A/N – It's time to meet Mr Lopez…

Chapter Eleven

Standing in front of the mirror Santana can only grimace, she wants to smile but there's a nagging voice in her head that just won't shut up and it sounds a lot like Quinn Fabray. As her eyes wonder over her reflection the Latina frowns, for the first time in a long time there are no bruises, no cuts, nothing marring her skin. She looks normal. She looks like she used to.

Only she doesn't and that's what's making her frown. It's the eyes she realises, with a sigh and a shake of her head. The spark that was once there has gone, and even with the sight of her body back to its post-Quinn state she knows that the psychological marks still cut deep. She remembers Rachel telling her that it was the damage she couldn't see that would be harder to repair. Santana had wanted her to be wrong, she hoped that just being able to look in the mirror and not be reminded of the beatings would help; the only problem is she still sees Quinn when she looks in the mirror. Or when she tries to sleep or close her eyes, the truth is she still thinks about Quinn all the time.

And when she isn't thinking about Quinn she is obsessing over Rachel and her Dads, wondering how long it will be until they grow tired of her and she's thrown out. The Berries have been nothing but understanding and sympathetic since she has started staying with them but Santana knows from experience that it will only be a matter of time before they abandon her too, it feels like she is up against an invisible clock fighting to sort herself out before it strikes midnight. She knows there are still so many things she wants to do, and to say and she is determined to do at least one of those things tonight.

The sound of someone entering the room draws Santana's attention but she stays staring at her reflection as Rachel wonders up behind her.

"What are you doing?" the singer asks as she moves to stand next to the cheerleader.

Santana shrugs, tugging self-consciously at the hem of her tank top her eyes quickly moving away from the image in the mirror "Nothing….I mean I was…"

Rachel nods her understanding as the Latina trails off, her eyes flick between the reflection and the reality '"You look good San, everything healed really well"

The Latina can't bring herself to look back at her reflection and instead choses to abandon her interrogation of herself and settles for flopping down on Rachel's bed, smiling when she feels the other girl lay down next to her. The room is quiet for a moment, and Santana knows she needs to say something now or its going to eat at her forever.

"I thought I'd miss her" Santana whispers as she stares up at the ceiling "I thought I would but…I don't"

She feels Rachel turning on her side to look at her and she knows the diva is confused but Rachel is always patient enough to let her speak, a trait the Latina would never have thought possible until a few weeks ago "I thought I wanted her in my life, that having her there meant….meant that I wasn't alone and that I wasn't…unlovable. I needed her to prove to myself that someone wanted me even if it wasn't in the way I actually wanted y'know? And now with her gone, I thought I'd feel like I always used to; alone, desperate and fucking worthless"

Santana swallows back her tears as she rolls over to face the tiny brunette, she can feel the tears running down her cheeks but makes no attempt to stifle them "You changed that Rachel, I don't know how or why but you did, you are incredible and I can never thank you enough"

"You don't have to thank me" the singer whispers as she reaches over to brush away the tears on the cheerleaders face.

"Of course I do" Santana replies with a watery smile "You saved me, you saved me when no-one else thought I was worth it, not even me, and you were the first person to see the good in me, the thing worth saving and that means more to me than anything"

Rachel smiles, her own tears falling freely now as she pulls the Latina into a hug, in the comfort of the singer's arms Santana relaxes, it's strange how much the other girl's presence comforts her but it feels like second nature now and that's why it hurts so much more when the Latina adds, "And I want you to know that I understand completely that now Quinn has agreed to back off and I'm recovered that you need your own space back and I should probably go-"

"I don't want you to go" Rachel interrupts, her arms tightening on reflex.

"You don't?" Santana asks as she worms her way out of the hug to stare down at the other girl in shock.

Rachel shakes her head "No. I lov-…like having you around. I like staying up late and watching crappy movies and then arguing in the morning over what constitutes a good breakfast, and how you help me with Spanish homework and the way you and Daddy bond over those old cookery books he has. He loves having you here too, they both do. But I…I guess I understand if you want to go…"

"I don't!" Santana responds quickly, a frown on her face as she blurts out "I assumed you guys wanted me gone, I mean…I figured once the pity had run out and you got bored of me dragging you down then I'd be out on my ass. I thought I'd make it easy for you to get me to leave"

"That's ridiculous. First off all, I never invited you here out of pity and secondly I could never be bored with you around" Rachel rallies as she sees the insecurity on the cheerio's face "I know you have this tendency to think everyone is going to abandon you but I promise you I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you. This is your home for as long as you want to it be, okay?"

"Okay" Santana nods, her chest tightening as she sees the sincerity in Rachel's eyes "But there is one thing though…."

"What?" the diva replies worriedly.

"There are a few things I need to pick up from my house, I…will you come with me?" Santana asks, biting her lip nervously. She has only been back to her house once since she has been staying with the Berries and even that was a quick trip to pick up the basics while her Dad was out of the house.

"Of course I will" Rachel agrees with a warm smile. "When did you want to go?"

"Erm…now?" the Latina admits as she sits up.

"Are you going to talk to your Dad about what's been happening?"

"Honestly, I doubt he'll be there" Santana starts, exhaling loudly as she looks at her friend "But if he is…I'm not ready to tell him everything, not by a long-shot, but I think maybe I need for him to know some of it…maybe then he'll understand why I want to be here with you and not alone in that house"

There isn't much to say after Santana has made her decision so the two girl's hurry to get their things together before getting into Rachel's car and heading over to the Lopez residence. As Rachel pulls the car into the driveway she can see Santana becoming more and more agitated, and when they make their way to the front door the diva half-expects the other girl to have a sudden change of mind. Instead the Latina takes a deep breath and focuses on digging her keys from her pocket. It takes a couple of attempts but Santana finally manages to unlock the door and lead them inside.

The house is huge, and Rachel thinks, judging from the décor that it is defiantly worth-a-lot of money. But once the initial impressiveness of the house has worn off Rachel can't help but notice how cold it feels, and not just in terms of temperature. Everything is neat and tidy, and peering around the diva frowns at how soulless and unlived in it feels.

"Come on" Santana whispers, her voice cutting through the icy silence of the house "My room is this way"

Santana runs a hand through her hair as she trudges up the staircase and heads to her room. The last time she was here she barely took more than a couple of minutes to grab her toothbrush and pack some clean clothes, she was too worried her Dad would come back and see her busted face and start asking questions.

When they enter Santana's room the Latina quickly sets about packing her things together as Rachel awkwardly paces the length of the room. "So, I guess your Dad isn't here?"

Santana lets out a bitter laugh "He's almost never here. I've pretty much been reduced to emailing him an updated bullet-point version of my life every month or so"

The Latina shakes her head as she stomps over to the bathroom and begins to collect a variety of shampoo and toiletries, she's so distracted by her task that she almost doesn't hear the front door slam shut.

"Hello? Santana? Is that you?"

The unfamiliar sound of her Dad's voice ringing out makes the Latina jump, her eyes darting to Rachel who looks equally surprised. For a moment Santana considers staying quiet and contemplates hiding under the bed, the confidence from earlier slowly seeping away as the sound of footsteps on the stairs announce her Dads impending arrival.

"Yeah, I'm-I'm in my room"

Santana can only bite her lip as she remains stuck in her place; she just about manages to throw the various things she is clutching into the bag on her bed before the door to her room opens.

It's been a long time since Santana has seen her Dad and as he walks in the only thing the Latina can think is that she is glad Rachel is there with her, because somehow it's less awkward with the diva in the room with her and she feels a little stronger just knowing she is by her side "Hey Dad"

"What's going on?" the older man asks as he surveys the messy half-packed room. He doesn't even acknowledge Rachel, his eyes glancing over to his daughter as she shifts from foot to foot.

"I erm…this is Rachel, the only I told-the one I mentioned in my messages?" Santana begins, wondering if her father even took the time to listen to the voicemails or read the text messages she sent to let him know who she was staying with. She had called numerous times with no answer so had to resort to every other kind of communication, none of which got a reply.

"Right…"

The cheerleader sighs at the disinterested response, she should have seen it coming really but still, it hurt to know he didn't really care that she hadn't been living at home for a while "Well she asked me if I wanted to stay with her, and her Dads, for a little while and I said yes so I came over to pick up some things"

Her Dad frowns at this as he steps further into the room "So, you're not going to be living here then?"

Santana shakes her head as her eyes fall to the floor, she hasn't really been living there for a while and whilst part of her wants to point this out she settles for a more diplomatic response, "I….I've had a pretty rough time lately and I don't want to be here alone"

It wasn't much of an insight, more of a lead-in and Santana desperately wants her Dad to show some kind of concern or worry but instead he nods "How long will you be gone?"

Santana can barely contain the anger that flashes across her face, "I don't know, a week…maybe two, or a month, fuck- I could go a whole year and you probably wouldn't notice"

"Mija, that's not-"

"Don't Dad! Don't stand there and pretend like everything is okay here because it isn't. You know the main reason I don't wanna be here? It's not that your never around, I'm used to that, you've been absent most of my fucking life but I can't live here alone knowing that you don't give a fuck about me. We haven't spoken in months Dad, did you even notice I was gone? Did you care?"

Mr Lopez tenses, taking a deep breath he stutters "Of course I noticed, but I know you can take care of yourself I didn't think you'd want me invading your privacy"

Santana scoffs as she strides over to her bed and hurriedly grabs her things together "I've always taken care of myself Dad, I've had to because you sure as hell weren't going to. You're kind of lucky actually, that I've been able to support myself because you never checked on me…just assumed I would always be okay without you but you know what? These last few months I haven't been"

Santana grabs a bag and throws it over her should as Rachel does the same "I needed someone an you weren't there, you're never fucking there"

Storming past her father Santana flies down the stairs with Rachel close behind, the diva is first out the door and is unlocking the car when Mr Lopez comes out of the house.

"What is going on with you?" the older man asks as he approaches the car.

"You know that's the first time you have ever asked me that?" Santana barks, her fist clenching at her sides. She's past caring what he thinks now, she wanted to come here and talk to him. To be able to tell him the shit that she had been through while he was working or playing golf or whatever it was he chose to do rather than be a father but now standing in front of him the Latina knows no good will come from letting him in, "Just forget it, I'm going because Rachel and her family, actually want me around"

"Santana-" the older man's argument is cut off by the sound of a phone ringing and Santana watches in disbelief as he reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell and check the caller ID. It stings like hell when he doesn't end the call, his eyes flicking between his daughter and the object in his hand like he is torn.

"You know what, you should answer it I'm sure it's important" Santana shakes her head as she feels tears dripping down her cheeks, her voice comes out stronger than she expects "But then again most things are more important to you than I am"

The Latina turns quickly, she knows her last words are lost on her father. He has already hit the button to take the call before she could finish. Sliding into the passenger seat Santana doesn't even try and control the sobs that rack her body as Rachel pulls out the driveway quickly, the diva reaches over to clasp one of the taller girl's hands "Let's get you home"