Chapter Eleven: Pain
Ruby kept running around the mostly empty campus, even as her legs and chest burned pleading for her to stop. She couldn't, she had to keep running. Her mind was empty of thoughts all expect for the screaming burning pain. It was relieving and she never knew until now how pain could chase the nightmares away. Even if it's just for a moment. If she had known that pain could bring this relief she would have done it sooner as nothing else had helped until now.
Well, she was lying to herself if nothing else had helped. Ozpin had given her that momentary relief when he first showed up but knew better than to expect it again. Not even Qrow's, her father, favorite crutch alcohol, helped anymore. It had in the past somewhat, but that was before she went to Salem.
Her thoughts drifted to Ozpin as she turned down a sidewalk, running by the treeline of the forest next to the school.
All of this was ridiculous, she knew it down in her heart. Ridiculous for accepting this offer from Ozpin.
Even when she knew better, she still placed the blame on him. Well if she thought about it, maybe not him personally, but his face. It was the enemy using his face that sent her into the fire pits of hell that Salem called home. Yet, she couldn't undo everything that had happened to her as a result. She felt guilty. Guilty for still blaming the man with the same face the enemy had used, guilty for still being alive, guilty for still being a loaded weapon, guilty for still being broken, unable to pick the pieces back up.
Ruby stopped running, putting her arm on a lamppost, using it to hold herself up as her chest heaved. Sweat covered her body in a sheen and was even dripping from her face and hair. Feeling weak, Ruby put her back to the pole and slide down, sitting on the ground, resting the back of her head against the cool metal.
She looked up into the morning sky, the sun was just being to peak up over the horizon now.
Ruby felt so conflicted. She wanted to be alone, but on the same token, she couldn't stand it. She was drowning in the darkness of her nightmares, but she knew how dangerous it was for her to be around others now.
"I don't know what to do anymore or what to feel." Ruby whispered softly as she pressed her nails into her palms and bit her lip. Her chest and legs still burned, but now her eyes did as well.
Ruby felt lost upon the sea of her emotions and felt so powerless to fight against their current. They controlled her. Fear, hate, guilt, rage, and even jealousy. She was envious of others on how they could care on so easily after the war. Though for her, time had stopped. She wasn't sure when it had stopped. Was it when the war began? Was it when Pyrrha died? Or perhaps when Blake was the first to be killed on her team? Or when she ran off without anyone to back her up in her fight against Salem?
Her head ached now and knew she was going to spiral out of control if she couldn't pull herself together. She knew having all these negative feelings would only draw more grim to the school. Did Ozpin not realize that? Surely he did.
Ruby truly just wished for control and to be free of this cage. She loathed herself and even everything within this world. She didn't want to be this way nor did she ask to be this way.
Ruby's breathing had finally steadied, and with one last look up into the morning sky seeing the shattered moon starting to fade she stood up.
Her legs burned and ached, with each step a pain shot up from her feet into her lower back. She hobbled and limped slowly back to her quarters.
Ozpin stood by the window, hot cocoa in hand. He saw an all to familiar lone figure limping towards the teacher quarters. He assumed that perhaps Ruby had gone for a run and overdone it. He mulled it over in his thoughts for a few as he swirled the contents of his cup.
He hadn't spoken to her much yesterday as he helped her to her quarters, as he wanted Ruby to come to him in time. He knew all too well how delicate this situation was and one wrong move could push Ruby away causing her to shun the world. That was the last thing he wanted which was for her to completely shut down.
He thought back to before the war of how he once used to exercise early in the morning before anyone else woke up during school days. He was a huntsman after all and had to keep his body in shape.
Later on today during the meeting with the other professors, he planned on talking to Ruby alone afterward. He would help her start setting up her classroom, help her plan out lessons, and even mention to go running with her. He was hoping she would allow him, and once the consistency was set up within her life, just maybe she would open up to him. He knew if only Ruby would just open up even a little, it would take so much weight off her shoulders. However he also knew once she did, it wouldn't fix and cure everything overnight. He knew all too well it would still take years, but that first little step was the hardest and unfathomably the biggest as well.
Until then he could only watch from afar as much as he detested it. This was the best approach he could take for now as unstable as Ruby was. His heart truly ached for her and felt it was his responsibility to continue on showing her the path, to give her the opportunity to take that small, yet big step into putting the past behind her. To not let it control it as it does now.
Author's Note:
Hello! I know its been over a year since I've updated! Hopefully, you guys can forgive me! I've been working on other fanfics but even though its been awhile, I never abandoned this. Just one of my fanfics takes up most of my writing time.
So this chapter is mostly me trying to get back into the groove of things with this fanfic. Getting back into the atmosphere, the setting and the characters. The characters I have been writing are completely different, so this is a bit out of my comfort zone that I had gotten so use to.
Again this was typed up real quick as I still don't have a lot of time to devote to this side project of mine. My goal is to still keep it short and sweet. However next chapter is when Ozpin and Ruby will go back to interacting. Along with Ruby interacting with others.
Please leave a review and let me know what you think! I rewatched all of RWBY even up to the current episodes. Let me know if I'm still doing well with this, or if I'm off the mark from where I've been gone for so long.
