Alternative title: Why Ron will never understand girls (and why Hermione needs better ways to let out her anger).

Me: Yeah, It's been a while.

England: *glares* It's been over a month.

Me: *grimaces* Yeah, sorry about that. I had part of it done actually in early december, but then I got stuck half-way through. Argh. On the bright side, this chapter is 3,000 words long! Some of it is original, but it is mainly following the chapter line.

Thanks to Mgr6 for looking this over, and to all my reviewers, and people who followed and favored this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Hetalia, or anything else.

Library, Wednesday, 6:48 pm

"Memories, huh," Alfred said, pushing up his glasses. They were in a secluded part of the library, the muffliato charm working against the librarian. Last time they were here Alfred had almost gotten kicked out even though he was whispering. "I don't see the point. The future is more important after all."

Maria glared at him. "You don't get it do you? All three memories show steps Voldemort was taking on his rise to power. The memory of his family showed genes that they were prone to a superiority complex. The memory of the first time he learned about magic is when he realized he liked to be different, and he wanted to be powerful. The memory of Harry's dad shows desperation, that he would even shatter a family," Maria finished, her voice risen as loud as Alfred's. She sent him another look.

Alfred face-palmed. "Yeah, now I see the point," he mumbled. "Hey Hermione, how are the slug-fests?" he yawned and stretched out his arms and legs. One of the leather books fell to the ground with a thud.

"Not as bad as they sound," Hermione said earnestly. "He does drone on about his former students and absolutely worships McLaggen, but the food is excellent."Hermione then gave Harry a nervous glance. "He's having a Christmas party and Harry he literally checked your Quidditch schedule so you can't get out of this one. He wants Alfred to come also,"Alfred's quill hung in the air.

"Oh for the love of hamburgers," Alfred muttered.

"So I'm guessing it's only for the slug-club, and I'm guessing I'm not invited and you're going with McLaggen," Ron said icily. The seemingly delicate quill pierced through the parchment.

"Actually I was going to invite you, but it seems like you don't want to go," Hermione answered just as coldly.

Lifting her head up, Maria asked politely, "Hey Hermione, do you know where the Defense Against the Dark Arts books are?"

"Yes, let me take you to them," Hermione got up and grabbed Maria's hand, dragging the Portuguese woman off. Maria shot Harry a look that clearly meant you're welcome. Ron leaned forward to scrawl something out on his paper, not meeting Harry's eyes

Setting the paper down, Harry finished his essay. Out of the corner of his eye he saw two figures laughing and coming into the library: Dean and Ginny. He shut his books and walked up to them asking "Hey Dean could you play for us until Katie gets better?" he asked.

Dean grinned widely. "Sure, I'd love to play. When is practice?" he asked.

"At five tomorrow. Be there early," Ginny said as she kissed Dean's cheek. Inside Harry's mind a monster growled, but Harry ignored it. "I better go look for a book for history class. I don't want Professor Beilschmidt to kill me. See you in the common room Harry," Ginny said waving as Harry walked back to his books and left.

Quidditch pitch- Thursday, 3:30pm

"Hell yeah!" Alfred shouted over the wind. The bludger he just hit sailed past the outskirts of the stadium. He and Coote, the other beater, worked well with each other, though Alfred was noticeably stronger. The Gryffindor team seemed to be playing excellent, with Demelza and Ginny scoring goal after goal, and Dean clearly improving. The only problem was Ron. The more goals scored, the wilder Ron seemed to be getting.

"Sorry Alfred!" Ron shouted frantically as he accidentally punched him in the nose. "Ow! what is your nose made out of, titanium?"

"I think that's enough for today," Harry called over the wind. The team landed, with Alfred covering his nose with his scarf. "Here, let me fix that," Harry said reaching for his wand.

"No!" Alfred exclaimed, startling the team. "Uh, I mean, I'll have it checked over by Madame Pomfrey. Besides, it wasn't a powerful punch. I'll be fine," he said, tightening the scarf over his face. The scarf was already red, but Harry couldn't see any blood despite the head wound. Odd.

As the rest of the team left, Ron moaned, "I played like a sodding three year old."

"Dude, you're usually great, you just need to be confident," Alfred said puffing up his chest, looking quite ridiculous with the scarf tied across his face.

"Why are you helping me? I punched you," Ron asked him, wide-eyed.

"It was an accident. No biggie. I'll be fine," Alfred reassured him. Up until they reached the castle Harry and Alfred kept encouraging Ron, and until they stepped foot he walked with a bit more confidence.

"Eh hem," Alfred coughed to the scene in front of them. "Awk-ward…" he slowly backed away from the rather intimate couple. A monster inside Harry roared to life, demanded that he hex Dean with no mercy. The trio had just caught him kissing Ginny like no tomorrow. Fortunately, Harry had enough sense to ignore this new beast.

"Ginny!" Ron shouted, his ears bright red as he pushed the two away. "What the bloody hell are you doing, kissing people in public!"

"Excuse me, but this happened to be an unoccupied room until you three barged in!" Ginny said furiously.

"Uh, I have a history essay I need to work on, so see you next practice," Dean said, rushing out of the room.

"Why do you even care Ron? I have the right to date whomever I want to date! But since you've never even so much as kissed a girl-!" Ginny drew her wand in one hand at the same time as Ron.

"I care because I don't want people to go around saying things about you!" Alfred and Harry stepped behind the two, ready to grab their arms if this turned into a fistfight.

"Like what exactly?" Ginny demanded, a red spell shooting near the wall behind her.

"Calm down Ginny, please!" Alfred pleaded, his eyes widened into Bambi eyes.

"I will when my 'dear brother' explains himself!" Ginny said lunging, but Harry struggled to keep her back. "You're jealous aren't you Ron! I've seen the way you behave around Fleur and that's just sick!"

"SHUT IT!" Ron roared.

"I'm not the one who was making out with Dean five minutes ago!" "You're the only who think that's disgusting! For god's sake, Harry's kissed Cho! Hermione kissed Viktor Krum! I bet even Alfred has kissed someone!" she shrieked and Alfred turned bright red underneath the scarf. Harry finally released her and she stormed off. Meanwhile Ron looked like a cow hit with a shovel.

"Have you kissed someone?" Harry asked as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Yes, but on a bet. Let's stick with the fact that her younger brother ended up chasing me with a pipe, and I was out for a week. Commie jerk," Alfred muttered under his breath. Ignoring the other two, Ron closed the shades on his poster bed.

"What's up with him?" Neville asked. No one answered.

One week later

Ron's moodiness had not left after that night, creating a new aggressive form of Ron. One of the most memorable was when Ron had taken his anger out on Maria in the middle of a potions essay. After ignoring him, she finally snapped.

"That's it. You are here, you are eating," she said, her eyes leveled into a glare.

"What the bloody hell does that mean?" Ron demanded.

"Here's the literal translation: if you don't behave, I'll slap you. Do your homework," Ron quickly returned to his work.

Along with snapping at his friends, Ron decreased his Quidditch skills. Eventually Alfred got so frustrated that a bludger was hit inches away from Ron. Ron yelled at him for half an hour. In fifteen seconds, Alfred shouted back so loudly Ron stumbled into the wall.

Finally, it was the day of the match against Slytherin. Smiling, Harry brought the platter of their drinks in one hand, his other hand clutching something in his pocket. Setting Alfred and Maria's coffees near them and Hermione's tea, he directly gave Ron his pumpkin juice. "Nice weather isn't it?" Harry commented as he drank his tea.

"Perfect for Quidditch," Alfred agreed.

"Or futbol," Maria muttered.

"Hey mates," Ginny called as she slid over to sit with them. "Did you hear about the Slytherins?" she asked grinning.

"What happened?" Harry asked interesting.

"Malfoy's not playing. Apparently he called in sick. Dunno why," she said. "They're playing Kirkland. Alfred suddenly dropped his glass and spewed his coffee on Maria. Hermione hastily shot a drying spell at her, but that didn't stop Maria from glaring at the American.

"Did you know that Kirkland plays?" Hermione asked innocently.

"I know he can play futbol. Not as well as I can of course," Maria's mouth curved into a smirk for a second, "and other sports, but he's never mentioned Quidditch."

"However, he'll yell at me whenever I go off on tangents on football," Alfred turned to glare at Maria. "What you play is soccer. Not football."

"Whatever you say, senhor. Would you like some cod with that?" Maria shot Alfred a saccharine smile. Not detecting the sarcasm, he looked pleased with himself. Suddenly Hermione spewed her tea, again over Maria.

"Don't drink that Ron!" she cried, just as he was about to take a sip. Turning to Harry, she stated, "You put something in his drink. Didn't you two see that?"

"Are you kidding me?" Alfred snorted. "I wear glasses and Maria has a scar over her eye."

"I did no such thing," Harry said, his lips slightly curved for a second. "Come on, we have a match to win."

America's POV- Quidditch pitch, Friday 2:00pm

"Seekers, shake hands" Madame Hooch said on the ground. England held out his hand, and Harry shook it, with some reluctance. Over the Chasers, I tried to meet Iggy's eyes but his were still locked with Harry's. After going over the rules, we mounted our brooms. "On my whistle…"

After a loud "Tweet!" we took off into the air. I hovered in the air, using my awesome heroics to protect my players. After a huge dive, I swung my bat in the direction of a Slytherin to protect Ginny.

"Bulls-eye!" I muttered as it collided nicely with his broom.

"Well there's that new American player, Alfred Jones. I suppose from all those years playing baseball he may be good, but usually beaters are built a bit thicker." Rolling my eyes, I sent a bludger near the podium where it collided with the wood, inches away from the commentator's head. That literally blasted away that smug look on his face.

"REALLY MADAME HOOCH THAT WASN'T AN ILLEGAL MOVE!" he screamed through the mic. Ha, I can be that loud whispering. Harry flew over to where I was guarding the chasers.

"Nice job, and don't worry, Madam Hooch's back was turned," I smiled and let out a heroic laugh.

"How's Ron doing?" I asked him. To answer my question, a cheer erupted from the Gryffindor half of the crowd. Ron was upside down, his fingers narrowly blocked the quaffle. Ginny soared from our goalposts, quaffle in hand. I high-fived Harry before I swooped down to hit the bludger away from Ginny.

"I guess Ron would have to save at least one goal," the commentator muttered meekly. On the other end of the pitch, Ginny slammed the quaffle through the hoop. I flew through the air again to block the bludger from hitting Ron. The Slytherin crowd booed and sang a song with lyrics that sounded suspiciously like "Weasley is our king." Near me I could see Iggy frowning. Must be about the song I decided.

Suddenly Iggy flew high into the air, and Harry paused for a second before shooting up as well. I squinted in their direction to see a golden ball buzzing around. Smirking, I called "Hey Iggy!"

Turning around to glare at me, he answered. "What is it you want, Alfred? And don't call me that you git!" At the same time Harry shot forward, his hand clasping the snitch. A loud whistle erupted, ending the match and the crowd burst into cheers. I high-fived Harry, and we shot to the ground.

England glared at me as we shook hands, and I flashed a cheeky grin. "Bloody wanker," he muttered under his breath. I saluted him in response, and Ron laughed next to me. "Race you guys to the tower," said barreling to the castle.

Hermione's POV- Abandoned classroom, 7:05 pm

"Hi Maria," I said bitterly. Argh, I just couldn't let Harry explain himself and now Ron's gone and runoff with Lavender. "That's it. I am swearing off men. I am going to go off to a monastery and live as a nun."

"Ah, I've forgotten that you are an only child. I learned that they are annoying much earlier on in life." Maria said taking a seat next to me. "Though, you need to remember that men only deserve to be thrown to the sharks' part of the time, depending on the man."

"What about the rest of the time," I mumbled, still depressed.

"The rest of the time you can annoy him," Maria smirked and took a few galleons out of her pocket. "For example, you will be annoying whenever you win a bet on a sport. Arthur and I had a bet on the match today. I won, thanks to Harry and Alfred."

I laughed half-heartedly. "Thanks Maria, but shouldn't you be at the party?"

"I got bored, then disgusted. Deus, was he trying to eat her face?" and thus we bring ourselves to my current situation. "Come on; let's head back to the dormitories."

"Its fine," I said burying my head in my knees. "I'm not in the mood," I mumbled as I wiped my nose. It's just… Allergies. Yes. I have recently developed an allergy to enormous prats. At least that includes Malfoy as well.

"Get up," Maria commanded sternly. I stood up to see her holding a sword that must have been taken off of a suit of armor. I slowly backed up, and Maria rolled her eyes. "Keep calm. I'm not going to attack you, I'm just going to help you let off some steam." Hesitantly, I took a sword off of the armor. It was slightly heavy, but it fit well in my hand. "Watch this," Maria raised her hand, and brought it down on the flat edge of the sword. Rather than hitting the metal, it passed through.

"Right I forgot about that!" I exclaimed. Hogwarts had been built in the middle ages, so they must have originally taught sword-fighting. "This swords will only hurt those who mean to do harm to this school. That's why they're fake for us."

"Do you know how to sword-fight," Maria asked, tilting her head to the side.

My shoulders slumped. "No," I admitted. "But I've read a bunch of books about it!"

Maria laughed gently. "It is not something you learn in books Hermione. It is an art form," Maria's eyes gleamed for a second, and the looked sea-green rather than their usual chlorophyll-color. "Today we will simply see how well you learn. I will stay on the defensive, while you try to land a blow on me. If you wish, I will show you how to disarm someone another day." Maria got into a stance, the sword raised over her chest. She seemed much more comfortable holding the sword than I did. "Release all your anger at me."

I shut my eyes, and instantly the image of Ron smirking at me right after the game. With a rush of anger I ran at Maria. Clang. Metal hit metal as Maria easily blocked me.

"See, I can save my own goals Hermione!" Clang. I tried to lay another blow near her head while she deflected it with the flat side of the blade.

Ron snogging Lavender right in front of me. Clang! Maria tumbled to the side, her sword twisting against mine.

"I'm sorry, were we interrupting something?" Lavender stood at the doorway, giggling as she clutched Ron's hand. "Sorry about that. Sweetie, I'll be right back," she pecked Ron on the lips as she left. Ron looked like a complete imbecile, with that goofy grin and lipstick all over his face.

"Hey Hermione!" he said smiling. I guess someone spiked his drink, and it wasn't with that stupid Luck Potion. I don't know what possessed me, but I pointed my wand at him. In that same second, Ron fell to the floor, cursing as a flock of parrots attacked him. Ron raced out of the room, shouting curses (the foul mouth kind, not the magical ones) as the parrots followed him.

Maria checked her watch. "I better go. It's getting late, and I can't rely on just coffee tomorrow. I'll show you some sword fighting moves then. Adeus."

"Wait!" I blurted at her. "I only hit him with a tripping jinx. Did you summon the parrots?" Maria just shot me a ghost of a smile, and then retreated to the tower.

When I finally got upstairs, I found Maria fast asleep. On top of my bed was a copy of Castration Charms: How to channel your anger towards your male colleagues. It was open to page of animal spells. A post-it marked the Avis spell. I flipped open to the back of the cover, and it was completely blank except for two sentences: Property of Hermione Granger. Do not steal unless you want to be a subject of these spells.

Shoot, I forgot Canada. Thankfully, I got something planned for him next chapter. Also I've been meaning to write a sword-fighting scene for a while. I got so bored with this chapter that I ended up putting that in. Seriously, I would write a few paragraphs, then would be stuck for days.

Meanwhile, I have decided to start naming my chapters now. Next Chapter: Cavorting with Canadians