"Hello? Earth to Gina?" Sharon put down her chocobo book and started waving her hand in front of the computer screen, to which Gina's eyes were still glued. Her best friend slowly moved her gaze from the screen and blinking at her slowly, but didn't remove her hand from where it was placed over her mouth. Sharon sighed.

"What, did Jesus come back or something?" She waited for Gina to acknowledge her crack, but she still didn't elicit a response. "... okay, is this just something I need to see?" She came around to the other side of the desk and knelt beside the chair, her eyes scanning over the words on the screen quite fast. By the time she came to the end of the entry, Sharon's eyebrows were at the very top of her forehead. "WHAT THE FUCK? He didn't... he so didn't... that player! I wouldn't have known he had it in him, but I guess it was about time, because..." She stopped in mid-sentence when she noticed Gina out of the corner of her eye. Oh, damn. Way to be insensitive, Sharon. "Uh, umm..."

"It's okay, Sharii-chan," the quiet girl finally spoke, removing her hand from her mouth. Her fingertips brushed against the surface of the Griever pendant slightly before coming to a rest in her lap. "I guess that's what he wanted."

Sharon just stared at her friend for a few moments, her lips pursed with an indescribable expression. She scooted so that she was facing the chair and pulled it around so that Gina was situated towards her. "Okay. So, I may not know all the ins and outs of Squall's personal life because the only entry I've read is the one you showed me, but if you ask me, it's so totally obvious that he doesn't know what he wants. Girl, look at me." Gina raised her eyes out of her lap. "A lot of shit is going on in his head, and probably always has been going on in his head. It's the quiet ones who snap, and it's not always out of anger, because they always keep everything inside and don't confide to anybody or anyone. It's the reason why I have always tried to convince you to just talk about your feelings, what's going on in your head, even if you think it's stupid or mundane or no solution will ever come to solve your problems. Journals are great; believe me, I whore mine out like no other... but friends are better. There's just something therapeutic about speaking to another human being, saying your troubles out loud." Sharon nodded her head at the computer. "It seems to me that our commander has finally learned how to have friends and trust them, but not enough to get out of his head. He still has a ways to go where that is concerned."

Gina shrugged helplessly.

"Do not judge him on his mistakes, G-fuu. As much as he's probably written down in his blog, there's probably so much more he didn't write down and that we can't know. I know it's hard, and I bet that's so easy for me to say because I don't care for him like you do. As mere humans, we can't change the past, but we can strive for what we want in the future, because the future isn't set in stone." Sharon got up from her place on the floor then, her knees cracking in protest. "Ow, shit... I'm going to be needing a walker or knee-replacement surgery by the time I'm thirty if this continues." She started to walk away, but then thought against it and looked back at the monitor. "Hey, how'd you get into that, anyway?"

Gina looked up at her. "By finding the directory of blogs under the administrative account. Why?"

"Well, I was wondering... could you find Quistis' journal? I want to know what she wrote about all of this."

"But her journal is public, see?" Gina maneuvered to the other window and went back to Selphie's home page and clicked on the link that went to the professor's personal diary. "I hardly doubt that she's gonna write, 'and today, everyone's favorite Balamb commander and I had a liaison'."

"Man, the news certainly has you bitter as all get out. Don't blame you, though. But no, she wouldn't write that for the entire world to see. Think of her reputation, and the Trepies would have been stormed his office and lit it on fire while lynching him or something drastic like that if word got out. No, they're way too subtle for that. But, that still doesn't mean she didn't write about it in there. You can have the option of locking some entries but not them all, right?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure I care right now, either." She got up from the chair and walked around to the door. "I'm going to take a break. I think I need it."

"Hell, you need to get some sleep!" Sharon shouted after her as the door closed. She hoped Gina would take her advice; she knew her best friend's rational mind wasn't at it's best and caused all of it to get to her more than it normally would, but she couldn't help but agree that the news was a shocker. I think the worst part is going to be when we finally find them, and she can't even chew Squall out or anything because she has to pretend she knows absolutely nothing at all. Knowledge is a bitch to handle.

She sat down where Gina once was and started maneuvering around the windows. She took note of Quistis' username and scanned the incredibly long list of names in the plain menu until she came across the link. She had a lot more posts than Squall had, many of them rather short and impersonal. It made them easier to browse through to get to the ones that weren't viewable to the public, which is exactly what Sharon was looking for. Those elusive entries were filled with her building nervousness around Squall, and her failed attempts at a friendship with Rinoa. She attributed her failures to her inability to truly shove her feelings for Squall aside, and figured it was a just punishment for herself. My god, this woman is just as emo as Squall. No wonder they're compatible.

It's been day three since Squall and I slept together. And to think, I had only gone into that office on an errand for the Headmaster.

What am I going to do? I had wanted things to be cleared up between us, but now it seems that all I have accomplished is making things more muddled. I shouldn't have let it happen, but... I'm too weak. It reminds me too much of the days when I had just begun my teaching career at the age of 17. I had the brains and the abilities, which is the only reason why I was even considered to get my professor's license. I was in danger of losing it that year, under claims that I lacked the leadership abilities required of a professor at Balamb Garden. I almost gave up, then. I had just enough willpower to leave that meeting before I burst into tears. I had tried talking to Squall about it later that night, but it was hardly fitting as a congratulations speech for his ability to finally become a SeeD. I wonder, now, why I even bothered. He had blown me off so many times before, so what was going to make that instance any different? But I was a lost girl, then, and to me, he represented everything that I couldn't be and I couldn't have. I looked up to him, and continued to do so even through all of the times he shot me down.

The next morning, I found myself automatically walking down the halls to my classroom, forgetting that my license had been suspended. It wasn't until I stepped in the doorway and looked at one of the professors that had been on the board of that staff meeting that condemned me, teaching my class but had paused in mid-lecture just to give me a self-satisfying smirk that I completely realized my mistakes. Being told that you're a failure is one thing, but understanding is another. I turned around immediately and marched myself right into Headmaster Cid's office and all but demanded flat out that I have another chance. He must have seen the change in me... or I don't know what he saw, but he obliged my request.

I don't think I have to explain the glee I felt when I went back down to my classroom and told him to leave, showing him the papers that overrode the decision to suspend my license. I also couldn't help but be pleasantly surprised at the cheers that erupted from my students when the door closed behind him, either. I wasn't a failure. I was, at that moment, the best damn professor Balamb Garden had, and I loved each and every one of my students enough to never fail them again.

And in Squall's case, I loved him too much. Our relationship, for whatever it was back then, was a living example of the failures I made as an early professor. Those that I promised never to return to. He noticed something had changed about me, but he never stopped to ask me about it. Probably didn't "want to carry anyone else's burden". But unlike every other time, I didn't bother chasing after him anymore. I was determined to toss away that dream the old me lived by. I was going to take life by the reigns on my own, as it was the only way to succeed.

Or so I had deluded myself for years.

I don't know why I have this habit of making large mistakes before realizing things about myself, but I wish I'd stop. I couldn't sleep that night I made the biggest mistake of my life. I cried as quietly as I could, hoping that I wouldn't wake him up beside me. What was I doing there? Why? It was all wrong. I should have felt so happy, so complete... but I was so empty inside. I love him, but... I knew that we could never be together. For the first time ever, I honestly REALIZED that. All I had to do from the beginning was come face to face with it to trigger that epiphany; instead, I opted to turn my back on it, pretend that it wasn't there. Even when I was younger and I thought I was facing it in being forward whenever I met Squall, I was merely using it to chase after an ideal that would never come to pass.

My only regret is that I had to mess up both of our lives in order for me to reach the maturity I was always trying to attain.

"... daaaammmn." Sharon sat back in the chair and scratched at the side of her head a bit, letting the words sink in. So... what does all of this mean? Was it just a one-night stand or something? Do they ever get their ish worked out or what? Man, I shouldn't love reading all of this like I do right now; this isn't a fanfiction for christ's sake. But... I want to know so bad! Now I see why this shit kept Gina awake for so long. She clicked on the next entry.

Today, I had decided that a week was far too long to go pretending, and if I wanted to set things right, then I should go ahead and do it. I wanted to apologize... as much as I had wanted to clear the air between us that day...

I wasn't expecting Rinoa to come storming out of his office. I froze, hoping that she wouldn't see me, but she looked up at that moment and directly into my eyes. I know guilt was written all over my face... I couldn't hide it. I had no idea what they had obviously argued about, and I remember faintly hoping that he hadn't said anything to her before we had to chance to work things out. She stepped up to me, then, and I was bracing myself for her to slap the truth right off of my face.

Instead, she just left me with the words, "Go ahead, laugh. The princess has been knocked from her throne."

As she continued her furious pace through the hall, I had to fight the urge to go to his office to see if he was alright, because Hyne knew how that turned out the last time I tried something like that. I am... just really no good at doing much at all.

I don't think I can take this anymore.

Sharon was biting her fingernails that she has tried so hard to grow out in her anxiety when she realized that was the last post Quistis made in her diary. What the fuck just happened? Is this why Quistis just stopped showing up to work all of a sudden? Did she... She shook her head as if to throw the thought out of her brain. No, Sharon, she did not kill herself. Don't even ALLOW yourself to think like that. She did not. That is not Quistis Trepe.

But she couldn't help the small voice in the back of her head that whispered, but how do you know?

Jumping up from her seat, Sharon rushed for the door. She really hoped that Gina wasn't asleep yet.

Gina was leaning out of the open window in her room, facing the sun's rays. A warm breeze filtered in every once in awhile, bringing the scent of the nearby shore to her nose. She originally had a nap in mind, but once she actually returned to the dorm she decided to just get some fresh air.

She didn't know why the news about Squall and Quistis affected her so much. Somehow, Gina could read entry upon entry about Squall and Rinoa and not really blink much of an eye. Maybe because I really didn't see that coming. As much as I don't like Rinoa as the game depicts her, I was always willing to give her a chance as long as she wasn't as annoying as the game made her out to be. As much as she didn't like to admit it, Squall and Rinoa were always the canon couple. I bet they still would have gotten together if Sharii-chan and I didn't barge into their world like we did...

Even though everything had turned out fine in the end, Gina had always felt guilty. Fans weren't supposed to jump headfirst into their fandom and screw up a timeline for their own benefit. She had become a Mary Sue, for all intents and purposes; she inherited powers beyond her comprehension, saved the world, and hooked the main guy in the end. She felt like she didn't deserve to feel hurt over the turn of events she just read.

Gina's mind traveled back to the night before she left, where Squall had bestowed upon her both his Griever pendant and his kiss. So... does that mean nothing anymore? Should I just forget it? It's not like I can be around in his life anyway. She struggled with her thoughts, trying not to get too depressed about it. Think about what Sharii-chan said; you can't judge him just by his journal. I know Squall enough to know that he probably does have more things than what he'll ever say, even to himself, on his mind. But does that mean I should hope against it all that he still cares for me?

A knock on the door got her out of her thoughts, and she left her bedroom to the main door of the dorm and opened it to reveal Xu.

"Hello." She waved shyly. "I had a break and I was just coming by to see what you guys were up to. It's okay, right?"

Gina smiled and stepped aside. "Of course it is. You don't have to ask. Although I do understand your hesitation; I did the same thing when I first met Sharii-chan."

"As I've heard." Xu came inside of the room and sat down in one of the chairs in the main room. "I think it's a heartwarming story, how you two became friends. Sharon retells it like it just happened yesterday."

Gina laughed. "Yeah, well, it is one of her most favorite stories to tell. She likes to think about how her hyperness and loudness scared the crap out of me, but then ended up hooking me in the end because I could never run away fast enough."

"Ah, but I don't think you wanted to run away, did you?" Xu replied, chuckling. "Speaking of which... where is she? The commander's office?"

Gina nodded, her mood shifting a bit.

Xu tilted her head to the side. "What's wrong?"

Gina looked away then, not able to tell her the truth. "I'm just... worried about finding them. I'm so anxious to get going, yet I'm scared at what I might find... or more accurately, what I might not find. I don't want to be a let down to the Headmaster or anyone else."

"What makes you think you'll be a let down?"

"Well..." Gina really had no clear answer to that counter. Just a few minutes ago, it was obvious, yet when presented with that question, she had no real idea as how she could respond.

Xu continued. "I don't think you'll ever be a let down for us. You've already done more than what is expected of you just for showing up and trying. I know it's easy to think about the negatives... but all SeeDs are trained to look for the favorable outcome; it helps motivate us during missions where things just seem to go horribly wrong at every turn. As long as we know there's still a goal, and that we're going to fight until we absolutely cannot anymore... that's what helps us succeed, even in the face of what would ordinarily be called a failure. SeeDs don't fail. We just have setbacks. The disappearance of the commander and his team has been hard on everyone, but it's just a setback in a larger chain of events."

Gina stood and absorbed slowly all of Xu's encouraging words. She didn't know if she could take them seriously in the mood she was in, but she appreciated the effort. Hopefully when I'm done mourning what never could be, I can get to making some real progress around here.

"HEY, G-FUU! ARE YOU..." The door flung itself open and Sharon stumbled in, caught in mid-yell when she noticed Xu was sitting in the main room. Her hesitation was slight, but Gina caught it immediately and noticed that her best friend had some news to share that couldn't be told in mixed company. "Well, I guess you are awake. You never took that nap, did you?"

Gina shook her head. "Nope. I don't think I was, as much as I probably need it. Xu stopped by and she and I have been talking for a little bit."

"Sweet. Any good gossip?" Sharon gave a sly grin.

Xu just laughed. "Hardly. I wish there was, though. It would give some of us the hope we needed."

Sharon raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Gossip? Gives folks hope? Really? I find that hard to believe."

"Well, we are living in a tumultuous time. The rivalries are getting steadily worse, and the few of us left that still have our wits about us are trying to quell attempts at group sabotage on other Gardens. It's getting harder and harder to do by the day, however. The biggest thing to talk about as of late is which Garden has more losses."

"It's... really hard to believe all of this is going down, still. We've only been here for a short time, and we don't really get out much as it is, so we don't really have a feel for what we're supposed to expect when we finally get around to this mission we've showed up to accept." Sharon trained her eyes off to the side for a moment, lost in thought. "Maybe we're going about this all wrong."

Both Gina and Xu just blinked at her. "What?"

Sharon came out of her mental reverie and looked at the other two girls in front of her. "You know, I have no idea what that was just now. Train of thought; derailed. 20 killed and 13 injured."

Her best friend just sighed as Xu managed to look even more confused. "Well... either way, I wish you two the best of luck. I'm sorry this has been so short, but I only managed to sneak away for a little bit. I feel a tad uncomfortable leaving the younger recruits alone for too long, since it's mostly them that end up getting into the biggest messes." She stood up and headed for the door. "Same time tonight for the Training Area?"

"You bet." Sharon and Gina waved goodbye to the SeeD, and the door closed shut behind her, leaving the two girls alone.

Gina just cut straight to the chase. "So, you're lying."

Sharon just turned her big brown eyes on her, a vision of innocence. "Hmm?"

"Oh, don't give me that! You know I do that look best, anyway. What'd you come barging in here for?"
Sharon dropped the act. "Well, I found some more juicy stuff in Quistis' journal. BUT BEFORE YOU ACCUSE ME OF GETTING MY JOLLIES OFF ON THIS WHOLE MESSED UP SITUATION, I think what happened between Quistis and Squall was the reason she left."

"... no offense, but I don't really find that plausible. Quistis has had to put up with that kind of pressure ever since she figured out she liked Squall, and her job seems way too important for her to just up and leave without a trace."

"Yeah but... man, you didn't read what I read. Her shit puts the most goth emo kids to shame on the one-liners she can pull, especially since I actually believe her angst is real and I just hope she didn't... uh... do anything drastic like, say, off herself because she couldn't handle it anymore."

Gina just gave her the most appalled look. "Sharii-chan!"

"What? Hell, no one knows where she went, and the only reason people aren't looking is because of all of this crap that's come up, which I don't even know how they're gonna solve." She trailed off as her eyes drifted off focus, a sure sign to Gina that Sharon was brewing up something in her head and wasn't sharing all of it. As if reacting to Gina's unsaid suspicions, Sharon looked at her in a determined fashion. "Fuck this. We need to get the hell up out this piece."

"What do you mean? Go back to GV?"

"NO! I mean, get up out of Garden! And as soon as possible. We're not really going to accomplish anything if we just sit around here and read the gang's blogs. Which is really sad if we're resorting to privacy violation as a way to pass the time around here." Sharon started pacing. "Think about it. We're here, and we don't know where to start looking. We don't even know what to expect when we leave these grounds. Not all of our surprises are going to come in the form of random encounters in the Training Area. Cid might have set us up the bomb when it comes to this whole god-forsaken mission, but in order to make the best of it, we're going to have to just throw ourselves right into it."

Gina made a face. "What, this coming from the person who was the first to mention to Cid how much we suck at being SeeDs after four years of inactivity? I just got the hang of using my bow. That, and we can't just run out there without a plan. It calls for disaster."

Sharon just looked at her, not really ready to concede defeat just yet. "... alright, fine. A compromise. We use the time that we have training and coming up with some sort of course of action to follow. When we do that, we leave. I say we make this deadline in a week."

"... a week?"

"Gina, I'm going to go nuts as it is spending our days going from one room to another. At this point, I'm just about ready to hijack the intercom system and broadcast 'HAY FOLKS, WE'RE BACK!' just so we don't have to do all of this sneaking around shit that covers our asses."

Gina fought the urge to facepalm. "Discretion is a part of valor."

"I never did read Sun Tzu's Art of War."

"I don't think that saying came from that book."

"Well, whatever. Either way, that's what I propose we do. Any questions?"

The shorter girl just looked her friend wearily. There was no budging Sharon when she was headstrong like this, and she knew it. She just wished that it didn't seem like things were stockpiling on top of each other without any real time to make sense of any of it. God. What I wouldn't give for a strategy guide right about now. "Alright, fine. But you get to tell the Headmaster whatever he needs to hear to actually let us out of here this soon. I think we made it seem as though we were going to stick around for a while longer."

Sharon waved her hand through the air, unconcerned. "I've already started thinking up something. My bullshitting skills are unparalleled, in this world or the next."

Gina snorted, turning around and heading back to her room. "Well, you have fun with that. I'm going to go to sleep."