RETURNING

Chapter 11: "A Piece of My Mind"

Rhett grew increasingly restless over the next few weeks. He knew that Scarlett genuinely meant her words but he could not quite commit himself to take a permanent decision in either sense. He loved Scarlett more than he had ever done before and he hated the idea of hurting her purposefully or of making innocent Wade and Ella suffer if he were to leave again. The way the children had clung to him when he returned home with Rosemary had made it very clear to him how much his absence had scared them and how much they had come to trust him and depend on him again. Even Scarlett, for all her outer show of fortitude, had clung to him more forcefully tan usual, holding his hand especially tighter or hugging him more frequently than usual. Now that Rosemary was gone, Scarlett's clinginess had even increased, and she could only rarely be persuaded to go the store, and, even so, she only went when Rhett himself went into town himself to meet one of his business associates and Scarlett always insisted on his coming to the store to pick her up as soon as his meetings were over.

Rhett understood Scarlett's demands for a definite answer as to the duration of his "visit" but he, never one to give explanations to anybody from an early age, did not feel up to take up that habit at this stage in his life. Had Bonnie still been here, he would have never left, and if left, his absence from his princess would have been a matter of a couple of days, at the very most. As matters stood now, he did not know any more than Scarlett. Other than assuring her (and promising Wade and Ella) that he did not have any plans for leaving as of now, Rhett was utterly reluctant to risk saying something that he may later be forced to recant or withdraw.

If he was being honest with himself, and that was a deeply-rooted habit of his, Rhett could do no other thing than admitting that he had no intention to leave them any time soon – but he had not decided to stay for good either. As he had told Scarlett, as long as things stayed in the pleasant manner he had quickly gotten used to, he saw no reason for cutting his stay short. How long this would be, he did not know, just as he ignored where he would go if things turned awry in is marriage again. He fervently hoped that his never happened and, certainly, this time around things were considerably better than even the first years of their married life, but one could never tell for sure about when such things would change for the worse, not with Scarlett, at least.

The only thing he was really sure of was that he was not going to be around to endure bitter years of harsh recriminations, insulting remarks, hurt and sorrow… That he could not go through and survive, much as he had discovered that he still loved Scarlett. No, this time it was going to be a life of marital bliss or he would leave never to return.

Scarlett could tell that, far from the domestic joy she had been expecting to have once her odious sister-in-law went back to Charleston, Rhett was getting uncomfortable. Rhett, who used to be always working on some kind of project or another, got bore with nothing to do now. Given his shareholding interests in the bank, he could resume his work there but he had shown no intention of doing so this far. Scarlett had politely inquired about it but Rhett had replied something in the sense that, not knowing when his other businesses would take him to Charleston or even further, quite possibly abroad, he did not feel like getting involved with the bank right now, closing any possibility of discussing it any more with her.

Still, she appreciated the effort Rhett had been doing to adjust to family life again. He doted on Ella and helped Wade with his studying and his books, suggesting volumes from their library that he might enjoy and peruse and them discussing them with him, never once running out of patience with either of them, something that could not be said about herself. This, for Scarlett, was almost magic, never one to be in the children's company for longer than an hour – at least, not without getting a headache in the process. Rhett spent hours with Ella in the nursery, playing with her and with her dolls, most of which had once belonged to their little girl who no longer could play with them, and Ella, whose dolls were always uglier, cheaper and more often than not missing a limb or an eye because of the little redhead's abuses, had appropriated Bonnie's dolls. Rhett had never said anything about it as he sat down at the toy table with Ella. He always chose Bonnie's favorite doll to play with, the one he had never allowed Ella to inherit and which he kept in his old bedroom when he was not home. It broke Scarlett's heart to see that big man, on whose face the effects of time and grief had been long irremediably etched, playing with their dead daughter's doll with his stepdaughter, wishing his only child were there but knowing she would never be.

During these past weeks, ever since Rhett began to sleep in her bed, Scarlett had often remembered Dr. Meade's suggestion, made a few years ago, to give Rhett another child as soon as possible. Now Scarlett wondered if that would ever happen. She was herself ambivalent about it, truth to be told. On the one hand, that would keep Rhett put at home forever but she was not too keen on that possibility. She wanted Rhett to stay with her because he loved her and truly recognized her own love for him, not because he felt forced to. Even Bonnie's existence had done nothing to make them happy together, so she knew this much – no new baby would be a guarantee for this present happiness to last. On the other hand, Scarlett was also afraid of not being able to love a new baby. She had loved the baby she lost and Bonnie too but Wade and Ella had never filled her with any maternal instincts. And a baby at her age maybe was not such a good idea. And what about Rhett? Would he feel up to play daddy again? Would he risk loving somebody more than himself – and maybe later losing that little being? So far nothing in that sense had happened and Scarlett was in a way grateful that there were no news to break, no change to make, no decision to take… Wait and see, she told herself again.

Wade knew that Uncle Rhett had been nervous for the past couple of days. He had sent and received a couple of telegrams while Mother was absent, busy at the store. She had not been her usual self either. If after Auntie Melanie died and Uncle Rhett went off to Costa Rica, Mother had kept long hours at the store, sometimes gone already by the time he and Ella woke up and went down for breakfast, only coming home just in time for dinner, now Mother hardly ever went there. Only this week had she eventually agreed to go three mornings in a row, and after much cajoling from Uncle Rhett and a few insistent requests on the part of her store manager to come take care of some pressing business issues that had to be dealt with immediately. And, in any case, Mother was home well by the time he had returned from school. The ledgers in which Mother had so often poured all her attention, now remained largely untouched on a table except for the times when Uncle Rhett was playing with them and then, finally, only then did Mother turn her attention to them.

Also, Mother was not herself, always paying attention to Uncle Rhett's whereabouts or activities when formerly she had not cared whether he was at home or not. Something weird was going on, Wade knew that much for sure.

Ella loved having Uncle Rhett at home, especially now without that horrid Auntie Rosemary, who, she had been told, was Uncle Rhett's sister from Charleston, was gone. Her favorite moment of the day was coming home from school and seeing Uncle Rhett or, if he wasn't home yet from his business in town, being reassured by Mother that he would join them later for dinner. Uncle Rhett was never to busy for her and they had taken tea with her dolls almost everyday. Even Mother had one or twice joined them, although she was not as good a guest for her table as Uncle Rhett was, that was for sure. He made funny voices while Mother was too serious and never played along well; she refused to play any role other than herself and she insisted on being called Mrs. Butler by Ella's dolls. No, she definitely wasn't any fun at all. She so very much preferred to play with Uncle Rhett. She only hoped that he didn't have to leave again.

~TO BE CONTINUED~