I'm saying it now: I'm sorry.
The car was a confinement. And it was determined to keep its prisoner hostage until he either suffocated or died of restless boredom.
"Do we have to go?" Antonio whined.
His mother was the one that spoke up from the passenger's seat. "For the last time, we do," she stated firmly. "Now stop complaining, we'll be there soon."
Antonio's lip trembled, and he struggled keep his voice from cracking. "But we can still turn back, right?" She didn't answer.
The boy had cried his eyes out before the drive. He'd begged not to leave his friends behind, but to no avail. They had already made him learn the language and bought the house. He and his family were moving to Italy.
From the beginning of the long ride, he had set himself up to be in a bad mood. Even when his older brother tried to cheer him up with terrible jokes, Antonio only pouted and tried his best to color inside the lines of his coloring book, despite the shaky roads that made his strokes jagged. He had half a mind to throw the book out the window out of pure spite.
When they finally arrived, it was early evening. Antonio did the bare minimum he could get away with in helping to unpack, and he didn't hesitate to grumble about what he did do. Dragging his suitcase upstairs was the last step in admitting he couldn't go back.
Sitting outside, he had to admit the place was pretty. There was a huge field all around the houses, and he thought he could see water in the distance. The garden was well kept, too. At least they weren't living in a dump.
A bought of giggling caught his attention. He stood up and turned around, but he couldn't see anyone.
"Who's there?" he called out.
A head of reddish-brown hair poked out from around the corner of his house. They watched each other for a few moments before the child stepped into full view. He was a little boy, Antonio assumed around five or six years old, eyes filled with wondrous curiosity.
"Who are you?" Antonio questioned. "Do you live around here?"
The boy nodded and smiled brightly. "Over there." He pointed to the home two houses down and scurried over to where Antonio was still standing on the steps. "You're new!"
Antonio managed to smile in return, not wanting to seem rude. "Yes, I am. I just moved here."
The boy, seemingly overjoyed at his discovery, squealed and took ahold of his arm, tugging him in the direction of his house. "Great! You have to meet my brother, he's seven!"
He was certainly eager to get to his point. But there was another kid here? And he was almost his age? Overcome with a sudden excitement, he stopped letting himself be dragged along and kept up pace with the energetic boy.
They dodged the side of his house in favor of reaching the back, Antonio beginning to feel a little short of breath after their extensive run. The little boy slowed down to a tiptoe in a matter of seconds, and Antonio almost ran right into him.
"Hush, he's asleep!" he warned.
Antonio nodded. He knew how to sneak up on a person; he'd practiced on his brother all the time back home. He put those skills to use as he trailed the small boy who was now hopping up onto the veranda.
From what he could see, there was a couch past the two tables facing out towards the field that sat behind the house. That looked to be their destination.
A small creak in the wood halted his little escapade—the other boy just kept walking. He stood on the side of the couch, blocking Antonio's view from where he was standing. He waved him over, bright smile easing his mind. He made his way over at a slower pace to his side, and they both covered their mouths to suppress their giggling.
The boy on the couch was sprawled out in an unfashionable manner, and there was a puddle of drool accumulating on the couch cushion below his mouth. He had a striking resemblance to his younger brother, aside from his darker hair. Antonio thought he looked goofy, and both boys simultaneously reached to poke his cheek.
The instant they touched his face, he shot up from his sleeping position, screamed, and fell onto the floor, while the other two erupted into cackling hysterics.
"What the hell, you guys?!" he screamed. "And who the fuck are you?" He jabbed an accusing finger in Antonio's direction.
"Nonno said no swearing!" the smaller of the two cried out, to which the other responded by puffing out his cheeks and rubbing his head where he hit the ground.
"Well, Nonno is on vacation, so I can do whatever I want," he muttered, sticking his tongue out.
Antonio smiled brightly. "I'm sorry we woke you. I can leave, if you want. I live right there!" He gestured in what he thought was the direction of his home. "You can visit, if you want to."
The boy looked at him with mild surprise. "Oh," he said. "Well, now I can't sleep, and it's your fault...so you can't leave. That's your punishment."
He grabbed Antonio's wrist and pulled him in the direction of the door, the younger one merrily skipping behind. What was with these siblings and dragging him around?
He didn't get much of a look inside as he was pulled to the boys' bedroom at a faster pace than his eyes could adjust to, but from what he could tell it was a pretty home.
When they closed the door, the smaller one immediately sat on the floor, patting the ground next to him for Antonio to sit.
The brothers sat opposite of him, staring him down. Not knowing what to do, Antonio smiled and waved hesitantly. The small boy giggled, while the other continued to scrutinize him.
"What's your name?" he finally asked.
"Uh...Antonio."
The boy leaned forward. "Okay, Antonio. I'm giving you permission to come play with us. It's a secret club, so you can't invite anyone unless we all agree. Agreed?"
Antonio's eyes widened. He'd never been invited into a club before. And yet here he was, already in on day one. "Agreed." He nodded, face serious.
The boy relaxed and smiled, leaning back against the bed. "Good. What do you want to do, first?"
"Oh, we can finish my puzzle!" The younger boy leapt to his feet and dashed to the small table in the corner. "I'm almost finished!"
Antonio agreed, and the three of them helped to put all the pieces together. They spent the next several hours making up games and running around, and it was almost dark before Antonio realized his parents would likely start to get worried if he didn't show up soon.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. Can I come back tomorrow?" he asked, voice filled with hope.
With a small pout and a nod, the siblings nodded. "But, remember, secret club."
"Got it!"
Back home, Antonio's mother looked up from her book and smiled as he walked through the door.
"Where did you run off to earlier? I half thought you tried to run back to Spain." She laughed at her own joke, and Antonio giggled along.
"I met a boy my age, Mamá," he said proudly.
She placed her bookmark in between the pages and set down the book. "Did you, now? Who is it?"
Antonio beamed. "His name's Lovino!"
"Hey, Antonio, could you pass me that hammer right there?"
"Got it!"
The man working to piece together the large slats of wood had a funny American accent. He'd promised the boys he'd make them a treehouse in the large trees he had behind his house to use as their secret base for their club, and Antonio had eagerly volunteered to help.
He was the only one working on it as Lovino had stayed behind that day, helping Feliciano to give his new dog a bath. Antonio had wanted to join them, but he'd already promised to help finish the treehouse. In the end, he didn't really mind; he knew the dog would get dirty again very quickly.
When it was finally complete, Antonio stared in awe. It was the coolest thing he'd ever seen, with a little ladder and a rope and even its own window, though it was only a square in the wall with no glass.
"I think it looks pretty good!" the man—his name was James—said, not putting forth any effort to conceal his pride.
"Me too!" Antonio agreed. "Can I live in it?" he asked eagerly.
James laughed. "I don't think so, no. It wouldn't be super comfortable."
Antonio sighed. He was right.
Soon his eyes brightened. "Oh, I have to tell Lovi it's done! He said he didn't care, but he still made me promise to get him first when we finished."
"Well, don't keep him waiting." James dusted off his pants and began gathering his tools together. "I'll have Lily make you boys something to eat."
Antonio shouted a thanks over his shoulder as he rushed over to Lovino's house. It was a shorter distance that from his own house, as this one was in between the two.
He ran around to the back, where he spotted the two boys wrestling to keep their little Spaniel in the tub.
When the puppy spotted Antonio running towards them, she went ballistic. With a burst of energy, she leapt out of the tub, soaking wet and full of suds, and charged towards him. Feliciano shrieked for help and gave chase, but Lovino was too busy laughing to join him.
"Biscotto, no! Come back, you're not done with your bath!" Feliciano cried out. Antonio stopped and let her run to him, laughing and petting the wet dog as she jumped up on his legs.
"Come on, girl, let's get you back." Antonio picked her up and carried her back to the tub while Feliciano chastised her.
With Biscotto back in the water and Feliciano once again rubbing soap on her back, Antonio sat beside Lovino to watch.
"I think she likes you," Lovino stated.
"Aw, you think?" Antonio laughed. "I think she just wanted out of the bath."
Lovino rolled his eyes. "Probably."
Antonio jumped up suddenly, surprising all three present. "Oh, right! The treehouse is finished!"
Lovino's eyes widened. "Woah, already?" He grinned along with Antonio. "Then what the hell are we waiting for? Club meeting!"
Antonio helped the siblings to dry off the dog before they left, not wanting to leave Feliciano to the task himself. After all, he was only eight.
Biscotto trailed beside them as they hurried to James' house. She was bouncing along, and Antonio guessed she was just as excited as all of them. She'd be a good member.
With cookies made by Lily and a struggle to lift the dog up into the treehouse, the boys situated themselves inside their new clubhouse.
The floor was considerably wide, enough to let all of them to sit comfortably with a good distance between them. The doorframe and window let in enough light, but still have some shade to hide from the sun. And it proved to be a nice place to eat.
They hadn't really planned this meeting, but even with a mouth full of crumbs, Lovino looked determined to speak first. Had he already been thinking about this?
"Alright, club. We're here to talk about our new meeting spot, right here," he began. "The three of us—"
"Hey!" Feliciano interjected holding up Biscotto's paws.
Lovino sighed. "Four of us, will try to meet here to talk about stuff. Can't trust parents with our secrets."
Antonio nodded. His mother hated secrets being kept from her, and the other two both knew it.
"What if nobody else is here?" Feliciano piped up.
"Then either you wait, or go get who you want to talk to," his older brother responded with a definite nod. "And we all need to check as much as possible in case on of us is here."
Biscotto scurried out of Feliciano's lap and sniffed around as Lovino was talking. Antonio stopped paying attention to what he was saying as he watched her wander a little to close to the edge. Swiftly, he scooped her up and set her back down in Feliciano's lap, who looked up at him with eyes shining with admiration.
"Hey, Antonio!"
"Huh?"
"I asked you if you wanted to help me decorate in here," Lovino said, rolling his eyes.
He nodded eagerly. Anything to do with something artistic, he was up for.
It wasn't long before the inside walls had pinned-up drawings all over. Their pictures varied from people to birds and trees, and they were all drawn by Antonio and Lovino. Feliciano refused to take any of his out of his sketchbook, saying they belonged there and his mind wouldn't be changed on it.
"Lovi, I really like yours. Do you have any more to put up?" Antonio questioned.
"I thought I told you not to call me that, bastard. But I think we have enough in here," he said, looking around in appreciation. "I like the bookshelf," he pointed out.
It was something Antonio had asked for. He kept their collective sketchbooks there, as well as the club journal, where they wrote down anything major that was going on. The most major thing that had actually happened, however, was Antonio's arrival, so there wasn't much in it yet.
Antonio nodded in agreement. "I like it, too."
With a yawn, Lovino started heading down the ladder. "See, you soon, Antonio."
"You, too, Lovi!"
"It's Lovino!"
By the color of the sky and the growing winds, Antonio could tell it was fixing to rain.
His mother had confined him to his room, and he wasn't to come out at all that night except to eat dinner. She'd caught him in an attempt to sneak out the back door instead of finishing his homework, so all he had to do now was stare out the window.
"Is this about that Vargas boy again? I already told you I don't like you hanging around him!" she'd yelled. It hurt Antonio to hear that his best friend was thought of as a bad person around here.
He sighed, resting his chin on his palm. Actually he'd only wanted to take a break by laying outside before the storm. It gave him a sort of thrill to be in the field right before the rain hit, and he reveled in the exhilaration. It was the most exciting thing he really did here.
A door closed downstairs, and he perked up. His mother went to sleep early, and his father was never far behind. He could get out now.
Making as minimal noise as he could, Antonio inched his way out into the hallway and down the stairs. His older brother was on the phone in the kitchen with his girlfriend, completely oblivious of the outside door opening and the fourteen-year-old slipping through the crack.
Once outside, Antonio took his time strolling around, smiling to himself at his successful escape. His house was feeling tense as of late, and he was glad to be out. The air smelled like rain, which had always helped to brighten him up, however odd that seemed to his mother.
Soon he found himself at the base of the treehouse. It was as good a place as ever to get away and relax; that's what they'd built it for.
He climbed the ladder with ease and stretched with a yawn when he reached the top. He only hoped he wouldn't fall asleep in here.
"Hey."
Antonio nearly fell off the edge he jumped so quickly. Lovino had his back pressed to the corner, and he was sniffling and rubbing his eyes with his jacket sleeve. He was trying to cover up his tears, and he was doing a terrible job of it. Antonio was by his side in seconds.
"Lovino, what's wrong?" he asked softly, all earlier wishes put aside.
Lovino sniffled again, still rubbing his nose raw. Antonio gently pulled his hand away from his face, not wanting him to hurt himself.
"Lovino?" he asked again. "Do you want to talk?"
He got a feeble headshake in response. Antonio nodded slowly. "Okay, no problem. We can just sit here, if that's what you want."
The Italian boy continued averting his gaze. He didn't seem like he'd do much else, so it surprised Antonio when he leaned his head against his shoulder. Lovino's hair felt soft against Antonio's skin, and it was cold from the chill outside. The rest of him, however, remained comfortingly warm.
Antonio watched through the small door as it finally started to rain. The distant noise almost covered up Lovino's whispering voice as he spoke.
"Toni, am I a good person?"
Antonio almost didn't know how to respond. Why would he ask a question like that? His voice betrayed his fear, and Antonio felt his heart break at how weak he sounded.
Then he remembered what his parents had agreed on. That Lovino was a bad influence, and he would slowly start to twist Antonio's mind if they continued spending too much time together.
"Of course you are," Antonio finally said, inwardly cursing himself for hesitating. "Is someone saying mean things to you, Lovi? Because I can go fight them off for you, if they are."
Lovino laughed only a little, but Antonio could feel it against his shoulder. It made him feel a little better.
"I'm serious! You're my best friend, so I'd definitely do it." Antonio grinned. "Just tell me who."
"It's not that, dumbass," he grumbled, hugging Antonio's arm to his chest and closing his eyes. "But thank you."
Antonio smiled softly. "Anytime."
The rain was coming down harder by the minute. They sat in silence, watching it blur out the rest of the world. The papers on the walls were just barely holding on, and Antonio was surprised they'd stayed there for as long as they had. He nearly laughed at how bad all the drawings were, though he understood that they were made by a couple of ridiculous kids. A moment's thought reminded him that he still wasn't any good at drawing. He suppressed a sigh. It had always been his dream to pursue art, but he knew when to quit. His mother certainly found it to be a wasteful hobby, and it would be difficult to change her mind on anything.
His mind began to wander away with the silence. Should he really just give up? That would prove to be difficult; he loved it too much. He wracked his brain for a solution, anything that could keep his dream intact, even if it meant interchanging some parts of the picture.
"Lovino, do you think you'll be an artist one day?" he asked quietly.
Lovino craned his neck upwards to look him in the eye. "An artist? I…I don't know."
"But you like it, right? Doing art and stuff?"
"I mean, I do. But I'm not sure I can make it as an actual artist, Antonio," Lovino stated calmly.
Antonio frowned as he gave his words thought. "You're right, it does take a lot of work. But I've seen you improve a whole lot since, well—" he gestured to the walls, "—that. I think you'd be really great if you'd be willing to put the effort in."
Lovino's eyes shone, and Antonio realized he was nearly crying again. "You think so?" he asked, hopeful.
"Yeah, I do. Because I read somewhere that an artist is someone who changes people's lives. You've definitely got that ability, and that's what truly makes you an artist." Antonio laughed. "But also because you're really stubborn, and nobody can stop you when you're being stubborn."
That earned him a punch to the arm.
"Okay, okay, sorry!"
Lovino rested his head back on Antonio's shoulder. "You better be," he mumbled.
"I am sorry, Lovi. I mean, Lovino," he corrected himself.
The quiet laughter from Lovino made him smile. "Lovi is fine, okay?"
"Mh-hm."
Both boys shared a yawn, Antonio beginning to let the rhythmic raining drag out his weariness.
He fell asleep there, his best friend breathing softly against him, Antonio feeling glad he decided to venture out here. He could deal with his parents in the morning.
Antonio adjusted his tie in the mirror. Tonight, he was taking his girlfriend out to dinner for their one year anniversary, and he was adjusting every little part of his suit. After all, he needed to look presentable.
Feliciano's lithe frame popped into his view in the mirror. "You look great, Tonio, don't worry!" he chimed in. "Mia is going to love it, I promise."
"You think so?" Antonio asked. He wasn't exactly worried about her finding him attractive, he just didn't want to look bad.
Feliciano nodded. "Definitely. Who wouldn't?"
They both laughed and sat on his bed as they waited. Feliciano's pen pal from Germany was finally visiting, and Antonio had invited them to join him and Mia at the restaurant as a welcome. Feliciano certainly looked excited to see him again; the boy was grinning from ear to ear and bouncing his leg on the bed.
"What time is he getting here?" Antonio asked.
Feliciano glanced at his watch. "Ten minutes."
A knock on the door cut off Antonio's reply. His brother opened the door and leaned against the doorframe and regarded them lazily. "You two all set?" he asked.
"Almost," Antonio said. "Ludwig is getting here."
His brother, Henrique, gave a quick thumbs up. "I'm driving you guys, so let me know when you're ready."
Antonio returned his thumbs up. "I will."
When he left, Feliciano looked over to Antonio with a somewhat worried look in his eyes. "Can I ask you something?" he questioned, unusually quiet for him.
"Of course. What is it?" Antonio offered him a soft smile to reassure him.
Feliciano took a deep breath, closing his eyes and speaking quickly. "Do you think Luddy would consider this a date?" He opened one eye when he finished, looking a bit scared as he waited for a response.
Antonio paused. He hadn't been expecting that, but he wanted to make sure he didn't seem to surprised. "Well, do you want it to be?" he finally replied.
"I-I guess I do." Feliciano pouted. "You've met him, right? Do you think he likes...you know..."
"Guys?" he ventured. Feliciano nodded solemnly. "Well, from what I've known of him, you two get along really well, yeah?"
"Mh-hm."
Antonio gave him a cheerful smile, and he smiled back. "Then there's nothing to worry about. If he's gay, I'd say there's a good chance he likes you. But if he's not, and he's really your friend, he'll respect you and you two will still write to each other and visit all the time."
The bed creaked as Feliciano threw his arms around Antonio, burying his face into his shoulder. "Thank you," he mumbled.
"No problem, Feli." He rubbed his back in comfort. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you ask me?"
Feliciano pulled away from him, laughing. "Because Lovino hates Ludwig, and you're like my second older brother."
He had a point there. Lovino wasn't a huge fan of his brother's German friend, and Antonio practically lived with them.
"Does your brother know at all?" Antonio asked.
"I guess he might have a clue. But he hasn't been out of his room for a few days, so you're the first one I told," Feliciano said shyly, his face turning a bit pink. Antonio felt somewhat honored that he trusted him enough for that.
Suddenly, he grew serious. "Feliciano, you can't let my parents know, okay? They're not the most understanding people out there."
A public display of homophobia from his parents the previous year had left a jarring realization in Antonio's heart that they had a particular nasty side to them. He shuddered at the thought. No friend of his would have to deal with that while he was around. Especially not little Feliciano.
"Got it," Feliciano said, bringing Antonio back to the present.
Just then, the doorbell downstairs rang out through the house, and Feliciano nearly fell off the bed trying to get up. "He's early!" he yelled.
Antonio laughed and helped to steady him. "You can walk, he's not going anywhere."
With an apologetic yet excited grin, Feliciano made his way downstairs where Antonio heard him greet Ludwig cheerfully.
One last adjustment to his suit jacket and Antonio followed, turning off the lights on his way out.
Ludwig was dressed nicely, and his perfectly slicked back hair made him look almost like an adult. Even though Feliciano was a year older, the blond boy stood a few inches over him. Antonio hadn't seen him since the last time he'd visited with Gilbert, which had only been a few short months ago. How had he grown so fast?
He shook Antonio's hand as he said hello, in English, and Antonio noticed that his smile looked like more of a formality than of genuine happiness.
"How's your brother doing?" Antonio asked in attempt to make conversation.
"Gilbert is doing well. Wild, as always," he replied.
Antonio laughed. "I don't doubt it."
"Is that the little German boy?" he heard someone call out from the living room. Antonio's mother shuffled in with slipper-clad feet and a cup of coffee. She looked tired, and Antonio inwardly sighed. He hoped she wouldn't say anything rude.
"Guten Abend," Ludwig said with a nod in her direction.
"Such great manners," she commented wistfully. "I wish you were my son."
From what Antonio could tell, Ludwig's face pulled a little tighter. He was definitely uncomfortable, and Antonio couldn't blame him.
"Well, what are you boys doing just standing around here?" she asked, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently. "You have a dinner to be at. Feliciano, are you and Ludwig meeting your dates at the restaurant?"
Feliciano stuttered for a few seconds, unable to find his words. "Y-Yes, ma'am!" he finally blurted. Ludwig raised an eyebrow at him, and Antonio inwardly sighed.
Trying to save him from further embarrassment, Antonio called for his brother, who was there in a matter of seconds, twirling his keys around his finger. "Ready?" he asked.
"You guys go on and get in the car, I'll be right there," Antonio replied.
His mother watched him as he went to the kitchen to take the bouquet of lotus flowers out of the vase. He tried slipping past her with only a goodbye, but she gently took ahold of his arm to stop him. "Be good to her, okay?" she asked quietly. "And keep in mind that we're still moving soon." She'd been saying that ever since he could remember.
"I will, mamá." He smiled, and she hugged him briefly before shooing him out the house.
With the bouquet in hand, he sat in the passenger's seat of the waiting car. Henrique drove off and headed in the direction of Mia's house to pick her up.
Ludwig and Feliciano were chatting quietly in the back, Ludwig finally loosening up and looking more relaxed around his friend. Antonio smiled to himself; he hoped things would work out with them.
That was one brother that was happy. But what about Lovino? It hadn't gone unnoticed to Antonio the Italian's souring mood as of late. He wouldn't smile as much when Antonio made a joke, and there were times he wouldn't even let people talk to him. And now he was locking himself in his room. There was something going on with him, and Antonio guessed it was partly related to his self-esteem.
Henrique prodded him sharply in the shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Are you going to get your girlfriend or not?" he asked.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Antonio hurried out the car, almost leaving the bouquet in his seat in the process. Only after taking a deep breath at the front door, he knocked and stepped back.
A heavyset man with a full mustache opened the door. Assuming it was Mia's father, Antonio offered a polite smile. "Hello, I'm here to pick up Mia. I'm Antonio," he said.
The man gave a small nod and receded back into the house. He shouted for her, and Antonio heard her respond from far away.
"She's coming downstairs," her father grumbled.
True to his statement, Mia was in the doorway in seconds. Her dark hair was spiraled elegantly over her right shoulder, held up by a engraved silver clasp. She was in a dark blue dress matched with black heels, and she was smiling warmly with a light pink dusting her cheeks. She looked stunning, but Antonio found he was missing something.
It took a few moments for Antonio to process that he was staring. "O-Oh, right!" He held out the flowers for her to take, and her entire face lit up.
"Thank you, they're beautiful," she breathed out.
"You told me the pink ones were your favorite, so I thought you'd like them," Antonio said.
Mia plucked one from the bunch and handed the rest to her father to put in a vase. "I really appreciate them, Tonio. So, should we go now?"
Antonio nodded and took her hand to lead her to the car. "You can sit in the front, because there's not enough room in the back for all of us," he instructed, opening the car door for her.
"Oh, thank you." Mia sat down, looking over her shoulder at the boys in the back, somewhat bothered. She hadn't been a huge fan of the idea of bringing the two along.
Feliciano seemed unaware of her discomfort, however, as he smiled and waved to her. "You look very pretty!" he chimed.
"Thank you, Feli," she replied politely. "And you all look very handsome tonight."
Antonio smiled as he sat on the left of Feliciano and Ludwig. "All ready to go." Henrique nodded and started the car back up.
The ride was filled with idle chatter, mostly contributed by Feliciano. Antonio noticed with a suppressed chuckle that he and Ludwig would periodically catch each other's glances before quickly looking away.
The bubbly Italian was telling Ludwig about his earlier struggle of putting on his tie when they arrived at the restaurant. He squealed when he saw the entrance and hurried Ludwig out the car, forgetting his conversation.
Antonio promised his brother he'd call when they finished and stepped around the car to open Mia's door. He took her hand and led her to the front, sporting a charming smile for her, which she returned.
He'd saved up enough to take her to a nice dinner for their anniversary, and to his relief she seemed to like it. The two younger boys seemed pleased with it, as well.
She still smiled as they were escorted by a waiter to their own table, situating herself comfortably in her chair.
"Order anything you want," Antonio instructed, picking up his own menu to scan over.
They sat in a comfortable silence for the few minutes they were deciding on food. Once they ordered, however, someone had to break the silence.
"You do look very beautiful today," Antonio commented.
"Thanks, it's a new dress," she replied. "I was hoping you'd like it."
Antonio inwardly sighed with relief. It was usually a hassle for him to start conversations like this, but he knew she could talk forever if he let her. She did just that, going on about how she picked it out and her father's unwillingness to let her go out.
With an occasional nod to keep her going, Antonio's mind wandered away from their table and back home. Something was tugging at him, trying to bring him back. Was Lovino really okay? He didn't know, and it was beginning to drive him crazy. They used to tell each other everything before anyone else. The thought of them drifting apart terrified Antonio.
"...and that's when we buried the body."
"What?" Antonio started.
Mia sighed, leaning back in her chair. "I know you're not paying attention," she said, having his full attention now.
"I was!" Antonio tried, laughing nervously yet knowing full well it was pointless to try and mask it.
Her face set in a frown. "You don't want to be here, do you?"
"Why do you think that?" He had never really been the best liar.
"Really, Tonio?" she asked, pouting. "You're staring right past me, and there's nothing there—I checked three times. And you have this look on your face like you just lost your favorite pet." Her expression softened. "Are you sick? Because I don't mind if we reschedule."
"No, I'm not sick." He sighed.
"Mia," he started hesitantly. "I like you, you know that." She nodded, and he continued. "But I don't...I-I don't think I can do this anymore."
Mia simply stared. "You're breaking up with me?" Antonio nodded feebly. "On our anniversary?"
While he admitted it wasn't the best time to end something, he didn't want to move on trying to make her believe he still wanted to be together.
"Yes, I am."
He didn't know what to say in the awkward silence that ensued. Luckily, he didn't have to say anything.
Mia stood up abruptly and dropped the flower in his hands. "Well, this has been an experience. If you'll excuse me, I need to call my dad to pick me up," she said with a straight face, and hurried off to the bathroom.
It was then Antonio realized what an asshole move that had been. He groaned and slumped in his chair, only solaced by the fact that he wouldn't have to break up with her later.
Tucking the flower into his jacket pocket with little more than a submissive sigh, Antonio made his way to Feliciano and Ludwig's table. "Mind if I join you two?"
They didn't ask him what happened throughout dinner, and neither did Henrique when he noticed the absence of a certain girl. Before they dropped off the boys at Feliciano's house, Antonio asked if he could go there, too. Feliciano offered an understanding smile and Henrique promised to not tell their mother, much to his relief.
When the car stopped, Antonio practically threw the car door open and hurried inside while Feliciano led Ludwig to the veranda out back. The brothers' grandpa regarded him warmly, and Antonio was glad to see him.
"Antonio, my boy, it's been over a week. I think that's a new record." The old man laughed, still somehow managing to appear younger even after taking on the task of raising both grandsons for the past year.
Returning a more tired rendition of his smile, Antonio walked up and hugged him. "I'm sorry, just been busy."
They both knew that was a lie, but neither commented on it. The man the boys all affectionately referred to as Grandpa Rome let his smile falter. "He's upstairs," was all he said.
Antonio silently thanked him as he quietly made his way up the wooden steps. He could see the slats of light protruding from under his door, but no sound carried out with it.
He knocked gently on the door. "Lovino? It's me."
The door opened a crack and Lovino's hazel eyes peered at him. "What do you want?" he asked disinterestedly.
"Can I come in?" Antonio asked, his chest filled with hope.
Lovino hesitated. "No, you can't."
His heart fell. He still wasn't opening up. "Lovi, please? You're really starting to worry everyone, especially me," he begged. "Just let me in, or come out here, or something!"
"But I'm fine in here!" he argued.
"Doing what?" Antonio countered.
Lovino was frozen for several moments. He looked away, and his cheeks tinged red. He muttered something Antonio couldn't quite hear.
"What?"
"I said I was painting, jackass."
Antonio looked past his head through the open door, trying to see. There were several canvases in his view, but Lovino closed the door before he could get a good view of anything.
"Lovino," he whined. "Please, let me see. You know I love your art!"
The door opened again, and Lovino peered around both directions before opening it fully. "Fine," he grumbled.
Overjoyed at their progress, Antonio stepped inside, Lovino closing the door behind him.
Antonio was stunned by all the works surrounding him. Canvas and paper alike were coated with sunrises, color studies, and he even recognized one as his brother's dog, Biscotto. One caught his eye, and he moved towards it before Lovino could call for him to stop.
"Is this…me?"
Lovino turned bright red, desperately trying to turn around the canvas on its easel. "S-So what if it is? I'm just practicing."
He had been taking art lessons recently after Antonio relentlessly encouraged him to do so. Those lessons definitely weren't going to waste.
Antonio picked one up and examined it. "These are gorgeous, Lovi. You're getting really good!"
"Don't try to flatter me, bastard," he muttered. He tried too late to hide his faint smile, and Antonio sighed with a smile.
Lovino looked him up and down. "What's with you? Date went too well with Mia?"
"Oh, no. I broke up with her," he replied, maybe a little too uncalloused. Lovino stared at him, practically bug-eyed.
"You broke up with the prettiest, most popular girl in school. On your anniversary?!" he shouted. Antonio winced and put down the painting.
"Yeah…."
Lovino dropped onto his bead, shaking his head. "Idiot."
Pouting, Antonio sat beside him. "What, I just don't really like her romantically anymore."
"Do you like someone else?" he asked.
Lovino's eyes stared right into his, brimming with a new curiosity Antonio hadn't seen in a while. A stark contrast to Antonio's new suit, he was in a plain gray T-shirt that had paint smears overtaking the main color, and he looked a little tired. Something still seemed to be bothering him, but he was strong enough to pull through it. Because Antonio was his best friend, and he knew all there was to know about him. He'd seen him get through bullying kids, the deaths of both his parents, and more recently he was beginning to conquer his own self-doubts. And he was wonderful.
Crap.
"No," Antonio lied. And he was just beginning to realize that lie.
"Well, good," Lovino scoffed. "Because I don't need my best friend running off to realize he can leave me here whenever he wants."
"You locked me out for a week," Antonio pointed out. "But don't worry, I can't do better than you." With an overdramatic flourish, he produced the lotus flower from his pocket. It was somewhat flattened, but it looked decent enough.
His eyes flittered from the flower to Antonio's face. "Let me guess. You gave it to her, she got upset and threw it at your face when you dumped her."
"She just handed it back to me!"
Lovino laughed, and Antonio's chest soared. He'd always loved making him laugh. "Dumbass," the Italian mumbled and took the flower gingerly in his hands.
"Anytime," Antonio responded with a grand smile.
Placing the flower on his bedside table, Lovino regained a more serious expression as he regarded Antonio. "Hey, Toni? Remember two years ago in the treehouse, you told me that an artist was someone who changed people's lives?"
He didn't, not vividly, but he nodded nonetheless. "Yeah."
Lovino looked away, staring at the far wall. "Well, you're a pretty great artist."
Antonio took a shaky breath, suddenly finding himself needed to repress his tears.
"Don't say anything if you can't," Lovino continued. "You just…really help me. All the time. Thank you."
That was the nicest thing any person had said to him.
"Alright, Gilbert. Isn't your flute cleaned enough?"
"What? You think I'm gonna risk messing up the pads on this thing by playing it outside? No way, I'm cleaning it right before and right after."
Francis held his violin close to him. "Gil, you're giving our poor lover-boy here a heart attack," he said. "It'll be fine, don't worry. Let's just practice a little more to get your mind off of it."
Mumbling something about how they'd practiced enough, Gilbert gave in and tuned the instrument once more.
Antonio looked over the surface of the pond before them. His friends had helped him to set up a table in the gazebo where Antonio was going to take Lovino and finally ask him out. It had taken him nearly two years to decide if he should try, and part of that time was spent thinking up ways to actually go through with it.
Waving goodbye to his temporary musicians, Antonio hopped into his car and headed back home. On the way, he had to consciously remind himself to breathe; he was all around a nervous wreck. He wasn't even sure if Lovino liked men, but he was practically betting their entire friendship on it. He had to take his advice to Feliciano and flip it back to himself, and repeat it to himself. If he doesn't, then he'll understand, and you can still be friends. It had worked out well enough for him and Ludwig.
He parked the car in front of Lovino's house, but made no move to get out. He knew he'd be waiting inside for him, but he wanted to double check things first.
Lovino had kept all of his Michael Bublé CDs in Antonio's car since he got it. Picking Lovino's favorite album, he popped it into the CD player and went to go get him. He found him in the living room, petting Biscotto as she sprawled herself over his lap. "There you are," Lovino said. "Thought you were messing with me. Now will you tell me where we're going?"
"Aw, but that takes away the fun!" Antonio replied, hoping he was concealing his nerves well enough.
Biscotto yawned and hopped off the couch as Lovino stood up. Antonio had to refrain from taking his hand and kissing him right then and there. He had on a simple black long-sleeved shirt rolled up to his elbows, and his arms were crossed.
"Let's go," he said, maintaining his collective air about him while still anticipating the surprise he was promised.
He closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat of the car as Antonio set the car into motion. He smiled, listening to Lovino hum the words to Kissing a Fool. It was one of his favorite songs, and he almost always played it when they were going somewhere.
"Hey, Lovi."
"Hm?"
"Francis and Gilbert are there, too. Is that okay?" Antonio asked.
Lovino opened his eyes and looked at him. "Yeah, why?"
He smiled. "Just asking."
His nerves were quickly giving way to excitement. He'd been waiting for this for a while, and here he was. His best friend was right beside him, playing his favorite song. The weather was perfect, and he was genuinely happy.
"Antonio."
"Yeah?" he asked, dreamy-eyed.
"Pay atten—look out!"
It was all black. And then there were too many colors.
Sirens flashed through his eyelids, making his head swim. What was he doing? Where was he? What happened to-
Lovino.
Antonio tried sitting up and almost screamed. He felt like something was weighing his chest down from the inside, and movement only helped to aggravate the pain further. He turned his head frantically, unable to fully focus. He could feel he was moving somehow, though it wasn't his autonomous decision to do so. He was on a stretcher.
He craned his neck to spot his car, and stared in horror at the state of it. It was something reminiscent of a crushed soda can. His hearing began to ebb back into his head, and he heard shouting coming from the other side of the car, where the metal looked to be the most crunched up. He reached out an arm towards it and bit back a cry; it was definitely broken.
He didn't want to look. Yet he couldn't avert his blurred gaze as they pried the car door off and dragged something out of it. No, not something, someone. He was barely recognizable, twisted in unnatural ways and soaked in someone's blood. Antonio's breathing quickened as they brought him over to the ambulance, placing him on a similar stretcher and shouting at each other to hurry. His head lulled to the side, and Antonio's breath hitched in his throat, shooting another bought of pain through his body, but he hardly noticed. There was a sizable bump on his head, and a long scratch right under his hairline, but Antonio didn't dare evaluate the rest of him. If someone were to take a doll and beat it senseless, that's what Lovino Vargas would currently look like.
His struggles to get to him were futile, as the medics held him down, or his own pain prohibited him from going any further. So he went with the one thing he knew he could do.
He started screaming.
Second day of his new job, and he was already late.
Antonio practically slammed his car door as he rushed inside the building. Even after one day, he already had a reputation as the nice professor who everyone liked. Even that man who interrupted his class to take pictures. And now he was running late.
Running indoors wasn't really advised, but he found this an acceptable case to ignore that. Knowing his students from only yesterday had still led him to believe they'd somehow start a lecture without him, and he almost considered turning back and heading home again. He laughed to himself.
Just as he was turning the corner, someone had the same idea. They hit each other full force, and Antonio winced as he felt his ass hit the ground. He groaned and rubbed his head momentarily.
"What the fuck are you doing running around corners for?" the man asked, obviously pissed. "You knocked us both over!"
Antonio looked up while apologizing but froze on the spot in the middle of an explanation. The other man was scowling, and his hazel eyes were boring into his skull like lazers. He had one large curl protruding from his head, and a recognizable Italian accent. Antonio thought he must have hit his head harder than he initiatively perceived, because there was no way he was who Antonio thought he looked like. No, Antonio was in Spain, and his old friend was dead.
Urgency forgotten, he apologized and helped him up. He introduced himself normally and held his breath when the other introduced himself as Lovino Vargas.
This wasn't possible. He wasn't alive. He'd killed Lovino Vargas in an accident eight years ago.
So why the hell was he standing right in front of him, advising him not to run in the hallways?
Antonio woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. Just this week, he'd relived those moments twice. It was eating him up from the inside, and he didn't know how much more he could take before he'd break.
He knew Lovino still didn't remember him. Feliciano was still pushing for him to try and explain it to him. Maybe he was right. Hugging the blanket to his head, he cried into the soft fabric. He needed to tell him.
Well...a lot of you saw this coming. I stayed up until ungodly hours finishing this, so any reviews or comments are definitely appreciated!