Note: This chapter has some foul language, but given that it's the Bad Guys I thought it was fitting

Legion of Doom

Metallo was making his way down a long corridor. He had heard some important news about a meeting soon and he was on his way to the meeting room, but even after all the time he spent in this place he still couldn't make his way around without getting lost.

So he continued down the hallway but then he thought he saw something. He turned his head and saw someone head around the corner. Thinking that the right way to go Metallo picked up his speed. But when he rounded the corner he saw nobody was there and that the hallway lead to a single door. With nowhere else to go Metallo walked forward and grabbed the doorknob, then pushed it open and stepped out.

But when he did he found that he in fact stepped outside, now surrounded by a swamp. He turned around and noticed the door had shut behind him. He jiggled the knob but it wouldn't open. So he pulled out his Legion of Doom ID which read 'Metallo/ John Corben'. He raised his ID and flashed it along the scanner. But instead of flashing green and letting him in it flashed red keeping the door locked. Metallo just raised his ID to it again only to meet the same result.

Getting angry now he turned back to the knob and began shaking and pulling at it violently. It did it to hard however because the knob broke off. Metallo observed the knob in his hands before looking up at the dome building he was now locked out of.

"I hate this place." He said.

Meanwhile Lex Luthor had just entered the building, haven gotten in much easier than Metallo. He walked throughout the building in a tuxedo passing many other dangerous and violent super villains as he went.

At one point he passed Parasite who was standing with Captain Cold.

"Hey Lex." Said Parasite to him as he passed and noticed his formal attire." How's everything at the bank?"

"How the hell should I know?" responded Lex as he passed them. Parasite just stood back and chuckled at his own joke.

Lex continued on into the meeting room. The rest of the villains had all gathered as Lex made his way across the stage and stood behind the podium.

"Has anyone seen Metallo?" asked Atomic Skull.

"He never shows up to the meetings you know that." Said Bane.

"I always save him this seat right here." Said Atomic Skull pointing to the chair next to him." But he never shows up to take it."

"Alright everyone." Said Lex standing behind the podium. The murmur of the villains died down as he began speaking." This marks the 1,394th meeting of the Legion of Doom."

"Sweet Jesus." Groaned Parasite. Lex only grimaced at him before continuing.

"I'd like to open this meeting with a quick note. Whoever is pissing on the seats in the bathroom." He paused for a moment." STOP doing it because that's disgusting." The villains murmured some more but some broke out into snickers." Okay second note of business." Said Lex as he pulled out some papers and prepared to read from them." We-" but he stopped as someone raised their hand." What is it Parasite?"

"I'd just to ask." He spoke up." Where is the Lemonade and Pie?" Lex put his head into his hands and groaned." Because at the last meeting we said someone would bring pie and lemonade."

"I do seem to recall that." Said Captain Cold.

"Nobody brought pie." Said Lex to them.

"Why not?" asked Parasite."Imagine some tasty pie right now."

"I could picture that." Added Captain Cold.

"Both of you imagine SHUTTING UP." Said Lex." Now onto business." He turned his attention back to the podium.

"Just a second." Cried a voice.

"Oh God." Groaned Lex into his hand as Sinestro stood up from his seat.

"Why is it that YOU." He said pointing to Lex." Always run the meetings?"

"Gee I don't know." Replied Lex with sarcasm in his voice." Maybe because I run EVERYTHING around here. I used funds from my own company, I come up with all the plans-"

"Which never work by the way!" snapped Sinestro.

"Maybe because you're all a bunch of IDIOTS!" Lex slammed his fist on the podium for emphasis.

"Well have you ever stopped to think maybe I have ideas." Told Sinestro pointing to himself." That I've got big plans."

"YOU GOT AN IDEA SINESTRO!" Lex yelled pointing at him as he walked out from behind the podium and walked to the end of the stage. Then he leaned over and slapped his hands on his knees. "TELL ME ABOUT THEM, I'M JUST FUCKING EXTATIC TO HEAR ABOUT THEM!" But his sudden furiousness frightened all his co-workers and caused them to shrink back in fear.

"I-I've um I've got nothing." Replied Sinestro.

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!" yelled Lex as he turned and headed back to his podium." Now onto today's topic we need to find a way to destroy the Justice League." But the reaction wasn't one he expected because most of the villains ended up sighing in annoyance." Don't you all 'sigh' at me." He pointed to them.

"That's all we ever talk about." Said Star Sapphire." Can't we talk about something else?"

"Well maybe if we actually destroyed the Justice League we wouldn't keep talking about it and could then move onto another topic." Told Lex.

"Well have you ever wondered why that is?" asked Black Adam.

"What?" asked Lex as he and all the other villains turned over to Black Adam.

"It's just that everything we go out and try to do evil stuff the League is always there and fights us off."

"And your point?"

"Maybe we should try another method?" suggest Black Adam.

"Like what?" said Lex raising his arm for emphasis.

"Oh we could have a bake sale." Said Cheetah enthusiastically.

"Oh let's do that." Agreed Mirror Master. The villains all stood up and murmured their agreement expect for Lex.

"Why would we have a bake-sail?!" yelled Lex waving his arms.

"It would be fun." Said Atomic Skull to Lex.

"But it gets us no closer to destroying the Justice League! What are we gonna do, kill them with diabetes."

"Well we can't think on an empty stomach." Told Parasite." Oh." He said with a giggle." Can we make chocolate chip cookies?"

"NO!" yelled Lex." Nobody is making cookies!"

"OH!" groaned the Villains as they sat back down in their seats.

"Now does anybody have any other ideas?" asked Lex. Star Sapphire moved to get up." Any USEFUL ideas." He stressed which caused her to sit back down.

"You know I hear the League has a no drinking policy on the Watchtower." Told Captain Cold." Maybe we should do that."

"Oh great." Said Lex sarcastically." Then you can all become closet alcoholics!"

"Hey." Said Parasite." We're not alcoholics." Then he casually sat back in his chair with a beer can in his hand. He opened it, took a sip, and then let out a loud burp.

"Don't give me that nonsense." Said Lex." Because I guarantee if I go and look in the fridge, that it'll be full of beer." Parasite just sat back into his chair.

"But you ever think that's it?" asked Atomic Skull." They don't drink so maybe that's why their more productive."

"Their more productive because they're not a bunch of morons!" Lex murmured to himself.

"Well don't they all just have sex all day?" asked Sinestro." I'm almost positive that somebody is always getting laid on that Watchtower."

"Oh yea." Said Bane." Tits bouncing around like a rodeo all day, that's productive."

"That's it!" yelled Parasite." We should all just go get laid."

"HA!" laughed Lex sarcastically as he crossed his arms.

"What's so funny?" asked Black Adam.

"Why don't all you retards look to your left." Ordered Lex. The villains did as they were told. Sinestro looked and saw Atomic skull, who was looking at Black Adam. Soloman Grundy was looking to his right and not his left so he was looking right at Bizarro. Parasite however looked over and saw Livewire. He looked her up from her legs and observed the curves of her body and a smirk came onto his face." Now look to your right." Said Lex. Sinestro looked over and saw Gentleman Ghost, Atomic Skull saw Sinestro, Black Adam saw Atomic Skull. Parasite looked over and saw Star Sapphire there. She turned over and looked back at him with a smirk. Parasite looked to his left and saw Livewire looked at him the same way. Grundy and Bizzaro however were still looking at eachother. " Now you see what I'm talking about?" said Lex." 9/10 of everyone here is a man."

The villains all sat back down expect for Grundy and Bizzaro who kept eyeing the other.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Said Parasite sitting back down with his arms around both Livewire and Star Sapphire." This all looks good to me."

"So if any of you go that way." Said Lex." Great. But know that under no circumstances would I fuck any of you. Not even of we were the last two people on earth and if defying Science, Nature, and God himself that two men could make a baby I would NOT have it with any of YOU!"

"Hostile work environment." Said Atomic Skull.

"SHUTUP!" yelled Lex at him.

"It wouldn't be all bad." Said Cheetah as she leaned forward to the person in front of her, who just so happened to be Bane. She leaned forward and rested her head against his neck and rubbing his shoulders. Her tail came up and ran along his chin.

"There's a difference between liking pussy and liking you." He responded shaking her off him.

"Well why don't you take that mask off?" she said sitting back in her chair with a pout.

"Why don't YOU take the bitch out of your voice?" He responded turning around to face her.

"I see you're in a good mood as always." Commented Black Adam to him.

"I still see you're still a hatchet-faced prick." Bane said sarcastically turning over to him.

"All of you quiet down." Said Sinestro to the three as he ran his finger along his pencil thin mustache." It's annoy to hear you all babble on." Bane and Adam listened but Cheetah turned over to him and hissed. But then Sinestro cocked his head to her and hissed back.

"You know I heard Giganta went straight." Spoke up Captain Cold.

"She went straight!" yelled Atomic Skull." Holy Shit, I've got to get in on that!" Then he along with Parasite, Sinestro, and Bane all stood up ready to leave then and there.

"Not that kind of straight you Dumbasses!" yelled Captain Cold.

"Oh." They groaned in a defeated manner as they all sat back down.

"You know what it is." Said Parasite standing up causing everyone to look at him." I think it's because we all don't bond enough, I think we should have a movie night."

"No." said Lex waving his arms." There will be no movie night."

"Oh we could watch the Lord of the Rings." Commented Atomic Skull.

"No, let's watch Miami Vice." Said Cheetah.

"NO!" exclaimed Lex as he continued to wave his arms." That is soft-core porn, I'm not watching that with any of you."

"You know what we could do?" said Livewire stepping up." We could start a band." The villains murmured their agreement while Lex just slammed his head against his desk.

"Yea I want to do that." Agreed Sinestro.

"Well people in Hell want Ice water." Snorted Lex.

"Yea." Agreed Bane." Karaoke. And what's that song everybody listens to now?" He scratched his head as he tried to think." Something about picture, memories, being drunk, something like that."

"Dun-dun-dun-dun." Sang Atomic Skull as he made the image of himself playing a piano.

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind." Sang Star Sapphire.

"For me it happens all the time." Sang Cheetah and Livewire with her.

"It's a Quarter After One, I'm all alone and I Need You Now." Sang all the villains together." Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I Need You Now." Lex just sat back and if he had hair to pull out he would be doing it." And I don't know how I can do without I just Need You Now." They sang.

"Shut up, Shut up, Shut up!" yelled Lex.

"Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." They sang.

"It's a Quarter After One, I'm all alone and I Need You Now." Sang the Girls.

"And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I Need You Now." Sang the Guys. Lex quickly put his hand behind his waist and pulled out his gun, then he raised it into the air.

"And I don't know how." They all sang." I can do without, I just Ne-" Then Lex pulled the trigger and his gun fired off. The noise shot out and frightened his co-workers who all looked at him shocked.

"If your just about finished." Said Lex as he put away his gun." Can we get back to business." The villains then all turned and went back to their seats."

"I say." Spoke up Gentleman Ghost as he padded himself down." Has anyone got a fag?" Then everyone shot their heads around and looked at him in confused shock." A fag?" he asked.

"Really? Really?" asked Lex while his fellow Legion members continued to look at the Ghost confused." We're all about bringing death and destruction to the world but the second we cross some sensitivity line we all jump on it.

"A fag?" asked Ghost." Anyone?" Nobody answered and still looked at him shock." A smoke, dear fellows anyone."

Realizing what he meant suddenly every Legion member held out a cigarette for him to take. Ghost reached over and took one from Livewire.

"Much obliged ma'am." He said tipping his hat to her.

"Don't." said Parasite to him." Don't treat them like people."

"Has anyone got a light?" asked Ghost. Then like with the cigarette everyone leaned in with a lighter, Atomic Skull with his thumb on fire. Ghost leaned forward and lit his cigarette, then tipped his hat to Skull as a thank you.

"Now let's not forget why we're here people!" said Lex getting them to turn back to him." Let's remember the topic at hand."

"I'm starting to get hungry." Said Black Adam." Could we go out and get those cookies?"

"NO!" yelled Lex." Nobody is getting anything until we come up with a plan!"

"I say." Said Parasite holding up his hand." That we reconvene with this meeting after we get something to eat."

"I love that you know how to do that." Said Star Sapphire putting her arms around him.

"And I love that I'm aroused right now." He muttered.

"You guys want to leave?!" said Lex." FINE!" Then he pushed the podium over." I hope you all rot in hell." Then he walked off a few steps but then stopped and turned back to all of them." I'll see you all next week."

So with that the villains began to leave the meeting room and then made their way into the lobby.

The villains left the room, expect for two. They were Grundy and Bizzaro, and the two were still standing there with dull looks on their faces starring into the other's eyes.

The Dead Man and the Clone regarded each other and for those few moments they felt something between them, a common calling, and a common destiny.

"Grundy like you." He said putting his giant hand on Bizzaro's shoulder.

"Bizzaro like you too." Then the two turned and walked out of the room together. Then as they were the last two to exit when they left the lights turned off.

It was several seconds after they left that suddenly one of the windows broke open and Metallo jumped into the room. He then stood up and noticed the empty room around him. He'd missed another meeting again.

"DAMN IT!" he yelled throwing his arms into the air." I HATE THIS PLACE! WHY AM I HERE?!"

And that concludes yet another meeting with the Legion of Doom, the arch enemies of the Justice League. But it's somehow surprising that an organization such as theirs made up of such strange people could ever function normally. But that's the thing, they don't.

The End