Gestation: seven weeks.

o0o

"Naruto-kun," Kakashi said cheerfully, slapping the boy on his back and making him choke on his ramen, "You're a hard man to find, you know that?"

Naruto coughed out the noodles in his mouth before picking them up again between his chopsticks and swallowing them properly. "Ero-sennin's been training me again, outta the village. He makes me do a lot of sitting around and talking to frogs."

"Fascinating," Kakashi said, slipping into the seat beside him and watching him with keen interest.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Baka-sensei, you're acting weird."

"Who, me?" Kakashi feigned disbelief. "No, this is how I normally am."

Naruto slurped up more of his ramen. "You're being creepy."

"Maa, I just missed seeing my favourite student."

Naruto stopped eating and pointed his chopsticks at him. "It's a henge, isn't it? Who are you really? Chouji? Shikamaru? Kiba?"

Kakashi sighed. "I want information." Naruto was his last hope, and a poor one at that. While the two were very close, Kakashi was willing to bet that Iruka hid everything of his past with Mizuki from the exuberant blond. But, as dense as Naruto was, there was a sliver of a chance he knew something.

Naruto looked confused. "What information would I have that you don't have? Do you want dirt on Ero-sennin or something? His favourite perving onsen?"

"Not Jiraiya-sama. Iruka-sensei," Kakashi corrected.

Naruto slid his now empty bowl to one side and motioned to Teuchi to give him another, then turned back to Kakashi with suspicion written all over his face. "What do you want with my Iruka-sensei?"

"I want to give him a surprise," Kakashi said in a stroke of genius. "What is his favourite flower?"

"Eh? Why would you give Iruka-sensei flowers?" Naruto seemed genuinely confused.

"Because he's my 'wife', remember?" Kakashi explained patiently.

"Yeah, yeah, I got that. But what's Iruka-sensei gonna do with flowers from you?"

"The heroine always swoons when she's given a beautiful bunch of flowers from the dashing knight."

Naruto was staring at him like he was beyond stupid. "Iruka-sensei's not a heroine. He'll be mad if you get him flowers. You can't treat him like he's one of the dumb girls from Ero-sennin's crappy stories."

"Chocolates then?" Kakashi said hopefully. "Does he like chocolate?"

"Everyone likes chocolate," Naruto said, scoffing down his second bowl of ramen at double the speed of the first. "But you really shouldn't go treating him like a girl, you know."

Kakashi frowned. Naruto was actually being helpful, if not in the way he'd expected. If I can't treat Iruka like an Icha Icha princess then how am I supposed to show him he's important to me?

"You ask him these dumb questions instead of me." Naruto was rolling his eyes, and Kakashi realized he'd said his last thought aloud. "Iruka-sensei doesn't want gifts. If he likes you, then he just wants to spend time with you. That's all."

"Does Iruka have any close friends?" Kakashi said abruptly, partly because this was something helpful Naruto might know and partly because he didn't want to dwell on the fact that a virgin, near-universally hated child knew more than him about relationships.

"Izumo-san, Kotetsu-san," Naruto said carelessly, eyeing up a third bowl of ramen.

"Aside from those two." Kakashi wasn't going to go near either of them lest he bring Iruka's wrath down on his head. He'd already burned his bridges in that direction.

"Nah." Naruto shook his head. "Just them. I've never seen anyone else in Iruka-sensei's house, which was why it was so weird to see you there."

Something in Kakashi's chest pinged uncomfortably. Either Mizuki was keeping anyone who tried to get close to him away, or he lost the ability to fully trust people after what that bastard did to him. Possibly both. In any case, it looked like there was no one else he could ask about Iruka's past except for Iruka himself. "What about Mizuki?"

"Mizuki-sensei?" A guilty expression passed over Naruto's face. "Why are you asking about him?"

Following a hunch, Kakashi asked, "You know about the scar on Iruka's back?"

"If I'd known that was going to happen I never would have taken the damn scroll," Naruto said quietly. "I never wanted Iruka-sensei to get hurt. He's my only family."

Kakashi blinked. "You were involved in that?"

Naruto looked miserable. "Mizuki-sensei told me to steal a forbidden scroll, and then tried to take it off me and kill me. Iruka-sensei got that scar protecting me."

"That must have been difficult for him," Kakashi murmured. To face up to his former lover – a man who had spent years convincing him he was worthless – and take the side of the child who housed the beast that killed his parents, Iruka really was a remarkable man.

"Yeah. It was all my fault he had to go to hospital." Naruto stared at his ramen, chopsticks loose in his hand. "I just wanted to become a genin."

Kakashi couldn't fathom how becoming a genin was tied in with stealing a forbidden scroll, but overall it didn't really matter. He'd never seen Naruto so dejected before, and it was throwing off his picture of how the world should be. "Naruto, Iruka-sensei would never blame you for that. Mizuki was the one at fault." He patted the kid on the back somewhat awkwardly. "Anyway, you're not doing anything tonight, are you?"

"Tonight? No." Naruto was still staring unhappily at his bowl.

"Good. Because I promised a pretty lady that you'd be coming to dinner with us, and she'd be very upset if you didn't come. So would Iruka-sensei, for that matter."

"Dinner?"

"Yes, dinner," Kakashi repeated. "Come to Iruka's house at six, alright? And wear a little less orange, if you can manage it."

"And Iruka-sensei will be there?"

"Yes. He wants to see you," Kakashi said. It wasn't technically a lie; Iruka always wanted to see Naruto. The fact that he had no idea yet that they were going out to dinner was beside the point. "It will be fun."

It will be terrifying, his brain corrected. It's a date. And you have never been on one of those before. Think of all the possible ways you could screw it up.

"It will be fun," he repeated forcefully.

o0o

"I appreciate the thought, but I really don't want to go anywhere." Iruka groaned and flopped down on the couch, rubbing his temples. "I'm exhausted, Kakashi. I feel like I've been running for days on end when I haven't left the house since yesterday, and I keep getting random attacks of queasiness. It's horrible. I really just want to stay here and watch something mindless on TV."

Kakashi's heart sunk. "It's a good chance to see Naruto and Hinata. They're both very excited about this."

"And I'd love to see them both, but not right now," Iruka said firmly. "They'll know something's off. I look terrible."

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked, watching his last minute but heartfelt plans swirl merrily down the drain. "I'm not sure I can get Hinata brave enough to try this another time."

Iruka stared at him for a long moment, then sighed. "I suppose I can manage one night. If it really means that much to you."

Kakashi grinned. "Thank you." The wheels were set in motion. This date was going to be successful, no matter what.

"So where are we going? How much do I need to dress up?"

"Dress up?" Shit. Kakashi could feel his plans disappearing again. "I don't have any normal clothes."

"Yes, you do," Iruka said, placing a hand on his arm gently. "I bought you clothes, remember? For that stupid competition. How classy is this place?"

"The lady said smart-casual. I don't really know what that means." Kakashi pressed his fingers into his temples. "I wanted to go high-end, but with Naruto…"

"That's probably for the best. Expensive food would be a waste on me right now." Iruka smiled, and Kakashi meekly followed him to the bedroom, where he hooked items out of various drawers and tossed them on the bed. "Wear that. I'm going to shower. Please don't panic while I'm gone."

Kakashi nodded obediently and peered at the clothing Iruka had chosen for him. Dark jeans, dark blazer, light shirt with a mask attached. He wasn't a big fan of denim, it restricted movement too much, but it wasn't too bad. The blazer allowed his top half to move freely, at least, and with a bit of effort it would help him conceal a comfortable amount of weapons.

Feeling a burst of unstable chakra, he left the bedroom and opened the front door before Naruto started knocking. The poor door didn't deserve that sort of treatment. He looked the kid up and down critically.

Naruto glared at him self-consciously. "You said less orange."

Kakashi nodded. "Well, you have managed that, I suppose."

Naruto's nod to formality had been simple: removing his jacket. Admittedly it did make his overall appearance less orange, but it didn't really count as dressing nicely. Plus, he'd probably freeze without a jacket, though considering how hot-blooded he was perhaps that wouldn't be a problem.

Catching sight of his beloved ex-teacher Naruto pushed past him into the living room. "Iruka-sensei!"

"Good evening, Naruto." Iruka smiled warmly, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. Kakashi hadn't even realized he'd left the bathroom. "Would you like to borrow a jersey? It's not so warm out tonight."

"I get to wear Iruka-sensei's clothes?" Naruto's eyes grew round as saucers.

"Sure." Iruka picked up a V-neck from the back of an armchair and tossed it to him.

Kakashi was both surprised and disgusted at the petty irritation he felt knowing Iruka and Naruto would match. Although, his mind leered as he watched Naruto struggle violently to get his hands through the armholes, Iruka looks a lot sexier in his.

Iruka in a plain V-neck with a soft cotton shirt underneath was, Kakashi decided on the spot, his new favourite thing. Especially with his hair loose around his shoulders like that. Iruka glared at him as if he could read his perverted thoughts, and Kakashi thought that he was very fond of that look too.

"Shall we go?" Iruka suggested, still glaring at Kakashi suspiciously.

o0o

"Maa, I apologise that we had to meet you here," Kakashi said, gesturing to the door of the restaurant. "Considering our last meeting, I didn't think your father would be too pleased at any of us showing up on your doorstep and whisking you away."

Hinata dipped her head nervously, valiantly trying to ignore Naruto's cries of, "It's Hinata! Hinata's wearing a dress!"

Iruka muffled Naruto's cries with his hand as Hinata whispered, "I don't mind, Kakashi-sensei. Thank you for inviting me."

Despite her words, she looked about ready to run. Kakashi's perfect night was slipping away once more and they hadn't even gotten into the restaurant yet.

Iruka smiled at her kindly. "It's lovely to see you, Hinata. You look radiant tonight." He moved his hand from Naruto's mouth to his ear, tugging roughly. "Hinata looks beautiful in that dress, doesn't she, Naruto?"

Naruto yelped. "Yeah. I'm glad you're not Chouji."

Hinata turned pink, stuttering thanks, and Kakashi barely refrained from hitting himself in the forehead.

"We should go inside now," Iruka said, softly but firmly. "I'm a little hungry."

Despite the night's setbacks the restaurant had a warm, calm atmosphere inside, and Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief. He'd laid out multiple back-up plans, of course, but he wasn't sure he actually had the confidence to pull them off. He was totally out of his depth and currently treading water the best he could to stay afloat.

Naruto squinted at the menu. "Baka-sensei, you brought us to a place with no ramen," he said accusingly. "I don't even know half of these words."

"It's good to try out new things, Naruto. It's how we learn and grow. And surprises can be fun. Why don't you pick something you don't recognize and experiment a little?" Iruka's smile seemed tired already.

"I guess so." Naruto looked anything but certain.

The waiter coming to take their orders was a blessed relief from the awkward tension, but as soon as he left the uncomfortable air surrounding them pressed down again. Naruto was glaring at the menu as if that would help explain to him what the heck he'd just asked for, Hinata was fiddling nervously with her glass and Iruka looked as if he was going to collapse onto the table at any minute.

Kakashi had to do something to save this night. "Maa, this is fun, isn't it?" he said with false cheer.

Three dubious faces swiveled to stare at him. "Are you sure you're Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, returning to his previous doubts. "You're acting really weird. Iruka-sensei, don't you think he's an imposter?"

Iruka snorted. "He's always a little weird, Naruto. He just has a lot on his mind right now. Right, Kakashi?"

Kakashi wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that. "Yes?"

Iruka laid a hand on his thigh and squeezed reassuringly. Kakashi gave the best eye-smile he could manage. "Hinata, how have you been since the last time we met?" He didn't understand small talk, but that was a normal question to ask to get conversation started, right?

Hinata twisted her fingers into her napkin, not making eye contact. "My father has been making plans for me to get married," she said, barely audible. "He has decided since I am a failure as a kunoichi and did not manage to win the competition I need to support the family in other areas."

"But Hinata-chan is a good kunoichi," Naruto objected, brows furrowed. "And how does getting married support your family?"

"By producing more talented offspring," Hinata whispered.

"Eeeh?"

Iruka kicked Naruto, hard, under the table. "Keep your voice down," he hissed, "Other people are trying to enjoy their meals."

"Well they were," Kakashi corrected, noticing how many patrons had stopped eating in favour of gazing interestedly at their table, and Iruka kicked him too.

Hinata flushed red and buried her face in her hands.

"Well, if you ever want to ditch your weird stuffy family you can join mine," Naruto offered gallantly, and Hinata coloured a shade darker.

"Thank you, Naruto-kun," she squeaked.

Kakashi was glad to see their food arriving, because he wasn't sure how much more of this awkward conversation he could handle. "This looks great," he said enthusiastically as his plate was placed in front of him. "Let's eat!"

Naruto squinted at him, and addressed Iruka incredulously. "Are you absolutely sure that this is Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes," Iruka replied tiredly. "He is not a clone, or an imposter. He's just having a hard time trying to be a normal human being."

"Thank you for your vote of confidence, Iruka," Kakashi said dryly, his attention quickly redirected at a gasp from Hinata.

"It moved," the kunoichi whispered, face now pale.

She was referring to Naruto's dinner, where a tiny octopus sat atop a mountain of rice. Inquisitively, Naruto poked it with a chopstick, and its arms flailed limply. "I didn't mean to order this," Naruto said helplessly, "I just wanted ramen. Even udon or rice would do."

"Well, you do have rice," Kakashi pointed out. "Your little friend there is sitting on it."

"Normal rice," Naruto said, rolling his eyes. "Duh, Kakashi-sensei. With chicken or pork or something. Not a live octo-baby."

A gasp from his right had Kakashi's head swiveling round. Iruka was nearly as white as Hinata, his shaking hands covering his mouth. "Excuse me," he said faintly. He scraped his chair back on the floor, stood up and practically ran to the bathroom.

Kakashi stared at Iruka's empty seat, then in the direction he'd run. Before he could get the chance to speak Naruto whispered harshly, "What did you do to Iruka-sensei?"

Kakashi blinked innocuously at him. "What do you mean?"

"He's not being normal either. He's quiet and grumpy and pale. It must be your fault."

"He's just got a little bit of a cold, that's all." Kakashi scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I should go check on him. Naruto, you can try my dinner if you like."

He pushed his plate towards the blond and stood abruptly, leaving no time for protest. This night was just a colossal train wreck, and cemented for him the reason he'd never bothered trying to go on a date before. But hey, at least it couldn't get much worse than this, right?

The bathroom was blessedly empty, and only one stall had a closed door. Kakashi knocked on it hesitantly. "Iruka?"

The door flew open and he was yanked inside and pushed against the wall of the tiny cubicle, the door slamming shut behind him. Iruka leaned against him, shaking, hands buried in his shirt.

Kakashi patted his back awkwardly. "Are you okay?" he asked uselessly. "I thought you were throwing up."

Iruka shook his head against his chest. "Kakashi," he mumbled, "Could you just – hug me? Please."

Kakashi did as he was asked and Iruka's hands relaxed their grip, snaking around his back. "What happened?"

Iruka gave a shaky laugh. "I don't even know. One minute I was trying to stay awake and the next my heart was breaking for the poor little octopus who must be terrified taken away from his little octopus family and friends in the lovely open ocean and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I still feel torn apart, it's so stupid I don't even understand why. I'm sorry, Kakashi. I don't think I'm going to be able to eat anything."

"You shouldn't be apologizing," Kakashi said softly. "I should have known this would be a terrible idea and given up before I started."

"Don't think like that." Iruka breathed in deeply, and then let his breath out slowly. "You do need to learn not to force romance on people, but your heart is in the right place. We'll try this again when I feel a little more stable, okay?"

Kakashi nodded meekly.

Iruka straightened, not moving his arms from Kakashi's waist. "Alright, I'm – "

He silenced himself as the bathroom door creaked open and someone entered the other stall, speaking loudly. "You are such a cheeky minx, calling me while I'm on a date with my wife."

There was a sound of rustling material, and a zip. "So, Honeybuns, I got my hot, thick rod in my hand right here for you. What do you want me to do with it?" The man paused for an answer, and a disturbingly wet, rhythmic schlicking sound started. "Oh you want it there, do you? Naughty girl. I'll rub it all over your face."

Iruka was tapping on his back. It took him a second to realize he was using Morse code. - to get out of here. He couldn't see his face.

He eased the door open slowly and they sidled out. The man in the neighbouring cubicle was now grunting loudly. "Oh yeah, take it like that baby. Take it, take it."

To Kakashi's surprise, once they were out of the bathroom Iruka doubled up laughing. "Honeybuns," he wheezed. "Kami that's sickening."

Kakashi leaned in close, his breath brushing the shell of Iruka's ear. "Maa, did somebody order a hot, thick rod? Because I have a special delivery right here."

Iruka shivered, and elbowed him lightly in the gut. "It's really unfair that it's kind of hot when you say it," he complained. "Please don't turn me on. We need to go back and save Hinata from Naruto's well-meaning denseness."

Kakashi snickered, but stopped at Iruka glare. "Are you okay now, though?"

"Yeah." Iruka rubbed his eyes with the back of his fist and held back a yawn. "Well, I think I am. That guy scared the tears away, at least for now. I think I can get through this."

Kakashi sucked up the disappointment that his well-meaning date was something Iruka had struggle through and gave a gallant smile. "We can get through this," he echoed.

Naruto had transferred the octopus to his water glass, where it was floating lifelessly.

"N-Naruto-kun, don't octopuses live in salt water?" Hinata was asking, tapping her fingers together nervously.

"Really?" Before anyone could stop him Naruto sprinkled a liberal amount of salt onto the water. "He should be okay now, right?"

Hinata covered her face with her hands, peeking out between her fingers. "I think it's stopped moving."

"You should probably just stab it and put it out of its misery," Kakashi suggested.

Naruto's head snapped up. "Iruka-sensei! Are you okay? Did Baka-sensei do anything bad to you?"

Iruka ruffled his hair and smiled. "On the contrary, Kakashi helped me feel better. Shall we continue with dinner?"

"I'm not so sure that's going to happen," Kakashi said, surveying the table. His, Iruka's and Hinata's plates had been wiped clean, the only edible items left on the table Naruto's pile of rice and his octopus, which was now floating upside down in the glass.

Naruto laughed uncomfortably. "Heh heh, well, y'see, I got a little bit hungry waiting for you. And I couldn't eat little Tako-chan."

Iruka blinked at him. "We were only gone for five minutes."

Naruto gave a broad, desperately apologetic smile. "I was very hungry?"

Iruka sighed. "Naruto, really."

"It's fine." Kakashi placed a hand on his arm. "We can just go home and have something easy to digest. This whole night's been a disaster anyway."

"It was very tasty," Naruto offered. "Whatever it was."

"I'll pay, you get ready to leave," Kakashi said, ignoring him.

"We can try something else another time," Iruka said with a hopeful smile.

o0o

They walked in a silence nearly as awkward as the restaurant had been. Iruka was too exhausted to try to distill it. Kakashi had managed to get Naruto to walk Hinata home with a clever selection of thinly veiled threats and minor bribery; Iruka wasn't sure it would do Hinata any good. The boy was just too dense.

The intense unhappiness that had welled up inside him upon seeing the octopus had surprised him, but considering how shattered he felt he probably shouldn't have been. The hormones were wreaking havoc on his system, after all.

He wasn't sure how to deal with Kakashi and his well-intentioned albeit forceful romance ideals. The jōnin was obviously kicking himself internally for another failed wooing event, and looked more cut up about the night's failure than he'd expected.

He was about to form some spontaneous words of comfort when a familiar scent assaulted his nostrils. Iruka gagged. Shit. He always had an adverse reaction to cigarette smoke, which is why he'd kept a safe distance every time Asuma was around, but it wasn't usually this strong. It's almost as if I'm going to –

Iruka bent over and vomited onto the pavement. The smoker narrowed his eyes and blew smoke in his face. "Gross, buddy, you almost got my shoes."

Iruka retched again, clinging to Kakashi's arm, feeling helpless.

"Do you want me to transport you home?" Kakashi asked quietly. "It might make you sick again, though."

Iruka nodded wordlessly. Transportation jutsu weren't his favourite way to get around, but anything was better than being suffocated by smoke. He was trembling and he couldn't control it. He hated himself for being so weak.

Five seconds later they were standing in his bathroom. Iruka's head spun. He had his eyes shut tight, and he could vaguely hear the sound of running water. He forced his eyes open. Kakashi was undressing him. "Why?"

"You threw up on yourself, Sensei." Kakashi's voice was matter-of-fact. It was almost as if he wasn't currently pulling Iruka's pants down. "And on me. So we're having a shower. Is that alright with you?"

Iruka lifted his feet one after the other so Kakashi could remove his pants completely and nodded, unable to formulate the words.

"You don't have to worry." Kakashi was now working on his own clothes. "I don't plan on fucking you or anything."

Iruka just stared. That hadn't even crossed his mind. His mind was too busy reeling from the octopus, the smoke and the jutsu. If anything, he just wanted to lie down and go to sleep. He felt like a truck had plowed through him.

Kakashi prodded him gently into the shower, and he felt his muscles relax as the warm water hit him, relieving tension he hadn't even known was there. The jōnin followed, pressing against him in the tight space.

"Tilt your head back and close your eyes," Kakashi murmured and Iruka did as he was told, sighing as the jōnin ran his fingers through his hair.

"Thank you," Iruka said softly.

Kakashi chuckled, though it seemed a little strained. "Don't thank me for this. It's my fault for forcing you to go out in the first place."

Iruka tipped his head forward onto Kakashi's shoulder. "It's okay." He was still shivering, despite the warm water.

"You're okay?" Kakashi was rubbing bodywash into his back in large, calming circles.

"Yeah. I just," Iruka sighed again, forcing himself to relax in Kakashi's arms. "I hate cigarettes. Mizuki only ever smoked after we slept together. And when he'd finished he'd put it out on me. He said it relaxed him. It terrified me, because I never knew when it was going to happen. Sometimes he'd only take a couple of puffs before stubbing it out, 'just to keep me on my toes' he said." Iruka shook his head. "It got to the point where even when I didn't want him inside me I dreaded the thought of him finishing because it meant I was going to be burned again. I guess he just wanted me to be forever reminded of him."

Kakashi's hands stilled. "And you don't hate this man?"

"No," Iruka said, smiling faintly. "Looking back, I feel sorry for him. He felt powerless, so he used the little leverage he had to gain complete power over me. He abused me to feel good about himself. It was all he had going for him."

"Is he dead?" Kakashi asked abruptly.

"Yes. And even if he wasn't I wouldn't want you to get revenge for me." Iruka lifted his head, memorizing the righteous anger in the jōnin's eyes and the tight set of his jaw. "It's sweet, but I don't need your protection. I came to terms with my past a long time ago."

"He deserves to be torn apart," Kakashi growled.

"Please don't waste your energy thinking about things like that." Iruka ran his hand down to Kakashi's chin, enjoying the rough, stubbly texture against his fingertips. "He's not worth it. Our pasts shape who we are, but they're not worth dwelling on except to move forward."

"He hurt you." Kakashi looked ready to punch through the wall. "He marked you."

"I know. But in the end I survived, and he didn't. I'm still here despite him." Iruka touched his lips against the jōnin's jaw softly, closing his eyes against the steady stream of water.

Kakashi turned his head to kiss him, and Iruka jerked back, pressing a hand over his lips. "You don't want to do that. I vomited. Let me clean my teeth first." It was surprising how easy it was to slide back into his usual no-nonsense persona. "And we should stop wasting water."

He reached above his head to turn the shower off and slipped past the stunned jōnin to reach for his toothbrush. He stood in front of the mirror, naked and dripping all over the floor, swishing mouthwash around in his mouth. From the corner of his eye he could see Kakashi staring at his ass. Spitting out the burning liquid, he locked eyes with the jōnin in the mirror. "If you think I've got the energy to get kinky tonight you're dead wrong," he deadpanned.

The cheeky maa, wouldn't dream of it, Sensei that he'd expected wasn't forthcoming; instead Kakashi looked uncharacteristically serious. "I'm not Mizuki," he said tersely. "I'm not stupid enough to ask you for sex after making you go out, watching you throw up and listening to you talk about a traumatic part of your past. And I'm not awful enough to force you."

"Oh?" Iruka turned to face him guiltily. He'd miscalculated. Kakashi was unexpectedly sensitive sometimes. "It was a joke. But if that means I can request something, would you be willing to sleep in my room tonight? It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I've been waking a lot in the middle of the night lately and it makes me feel lonely."

Kakashi studied him, face terrifyingly blank. "I'm confused," he said slowly. "You tell me not to sleep with you then seduce me into your bed. What do you want?"

"Seduce?" Iruka raised an eyebrow, unsure whether to be amused or just stunned. "I don't think I could feel less seductive right now if I tried. But if I wasn't clear enough for you, I don't want to fornicate. I want to cuddle. If that makes you too uncomfortable I won't force you, you can keep sleeping in the spare room. But I'd appreciate it if you did."

"Oh." The jōnin looked seconds away from fleeing.

Iruka held back a sigh, and pulled a towel off the rack to wind around his waist. "Contemplate here for as long as you want. I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed whether you're coming or not."

He walked out of the bathroom, forcing himself not to look back. While it would be fantastic to wake up next to Kakashi he wasn't going to hold his breath. The jōnin was way too scatty when it came to close, non-sexual contact and he was just going to have to adjust him slowly.

After a moment's indecision he decided to throw on underwear and his ratty dolphin pants. It wasn't particularly cold in the bedroom, but if Kakashi did decide to share a bed with him he didn't want to tempt him unnecessarily. He slipped under the covers and almost moaned. "Oh fluffy pillow, how I missed you," he mumbled.

o0o

Iruka woke in darkness, startled out of sleep by someone shaking him. He scrambled blindly for a weapon, brain still half-fuzz.

"What are you doing?" a voice hissed, and his assailant yelped.

"Please don't hurt me, I just wanna talk to 'Ru."

Even half asleep he could grasp what was going on. Instead of a weapon he reached for his bedside table to switch on the lamp, illuminating an angry Kakashi with a kunai to a terrified Izumo's throat.

"Kakashi, could you bring a glass of water? 'Zumo, sit down," Iruka said firmly, shaking the sleep from his brain and pushing himself up into a sitting position against the headboard.

Kakashi disappeared after a fierce glare at Izumo, who folded into Iruka like a puppet with its strings cut. Iruka wrapped his arms around his back, hugging him tightly. "'Zumo, you look terrible. What happened?"

The usually immaculate nin was wearing an old, stained shirt and his hair looked unbrushed. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. "'Tetsu," he whispered.

Iruka mind jumped to ten different conclusions at once, and he hastily reined it in. "'Tetsu did what?" he asked, rubbing slow circles on Izumo's back.

"I don't want to say," Izumo whimpered. He was shivering.

"And I don't want to automatically assume the worst happened, but I'm going to if you don't tell me," Iruka said softly. "You saw me at my lowest point, and you helped me climb up again. I want to help you."

Kakashi slipped silently back into the room with a glass. Iruka took it, mouthing 'thank you', and waving him away again. The jōnin's eyes narrowed, but he didn't object.

"Drink this," Iruka encouraged gently, holding the glass to Izumo's lips. "Take a few sips, a couple of deep breaths, then explain."

Izumo swallowed, inhaled, and breathed out shakily. "He was drunk," he said, voice so quiet Iruka had to strain to hear. "I was sleeping. He came into my apartment and crawled into my bed. I thought I was dreaming, but then he said because I like him I must want him to fuck me, and he was horny so we'd both get what we wanted. Then he…" Tears formed in the corners of his eyes, and his voice trembled. "I didn't want it like that, 'Ru. I came, but I hated it. I don't want to become his toy."

"Oh, 'Zumo." Iruka could barely contain his own tremors. He didn't have the strength to deal with this, not now. He suddenly knew exactly how powerless Kakashi had felt, wanting to destroy the person who had hurt him but not being able to do anything. "Is there anything you want from me? What can I do for you?"

"Hold me." Izumo scrubbed the tears from his eyes fruitlessly. "No, I don't mean that. I don't want to ruin your relationship. Just keep me company. Could I stay here for a little while?"

"Of course. You can stay as long as you like." Iruka kissed his forehead and rubbed his back gently. "Do you need a shower?"

Izumo gave a small nod.

"Do you want me to come with you, or do you want to be alone?"

Izumo looked hesitant.

"I'll deal with Kakashi's feelings in the morning," Iruka said firmly. "What you need is most important to me right now."

"I can shower by myself," Izumo said shakily. "But can I sleep in your bed?"

"Sure." Iruka gently extracted himself from Izumo's grip, searching through his drawers to find a loose shirt and comfortable pants. "I'll get you a towel."

o0o

Iruka took a deep breath before knocking on the door to the spare room, pushing it open anyway. Kakashi turned as he entered, the white of his eye gleaming in the thin moonlight. Iruka didn't ask why he was standing in the dark; he didn't think he wanted to hear the answer.

"Izumo is going to be staying here for a while," he said quietly.

"You are sleeping with him," Kakashi said flatly, after a long, tense silence.

"I'm letting him sleep in my bed tonight," Iruka corrected. "He needs the company."

"To get back at me?" Kakashi snorted. "Because I won't sleep in your bed you need to find someone else who will? That's desperate."

He's just insecure, Iruka told himself firmly, feeling the familiar twinge of insecurity. He doesn't actually think you're a slut. "I know this hurts you," he said as calmly as he could manage, "But please trust me. Izumo is my best friend, and I need to be there for him right now. That's all."

"Except for all those times you fucked," Kakashi corrected. "Were you best friends then?"

"Kakashi," Iruka said sharply, patience snapping, "I know it's hard. In you position, I'd be uneasy too. It's reasonable to be upset."

"Then why are you purposefully upsetting me?" Kakashi interrupted. "He can sleep here. If you need someone to warm you bed so badly, I'll do it."

"Don't fucking mess me with me," Iruka snarled. "He was raped by the person he loves and trusts, and I know exactly how soul-destroying that is. I've been there. There is no way I am leaving him to deal with this by himself. I do not have the strength to both protect him and deal with your childish hurt feelings. So either deal with it like a man, or get lost."

Kakashi stared at him silently for what seemed like a solid minute, enough time that he'd calmed enough to realize he'd said way too much. "I have never been a child, Sensei," he said coldly, turned, and jumped out the window.

Iruka sunk to his knees and buried his face in his hands. "Shit," he moaned.