Ana
Today is Tuesday and Elena is still on the run. The police has no clue where she is and with every day that passes by I feel more anxious that she is plotting something. At least my Dad came back from his business trip early this morning and my Mom and Anya went back home. I love having them here, but this apartment is just not big enough for all of us. Especially when my mom is upset over something. When ever my mom is upset she starts to bake. By now I have enough cookies and cake for the next three years at my apartment. Since there is no way that I can eat all of it I insisted she would take half of it with her to Bellevue and I will call Gail so she can come to my apartment and take most of the rest to Christian's. Between him and the security they will eat all of it in less than a week.
Another reason why I am glad that I am alone again is that now I finally have the time to read Christian's letter. With my mom and Anya here the only alone time that I had was when I had to go to the bathroom or while I was taking a shower, so there was no time to read the letter. And now that I have the time I'm kind of apprehensive to read the letter. I'm just not sure what to expect and Anya wouldn't stop to go on and on about Christian having a crush on me. I mean, honestly? If he does, he sure has a funny way of showing it. Come on, Ana. Just read that darn letter and get it over with. That little voice in my head tells me and before I can find any excuse to wait longer, I open the envelope and take the letter out.
Dear Ana,
I know what I did is unforgivable, but I have to try. Maybe by explaining to you what happened you will at least understand why I acted the way I did ever since you returned from Europe. Since you have already figured out that I was in a relationship with Elena, I am going to be honest about it. I entered a relationship with her when I was 15 and it ended shortly after I turned 21. Still, I saw Elena as my dearest friend until I had to realise that she is nothing but a liar, a criminal and she used me like a puppet. There is much more you need to know about my relationship with Elena, but I feel like it is not right to put it in writing, though I promise to tell you anything in person, should you decide that you want to talk to me.
What is important is that for the longest time I saw her as the one persons who truly knows me and understands me. And that is where I was utterly wrong. I am not sure if you remember the weekend you've spent at Escala a couple of months before you went to Europe. But for me this weekend changed everything, Ana. I am sure you noticed that I tried to keep some distance between us ever since you turned into a teenager and later into the beautiful young woman you are today. I did this because even back then I felt drawn to you. But those feelings seemed so alien to me that I had no idea what they were or what to do about them.
And this weekend you stayed at Escala, it was one of the best times in my life. Whenever you are around I feel like I can be just me. Not the CEO, not the billionaire or what ever else persona people know of me. Around you I can be just Christian, you make it easy for me to relax and just enjoy the moment, which is very rare for me. It was this weekend when I realised that I am in love with you, I tried to deny it, tried to convince myself I don't need love and more so that I am not worthy to be with such a wonderful girl like you. But the simple truth is, I am a selfish man, Ana. And no matter how much I fought with myself, I still wanted to be with you. So, I decided to come clean, take the risk and confess my feelings for you. I came to your parent's home the day you left for Europe, but I was too late, you were already gone. I was in the middle of what was probably the most important deal in my career. Otherwise I would have flown to Europe to tell you how I feel about you, but I couldn't and that's where things went wrong.
Elena figured out that you were the girl I wanted to talk with and she told me terrible lies about you, lies I did not want to believe. It was the first time I told Elena I didn't believe what she is saying and she told me she could prove to me that you are involved with many men and have been since your early teenage years. The security detail I told you about was in reality a P.I. hired by Elena to follow you around. By now I am pretty sure that most of the pictures I have seen were photoshopped and I am truly ashamed of myself for falling for Elena's lies and the appalling way I have treated you. All I can say is that I was sick with jealousy and that I couldn't control my anger when I thought you are not the girl I thought you are. But that does not excuse what I did. Even though I don't like the idea of you being with another man, I have no right to judge you. I'm just now starting to realise that, actually I am the last person to judge anyone about their sex life, but that is something I would like to discuss with you in person.
I could go on and on, trying to find excuses for my behavior, but the sad truth is that I was just wrong, I chose to trust the wrong person, when you never gave me a reason to doubt you. And what I regret the most is my reaction after I found out the truth. I should have stayed, should have given you comfort instead of leaving you the way I did. I was shocked, scared ... I don't even know myself why I left you there like that. All I can say about it is that I was never as ashamed about anything I did in my life as I am ashamed about leaving you that night.
I'm not asking for you forgiveness and I know I should let you find a man who is worthy of you, but like I said before, I am a selfish man, Ana and I want to be with you. I don't know if you have ever thought about me like that, and I am pretty sure that you are not having any romantic feelings for me after all that has happened in the last few weeks, but I would be honored if you would give me the chance to prove myself to you. For you I would try to be a better man, I would move heaven and earth to show you that I can be what you need. But that is not my choice to make. It's all up to you now, Ana. I am giving you my promise that I won't bother you anymore. If you decide that you want to talk to me, just give me a call. If not, then I have to live with it. I just hope that one day, if you don't have the same feelings for me that I have for you, we can be friends again.
No matter what you decide, I want you to know that I only now understand that I always had this one person I could trust blind in my life, the one person who always cared about me and was a true friend. It wasn't Elena, it was you Ana. I want to thank you for talking to my father. You saw Elena for what she truly is and you did what you had to do to protect me, even though I was behaving so poorly towards you. That means more to me than you will ever know. Thank you.
I love you
Christian
Oh my god, I have no idea what to think. He loves me ... but then again, how much can his love be worth if he believed Elena over me. Fuck, he was 15 when their affair started and it went on for 6 years. Only thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, six years is such a long time and surely more than enough to brainwash a young boy and leave him with a serious case of Stockholm syndrome. But can I forgive him, because I feel pity for him? No, that's not right. If I give him a chance it has to be because I believe that we will have a future together.
I need some fresh air, maybe if I just take a walk for a while and think this through I can come up with an idea of what to do next. So, I send a text to Sawyer, the CPO of Christian who is following me around that I want to go out and we meet in the lobby.
"Do you want me to get the car, Miss Steele?"
"No, thank you, Sawyer. I just want to walk, I need some fresh air." I tell him and he nods.
We walk for a while and I try to come up with some sort of an idea of what to do. Maybe if we would try to be friends again first and then go from there... I can't finish the thought as all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. I hear the loud roar of an engine, Sawyer yelling at me; the next second he grabs me we are both flying through the air and land on the sidewalk with the car missing us by an inch. People around us are screaming and the car takes off.
"Miss, are you alright?" an old lady asks, I look next to me and Sawyer is not moving and I can see a puddle of blood building under his head.
"Oh my god, can you call 911" I ask feeling the panic rising inside me. What if he is dead?
"Ma'am your friend is still breathing, please calm down" I hear the gentle voice of a man and look up.
"Everything is going to be okay, Ma'am. Just breathe with me" the man says and his gently voice and caring smile makes me slowly calm down. "That's right, no need to panic. Help will be here any minute. Are you in pain?" he asks and I frown. I'm a little dizzy and my butt hurts from the harsh landing on the sidewalk, but other than that I feel fine.
"No, I'm fine. Thank you."
"That's good. Do you want to call someone?" I nod and with shaking hands I get my phone from my purse and dial Christian, Sawyer works for him so he needs to know and he lives closes to where we are and I could use to see a familiar face.
"Ana?" I hear Christian's voice and just hearing his voice sets me off and I start to sob.
"Christian ... I ... there was an accident. I think Elena tried to run me over with a car ... and ... Sawyer he is unconscious... we are just around the corner from Escala, across the street from the bakery."
"Fuck, are you okay?"
"Yes, but Sawyer is not moving, he landed on his head and he is bleeding pretty bad."
"Okay, Taylor and I are on our way, have you called an ambulance for Sawyer?"
"No, a man did"
"Good, it's all going to be alright, Ana."
"No, it's not. This is my fault, Sawyer got injured because I decided to go out. He fell on his head because he was protecting me."
"That's his job, Ana and he knows the risks. Believe me, once he is awake the only thing he will be upset about is that he couldn't manage to catch Elena. We are leaving Escala now, I can already hear the sirens of the ambulance and police, they will be with you any second."
"Yes, they are here. I'm hanging up now" I say and end the call. While the paramedics are tending to Sawyer one of the police officers helps me to my feet.
"Could you see the driver of the car or have you seen the licence plate, Ma'am?"
"No, everything happened so fast. I heard the roar of the car engine, Sawyer yelled something and then he grabbed me and jumped out of the way with me in his arms. The car missed us only by a few inches and took off before I could see anything."
"Do you have enemies, Ma'am?"
"No, I have no idea who it was." I decide to lie as I have no idea what Carrick told the police and the last thing I want is to get him into trouble.
"Good, is he your boyfriend?"
"No, he is security. My parents are Raymond and Carla Steele. They were friends with Elena Lincoln and as long as she is on the run our entire family has security, just to make sure that Mrs. Lincoln gets caught if she decides to come anywhere near us to ask for help or money."
He nods and makes notes. "Ana!" I hear Christian and the next second I am in his arms. "Thank God, you are okay. Have the EMT's checked you?"
"No, but I'm fine."
"Excuse me, Sir. Who are you?" The officer asks Christian and he turns to look at him.
"Christian Grey. I am a friend of Miss Steele's and also the boss of Mr. Sawyer."
"I thought Mister Sawyer is Miss Steele's security."
"For now he is, I have a large security team and some of them are protecting the Steele family as long as Elena Lincoln is on the run. Mr. Steele only has security for his company and they are not trained in close person protection, so I offered him to help out as all members of my security team are very well trained."
"Good, well Mr. Sawyer clearly is worth his money, this could have ended ugly for Miss Steele."
"I agree, do you need Miss Steele here much longer, I want her to get checked at the hospital."
"No, I just need her contact details and I need her to come down to the station tomorrow."
I let Christian handle the rest and 10 minutes later I am in the backseat of one of his Audis with him and Taylor is driving us to the hospital.
"You haven't told the police about Elena?" he asks.
"No, I wasn't sure what your dad has told the police and the last thing I want is to get him into trouble."
"Are you in pain?"
"No, I'm fine just a little dizzy and my butt hurts from the fall, but it's nothing bad. Will Sawyer be okay?"
"I think so, we have to wait what the doctors at the hospital will say, but Ana from now on I will put four CPO's on you. Two will follow you directly and two more who will tail you from a short distance. This way the chances that Elena will get caught are a lot higher, but it would be good if you would only leave Escala if you really have to. If Elena is following you she will soon figure out your daily schedule which will make it a lot easier for her to get to you. I will also put extra security on our families, Elena is evil if she can't hurt you directly she will hurt you by hurting the people you love the most."
Hearing him say this I can't help the tears that start to run down my cheeks.
"Ana, please. I won't let that happen. Do you want me to call your parents. Maybe you can stay at Bellevue for a couple of days. I don't want you to be alone."
"No, please don't call them. I don't want to stay at my parents house. If Elena is going after me then I don't want to stay there where she can break in and harm them to get to me." he looks at me thoughtful for a moment and nods.
"Good, I understand that, but I really don't want you to be alone. Look, I know we are barely talking right now, but you could stay at my place. I could invite Elliot to stay at my place, too. This way you don't have to be alone with me. Think about it, please."
I stare out of the window thinking about his offer. I don't want to lead this problem to my parents, so going to Bellevue is not an option, but I know that I will probably freak out alone at my apartment tonight, thinking Elena is hiding somewhere ready to stab me in my sleep. I really hoped that she was just trying to leave the country, but obviously she is now after me to get revenge. Under any other circumstances I would have taken Christian up on his offer without thinking twice about it. But everything is so complicated now, plus I don't want to lead him on.
"If I stay at your place it doesn't mean we are friends again or anything, but yes if Elliot is staying at your place, too then I would like to stay at your place for a couple of days." I tell him and have to hide my smile when his face lights up.
At the hospital a doctor examines me, but other than a few scratches I am fine, so I can leave again. Sawyer on the other hand has to stay the night as he has a concussion and a huge laceration on the back of his head that needed ten stitches. But true to Christian's word he was only upset that he passed out and couldn't catch Elena or at least catch a glimpse of the driver of the car because even the windshield was heavily tinted.
Back at Escala I gather what I need for a couple of days, get my dogs and get up to Christian's penthouse.
"Elliot will be here shortly... umm your dogs are housebroken, right?"
"Yes, and they are very well behaved, don't worry. Though, if you don't want me to go out much I need to have someone walk them for me."
"Gail or one the security guys can take them out for you, if no one has time let them out on the balcony, as long as they don't take a piss or shit in my penthouse I don't mind having them there." he says and I nod. Once out of the elevator Gail nearly tackles me down as she pulls me in a hug.
"Oh Ana, are you alright?" she asks and I nod. "Yes, Sawyer saved my life."
"He sure did, I was so worried when Jason send me a text to let me know what happened. Is there anything I can do for you, Ana?"
"No, I am fine."
"Good."
"Gail, Ana and my brother will stay here for a couple of days, please make sure the guest rooms are ready, and I need you to take Ana's dogs out until Elena Lincoln is caught. The less Ana has to leave Escala the better."
"Of course, Sir." she says and leaves us in the vestibule. "Do you want to rest before dinner, Ana?"
"Yes, I could really use some rest."
Christian leads me to the guest room I am usually staying at when I am here and I flop down on the bed with my dogs cuddling up against me.
"They sleep with you in the bed?" Christian asks and his tone shows he is not liking the idea.
"Sure, the like to cuddle."
"I see, well ... I am going to wake you up once dinner is ready." he says and turns to leave the room, but stops and looks at me again.
"I saw the letter I wrote to you lying on the coffee table in your livingroom. Have you read it?"
"Yes, before I left to take a walk. Look, I agree that we need to talk, Christian, but not now. I am exhausted and I need to think about everything you said in that letter."
"You are right, take all the time you need. I just ... nevermind." he is almost out of the door when I call him back.
"Yes?"
"Since you came clean about your feelings for me, I want to do the same, but that doesn't mean that I can just forgive you, it's merely so you don't have to ask yourself all the time if I feel the same way or not." I tell him. Maybe this is a bad idea, but if he is really willing to change for me, what ever that means, he should at least know if there is any hope for him.
"One of the reasons why I never dated is that you never asked me on a date. There was never anyone else I was interested in and had I known how you feel about me before I left for Europe things could have been very different now. As it is now, I need time to really think this through, there are things about me you don't know and I can't just jump into a relationship when I am not sure where this is going to lead me. One of these days we need to sit down and really talk about everything. Can you give me time until I am ready?" I ask him and I can almost see the relief washing over him.
"Yes, I can give you time. And thank you for telling me. Now rest, you look like you need it" he says and leaves while I snuggle up under the covers with my dogs and close my eyes. I don't want to give him too much hope, but at the same time I don't want Christian to think that there is no chance in hell for us to be together. Maybe, with a lot of talking and work we can find a way to be together, even after all that has happened...