Chapter 11 – Diary

Daine took the gift and held it between her hands. She knew right away that the gift was a book, but she was always curious about what it was about. She packed it out and sat with a dark blue book. With twisted silver letters it said, "Numair's diary '. Daine gasped. She doubted that the gift was meant for her or Numair had packed the wrong book. Then she spotted a subtitle. This stood with silver, like the title. She read on. ' Veralidaine Sarrasri - Numair's gifted student'.
Daine opened and closed her mouth several times, amazed. Unable to get her vocal cords to respond. Behind her she could hear and feel how Numair took a deep breath as she opened the book and turned to the first page. She began to read;

"Never had I imagined that I would meet someone who was so incredible, unique and completely her own. But this happened in 449 HE. When I first saw her I was in another body and the sight of the blue gray eyes and long curly hair got me thinking that my wish to meet a divine was finally achieved. This book is the diary written by Tortall's only black robe mage about what happened the first year with Veralidaine Sarrasri, also called Daine and magelet'.

Daine gasped loudly. "I can't accept this, Numair". She ran her fingers over the page, caressing every line as she re-read the introduction.

"Of course you can, magelet" Numairs voice was barely audible. He laid his cheek against Daine's and began to read the next page.

'I escaped narrowly, but had to seek shelter in the marsh as stormwings searched for me. Luck was with me when one of my best friends had hired no less then a girl who possessed wild magic. I wouldn't had survived if it hadn't been for Veralidaine Sarrasri'. Numair stopped when he noticed how Daine began to sit uneasily, pushing back against his abdomen yet again. "Magelet, what's wrong?" He asked gently laying his large hands over hers, that still held the book.

"Nothing" he heard her sniffling.

"Look at me". Not satisfied with her answer Numair lifted his hands and began to turn her body so he could see her face better. He had placed one of his hands against the fabric covering the skin on her hip.

She turned between his legs. His hand softly and gently led her around was enough, she felt once again a strange feeling stir in her belly. Daine stared down at the floor, unable to want to look at him.

He tried again. Only this time he used her name. "Daine, please look at me". Numair was surprised by his own words and the begging tone he had in his voice.

Daine turned her face and looked directly into Numair's eyes. She was crying and she couldn't hide it from him. And she wouldn't because she wanted him to see that she was happy.

Numair produced a handkerchief out of nowhere and gave it to her.

She took it and began wiping her cheek gently because of the wound, which was still about to close. She sat with her hip pressed against his lower belly and her shoulder into his chest. Her leg was placed over his thigh. They was so close to each other.

Numair took the book from her lap and laid it down on the floor beside them "Oh, magelet" he said. "Why are you crying? Aren't you happy?"

She sniffed vigorously. She was lost for words, but managed to answer anyway. "I am Numair. Very happy. This," she took the book up "why?" she asked.

He smiled down to her and laid his big hand against her cheek before he answered. "Because when I met you, you were lost and I was lost. You gave me something, something valuable. You saved my life several times as I recall, and you are the most understanding person, in addition, of course, Alanna and Onua that takes me from my oddities". He stopped when he saw her smile.

"You aren't that bad" Daine told him with a low voice.

He smiled wryly. It was hard not to let his thumb sliding over her lower lip caressing now that his hands were already on her cheeks. "I am and you know it. Nobody else who will find themselves sitting still in the same room with a man who makes crazy and dangerous experiments".

She shrugged. "They weren't very dangerous" she replied, remembering the times where she had sat in the window staring out at the royal forest with Numair being present in the same room as her. She had often in the past six months been sitting and cast curious glances at the tall lanky man, and his relaxed way to behave when she was in his presence. When he was near the other, especially in female company, he was unnaturally polite, smiling and a flirtatious gentleman. It was he never behaving so when he was with her. Around her he was relaxed and simply himself. He would in the midst of a movement lift his gaze and send her a wide easy apologetic smile when he discovered that she was watching him. These smiles, sent her way had sometimes caused miscalculated number of drops of unrecognizable liquid to be spilled down into abowl with other identifiable liquid, causing high explosions. Had it not been for Numair's protective magic which repeatedly had wrapped itself around her and around himself, she would have had big problems having scorched eyebrows. She smiled. "You're not bad" she insisted again. "You always manage to protect the most important, yourself and me."

He hugged her impulsively. Which made her giggle slightly. He loved that sound. "By the way, I started writing this already on the first day after my transformation back to myself. I wanted to make sure that I could go back and relive everything" Numair told her gladly "and now ... you can read how magnificent you are. Admittedly, this are written from my perspective, but I'm sure it will still bring you good memories. And as you can see "He took the book up again and flipped through it coming up with some blank pages, "it is possible that you can write in it as well." Numair flipped on in the book, he stopped when he noticed Daine turn around and kneel before him. He frose, not wanting to move and found that he couldn't either.

When she finally sat so close that she could see surprisingly how long and dark his eyelashes were, she whispered softly, "Thank you Numair...Midwinter luck" and leaned forward. She hadn't thought about her action, she did what her intuition told her. She had never been kissed before and had never given a kiss away, but she carefully laid her lips against Numair's.

He sat like frozen. He hadn't seen it coming, but the feeling of Daine's lips against his ... he dared not to breathe. Something stirred inside him, something he had tried to force away for months, something...her lips lay close on his. He suddenly found himself starting to lift his hands away from the book he was holding, laying them gently on her neck. Very slowly, very cautiously he parted his lips and felt how hers followed. When he kissed, he always closed his eyes in the wish to distance himself from the woman he had chosen to spend the night with, but this time he pinched only his eyes a bit together, wanting to see how she would react. He hadn't planned to go on with the kiss, but was it his imagination or did she leaned slightly forward?

Daine closed her eyes. She had intended the kiss to be a quick one, but when Numair's hands touched her neck and he slowly took the lead she found that she was curious to see was it was liked to be kissed. That Numair, coincidentally was her teacher...well, she didn't mind. He was her friend...her thoughts became silent by the change in the light kiss and her heart pounded strongly as she for the very first time felt Numair's tongue against her own. Okay, this is slightly wet, she thought as Numair began to make the kiss deeper. Now she froze.

He immediately noticed the change and withdrew, half cursing loudly. He had watched her and although their lips no longer touched each other she was keeping her eyes closed. He had screwed up. More than ever. Numair dared not stir until she opened her eyes, he waited for her to be ready. A steady stream of thoughts ran through his head during the wait, first came resentment of what he had done. He was her teacher and just a few minutes ago he had proved that the rumors were true, that there was more between them than just a teacher/student relationship. He had in the recent past, specifically several months, felt attracted to her and that was the reason for his affair with Julianna had been initiated. Now he felt extremely stupid, foolish and if it hadn't been because she still sat opposite him too close, he would had been on his legs immediately, fleeing from her and from the situation. But that she had initiated the kiss was worth reflecting on. As he sat there and looked searchingly at her came further thoughts about the kiss. Had she liked it?

Just at that moment Daine opened her eyes and blue-gray met his. Without thinking about what was about to burst out of him, he opened his mouth and he heard his hoarse voice asking ridiculous. "How did it feel?". Stupid! Extremely stupid question and he regretted it immediately. Horrified over his own words he bagan to panic...but what was that? Did he see a little hesitant smile appearing on her lips. "Sorry, that was a complete stupid question. You don't have to answer!" he said with his heart beating faster.

She paused before she answered, it was just typical Numair, turning a complete nice situation into something awkward. Slowly she took one hand up to her lips that still burned. She knew Numair. She knew who he was and furthermore, he wasn't only her teacher but also her friend. "Wet" she replied declarative.

It wasn't the answer he expected. "Wet?" Numair raised his eyebrows. "Daine, I'm sorry if you're mad at me, I let ..." He lowered his eyes remorsefully. "I let things run out of control".

She sat down on her heels, staring despondent at him. "Numair, please. Don't ruin it."

Looking up surprised by her words Numair reached out for her. "What do you mean I'm ruining it?"

Daine moved backwards, out of his reach. Seeing his resentment over what had just happened, it was hurting her. She whispered slowly and calmly "I believe that it was only a kiss. It's not like we have...It's not like you want to ..." she couldn't bring herself to say it, but it wasn't necessary.

Judging from Numair's facial expressions he knew perfectly what she was alluding to. There was enough room for it now and with the words still hanging in the air Numair was on his legs again. Standing he looked down on a stunned Daine, who sat with her head laid back. "Daine, you have to understand that there will never ... never be anything between us. You are too young."

A punch in her stomach. why was his words hurting her like this? She already knew that she was to young for anything, so why did those words hurt her so bad? She stood up quickly. "I don't want there to be something between us," she hissed angrily. "You are my teacher! Mithros Numair, it was only a kiss. Kisses are nice".

Shocked expression. Numair looked down at her with a shocked expression, was she implying that she wanted to be kissed again? No, of cause not, he thought. He had to make her understand that it was kisses that was the start of...of intimate interaction "A kiss that could have evolved into much more" he suddenly shot back.

Daine blinked surprised. What possessed him? She knew that he was a bit overprotective when it came to her, but even to think that she was ready to be a kind of mistress to him. She walked over to him and lifted herself up on toes. "It wouldn't have developed into more Numair and you know that perfectly well as I do. I'm not like those women who willingly spread their legs for you." She knew that her words would feel like a slap in his face, but he had punched her in her stomach, verbally.

Numair was stunned. Had he heard correctly? Did she really think that he would take advantage of her, as he did with the palace women. He had only wanted to point out that she meant more to him than any other. She had misunderstood him. Why was he still angry? "Maybe I should find another place to sleep tonight?".

"Maybe you should" She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Once again he was stunned. Not only had she moved into his study, but she was also throwing him out of his own chambers! "I wonder if Cassandra has gone to bed, she is in fact willing to more than kiss." Stupid! Why did he say such words, when he only wanted to tell her that she was to precious, to delicate to be used in such a way. Numair looked down into a feminine face that revealed that he had hurt her deeply. He turned abruptly and ripped open the door to the corridor. Without a glance back at her, he disappeared.

"And don't come back" she whispered quietly. The evening was yet again ruined. Daine turned to embers in the fireplace and put another piece of wood on. Not far from her was her gifts, a book and a box with the earrings. She sighed loudly and felt once again tears rolling down her cheeks. The kiss had been good, nice, even wonderful, but now she felt anything but happy. With fiery movements she rearranged her blankets on the floor and crawled beneath one of them. Staring angrily into the fledgling flames that surrounded the firelog her mind walked its own way. Would he seek out one of the other women he knew and go to bed with them? She tried to be indifferent, but failed.

Daine cried her self to sleep.


He wandered restlessly around in the empty corridors. How could this night go so wrong? First the attack from William, Daine's date, then a kiss that never should have been taken place. But it hadt. And it had felt anything but uncomfortable as the kisses he had experienced with other women. This kiss, this little cautious, innocent kiss, he thought bitterly, had been fantastic, burning and so intensely that he really wanted somehow that it could have developed into something more.

But no, it could't, it mustn't. It was wrong. She was young, too young to let something potentially wonderful happen between them. He wouldn't do that to her. never. He was better than that. He was good to take advantagede, good to flirt with willingly women, but actually it was just what he did. He used willing women, just for one night. And now it had come to this ... she had struck him in the head with the truth about his looseness. He was a man who was known to wander restlessly as he did this very night, from woman to woman, without thinking further about what it was he wanted for himself. And now here, standing in the middle of the corridor the truth hit him as an inhuman force. He wanted her. He wanted to have exclusive rights to her, be the one who held her fragile form when she was upset or when she cried.

But he already had that and he had walked awat from it. She was where he wanted her. Pure, innocent, lovely and just ready to love, even if it had to be a secret love kept secret because of his own concerns. She was young, she had to decide for herself, which Alanna so well had pointed out to him as they talked and he had sat with her sleeping form in his arms. Unconsciously and without attention, he found himself standing opposite his own door with his name plate on. And moreover his brain thought slowly, it had only been a kiss, an innocent, random, unplanned, beautiful, wonderful and amazing kiss. The feeling of her lips against his, her tongue tentatively touching his ... he opened the door slowly and peered cautiously into the room he had left. Without any perspective of time he stepped over the threshold and into absolute silence. Closing the door carefully again, he turned to the sleeping form on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Numair walked slowly toward the sleeping figure and knelt. The flames danced over her creamy white skin with sparse freckles from the summer sun. She was divine as she lay there, he thought slowly and reached out to stroke a lock of hair away from her face. The touch of his hand caused her to turn in her sleep. He sighed heavily and stood once more facing a problems should he sleep alone in the cold chamber, which he used as a bedroom or should he take the couch in spite of that it was too short for his body.

Seated resting back on his heels facing the couch in an impossible decision he heard her faint voice calling him in her sleep. He turned abruptly and looked down on her face with her eyes closed. As he once heard her faint voice calling, he was sure that she still slept. She had made the decision for him. It was the only permanently possible way to tell her that their relationship had not been damaged and that what had happened was both past and forgotten. Slowly and carefully he began to wrap his long body around her, as he lay on his stomach and chest against her back. A slow smile spread on his lips. In this way, she was already his without he was out of line. Lying with his head against the hard floor, listening to her quiet breathing, he fell slowly into a peaceful sleep. What had happened before between them was forgotten.


Daine dared not to breathe. He was so close. She could feel the hot breath on her neck. Her teacher was breathing heavily and stable. Numair slept. His arm was around her waist and it continued up against her chest. She held her breath as she became aware that his hollow hand was draped around one of her breasts inside the shirt she had borrowed. She could feel the calloused skin of his palm laying against her little nipple. This small detail was enough that she couldn't fall asleep again. The last thing she remembered was crying herself to sleep, left completely alone inside his study. Numair had left her after their accidental kiss. Did this mean that he had forgiven her words, the words she had spoken in anger because he had hurt her? A snoring followed by a vibrating feeling from his chest got her to smile. Now she lay staring at the smoldering embers in the fireplace, not far from her face. Carefully she filled her lungs with air and her consciousness was moved as another snor reached her ears. The massive presence of a body lying against her from behind and the feeling of a pelvic pressed hard against her. She froze in her lying position. He wasn't unaffected by her proximity she remarked slowly and thought back to earlier in the evening, where he had covered himself with the excuse that he froze. Herself wasn't unaffected neither but it couldn't be avoided when he lay such against her. After many more deep breath, she began to relax. The feeling of security, closeness and intimacy forced her eyes slowly in. The last thing she could think before sleep overcame her was, laying with his arm around her, almost demanding, was may this last forever.

It may be a bit short, but I think that the kiss are going to make the thing worth it - please review :-)