"What?" Jon's father asked in shock, his face creased in confusion, the colour entirely drained from it, "What do you mean you killed her?"
Jon took in a deep shaky breath, trying and failing to hold back sobs, "I never wanted to. I'm so sorry. I loved her.. I love her so much. I should have been there for her more- when Jorah and Missandei and Viserion and Rhaegal died. Varys told me he was concerned about her and I said… I said she shouldn't be alone. Yet, I knew she was in pain and I still pushed her away. If I hadn't done that, then she wouldn't have, wouldn't have…"
"Wouldn't have done what?" Rhaegar asked, trying his best to keep his voice steady but still speaking sternly.
Jon admired his self-control. If this had been Arya- if he'd been facing Gendry right now, if Gendry had done something like that. He had no doubt in his mind that his sword would be drawn and relation or not, blood would have been drawn.
"She…" Jon began, he didn't want his father to have to hear this but he had the right to know, "She burnt them. King's Landing. Not just Cersei. Not just the Red Keep. But the people, the common folk. She burnt them too. I don't know why. Really I don't. I have ideas but… she was never like that. It was always the evil ones who got burnt. The slavers, the torturers, not the innocents. Certainly, not children. They called her Mhysa, it means mother. But yet, she did it."
Rhaegar's eyes were full of sorrow as he placed his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry," Jon continued, "Tyrion. She sentenced him to death after she took the city. I went to see him. He said love is the death of duty, that duty is the death of love. He told me she wasn't going to stop, that she'd do the same thing to other cities and towns, because she felt justified. Because she thought she was in the right and she'd be unstoppable because of that conviction. He made it sound as if killing her would be merciful, he-."
Rhaegar held up a hand to halt him and Jon fell silent.
Jon looked over at Daenerys. She was still asleep, still unmoving. He held her hand and it felt cool to the touch. Not like death but he knew she was still far from being fully alive. The blankets creased around her swollen stomach and Jon wanted to reach out to touch it, yet he knew he had no right anymore to touch her like that. He watched as her chest rose and fell gently and slowly. He had killed her, nearly lost both of them. Would they still be lost him now? Both in death and in life.
Maybe that was what he deserved. He had been sent to the Night's Watch after all. Told he would hold no titles, have no wife and father no sons.
What made him think he was worthy of her anymore?
"I have never trusted Lannister words," Rhaegar said, "The Mountain was Tywin Lannister's man and he killed my Ellia, my Rhaenys and my Griff. But I didn't trust their words long before that. They have never had a shred of honour, they have always only ever wanted what was best for themselves. I'm so sorry that you and Daenerys got swept up in all of that. I guess he manipulated her into doing it, him and that Spider, Varys. She trusted them. I heard Tyrion was her hand, never liked that idea. Poor sweet sister, I wish I could have been there to warn you."
Jon watched as Rhaegar smoothed back a strand of his sister's hair before placing a delicate kiss to her forehead. He was so gentle with her, so brotherly. He thought that his father might be outraged at her, he'd worried that he'd destroy their bond, yet it seemed unbreakable. Watching them, Jon understood the that nothing Daenerys did would ever be wrong in Rhaegar's eyes. It concerned him, as much as he loved Dany, he knew that he could never agree with her on everything. Seven hells, they had spent all of their interactions in the early days at Dragonstone tearing at each other- not knowing whether to strike the other down where they stood or whether to rip each others' clothes off instead. He loved that she never conceded to him, never let him win easily. And he knew how terrible unquestioning loyalty could be. He was worried when he did not see a trace of anger in Rhaegar.
"I know what you think about the Lannisters," Jon began carefully, "But Tyrion was different. He didn't want me to hurt her, he just believed there was no other way. He loved her to and he believed in her, right up until then."
Rhaegar sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "He still manipulated you, Jon. I know you wouldn't have killed her if he hadn't. I can tell, from how it tears you apart. You love her too much. So much that even if it were merited, reasonable, you still wouldn't have been able to do it. I don't think Dany's a killer, not from what I've heard. Yet, I heard that she could be cruel, there were certainly times when I wanted to go to Meeren and give her a stern talking to. Imprisoning the masters and having her dragons roast and eat one of them- that was wrong. And I knew she could be passionate to. She delayed going to Westeros just because she'd chanced to hear that the people of Meeren and Astapor and Yunkai were suffering and she felt driven to help them. That passion, but with cruelty too, I guess it can cause a kind of madness. You told me, you had your own theories, I want to hear them."
Jon sighed, "Dany went through a lot, you and I both know that. I wondered… she told me that she thought Cersei intended to use the people's innocence against her, I thought maybe, that given she'd lost a lot of people in a very short period of time, she felt like that girl she used to be. Back when Viserys mistreated her. That she felt alone and vulnerable again, like the innocent girl she had been back then. I wondered if, doing that, showing that she wasn't afraid to sacrifice the innocents, was her way of showing the people who wanted to hurt her that she was untouchable. I don't think she wanted to do it- she told me that sometimes you have to do the hard thing, because you know it's the right thing to do, even if it breaks your heart. I think it was always about sacrifice, burning them, never about punishment or revenge.
"I think she was trying to trying to protect herself from the pain she felt, after losing all of them. She didn't want to lose anyone else. I don't think anyone would have doubted that she wouldn't have been able to survive that. She had stopped eating- I found out Varys had been poisoning her food at one point, but she'd always gone off her food whenever she was upset or worried. I think she was just scared to feel vulnerable again, and she's always seen herself in the people, and she saw how vulnerable the people were too, just like her. Maybe she thought she was liberating from that, sort of a mercy killing. I don't know… I can't make sense of it."
Rhaegar replied, "I think. Without hearing it from her, that we never will."
Jon shook his head, "No, we won't. Did she say anything, when you brought her back?"
Rhaegar shook his head, "Except for your name, no. She's said a few names in her sleep since. Viserys. Rhaegal. Drogon. Viserion. Missandei. Grey Worm. Jorah. Irri. Ser Barristan. Tyrion. Your name. I guess they are all the people she has loved. There is one thing though, when she woke up, well, it was unusual."
Jon frowned, in concern, "Unusual how?"
"Well, people are shocked when they wake up," Rhaegar began, "That's understandable. But she looked so pale, even more pale than in death. Then her breathing got so rapid, scarily fast. And she started screaming and clutching at her head as if she was trying to get something out of it. She was sobbing. I've seen someone being brought back before, and it's hard on them, I know that, but this was so much more… and she's Daenerys. She's so strong. I didn't think it would be easy for her but, for her to react like that. Especially the way she started pulling at her head and the screaming. It was like she was possessed by a demon. I don't understand. And then she fainted and she's been asleep ever since. It's been well over a week now. Kinvara says that the ritual only heals the body, and that the mind takes time. But I… I want to be wrong but I wonder if she even wants to wake up."
Jon sighed, "She would, if she knew she was with child. You don't understand how much that would mean to her, how much she wanted to be a mother again. Ever since Rhaego. Her first child, he was stillborn. A witch had cursed her, told her she'd never have children again, that what's she told me."
"And what did you say?" Rhaegar asked, curious.
"I asked her what made her so certain that the witch was a reliable source of information," Jon replied with a smile, earning one from his father.
"Father," Jon began experimentally, finding that the word was easier for him to say that he'd originally anticipated.
Rhaegar said, "Yes, son?"
Jon shook his head. He hoped he was wrong about this but yet the way his father had described it, he had to wonder.
"Dany once told me you liked to read, a lot," Jon began.
Rhaegar smiled, "They thought I'd be the next Baelor the Blessed. Thought I must have had a candle and set of books when I was still inside my mother. My father's Kingsguard despaired for years. Even Ser Barristan, he'd bring me little wooden soldier figurines, bring me weapons specially forged for me, he would spend hours telling me about the battles I'd win when I was grown and all the tourneys I'd joust in, all the honour I would bring- if I just spent a few hours each day training. Still, it had no effect on me. In the end it was a book I read, on the notion of fate, an old philosophy book discussing the idea of destiny and I was a young boy of six when I read it and it affected me so profoundly that I spent the whole night after meditating on it that, by the next morning I knew what my destiny was and knew that I needed to get down the training yard immediately after sunrise."
Jon smiled, "Have you ever heard of wargs? The Three Eyed Raven?"
Rhaegar nodded, "A few years ago, yes, although I read so many books that I doubt I can remember all the details. Why? Do you have a friend who's a warg?"
Jon nodded, "My cousin. Bran Stark. He's King of Westeros now. And the new Three Eyed Raven."
"Dear Gods," Rhaegar said in shock, "Such a responsibility."
Jon nodded, "Do you know if… if he could have known? Could have known that Dany would have…?"
Rhaegar sighed, "A normal warg wouldn't be able to know things like that. They can only go into the body and mind of an animal, and in very rare cases, a person. But the Three Eyed Raven- I remember the legend. He's supposed to know everything. I'm sorry to say it but I think he had to have known."
Jon took in a deep, angry breath, "He knew. He let it happen."
Rhaegar bit his lip, "Jon, if your cousin is the Three Eyed Raven now, well you should know that the entity in him is not the boy you grew up with. He's not Bran Stark anymore."
Jon nodded, "He told me as much himself. He also told me. He told me that he knew he had to come to King's Landing so that he could be king."
"Fate passes in strange ways," Rhaegar replied, his forehead creased in confusion.
"Do you think he let it happen?" Jon began, "Or do you think he made it happen?"
"Made it happen?" Rhaegar asked, perplexed.
"The screaming, the grabbing at her head," Jon began, "I want to be wrong…"
"What are you thinking?" Rhaegar asked, and Jon could tell he was bracing himself for the worst.
"I think she's trying to fight him but she can't," Jon began, "And that's why she's sleeping, because that's the only way she thinks she can control him. I think it was him, I think he made her do it.
"I think the Three Eyed Raven warged into Daenerys and made her burn down King's Landing, and I don't think he's finished with her yet."