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Wanted
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I Heart ?
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"One-hundred and ninety-nine snakes on a plane! One-hundred and ninety-nine snakes!" Creepy Snake Dude and his bitch sang together. Prior to belief, Oro-chan could sing better than Beyonce.
Fer Serious.
Anywho, back to the plot. In case you forgot what happened one chapter ago, I was kidnapped by my pedofriend and his pedobitch. But all is good and safe, now you can sleep peacefully small child-
WHO THE FUCK AM I KIDDING? THIS IS HORRIBLE!
I, Sakura Haruno, HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED. This is so distressing. I need a knight and shining armor, or at least a kidnapper that can actually sing.
"Take one down, suck the poison out, ninety-eight snakes on a plane!" Over the noise of my captors voices, I heard someone call my name from the trunk of the pedovan.
"Sakura!" It hissed, I began to fear that I was developing a fear of snakes.
"Whose there?" I whispered back, as Kabuto and Orochimaru launched into the chorus.
"It's me, Gaara," The voice whispered back.
My heart did this weird little thing that felt like it stopped beating for a moment, but that's impossible, because if my heart stopped beating, then I would be dead.
I dun wanna die.
"Gaara?" I whispered back, my voice betraying at the confidence I didn't feel. In another second I would break down crying, just like I always do.
Except now, Naruto and Sasuke aren't here to save me.
Those bastards.
Gaara seemed to sense my discomfort, and said "Don't worry, I'll get us out of here."
"How did you even end up in the trunk anyway?"
There was a long pause, and I suddenly got the thought that Gaara could be blushing.
"It's a long story," He said finally, "But we need to get out of here."
My lower lip quivered like a leaf in the wind. "How?"
"Eventually, Orochimaru will have to go to a rest stop. That's when we'll make our escape."
I started to nod, then realized he couldn't see me through the worn leather seats. "Okay," I said.
We lapsed into silence after that, waiting for the right time to put our plan into action.
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"Okay, were the fuck are we?" Hidan growled in Tobi's face. Tobi tapped the right side of his mask with his pointer finger.
"Tobi needs his noggen to find out, now get the hell out of Tobi's face." Tobi said, voice as cheery as always.
Hidan took a step back, obviously disturbed.
Pein shook his head at his band of bitches. Obviously, they knew nothing of the art of Saving The Fucking Pink One Before She Gets Raped.
"We're back were we started, in the costume shop. Why don't we just take Hidan's van and search for Sakura?" He suggested.
"Good idea," Sasori commented. "But we should probably split up."
Pein nodded, and the Akatsuki took that as their signal to get the hell out of there. Sasori and Deidara climbed into the Barbie Dream Car, Itachi and Kisame a sleek black thing (SPY CAR), Zetsu and Pein into a green punch-buggy, and Hidan and Kakuzu were about to hop in the pedovan, but were interrupted by an outraged cry.
"SOME BITCH STOLE MY CAR! I'LL FUCKING SACRIFICE THEIR ASS!"
"Van," Itachi correcting, slamming down on the petal and driving off before Hidan could kill him.
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"Are you ready to go?" Gaara asked me. We had finally managed to slip out of the van when Orochimaru left us waiting in front of some mega-pink Barbie dream house. Kabuto said he lived there, but Kabuto was also supposed to be making sure they didn't do anything like, um, RUNAWAY.
But that did not matter, because Kabuto was laying, unconscious, on the white pavement in front of us.
See? Hanging out with gang members has it's props.
Thinking of the guys made me want to cry. Which is weird, because I thought I hated them, but here I am missing them. Maybe I'm bipolar.
"Let's go," Gaara whispered in my ear. A shiver ran down my spine, and I nodded.
On the count of three, we sprinted across the neatly kept lawn, and out the white gate that was normally locked tighter then a fat dude's mansion.
As we passed a bright pink Corvette with two angry looking teens sitting in it, I started to strain to keep up with Gaara. It wasn't easy, though. His legs were so much longer than mine.
Gaara noticed my struggle, and in a quick, smooth motion he grabbed my hand and pulled me up into his arms.
My face flushed an even deeper shade of red, and not from over-exertion.
As comfy as it was in Gaara's arms, he didn't seem as though he had any intention of stopping soon.
"Um, Gaara, where-" And then something clicked. Something that should've clicked two paragraphs ago. Pink car. Angry teens.
DEIDARA AND SASORI!
"GAARA! STOP!" I screeched. He stopped sprinting without even tripping over his own feet, which made me mad. Why couldn't I be that graceful?
I was set down on the sidewalk, and suddenly had the urge to pout childishly. I didn't get the chance, however, because right then the pink car I had spotted parked on the side of the street and two of my favorite guys came out to greet me.
"Sakura!" Deidara and Sasori shouted in unison. They both hugged me-squishing me between their bodies and setting inner Sakura off on another rape rant.
Deidara pulled back, only to grab my shoulders and look at me with concerned ocean blue eyes. "You scared the shit out of us, un,"
I giggled. "My costume Isn't that scary,"
"You're right," Deidara grinned, "Mine is."
I then realized that he was, in fact, still in the French maid costume. I burst into a fit of laughter that didn't stop until the rest of the Akatsuki showed up in their cars, save for Hidan, who looked sweaty and angry and so ragged he probably walked all the way here.
"Whose that?" Itachi asked, glaring at Gaara. Oh, shit, I thought. I had almost forgot he was there. What a horrible way to repay him for saving me, I felt like a horrible person.
"Guys," I introduced, "This is Gaara. Gaara, this is the Akatsuki."
Despite my efforts, the glaring contest continued. In fact, the rest of the gang even joined in.
Bitches, how DARE they glare at our cherry panda!
When did YOU get here?
You see, when a man and a woman love each other, they-
MAKE IT STOP!
-buy a baby from Babies R' Us. It's just like Neopet's, only not stupid.
YOU CAN BUY BABIES?
Indeed.
I made a mental note to type "Babies" into Ebay the next time I go online shopping. When I looked up, however, I noticed that my gang o' bitches and Gaara were all staring at me strangely.
Did I say that out loud.
Itachi's stiff nod was all I needed for conformation.
Gaara threw his arm around my shoulders, and the awkward silence was suddenly broken. I would've been thankful if it wasn't what he did next.
He leaned in and kissed me fiercely. I was too shocked to do anything but close my eyes and stand there while Gaara pried open my mouth and wrestled my tongue. His tongue kicked my tongue's butt, and I found myself pressed against the cute little picket fence that lined the sidewalk.
Finally, we broke apart.
Que smirk. "Come to Victoria's Secret more often," Gaara whispered against my lips, "I'll help you pick out something better then a jacket."
And then he strut off down the block, leaving me to contemplate the meaning of life. Oh, I was aware of the Akatsuki watching me like a hawk, but the last thing I wanted to do was face them.
Unfortunately, Karma loves to screw me over.
"Why the fuck did he get to kiss you!" Hidan raged. He was stomping back and forth, leaving little indents wherever he stepped. A few more seconds, and he would have his very own rut.
Itachi took my face in his hands, making me look deep into his charcoal eyes. "Sakura-chan, I thought I was the only one you kissed," He backed me against the fence, hips hitting mine, and was about to lean in and kiss me until Sasori pulled me away.
Thank you, I whispered mentally, at least until Sasori grabbed my waist and nuzzled my neck. "At least I know I was your first kiss,"
Hidan growled, and yanked me up in his arms. "She fucking likes me best!" He fumed, pushing me into his rut and hovering over me. I blushed furiously.
"Hidan..." I trailed off, trying to sound stern. He just grinned manically down at me, trailing kisses down my neck and yanking at the hem of my shirt.
Suddenly, Hidan was liftedpmore like thrown-off of me. I looked up to find none other then Zetsu standing above me.
"Are you alright?" He asked, helping me to my feet. I nodded, not trusting my voice.
I felt someone grab my other hand, and turned to see none other then Hidan. He was thown over the fence by Kakuzu, though.
Kakuzu grabbed my elbow, looking as if he wanted to say something, but Hidan used his scythe to back over the fence and land on top of him. I caught a glimpse of Pein then, who looked frustrated and oddly...jealous?
It was just one little kiss, I thought, How could one little kiss set off all of thing?
It's the domino affect, darling. You've got to quit pretending you're not playing with their hearts.
But I'm not!
I severly hoped I didn't say that out loud. Thankfully, however, the boys looked like they were too occupied with fighting each other to notice little old me anymore. I back away from the fray until my back his something hard. Something hard, that felt distinctly like a six pack.
"Hey, un," Deidara smirked, clearly amused. I crossed my arms over my chest and 'hmphed,' not seeing what was funny about the situation.
He leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper, "I got an idea, un," Deidara grinned, and it occurred to me that those perfect blue eyes masked a complete madman. "Let's ditch these losers and go back to my place to watch movies."
I considered that for a moment, and came up with several possibilities on what could happen if I chose to go with my hot blond buddy.
1. Inner Sakura's rants on rape could turn out to be meaningful. However, it's not considered rape if both parties are willing.
2. The rest of the gang would stalk us there, and me and Deidara would play spy until we lost them.
3. We would go, watch movies at his house, and live happily ever after.
To tell the truth, the last one sounded perfect. I would just have to make him change out of the maid outfit.
"Okay," I grinned. "Let's go!"
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"Kabuto?"
"Y-yes, Orochimaru-sama?"
(Pedosmile)
"Where did the Pink One go?"
(Awkward swallow)
"I'm not exactly sure, sir,"
"Ah."
"Um..."
"I see."
"Orochimaru-sama?"
"Kabuto."
"Yes?"
"Get the Whip."
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Awww! And so they live happily ever after! Or do they? O.o Review if you want to find out! By the way, I hope you're all happy with this chapter! I tried to use all of your ideas! Hopefully there will be some ItachixSakura next chapter, but for now, it's all DeidaraxSakura.