Disclaimer: The story is all mine and though I wish (quite frequently) that the FFVII characters were mine too, they're not… :P
A/N: Changing Aeris to Aerith, just personal preference.
If Only You Knew
CHAPTER 11: It's Okay
It hadn't taken long for Cloud to find them, (just three classes and two breaks later) but that was the easy part. The hard part was thinking of what to say. Oh yes, he said he'd apologize but when he came within a hundred meter radius of the group of friends, his brain stalled. This was going to be harder than he thought. The time that had passed since his, for lack of a better word, PMS, had conveniently deleted any over-exaggerated notions that had run through his mind at that point. And by conveniently, he meant that his memory probably was screwing him over with his apology. There had been the commoner shit he'd pulled but he knew now that it was just common, unreasonable insecurity. And Tifa, Aerith, Zack, Vincent…he took out on them the anger that was meant for his brother. How did one apologize for something he knew was wrong yet couldn't articulate the reason behind it?
'Shit…there's only two minutes until the next class.' He thought, mulling things over in the corner. He peeked around the corner but ducked away once he saw Vincent glancing in his direction. Vincent, his oldest friend here. Making him act that way this morning, Cloud admitted that he must've really pushed his buttons. It wasn't everyday he acknowledged that he was a bastard. For treating all of them that way….no, would a simple apology even work? 'Shit, shit, shit, shit..' At the rate he was going, he'd get out a couple of sentences by the end of the week.
"He just left." Zack whispered into Tifa's ear. Tifa swatted him away, irritated by the buzzing in her ear.
"Thanks for the update, but I don't need a play-by-play commentary Zack." The brunette snapped. The sadness from earlier that morning had transformed into a volatility that no one except Aerith could disarm. Even the teasing Zack and Yuffie were unusually behaved. Vincent was constantly watching her as well. If she wasn't feeling so miserable about Cloud, she would have found it funny how they were tiptoeing around her. The students around began to shift, already heading towards their next classes. "Sorry, I'm just…I'm going to the gardens for a while. By myself."
Having heard all about the confrontation in the morning, the group nodded their heads and dispersed, Vincent sending one last glance before leaving. Aerith, always there for support, transferred her warmth with a squeeze of her arm. "I'll check on you later okay? I'm sure there's a good reason for why he was acting like that and maybe we did do something…"
Aerith had trailed off again into thought and Tifa shook her head, pulling her arm away. She knew what she was thinking. "We did nothing wrong. He's the one who acted out, we should be angry."
This time, Aerith shook his head. "Maybe so, but you can't say that you'll never be friends with him again Tifa. I know you. This anger, it passes… Even to me, he ignored all of us but we can't let this become more than it already is."
"Aerith, could you please just stop being so…." 'Preachy?' Tifa bit her tongue. She was only trying to help. Aerith merely smiled, touched Tifa's hand, and then walked away. Tifa heard voices in the direction her best friend took and assumed that Zack had waited for her, or Vincent had not given up his monitoring position yet. She was not going to wait to see who. From there, Tifa went for the exit to the gardens. Hopefully, she could cool her head off there and calm down. She reached the exit and stepped outside, hopping over the staircase railing with one hand. She landed soundlessly on the grass below and proceeded to walk alongside the walls. Fleetingly, she pictured his accusatory eyes and cold shoulder…and then had to restrain herself from punching a hole in the wall. Cid would not take too kindly to returning from vacation and hearing that she had wreaked havoc on the innocent building. She took a deep breath again and closed her eyes as she walked on. Clear the mind, clear the mind. Ah, had she been wrong to say those things to Cloud with such finality? A warm burning spread along the back of her hand. The air was heady, nature's perfume reaching her senses.
'Wait…' Tifa opened her eyes. She had walked straight onto the rose garden's pathway and was right next to a magnificent bush of red-tipped yellow roses. In the sun's light, the paleness of the yellow reflected white with such a pure red that it looked like blood.
"Are..Are you okay?" Cloud asked tentatively. He nearly jumped when Tifa swiveled around, fists raised and her stance defensive.
"Cloud?" In her eyes he saw confusion.
"Y-Yeah…" Damnit, why did he feel so nervous now?! He stuttered, why did he stutter!? "I was taking about your hand. You have a cut right here. It must have been from the thorns." He lifted his own and indicated said cut with a finger. Tifa didn't even look down, her eyes stuck on his face. He was talking to her now, and was that contrition she heard in his voice? Or was she imagining things?
He seemed like the old Cloud. As she appraised him, Tifa realized that the ill temper she had been holding onto had dissipated, had seeped out from her body. Could Aerith have been right, and for that matter, Vincent? Did she really not have it in her to break up this…friendship? Her heart clenched at the word and she nearly smiled. Ha, she was feeling tired again…
"I..You…This morning, I…I wasn't myself. I mean, I'm an idiot," Cloud started, his mouth opening and closing with all the grace of a gaping fish. Tifa said nothing, which he took as a signal to continue, his voice growing stronger as he spoke. "And I'm sorry, I thought I would say this to you first, since this morning I and you…and Vincent, the things... And to Vincent and the rest, I'll apologize as soon as class lets out. I just wanted to…I wanted to tell you first. I felt I had to. And what you said before was all right! I was an ungrateful bastard who just lost it and I don't know why and I, I'm rambling I know, but Aerith told me where you were heading so I skipped class and sort of followed you here…and then you stopped so I thought I should do it here and…"
She was still quiet, the weight of her gaze penetrating, heavy, and crushing simultaneously. A bird chirped from a nearby tree. The air was suddenly hot and sticky once Cloud shut up, looking flustered. He pulled loose his tie and loosened his collar.
"I had to talk to you first. I don't want to stop being friends because I'm stupid."
Tifa visibly shifted her gaze to his arm cast and turned her head away, lifting a hand to cover her cough that strangely sounded like a snicker. She looked back down at the roses and then her hand. There indeed was a smudged line of dried blood, a pearl of red of her skin. She tore a petal off one of the roses and rubbed off the blood. Then she sneezed. The sound was short, maybe even cute, but for some reason, her ears ringed and her head ached. She raised a hand to her temple and massaged it. All of these slow actions, she was trying to decide.
"Cloud…"
His eyes…what…they shouldn't look so hopeful?
'Please don't look at me like that Cloud..'
There came her previous dilemma. Her feelings…
No, no. She'd tell him everything was okay. Aerith was right…she really couldn't hold a grudge.
"Cloud?"
She found herself wondering in a weird sort of suspension of reality. Her lips were numb. Cloud's wide, shocked eyes. Her itchy hair falling across her face, strand by strand. Her eyelids closing again.
This time the darkness came quicker.
"TIFA!?"
She didn't even feel herself hit the ground.
'I'm going to wake up right?'
A/N: Hiii! I will admit I forgot about this ." Sorry to everyone who waited, I realize I made an empty promise. I shall do that no more but please R&R. I will try! But much like this chapter, if there are any further chapters, they may be rather "short" compared to the others. I hope this chapter was sort of good ^^
