Chapter 11
*Naomi's Point of View
The next morning I got up early again, catching the sun almost fully risen.
After a quick breakfast, I stepped outside to go for a walk. I wasn't really planning on exploring today, just going out to be alive in nature.
After only a few steps, the door behind me opened and closed, and Gianluca was slipping his hand into mine.
"Go back to bed, Gianluca," I said. "You have a concert later."
"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "I want to be with you."
We set out, quietly walking along, going off the path and into a field of wildflowers, then eventually into a quiet forest.
We returned to the house before lunch to get ready for the concert, and I took a quick shower and put on a red dress at my mom's request- she loved me in red. I took some time to put on mascara and lip gloss, and I even put on some light pink eye shadow to enhance my brown eyes.
I put on black heels and carefully went down the steps, holding onto the banister. Gianluca greeted me at the bottom by offering me his arm and looking me over approvingly. I wrapped my hand around his bicep and smiled at him.
He was wearing a suit; as in white collared shirt, black suit-coat, and a black tie.
"You look very beautiful, Naomi," he said as he leaned toward me to kiss my cheek.
"You look very handsome, Gianluca," I said. "I love it when guys wear suits!"
"The boys and I always wear suits for concerts," he said, smoothing his coat. "We're…classy."
I giggled.
We ate a quick lunch with Piero and Ignazio's families in the Ginoble house, then drove to the theatre. We arrived early, so that the boys could make sure everything was ready and all their equipment was working properly.
Gianluca took me backstage with him, and I followed him around as he checked and rechecked microphones and sound systems.
People were starting to arrive, and the theatre was getting crowded. Ignazio set a bouquet of red roses on a table backstage. I remembered the roses that they had handed out during the Il Volo PBS concert.
Gianluca took my hand.
"Don't worry," he whispered in my ear, "I'll go give you one during the show."
I smiled.
"Thank you, Gianluca."
People were taking their seats, and I left Gianluca and went to find my seat next to my mother, in the midsection of the theatre.
When the three boys eventually walked out onto the stage, the audience went wild, clapping and cheering.
Ignazio said something in Italian, and the crowd laughed and kept clapping.
The boys began to speak in rapid Italian and Mrs. Ginoble told my mom and me that they were acknowledging that it was great to be back in Italy. The crowd kept cheering.
They started the concert with "Granada", and then went on to "Il Mondo."
The crowd loved it, and all the people around me were chatting cheerfully about the boys, saying their names over and over. People took pictures and videos of them with their cell phones, and the woman in front of me said to her friend, in English, "Yes, they are very handsome young men, aren't they?"
The audience jumped to their feet after every song, and got exited when the boys jumped down from the stage to sing "O Sole Mio."
They went around shaking hands with people and hugging others. Piero went after the girls in the crowd to dance with them, and Gianluca jogged through the pathway in the middle to me, where he pulled me to him by my waist and danced with me for a moment as he sang. The people around me stared in awe.
When Ignazio took up the tune by himself, Gianluca put down the microphone and shouted over the crowd, "How am I doing?"
"Amazing, of course!" I shouted back.
"We're singing "Constantemente Mia" next!" he said. "We don't usually sing it during concerts anymore, but I thought you'd want to hear it!"
He quickly kissed my cheek and he turned to run back up to the stage with the two other boys, coattails flying.
They finished the song at the top of the steps, and the crowd leapt to their feet. Il Volo waved, shouting their thanks, and then began to sing "Constantemente Mia."
I sang along with them, my voice lost in the crowd.
Gianluca was watching me, and when the song eventually ended, he blew me a kiss.
I clasped my hands over my heart, dazzled. The boys came to the edge of the stage and sat, and began to sing an English song called "Smile."
When Gianluca looked at me again, I blew him a kiss back, and he blushed, smiling down at his microphone.
I made Gianluca blush on stage!
It's so attractive when a boy does something well, isn't it? It doesn't matter so much what it is, but when you can see their passion, their talent, it just makes you fall in love…
And so I watched Gianluca sing and play around with Piero and Ignazio, and entertain the mass of Italian fans.
After about an hour, they started to sing "El Reloj", and the crowd was still standing from the last song.
Suddenly, there was a bang in my chest. And another. My heart began to pound, and immediately I felt as if there were too many people around me, and it was too loud, too dark, and hot…
Not now!
Not here!
Oh, why!?
I had a panic attack yesterday! It wasn't supposed to happen again for at least a little while!
I tried to fight it, my nails digging into my thighs, and as the crowd laughed at something one of the boys did, I felt as though they were laughing at me.
I couldn't breathe, and the gasping and shaking began.
I struggled against it, and became frustrated that it had to happen now.
The pounding filled my chest and ears. I was supposed to make myself be still and calmly let it pass, but there were so many people, and so much noise…
I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. This concert was about the people of Abruzzo welcoming these amazing boys back. It had nothing to do with me, and I didn't want it to.
My chest hurt, and my eyes teared up.
My mother took my arm.
"Naomi, are you having an attack?"
I looked up at her with fearful eyes, and she took me by my shoulders. I pulled away, but held onto her arm.
I looked at Gianluca, who was sitting on the opposite end of the stage, shaking hands with people who reached up to him.
I desperately wanted to get out of there before he caught sight of me, and so I said to her, "I'm going outside."
She nodded in understanding.
"It's okay. Go."
I yanked my heels off my feet, grabbed my phone, and turned to run down the aisle as fast as I could force my legs to go. I couldn't breathe whatsoever, and I felt light-headed, but I just wanted to get out of there.
I raced out the front doors of the theatre and onto a pebbly walkway that hurt my bare feet, and I ran into the grass.
A cluster of low hanging trees offered me a place to hide, and I ran into them, into a thin forest, through the trees until I tripped and went sprawling beside a stream.
Gasping, I lifted my head and clutched at the grass.
The forest was spinning before me.
Panic was rising in my chest, and I was suddenly angry.
Why does this have to happen!? All I wanted to do was come and watch Gianluca and Piero and Ignazio sing, and my body wouldn't let me do that!
I pulled in frustration at my hair, and then slapped the surface of the stream with my hand. Cold water splashed up into my face, and I paused, surprised.
I leaned over, dipping my shaking hands into the stream. The waters settled a little, and I could see my terrified eyes. I splashed more water onto my face.
I sat back and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my dripping hands around them.
I sat quietly, trying to calm myself, letting the tears fall, letting the mascara run, letting the shaking and the pain and the panic happen.
I told myself that it was okay for me to have the attack, and that nothing was going to happen to me.
I let everything happen, and eventually it started to slow. I focused on breathing slowly, in and out, resisting the urge to gasp. I stretched out my feet and dipped them into the water, watching the rings that spread out. Little minnows swam by and nibbled my toes, and then dashed away.
There was a gurgling farther down the stream, and I wondered about it. I could always come back and explore…
Everything slowly calmed down and returned to normal, and the panic was replaced with intense fatigue. I leaned forward and looked at myself in the water, smiling at the funny-looking mascara trails on my cheeks. I picked up my feet and knelt forward, cupping my hands to scoop up some water.
I brought it to my face and gently washed off all the mascara and eye shadow, letting the water drip off my chin and hair.
I dried my face on the bottom of the red dress and smiled at myself in the water.
I returned to sitting with my feet in the water, brushing the bottom of the stream with my toes.
Everything was okay. I was okay.
I just wish it didn't have to happen during the Il Volo concert. I had no doubt that Gianluca knew I was gone, with all the times he had looked over at me. I hope the boys weren't disappointed that I had to leave.
I sat for a few minutes, listening to the water. The sky was dark, and I could tell it was about to rain.
I wondered if I should go back to the concert, and immediately pushed the thought out of my head. What if it happened again? Repeat attacks are pretty common. The thing that caused this attack would most likely cause another one if I went back. I tiredly rubbed my eyes and sighed.
Still…I could wait in the lobby. I stood, but was overcome with a wave of fatigue. I sunk back down to my knees and looked around for my phone. It was only a few feet away, and I crawled over to it, and returned to the stream.
I texted my mother, "I'm okay. Taking a few minutes to rest."
She texted back, "That's fine, sweetie. Just relax."
I stayed where I was, just resting and breathing and wondering about what Gianluca was thinking. It started to drizzle.
I thought that the concert must be over by now, but I was so tired...I didn't want to get up, and it would be embarrassing to go back and face everyone.
My phone buzzed, and I discovered a text from Gianluca.
"Talked to your mother. Convinced her that she could go and that I'll take care of you and bring you home. I'm coming to find you."
I looked around for my shoes, finding that I had dropped them a several feet away. I rubbed my face, and felt exhausted. I leaned back on my arms and waited for Gianluca.
After a few minutes without him showing up, I pulled out my phone and looked up "I Bring You To My Senses."
It was such a romantic song, and I thought about how Gianluca had held me and sung it to me the night before. I pulled my knees to my chest and listened…
Suddenly, the song was echoing behind me.
I jumped and turned.
Of course, there stood Gianluca, holding my heels in one hand and a red rose in the other, singing the end to the song.
I smiled softly, and as the song ended, he came over to sit by me, reaching out to brush the hair out of my face.
"I saw you leave, and I moved to come after you, but Piero and Ignazio linked arms with me, and they wouldn't let me move. After the song, they told me to give you a while to rest, and they convinced me to finish the concert. I wanted to leave so bad, though. I needed to find you!"
"I'm okay," I said, "I was so frustrated because I had to leave, and it made the attack a little worse, but I made myself be still."
"Are you okay now?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm so sorry Gianluca!"
He was surprised.
"For what?"
"Having to leave. This concert is all about Il Volo, and the attack makes it about me! I'm so sorry."
"Oh, baby, you can't help it!" he said, quickly putting an arm around my shoulder, inviting me to lean against him.
"Yes, but it's embarrassing, Gianluca! Having to stop doing things because the attacks won't let me do them!"
"It's okay, Naomi! I don't care!" he said.
He held out the rose to me.
"Here, I didn't get to give you this."
I sat up and took it, holding it to my nose to smell.
"Mmm, it's beautiful," I said, smiling at him, "Thank you, Gianluca."
"You're very welcome. Are you ready to go back?"
I made a face.
"What?"
"I don't want to go back and face the other boys," I said, leaning into him again and burying my face in his coat. His hands went around me and he held me tightly.
"It's okay, Naomi! They like you, and they'll understand. They won't care that you had to leave."
"But still, Gianluca!"
"Come on," he said, releasing me and getting to his feet. He held a hand down to me and I took it.
He pulled me up and offered me his arm, but I felt so drained that I almost fell back down.
Gianluca grabbed me around the waist before I could fall.
"Okay," he said. "I am not letting you walk."
He turned away from me and crouched down.
"Come on, I'll carry you."
I got onto his back and wrapped my hands around his neck, still holding the rose, and he held my thighs to keep me from falling. He straightened with ease, and I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
He bent to pick up my shoes, and then carried me back through the forest and to the theatre, but went around the back. I opened my eyes long enough to see that Ignazio and Piero were packing up their equipment.
"Should I put you down now?" Gianluca asked me, turning his head to see my face.
"No."
"Good," he said, "I don't want to put you down, either."
I closed my eyes again.
"I might fall asleep," I warned him, then realized, "You know what? This is kind of selfish, isn't it? You're the one who just did a whole concert!"
"I do these concerts all the time," he assured me. "Go to sleep, beautiful." I gratefully closed my eyes and tightened my arms around his neck. He started walking forward to catch up with Piero and Ignazio.
I heard Piero say, "Aha! You've brought her back!"
"Is she okay?" Ignazio asked.
"Shhh…" Gianluca said softly. "She's fine, just tired out. She was upset that she had to leave."
"Awww…she's a sweetheart." Ignazio commented.
"Yes," Gianluca said, "She really is."