Sasuke! I've been looking for you everywhere!" A girl with dark red hair approached us suddenly later that day as we were collecting our books from the lockers. We both turned at the sound of her voice and though I had seen her around, I didn't really know who she was beyond the fact that she was in Suigetsu's team and didn't get along with the boy at all.

"What do you want, Karin," Sasuke said in a tired voice and I was surprised at the familiarity with which he regarded her. She frowned for a second at his tone, eyes narrowing under rectangular glasses, before adapting a sly smile once again.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Christmas show with me, and have a little fun afterwards," she winked, leaning against the lockers beside Sasuke's, uncomfortably close to the other boy.

"I don't think so," Sasuke replied bluntly, and I wasn't surprised. He had turned everybody else down.

"What!?" the girl exclaimed as Sasuke shut his locker. "Why not? It wouldn't be the first time, Sasuke," she grinned and I frowned in response, wondering what she meant. Was Karin Sasuke's ex?

"That was a one-time thing and you know it." Sasuke hitched up the bag on one shoulder and turned away so that I could see his passive, if slightly annoyed face.

"Why! It was great! You have to admit we had plenty of fun," she smirked and suddenly I knew exactly what she was talking about. For some reason my eyes narrowed and I glared at her, but didn't intervene as Sasuke said,

"I was drunk. Leave it be, Karin, it's never going to happen again," and started walking away. I hesitated for a moment, looking back at the huffing girl. She was attractive in her short skirt and leather jacket, looking punkish with the piercing in her bottom lip. I had no idea what Sasuke's type was, but someone as rough as Karin certainly seemed to be a likely candidate.

"What are you staring at, dork?" Karin snarled at me and, slipping out of my thoughts, I just grinned and shrugged, turning away and trotting towards Sasuke to catch up. As we had discovered early on, we could walk part of the way together, even though it was barely ten minutes once we got out of the campus, for Sasuke had to catch a bus that passed not terribly far from my neighbourhood.

"Wait up!" I called to Sasuke, who slowed down a little as I zipped myself up well against the cold temperatures of winter. I wouldn't be surprised if we had a white Christmas.

"So..." I started after we said goodbye to everybody and started walking home. "Is Karin you ex then?"

Sasuke glanced at me once and I grinned back, even when he sighed in what seemed like irritation.

"No, we just had sex," he replied bluntly and I started, surprised at his ability to say that so casually.

"Oh! Er.." I said, even though it was what I had suspected and Sasuke looked at me in amusement.

"What? Don't tell me you're shy about sex. Aren't you a little old to be blushing about it?" he teased and I glared at him in response.

"Piss off, it's not that, I was just surprised. Normally people don't say it just like that," I muttered, "Was she your first?" I insisted, making the most os Sasuke's casualness with sex.

"Yeah," he shrugged and smirked at me. "Is that a problem?"

"No," I growled and Sasuke chuckled a little as I continued to glower. I found it strange to think that that Karin girl could have pleasured Sasuke; could have gotten under his skin in that way.

"What are you looking like that for? You wish it had been a boy?" he asked, eyes looking straight into mine and it took me a second to understand what he was implying.

"No!" I cried out, blushing brightly and cursing myself for doing so. Sasuke let out his breath in a dark laugh, teasing me, and I crossed my arms, upturning my nose.

"You're too conceited," I pointed out as we crossed the road to where we would have to part and Sasuke smirked.

"Next time don't look so jealous then," he responded and I glared a goodbye as, laughingly, he turned away, heading for the bus stop. I watched him for a second, huffing, before also walking away. Sure, I was crazy, but the guy was just plain strange.

I hunched up against the cold wind, thinking about Sasuke, my mind fluttering back to the day in the rain, like it often did, only to quickly change topic unto the day's events, and if I should pop over to Gaara's or not.

With relief I reached my apartment building and entered the tepid air with a smile. As quiet and intimidating as my room sometimes was, there was nothing like warm building when it was cold outside.

Slowly and noiselessly I treaded up the stairs. Did I have ramen for that night? What would Gaara have for dinner? These were the types of inane thoughts that trailed across my mind when my breath suddenly caught in my throat, inhaling a gasp as I quickly took a step back, retracing my way slightly down a stair. I has stopped just in time to hopefully not be seen or heard as the low voices of two men arguing outside my apartment door reached me.

"Fuck off already! You said the little shit was here, it's your fault if we didn't catch him, you had to drop that pissing stolen car at the garage and-"

"Will you shut the hell up? Lower your voice or I'll lower it for you," another, muffled voice replied and my heart raced. Shit. Shit shit shit. These were obviously not good people, and they were there for me and oh god why the hell was there matrix music in his head? Everything seemed to be speeding up and this wasn't good.

It wasn't good.

But the truth was that I felt some of the old exhilaration, a worn, guilty thrill. These men were not going to get me. I wouldn't allow it. (Then why did I feel so afraid? A lamb before the wolf, hopeless.)

"Let's go al-fucking-ready then. It's not like we're going to do anything, we'll lie about the chat. We have plenty of time," the first one was cajoling, but the second one cut in with a,

"No. We're staying."

The thrill was dying down and I realised I may be in real trouble. I had peeked for only a moment and it was two men in black suits, something red - probably a cufflink- flashing by their wrist. What if these were the people Jiraiya had been trying to protect me from? What if after only these few months they were there, they had found me; and if they knew where I lived they could figure out other things and I would never be able to escape. For the rest of my life they would be hunting the

demon

inside me.

As silently as I could I went quickly down the stairs, into the sharp air once again and to Gaara's, which seemed to have becomed quite the refuge. But even as I entered his apartment, the voices of the men were in my head, haunting.

They had found me. Had they found me? Was I sure? They had, they had...but then why were they waiting? Were these people someone else, or were they my nightmare, the ones who would drag every skeleton I had buried out?

"Naruto?" Gaara asked as I stepped into his room, panting slightly. He was staring at my face and maybe I was pale because I felt slightly faint and worried and a little sick because I didn't want to leave Konoha...but I was so tired of fighting. I didn't even know what a normal life was; a life where the upmost worry was exams and the worst regret a letdown in some friendship.

"I'm ok, just...I'm ok," and I threw myself on Gaara's bed. I heard him grunt before Elegy for Durkik played from his laptop and I felt a frown pull my features down. The slow strings that filled the air and the high, solitary violin that sometimes pierced between the notes. I squeezed my eyes shut.

My heart was still racing.

That had happened so fast. I had barely thought, really, except the worry that coursed through me. The ancient fear.

My first thought was to tell Jiraiya what had happened, or Tsunade, but I found myself discarding the thought for the moment. I didn't want them to worry or, even worse, send me away because of the little episode. Maybe I was blowing it out of proportion. I lived in a bad area, the men could have found the wrong apartment; maybe they weren't even looking for me.

Maybe I was still safe.

But the thought seemed hollow and frayed inside me. Like the terrible start of a war, when you don't know if it will be initiated at all and, if it does start, how long it will last, how many things it will kill.

What would have to be done to end it.

And whilst it hasn't begun you believe it never will, it never can, and telling someone about it would only tempt fate, I thought. It may have been illogical and ridiculous but the truth was the truth; I was afraid.

I was too shell shocked to survive another war.

Inside my mind a memory surfaced as deep, mourning voices were raised from between the crying strings, vivid and quick and worn.

I knew I would never forget his eyes, which looked as if they had never slept; red and ringed and staring. He would let me go, he had said, even though I had no hope or want for rescue. I would leave the frying pan and leap into the fire but that had been my life for so long that I was beginning to wonder if there had been a time when my mother had sung me to sleep.

"Naruto...Naruto...do you know why I wear this?" the man said, and he indicated the black robes that were interrupted with crimson shapes, handprints or clouds. I said nothing, did nothing, simply continued staring at the morbid pattern on the cloth.

"It was the first person I killed," his voice was cold but I could hear the pleasure in it. My fists clenched, head bowed. "I put the gun to my best friend's head and shot him. I remember looking at the dirty wall where his brains were smeared...red against black...and smiling."

"Gaara..." I whispered, and I could hear his chair creek as he turned to look at me. "Do you think this will ever be over?" I asked quietly, not opening my eyes. For a moment the silence was filled only with the elegy, and I figured he wouldn't have an answer for a question he didn't understand but instead of 'I don't know' he said,

"Everything that has a start has an ending," he said and I opened my eyes slowly as the song faded out.

He was right. I only had to hope that their ending concluded before mine.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A/N

...

Erm. Ok. I don't really know what to say. I'm really embarrassed that this is so late. Half of it was written before I posted the last one but then bad stuff started happening and with exams coming up and everything, it just got pushed back. I'm not even happy with the result but after having it almost done for more than a week and not knowing what to do about it I decided to just post it and move on. I haven't even replied to all the reviews and I am so, so sorry. I'm not just saying that, but by the time shit stopped it was so late that I didn't know how to go about it even though the reviews were absolutely wonderful and I love you all!

And I love that last song... :3

Give me some love. Even if I don't deserve it.

Promise that the chapter after the next one will make it up to you :D