A/N: Guess who's baaaaack? yes I have excuses, no you won't hear them. I do need to say a special shout out to Rachael1027 for giving me a lovely note in the middle of my literary dry spell that helped give me the final push to get this important chapter up and running. Many thanks love.

Also maybe this chapter will be the motivation for NegroAmigo to update the most amazing Our Signs because I'm feeling deprived and would love to read more(:

That being said there is an IMPORTANT authors note at THE END OF THE CHAPTER. PLEASE READ IT. That is not a recommendation, it is a REQUIREMENT. Please.

And as always, dropping a happy word always makes my day to let me know someones out there and if I'm doing anything right. I can't thank you guys enough for even staying with me this far. It means more than you know. I won't spoil anything now but Enjoy!(:

When Words Fail

Ch 11

Naomi POV

Move your legs. Keep going and get out.

I repeated the mantra in my head like a prayer as my body moved on its own. Move your legs. I couldn't even be bothered to freak out right now. I could do that later, far, far away from here. Keep going. I felt a bit stupid because in my haste to gun it the fuck out of here as I was faced with the overwhelming challenge of having to fight my way through the rave, making my way straight through the fucking middle of the crowds and the drunkest partiers.

Way to go, idiot.

I was getting slammed more than I was progressing forward. It seemed I'd landed myself straight in the middle of a stag party, with far too many sweaty dickheads bounding up and down around me. I think I made it about ten feet before realizing I was going to wake up tomorrow black and blue, because my ribs were getting a battering right now with no prospects of relief in sight. Some horny fucker noticed me behind everyone and tried following me out, annoyingly pushing his pathetic, overplayed dick into my back. I didn't even look back before I slammed my hand backwards, hearing a whoosh of breath and an oddly satisfying high pitched whine behind me. He disappeared after that.

I was almost at the end when I saw a familiar red polo bellowing at the edge of the stag net: Cook. I've never been so happy to see the shit tosser in my life. I was a little ways apart from him trying to get his attention with no avail. Exasperated, I put my proud bird hand up high in the air where he was staring over the crowd and he caught it almost immediately. A good 'fuck off' sign was practically the same as a hug for him and thank god it did the trick because if my ribs took anymore, I was sure they'd break. I reached my hand out, begging his help and he easily bounced and snuck through the guys, yelling a drunken cheer toward one muscle douche, before grabbing my wrist and getting us out of there, letting me follow in his path as I had done the same for a girl earlier.

Oh fuck.

Almost on cue, once we were clear of the crowds and he could at least yell a conversation, he asked loudly, "So hows you 'n Red doin', babe? Everythin' ship shape now?" I avoided his eyes as he asked, but I knew Cook was no idiot. I could at least hold my ground.

"Yeah, we're alright. I just need a bit of a break, it's been a while, you know?" I reasoned, and although his eyes narrowed for a split second, he nodded- still dancing- and thrust a bottle into my hands. Vodka. Of course. He jerked his head behind him slightly, and a little ways behind his head I saw a clear exit sign. Oh thank fuck for that.

I was about to keep moving again when my ribs started to ache, and I heaved a shaky sigh, holding them carefully. I don't know why I did it, I didn't want to deal with it and I wouldn't have seen her anyway, but I instinctively looked back to where I left Emily, seeing instead a vibrant flash of red where I had been moments ago. My heart clenched a bit harder in my chest and I had to tense my legs to keep from going back for her.

She was in the the midst of the stag party fuckers now, and being even smaller than I was, it seemed her punishment was even worse. Most of her battering was on her collar and shoulders, although when one asshole brought his hand up for a drink she got slammed straight in the side of the head with his elbow. She was trying to burrow through them, to just get the fuck out of there, but she looked like a ragdoll in a pinball machine. Despite the heat in the room, I felt a wave of cold go over my neck and arms. I was stood there just staring, unable to move-either back to her or move on- but when I saw the same pretentious, shallow, horny cuntfucker that was behind me, now following her with the sleaziest grin on his face, something tweaked. He reached down to grab his crotch as he slobbered something that was supposed to be a kiss on her neck, and I fucking snapped- grabbing Cook by the collar in sudden rage and pointing at Emily and the spawn of satan behind of her.

"Get her out of here and teach him the fucking meaning of no. Now Cook, fucking now," I seethed in his ear as he honed in on the two of them and I knew he got the message when his fun, party self vanished- this was hardened-jaw, stone-faced, 'you-fucked-with-the-wrong-guy' Cook, and I felt a burst of pride at seeing that he felt the same protection over Emily as he did with his close mates.

I watched him make quick work of getting over to her, pulling her behind himself with a rather violent jerk, but she didn't mind as she clung to the back of his shirt when he shoved his face right into cuntfucker's and put up an impressive intimidation threat. If I didn't know him as I did, I'd have been scared shitless. I also realized I wasn't even worried any longer about Cook making a move on Emily- he must know that there's still rough waters between us two and I trusted him to let us work things out without trying to get in our pants in the process. At least now she was in safe hands.

I turned back, still eager to get out of here with some of my worries calmed now, and made my way through the thickest part of the masses that were at least a little less violent despite being squished. I pushed through several slutty dresses and grinding pairs, receiving the odd minimal feel up as I passed to make my way out of here. I was nearly half way out to the edge of the crowd before I realized I was getting the same brushes on me a lot more frequently. I turned around as I saw another (really? Really? Another one?) cunt fucker with even worse blonde hair and arrogant smile try and slip a hand around my waist. I tried to ignore the fact that my first thought was These hands are too big. They're too rough. I scowled at him, giving my best glare and shoved him away- shaking my head, 'no'- walking off again.

But he didn't stop. He came back again, brushing the hair off my shoulder and I yelled at him, "No, I said fuck off, arsehole." He just laughed and bit his lip with a smile, moving in again. I had to keep my hands in front of me to keep some space between us because he clearly was not getting the message. I mean fucks sake, no means bloody no! When he tried to push my hands in front of me downward though, into an area I really, really did not want to venture into, my anger started to turn into small pinches of fear. He wasn't listening to me and no one was noticing. Cook was gone and everyone was scattered. For the tiniest of seconds I was relieved Emily wasn't here to have to try and fight her way out of this, but that second quickly passed when I realized that this would eventually lead to fighting with both of our mindsets, and it would be one I would not win. With his size, there's no hope of winning at all.

He must've noticed the same thing as well as he started pushing forward a lot harder, gripping my wrists with a painful wrap that would bruise nearly as bad as my ribs. The twinge of fright was acknowledged in my body as adrenaline and shock were released and trickled down my limbs, making my heart race and my eyes start to tear up. I didn't want this. I didn't want the night to go like this. I wanted Cook. I wanted...god, fuck it...I wanted Emily. I wanted to be back with my redhead, her hands in my hair, holding me to her chest, telling me it would be okay, telling me it's alright. He yanked my arms apart to the side of my body, and with a strength he'd been holding back, stepped far too close into my personal space, making my breath hitch from pure anxiety. A look passed over his face as he started to lean down, within a reachable distance of me even though I leaned back as far as I could. God my arms were in pain.

Let go, please let go, don't do this, please please don't do this, Christ no.

"YOU BITCH!" a voice shrieked behind me. I didn't realized I had backed into the near edge of the partiers and there was more room to work with. I also noticed a very, veryangry Katie Fitch storming my way with a face that could make Cook whimper away with his tail between his legs. I gulped, my fear still intact but from multiple threats now. I tried to use her distraction to worm myself away from his burning grasp, but with no success as he grabbed harder- making me wince- and turning me around onto my back, feeling a nauseating proturstion rubbing on the base of my spine. I was tired, scared, upset, and didn't want to deal with him or her. He spoke to Katie though, his slimy and gravelly voice making my skin crawl in contemptuous disgust.

"Alright then babe? Fucking nice pair you got there, wouldn't mind doing som-" He never finished that sentence as a deafening smack echoed above my head, my eyes widening at the sheer force that came from the noise. Almost immediately, a blissful release smoothed over my arms—freedom from his grip- and was replaced instead with a small but firm grasp under my tricep, yanking me away from the guy, thank fuck for that.

I was surprised however when I found myself pulled behind Katie fucking Fitch herself, looking almost...protective...as she kept one hand on my arm steadily behind her and the other balled up into a fist, just waiting for an excuse to be used. She even looked a bit feral, slightly poised in a motion that was ready to pounce. If Cook was bear-like in his upfront terrors, she was defintely a leopard...especially with all the fucking leopard print she sported, christ. Still I couldn't complain, even being a little admiring of her right now. Maybe I wasn't the only one who had changed over the months.

As if she heard the thoughts start up in my mind, she whipped her head back- face still fiercely terrifying- and glared at me. Instead of dropping my arm like fire, like I was expecting, she gripped me tighter. Not painfully and no longer protectively. Instead her actions spoke volumes: 'note this warning because you only get one'- as her nails dug into the soft flesh of my upper arm. I didn't need to ask to know the threat. She didn't come save me because she cared, she did it for Emily, and for Emily alone.

Suddenly the staredown with an all-too familiar face was overwhelming, the accustomed brown depth absent despite being a near perfect replica. And it hurt too damn much to stay any longer. I gave her a solemn nod- warning acknowledged and our mandatory interaction completed- as she let me go. I turned on my heel, trying to locate where Cook had motioned an exit earlier, while running into a familiar face I'd seen not too long again. Her blue eyes were staring with amusement, completely enjoying the spectacle in front of her. I walked over to her and turned to observe the wrath of Katie Fitch alongside her.

Katie had just stormed over to us and whipped a black leather jacket off, chucking it toward Effy with a fire raging in her eyes. Effy merely smirked- completely entertained with what she was watching- and didn't even try to restrain Katie from wrecking havoc, which I have to admit I was fine with as well.

"You're not even gonna try and pull her off him?" I asked. ('You think it's fucking funny going after girls in the middle of a fucking club? Bitch, you're not gonna be able to walk when I'm done with you.)

Her blue eyes stared at me pointedly, eyebrow quirked. "Do you wanna go in there?" (Where the fuck d'you think you're going? Wow. That was quick, what was that, like, two hits? Ugh, what a fucking loser.)

I looked back at the whirlwind of fists in front of me and cringed, blanching at the thought of stepping in that mess. (That's for going after a girl when she's wasted, that's for going after a girl AT ALL, and THAT'S for going after our friend, fucking bitch. Don't EVER let me see you again, got it?! Move your sorry arse!) I winced every time her fist connected- I could practically hear his face crunching- and after the third hit I just turned away, glancing at Effy.

She gave a disturbingly proud sigh at the sight before her. After a moment, she held her arm out, the black jacket on offer and nodded when I didn't move. When I still didn't take it, she tossed it at me, muttering "It's cool out, don't be a twat. Just give it back later." She motioned to leave, heading towards Katie, but she took a brief step before looking back.

"Naomi...Be brave. Don't live with regrets, yeah? It'll be shit but...no regrets." With that, she started toward Katie to attempt to pull her off a curled fetal body on the ground. Wow. That was quick, I don't envy him... tosser.

I finally (fucking finally) reached the stairs and tugged the weighted door open with some effort. I took one last look back at the party buzz misting throughout the room and found my eyes drawn toward a splash of red once more. It's like she felt my eyes on her, they shot up right away, finding my own faster than I could curse. I slinked through the door at the visual contact and didn't bother shutting it before I tore up the steps.

An awful sense of deja vu swam over me, spiking the nausea in my head to more than I could really handle. Don't think, just keep moving. Despite it being already pitch black nearly everywhere, I kept my eyes firmly shut, as if opening them would lead to an entire host of unwelcome thoughts. Ones I'd worked ages on trying to keep out. But still, even feeling around in the dark for steep steps and awkward handrails was not enough to distract me from the vibrating sensation I'd been putting off since I left, the dark doing nothing to dull it either, as it was amplied tenfold.

I stopped for a moment, trying to just fucking breathe, and pointlessly opened my eyes. Thoughts flooded in.

You stupid twat, why did you do it? Why the bloody fuck did you do it... A wrench back to the memory of her body on mine, heat tearing through the skin. You had absolutely no right to do so, for any kind of indulgence. An addicting rasp pleading my name. You fucked it up before and you fucked it up again. One week and you already fucked it up again. Hands tangling in locks of red. Closer. You'll never stop the burning now. The feel of her moan in my mouth.

My hands gripped the rail tighter. This was far too real, far too...insane...to think about. I shouldn't have thought about it. Shit, I shouldn't have done it at all. I forced myself to get moving again, not even caring about pangs of anxiety flashing through my clenched chest, not caring about my nerves that were screaming for a smoke as they shuddered. I just gnashed my jaw and went through with it.

Step, step, step, step, turn. Step, step, step, step, turn.

I found myself at the end of a darkened hallway as I pushed through the thick door, the glowing exit sign literally overhead, as a breeze whistled to my right, chilling me. A door to the alleyway lay slightly ajar not 5 feet away, and I found myself calm down considerably just being aware that there was an escape in sight. Swinging the jacket over my shoulders, I stepped outside, stumbling a bit as I wrestled my arms through the sleeves.

It was definitely getting cooler now. I walked a little ways through the alley, not feeling too umconfortable since I was a good distance from the road and settled myself across from the club, perching on the curb jutting out from the rickety apartments. I found myself leaning on a metal pole, and as I chipped away the rusting paint, saw it connect to a fire escape overhead. The ridiculous thing looked so faded and worn, that I didn't think it would ever be useful if needed, but oh well. Not my problem. At least it'll cover bits of the rain.

I looked up at the darkened sky then, could barely make out the difference between night and heavy storm clouds, but it was there- grey ruling over the standard navy blue shade- and I shivered. Fuckin' Bristol storms were downright miserable and freezing, there better not be one tonight.

The shivers hadn't settled yet, so I dug out the pack I had placed snugly on my hip. I flipped the box open, pulled out a smoke and closed it again before I paused. Fuck. I don't have a light. Shitting hell. I gave a frustrated growland slammed the box into the jacket pocket. Kept my hands there for the subtle difference of warmth, but surprised (maybe a bit frightened) when a icy metal feeling brushed my fingers. I dug it out of the pocket, twisting the tube around the box above it, and gave a huff when I found exactly what I needed. Effy. Aways fucking Effy, how does she know...

I flickered it a few times, nearly burning my palm from hiding the flame from the increased wind, and took a hit. A wave of relief. Christ it's just what I needed. Turned the thin tube around in my hand, amused, and felt a slight divet where the thin body was. A small, elegant cursive ~E was beveled in lightly in the middle, marked. It was gorgeous script and I felt myself grip it just a little bit tighter in my hand.

Don't ruin me.

Another hit. I could physically feel all the tension simmering out of my body. My head rested back on the brick wall behind me, staring up at the dark night. It was cool, yes, but it was rather a lovely evening with the late summer feel and hints of navy speckled behind the cloud cover. So similar to another night actually, back when things were easy. Before the damage.

– [ [ Bristol, 9 months ago ] ] -

'Ems c'mon! Your mum's gonnna wring your neck if don't bust your arse right now!' I whisper-shouted at her laughing form stumbling from behind.

'Pft there's no way I'm going back in my house like this,' she motioned to her form. 'I'll break half the house trying to get upstairs! Plus Katie's wrecked and trying to sober up at Ef's right now, so what's the ruuuuuush?' she droned on, taunting me childishly. I sighed and snorted into a laugh when she attempted to do a victory dance and landed square on her bum, on the ground.

'You're so fucking drunk,' I muttered with a smile as I gripped under her arms to land her back on wobbily feet. She grinned widely at me and a husky laugh played out.

'Yeeeeesssssss ma'am sure am! And you loooooove me anyway,' she half-sang out and another laugh escaped me. I couldn't help it. She was trying to dance when she was only half standing resulting in an awkward side thrusting motion.

'Oh do I now?' I mocked. 'You're a squirrel on spliff, what's not to love?' I smiled, teasing a now upright, adorably buzzed redhead.

'Exactly,' she beamed as she tried to walk and nearly fell over again. I caught her before she did, and wrapped one of her arms around my shoulder as I kept my arm firmly around her waist.

'Question is how the fuck are we getting home? There's no way in hell you're taking that fucking death contraption.'

'Heyyyy my scooter is amazing. Don't hate Campbell, you're just jelly.'

'Mmm I'm sure that's it,' I said distracted, looking for a passing taxi. The streets were completely dead right now, barely a car in the distance. I swore lightly before feeling a heavy weight on my neck. Emily had keeled over to the sidewalk and I knew what was coming. I dropped her to her knees quickly and shot my free hand to her hair, pulling it back just in time to empty her stomach with several painful sounding lurches. The only good thing coming from Ems getting sick was she got tired, and that tended to sober her up pretty fast. The gagging lessened and after a bit, a light tug on my shoulder told me to pull her up.

She winced with a whimper, and I pulled a water bottle out of my bag, uncapping it and handing it to her, rubbing light circles on her back while she cleared her mouth and drank. I took the light jumper out of my bag then, and wrapped it over her shoulders, smoothing the red locks away from her sheened face.

'Better?' I asked softly. She nodded gingerly and looked up, giving me a weak but grateful smile, brown eyes still flourished with life. I looked around the roads again, still quite dead and sighed heavily. Looks like we were walking. She cleared her throat and pulled the jumper tighter over her arms.

'You know, Naoms, you could take us home?' I laughed at that.

'Well, if I knew how to do that, we would be home already, wouldn't we?' She shook her head and pulled something from her jean pockets, handing it to me. A set of keys. I stared at her, wide eyed and terrified.

'No. No, no, no, I am not riding your bike. Nope. Not gonna happen. Nuh-uh. There's no way.' It was only when she quickly turned back to the sidewalk, turning her stomach over once more that I felt my resolution falter. Plus it was starting to freeze and it wasn't safe to be out this long. That's when I found myself ten minutes later buckling a helmet on to her head, mine already locked in place, and staring cluelessly at the machine in front of me. I swore again.

She didn't give me any time to back out of it though as she tugged at my elbow and sat me down on the seat. It didn't look terribly complicated but it was completely foreign to me, that's for fucking sure. I looked for a second before I felt a weight shift the seat behind me, and the heat of her body pressed against my back. Two arms slipped around my waist to the handlebars, taking my hands to press them on the handles, her own hands on top of mine.

'Throttle,' she said lightly next to my ear, gripping one of my hands.

'Choke,' she whispered. The other hand.

'On and off,' she moved her hand to a switch toward the middle.

'And pedal,' she breathed in my ear, nudging her leg on my foot, pressing her even closer to my body. But it didn't make me nervous, it felt right. I felt safe. I even found it in me to wrap a hand around her other leg and pull that tighter. She easily obliged and I relaxed a little in the comfort she provided.

I brought the scooter to life and jumped a little, a small ripple on my back telling me Emily had laughed. I took one hand off and quickly brought her two arms around my torso, squeezing probably a bit too hard, but she didn't mind. Just squeezed back, her arms firmly around me.

'Don't you dare let go, okay?' I was shaky and worried and more than a little nervous as I pulled forward slowly, anxiety growing with speed despite having control. She pressed impossibly closer to me.

'Never.'

– [ [ Bristol, present ] ] –

I jumped a bit, snapping out of the memory when my finger was singed. I had been mindlessly drawing in hits that I didn't notice I had already needily smoked it down to the base where my two fingers held it. I sighed and dropped the remains in the alley, mashing it out with my heel as I drew out another one from the box. Fuck it. I lit the second one up after drawing out the beveled light, paused a second when I saw a tiny ink blotted heart on the end of the fag. Looking down at the box, I realized all of them had a shaky heart inked on the tip of them. Where the fuck did Stonem get this pack from?

I leaned my head back on the brick wall, watching the clouds darken overhead, enjoying the feel of dulled nerves and quelled fears from the smokes. Took another hit. Yeah, things can just stay like this for a bit. I shut my mind off then, just watching the impending storm sloth through the night. Another hit, lighter twisting in hand. A low rumble creeped overhead.

…...

"Hey stranger, thought you might be out here."

I bolted upright, eyes tearing up as I coughed over the smoke now choking me from surprise. I had lost track of time and spaced out to the point where the voice sounded foreign in my ears when it spoke. A few tears and some bumps to my chest brought things back to normal as I looked up at the approaching figure. Of course. Darkened by the alleyway, the now crimson hue was billowing around her shoulders and my eyes were transfixed on the smooth porcelain legs striding easily toward me. Unable to look away. You have to look away.

I tried. Failed.

She paused a few feet in front of me, not moving and not speaking, and I was still stuck on those damn legs. Scoffing at my ridiculousness, I opted for another hit instead, drawing in an extra long breath and was rewarded with a slight clarity of mind. Finally finding it in me to look up at her, I found myself surprised at her expression. I don't know what I expected- weariness, disappoinment, anger? Not...not this. Not this...air of peace – this easiness in her small smile. I could understand it if she hated me, if she despised me, never wanted to see me again, but seeing Emily Fitch looking at me, relaxed, this was completely unfamiliar territory. Then I remembered.

That fucking pill.

I scowled, the growl it partnered embarrassingly audible, and tore my eyes to the ground. This wasn't Emily. Not at all. She probably does hate me, just too off her tits to remember it, to care.

"Hey," she said again, warily. "You ran outta there pretty quick. Are...are you alright?" I wanted to laugh at that. Am I alright? Well Emily, I lost the one person I ever got close to, fucked over all best mates, got my life fucked up, fucked my body up, got my mind fucked up, came back to fix things and fucked our friendship up, again, and you're here after I screwed everyone over multiple times, asking me if I'm alright?

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired." Tired of things ending up the way they always do.

"You mind?" I looked up and she nodded down to the curb at my right. I shook my head, and she sat down, letting out an appreciative sigh at getting off her feet. We were quiet for a while, both not knowing what to say, and not needing to say anything.

"H-how long have you been out h-here," she stammered, I looked over, confused, to find her shaking slightly, arms crossed so tightly around her body that I thought she might break her ribs. I didn't even stop and think before shrugging my shoulders loose from the black jacket. I pulled it off of my arms, noticing now two mashed fag ends on the ground aside our heels. I swooped the jacket around me and over her head, settling it comfortably over her tiny frame, not missing for a moment how my arm stretched across her to brush over her collarbone as I did so.

"A while." I had huddled closer to her to reach the jacket over her body and should have moved back, but I didn't. Dropping my hands back to my lap, we stayed together, close enough to feel the light heat radiating from our legs. The quiet fell back over us easily.

"Smoke?" I offered after a comfortable silence. She stared at the pack in my hand dumbfounded for a long second before the corners of her mouth tugged upward, fighting a hidden smile. Her eyes were beaming with a brightness she was trying to hide from her mouth, for whatever reason, as she carefully removed one and closed the pack gently. I held the lighter up as her head dipped down to meet the flame, the slight glow illuminating the fiery locks around her jaw. She took a hit and leaned back, relaxed, tugging the sleeves closer around her. A cloud of smoke blew out from parted lips and she gave a small cough or two. I could help the small laugh that slipped of me, feeling a bit ligher as she smiled back as well.

"You remember the first time you had me try one?" She said knowingly, taking another hit while biting a smile down. I laughed loudly at the memory, years ago still so fresh.

"You were so keen to see what it was about, how was I to know you'd hack up a lung?" I exclaimed.

"God that was so terrible, I couldn't breathe right for days. I swear, bits of that fag practically lodged itself in my throat," she whined with a giggle, leaving the two of us buzzing with laughter."And you just sat there laughing at me!" she complained in her baby voice.

"Oh come on, it was funny!" I defended, "What was it you said? Everything once? Bet you were glad you stuck to that one," I mocked, snorting out another laugh in the process. She shoved me in the arm playfully, laughing as well, pushing me away. Still giving every invitation to come back close to her.

"Fuck off, Campbell. I'll have you know I dragged you through several 'once' moments as well. I can think of quite a few times it got you flushed," she bit back. "Fucking hell, that one time I worried you'd pass out from all the blood going straight to your face!" Emily fell into a fit of laughter, nearly keeling over as she leaned into my arm in the process.

"Oh? And which time was that? Enlighten me." I dared, not quite sure what she was on about. She grinned in triumph at my request, unsettling me a bit more as she took another long hit, drawing out the response to let the nicotine wash over her.

"Don't you remember a particularly nice summer day in a certain pervy brothers room finding Katie's knickers and then she-"

"Shitting hell, fuck you Fitch! That wasn't my fault! You said no one was home! I blame you entirely!" I could feel my face turn from white to red in no time at all.

"Blame me all you like, didn't make things any better for my sister!" she squealed, her voice cracking with husk.

"Ugh god," as I buried my face in my hands. "Add that to the list of now four hundred and twelve of reasons why queen bitch Katie Fitch wants me dead."

"Oh come on," she reasoned, pulling my hands away with her own, her fingers burning hot. "She wasn't that bad. I mean after getting past what she thought was the creepy stalker bits-"

"Emily!" I exclaimed.

"-it was kind of amusing blocking the door while she asked whats going on," she said half serious and half laughing.

"Asked whats going on? Earth to Fitch, were you there?" I looked at her in disbelief. "She nearly beat the door down, calling me a obsessive unnatural lezza bitch while threatening to claw my eyes out. That was the complete opposite of what we were doing!" She cracked up even harder at the recollection. "Stop laughing! God, you're intolerable," I whined, feeling a bit surly.

"Oh don't mope, they were fun times," she said, tugging on my arm. "Don't forget, I have you to thank for many a post-party hurl after mixing laughing and tequila. Gave my stomach a hell of a workout thinking about all our fuck-ups," she offered to even our struggles out.

"At least you never got hungover in the morning, though," I conceded.

"No...no I didn't. I don't even know how I got to bed most of those nights, if I'm honest. Maybe I sleepwalk," she thought, breathing in a smoke. I scoffed, shaking my head, and sighed.

"Lets just leave it at no, you don't sleepwalk and yes, you are much easier to carry knocked out rather than drunk flailing."

"But...but I ended up in my bed!" she thought back.

"Yeah?" I didn't really see what the problem was.

"You mean you broke into my house, went in my room, snuck around like a burglar, and disappeared...everytime?" (Well when you put it like that Ems...)

"In my defense, you gave my the key the first time and I kinda assumed consent when you're passed out and need to be taken care of," I said non-chalantly, trying not to let my discomfort at the memory show. "It's not like anyone in your family ever found out. I can be quiet when need be. And if you weren't, we crashed at mine," I stated simply. She stared at me, brown eyes in awe, mouth agape.

"How did Katie get home before us every time though?" she questioned.

"She didn't."

"How do you mean?"

"Effy let her sober up at hers until she was decent," I explained. "Don't you remember?"

"But..but at home, the water and the pills and...my clothes!" she started again, slowly starting to get worked up.

"Err...would it help if I said your room was pitch black and I didn't see anything? Drowsy Emily is pretty cooperative as well..." Probably not the most reassuring thing I could've said, but it was true. I always helped her into a large t-shirt and out of the uncomfortable dress when she was about to pass out from exhaustion. I made sure, though, to keep things completely respectable, helping a friend in need. Because that's what she was- a friend. And that's exactly what I needed.

"But my make up and hair and-"

"Em, like I said, you needed to be taken care of and your parents didn't need to know. It's that simple okay? Besides, you said I have 'creepy stalker' tendencies as I recall, blame it on that if it makes you sleep at night." I said finitely, ending the questions. It was quiet for a long beat as she mulled the new information over, the smoke in her hand dwindling down now.

"I always thought it was Katie...but it was you?" she spoke softly. I looked over at her and she wasn't confused, but...almost proud. Disbelieving, but content. I smiled lightly, and nudged her knee with my own, lightly knocking her.

"Would it really ever have been anyone else?" Huge chocolate eyes bore into mine with unwavering tenderness and despite the unfamiliarity of the gesture, I couldn't deny how very right it felt. How much like home.

Before she had the chance to say anything else though, a loud boom echoed overhead, shooting both of our faces up. We just noticed how very dark the sky had become, nearly pitch black and the rumbling constant, before the clouds split apart and the first few drops had seconds to warn us before the downpour ensued.

She yelped, moving tight into my side and under the fire escape to hide from the falling torrent around us. As far as feeling her next to me, well, I don't think I would mind if it rained the rest of the week if it would keep her head resting down on my shoulder like she had. It picked up though, leaving a splatter of white rain on the pavement in front of us as we tucked ourselves under the rusty contraption above.

I didn't fancy going back yet, especially in that torrent, so I did the next best thing. Pulled out another two fags. I handed them both to her while I wiggled the light out from her pocket in the jacket, lighting them both up as she put them between her lips- tried not to lose focus as I felt her eyes staring at mine, unshaking.

I put the light away and looked back at her, at the embers igniting and scorching the inky hearts, and did my very best to relax the tightness restricting my chest as she exhaled a sigh, smoke whistling from her mouth with a sound that gave me chills. Fuck. I held two fingers out, wanting one of the smokes and, less than willing to admit, wanting to see if the taste from her lips had been pressed and stained on the base.

She didn't move, instead quirking one eyebrow and looking down at the two hanging loosely from her mouth before looking back at me. Daring me to come get it. I swallowed and hastily, unsure of anything anymore, did exactly that. A lump lodged in my throat when the tip of my finger brushed against her mouth, releasing a hot sigh that flooded me with more chills as she let me pull one of the two from her lips.

I cleared my throat and took a deep hit, trying to regain any sense of control this girl was unashamedly snatching from me, noticing afterward as I wet my dry lips the faint taste of cherry. I worked the hardest I had all night to keep my face level at that small fact. We sat there, huddled, smoking and residing in a cloud of our exhales, as the rain kept it swirling in our thoughts and blurring the surroundings, finally matching my sense of mind. I took out another two fags, I don't know why, don't ask me why, and lit them up, handing one to her.

She watched me, puzzled, but didn't question it as she took a second one from me, slipping it smoothly in the part of her apparent cherry lips. I watched her openly do so, not trying to hide the small glances anymore. Blame the alcohol. I popped the second smoke in my own mouth and took a decent whiff of them both, the excessive flavour and smoke from a double causing a content sigh to sound aloud. I looked back at her for a moment and saw her staring at my lips before snapping her eyes back up to meet mine. The space between was far too close and I could feel I had far too much alcohol to be in control of anything reasonable right now.

I couldn't believe I had even considered leaning in slightly, and was infintely grateful when I saw her motion instead to light the second one. The ember sparked and she breathed in, holding in the breath with a taunting stare at me, both kind and kinieving, enough to feel a familiar heat seep to the pit of my stomach. Fucking hell Ems.

She blew out, loud but slow into a thick hazy path over my face, billowing up around my shoulders and curling around my neck. The taste of the smoke and the fresh scent of tequila from her breath were inevitable triggers for my tongue to slip out over my lips, wanting more than the small taste given.

She knew it too.

Her hand came up, pulling the two skins from my mouth, taking care in intentionally swipe her finger across my entire lip in the process, and the chill that accompanied it was rattling. Emily took her own two from her mouth with the same hand, never breaking our stare, and I watched her small pink tongue dart over her own lips. I clenched my jaw- acknowledging how entirely decimated my restraint now was- and moved into taste the cherry I had found from before, the last thing noticed were her adoring almond eyes drinking me in until I was nearly upon her, falling gently to a close.

BOOM. A wicked streak flashed over the sky, followed by a deafening crackle. We whipped our heads upwards to feel the frightningly close thudding-shake of the ground as the thunder ensued. I could feel the depth of the rumble from my back pressed up against the wall, the vibrations setting a wave over my spine, and sending the building shaking.

A metallic clang above our heads sent another wave of adrenaline to my already overstimulated nerves. Our heads snatched back around us to see just in time the rusty hinge at the top of the fire esccape wear through and pop off from the torrent, some rundown nuts and bolts landing on the ground with a ting muted under white rain.

I should've seen it faster than I had. I wasn't so far gone to not have guessed what came next, and I should have kept her safe. That was the one thing we did. Keep each other safe. So when instinct kicked, later than it should have, to get her out of harms way, I have to say I did the best I could with what I had, even if things didn't go the way they should have.

The metal groaned overhead and I just glimpsed the latch of the rusty ladder beginning to swing down before I realized the path it would take would run right over us. Right into Emily. It wasn't quick or graceful, or even remotely safe, but it was all I could do to shoot a hand under her arm, the other following suit, and shove her down to the ground, throwing her arms up and tossing her flat down as I felt my body do the same- not enough time for me to move out of the way so I found my own body covering hers.

A heart-wrenching scream drowned out the already deafening rain and my heart dropped to my stomach when I felt the icy tear of metal on my already chilled skin- not stopping at brush by, but delving deeper into a crevice not intended to be made for the tense cover of my back. The fabric of my shirt was torn open- I could tell by how quickly the cold seeped onto my spine- and despite it all, the last thing I noticed was the sickening wet heat that came seconds later after the unbearable pain, being almost positive that my back would be stained with the color that had so often been on my mind.

I had hoped that was it, but I soon discovered that the heart-wrenching scream was not my own, and I felt an unsettling amount of wriggling and discomfort twisted under my butchered body. I rolled onto my side and off of her, wincing in agony as I fell out into the rain and my back screamed in protest. That was when I saw her.

The second I was off of her, she curled in a ball on her side, doubling several screams and groans as she buried her face into her knees, hands moving furiously and clawing at her face. My own pain seemed to subside, if only for a split second, enough her me to reach over to her, gripping her shoulder, and tug her toward me, needing to know what was wrong.

"Em, what happened? What hurts? What's wrong?" I spewed out, yelling over the white noise we were now both dragged into. Only when she leaned her head slightly up toward my voice did I see the handful of smokes where her face had just been, smothered and destroyed, but with a select few dying embers finally drowning out in the rain. I looked back at her then, her previously fiery hair now damp and toned down to what I'm sure my mangled back looked like- but that didn't matter. What mattered was the way she held her face, clawing and rubbing at her eyes so deep I was worried she would rip the skin right off.

"Nai...," she whimpered before another grimacing groan spilled from her lips, and I was quick to grab a hand she placed on the ground to sit up, so it didn't go back to contributing more pain on her face, and used my other hand, once sat up myself with some horrendous effort, to push the dim crimson falling around her face. "N-Nai, it hurts, it-", she winced again, "i-it really fuc- aghh- fucking burns. It w-won't stop burning-," she started to cry. I felt her chest thud with sobs as I moved my hand to her back and tried to pry her other hand from tearing at her eyes still. I was still in excruciating pain, unable to really focus in on her or keep myself calm, but I did my best and when she refused to let me take her hand off her face, I asked her again what happened.

"You p-pushed me down a-and my hands came out, bu-" she groaned again, letting a sob out, "but I didn't drop the ci-cigarettes and when you came down with me, I-I-I couln't move my hands, and it just- it just, God N-Nai," she shuddered under a sob again, I held her tighter, "Right in m-my eyes, it went r-right in my eyes and it r- mmmm - it all just burns, it won't stop burning," she cried out again, ripping and tearing at her face, and for the second time in the disastrous moment, my heart sank to my stomach.

You did this to her. This is all you'll ever do to her. Hurt her.

I shook my head, I couldn't think of that right now. Plenty of time for self-hatred later, but for now, Emily needed help, and I was going get her some if it's the last thing I ever do. With monumental effort, I somehow got myself on shaky legs, having to let go of her in the process and she cried out even louder, haphazardly grabbing around trying to find me again. The split second sight made my chest both ache and swell.

I took a second to stand before reaching down, biting my lip until it bled at the stretching my back was nowhere near safe enough to do, and pulling at her flailing hand, guiding her up to me. I paused a moment and grabbed the black jacket still against the wall, untouched from the rain, and threw it awkwardly around my own shoulders, in case Emily needed guidance she wouldn't be flooded with a sea of red on her hands.

She was still rubbing at her face, legs near giving out every second she stood, and I don't know what was giving me more pain- the gorge in my back or the raspy whimpers she gave out, not even strong enough to scream anymore. Irregardless, I couldn't stand to see her in pain anymore so I placed one hand on her bent-over back, using the time to properly put on the jacket.

"Em," I said with far more confidence and calm than I actually had. She didn't answer, just kept with the occasional whimpers and some groans when she got frustrated with the burning. God, the sight was killing me, and I tried not to cry from just witnessing her pain.

"Emily, listen to me, we need to get you to the hospital. Okay? We need to get there right now. Did you drive here?" A small mutter of acknowledgement was surrounded with shudders, and I took a shallow breath. We needed to get there soon, I didn't know how much longer I would be able to last until my body shut down from the pain.

"Okay, do you have the keys on you? Do you know where I can get them?" She huffed what was trying to be a deep breath a few times before feeling around on the front of her waist. It was so pitiful and made her look painfully small that, instead of her finding them, I grabbed her free hand and wrapped it my neck across my shoulders, forcing her to stand up straight- to be a little taller- while my hand wrapped around her back, across her hip, and slipped into her front pocket to pry the warm keys from her body.

"Alright, do you remember where you parked? Can you tell me where?" I said as lightly as I could while still being heard from the rain. Her tiny body was shaking against mine and it killed me to see her like that. God, if you exist at all, please don't let this be the norm. Don't let this happen to her because of me.

"U-Uhm, the side of the club, I-I think. On the-", another whimper, "the corner street."

I didn't hesitate to start guiding her through the alley. She wasn't very focused, stumbling along uncoordinated and relying completely on me. Part of me cringed at reducing her to this withering follow-the-leader of the girl I knew her to be, but part of me still—irrationally- felt a bit lighter with her arm around me. At knowing she still somehow trusts me enough to get her safe.

We came out to the main street and were hit with another wave of white rain. It was relentless and although it couldn't last long at this rate, it was a struggle to keep going in. I pulled her in tighter to my side, and she obliged by pulling her arm away and tucking it around my back instead. I winced like the crucification had descended upon me, but allowed her to hold tightly to me.

We reached the end of the dead street and found her bright orange moped- true to her word- second parked from the corner. A snap back to the old memory of my first time, brought with it a whole new flood of guilt. I stopped in front of the scooter and paused a second for her to pull back when she tried to keep walking. Emily still kept the same two helmets in the side compartments- I smiled at that small fact- and this time I found myself taking the orange one instead and then buckling her in once I was set. It took me a few seconds to convince her to move her hand so I could strap her in, and when she did, she kept her eyes squinted tightly shut- it was clear the burn was hurting her more than she was letting on. A gave a shaky sigh and quickly sat down, pulling her down behind me, and without hesitation, starting it up.

I knew it was going to be dangerous on the road like this, in this weather, but we didn't really have a choice at this rate. We had no other options and she needed help. A huge shiver ran down my spine when I felt her press into my back, causing me to yelp in pain from surprise. She immediately pulled back and fell quiet from her whimpers prior, and I was quick to the ball to reassure her by reaching behind me and pulling her arm around my waist. She was hestiant and although I was in pain, I kept her tight to me, not wanting for a second to deter her as I started the moped up.

Suddenly it was all too familiar, the action, and I didn't realize I was pulling her leg closer to my body until I felt the bow of her helmet rest into my shoulder. I winced but ignored it. It didn't matter, nothing else mattered. Her shivers came back and I felt her try and free a hand to get to her face, but I was quick to shoot my hand down and grip it on her own.

"Don't you dare let go of me Emily Fitch, not this time. I'll get you help, I promise you I will, but you have to hold on for me. Don't let go." I was determined in my words and I found that I meant it. I'd do anything to get her safe again.

She made me heart wrack as we pulled away with a gasping sob and a faint, 'n-never.'

A/N: Alright guys, the stage is set, who can call what comes next? In any case, the girls are hurting in more ways than one and I won't hesitate to let you know the full force of it. Also unfortunately, I refuse to set warnings at the beginnings of any chapters in case it gives anything away, so at this point in the story, I am enacting a full force Angst warning, Trigger warning, and thoughts/talk of Suicide/Self-harm. I can't say how sparse/often it'll be or when but if this story will hurt you in any way shape or form by relating to something in your life: PLEASE STOP READING. I'd rather lose a reader than a life any day. No offense will be taken. I love you all very much and brace yourself.
Our girls are getting into rough waters.