I own neither Harry Potter nor Naruto.

Dreaming while awake

Six years ago

3rd August, 1989, Headmaster's office of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry

Albus Dumbledore stares at the delicate contraption he'd taken two years to painstakingly build in a room adjoining to his office.

Two years had passed since young Jasmine Potter went missing. There are days when Albus Dumbledore despairs over the as of yet fruitless search for her. Oh, he knows he'll eventually find her. But until then... well.

Needless to say, his lemon drop consumption has quintupled in recent years. The house-elves even give him dirty looks now when he asks for a refill.

Dumbledore though can safely say that he has bigger problems then miffed elves. Tracking young Jasmine had turned out to be much more of a challenge then he'd initially thought. He never expected there to be such a multitude of dimensions. How was he supposed to find one little girl in them? Could he even be sure that time passed the same in whatever realm she'd been taken to as it did on Earth?

He'd already started researching ways to resolve that issue. It wasn't a pressing concern though. Dumbledore had to find the dear girl first. A feat he thought only a week ago could be accomplished upon completion of what he'd dubbed the 'Thaumaturgist' - namely, the contraption he was currently staring at. It had been built solely to find young Jasmine's unique magical signature in the multitude of dimensions.

How many hours had he spent lovingly crafting the components? How much hope and effort had gone into brewing the potion in which her magical signature, taken directly from the cupboard in which her disappearance had taken place in, was preserved?

And it had all been for naught.

The Thaumaturgist hadn't been able to find the child. That could mean two things: Either she had - Merlin forbid - died, or her magical signature had changed. Dumbledore could safely dismiss the former; and it wouldn't be too unlikely for a child's magical signature to shift, though to the extent that even the Thaumaturgist couldn't find her would have required drastic circumstances.

The poor girl. Lost in a strange place, after suffering such abuse from her own family. She must be so very terrified.

Dumbledore straightens. So his first try had failed. He'd try again. After all, he was, if he may say so himself, the most brilliant wizard of several generations. Young Jasmine would be found and retrieved, and Dumbledore would then ensure that the dear girl was provided the care and guidance she so desperately needed. He owed it to her; after all, it had been him who was ultimately responsible for the misfortune she had experienced in her short life. And not just because of that, he genuinely loved the child he had once held in his arms when she was still an infant, like a grandfather would his grandchild.

Ensuring that she was safe and cared for as she was carefully guided toward her destiny was the least he could do for young Jasmine.

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Present day, Konohagakure no Sato

Suigetsu

Konoha is way too fucking big and way too fucking sunny. And way too fucking full. People everywhere, screeching children, Suigetsu wants to cut something, preferably lots of people.

He can't, though. Suigetsu's an ambassador now. Because Mei wants an alliance with the tree-huggers.

Now, he respects his Mizukage, he does, Mei's the shit. But he really wants to know what she's been smoking to make him of all people an ambassador. He was made for fighting, dammit. Unlike his partner.

"What a beautiful village," Haku gushes. "It must be nice to live here, with all the sunshine and happy children."

Fucking Haku.

"Nice. Yeah," Suigetsu growls. He knows what happens to people who contradict Haku. No one can withstand The Eyes. Except Mei, she just glomps Haku until everyone forgets what the issue was about and then does things her way, but Suigetsu can't do that.

"Suigetsu-kun, are you unwell?" Haku asks obliviously.

"Fine," Suigetsu growls.

"I'm sure we can get you some yoghurt after the meeting with the Lady Hokage," Haku ignores him.

"Cheh. Whatever," Suigetsu mutters. The guy with the ridiculous hair that's leading them to the Hokage Tower shoots them a weird look over his shoulder, so Suigetsu gives him his best toothy grin, and the guy hastily turns back.

"Here we are!" he points at a big building like it isn't obvious. Does the retard think they're stupid or something? It says "Fire" on the big-ass sign over the door, for shit's sake.

Haku claps his hands in delight. "An impressive building!" he praises. "Thank you very much for your kind guidance!" And cue the damn smile. Ugh.

The guy blushes and waves like an idiot. "No problem! At all! If you need anything, I'm usually on guard duty! Maybe we can-"

"Fuck off," Suigetsu says and drags Haku into the building. A dark-haired woman meets them, greets them, tells them her name, and leads them to an office where they meet the Hokage.

Bloody hell, those are some big tits.

Haku of course immediately launches into a speech of alliances and friendships and world peace and shit. Or something like that, Suigetsu isn't listening, he figures he'll just stand there and look dangerous. Talking isn't his thing. Neither are alliances. Or world peace. Why is he here again?

The meeting seems to go alright or something. He doesn't really know. No one dies. Haku looks bloody happy by the end of it, the Hokage looks annoyed. Must be a good sign.

"Thank you very much for meeting us." Haku bows, while everyone stares at him with varying levels of confusion, because Haku is not what a normal Mist shinobi looks and acts like, and thank god for that. "I am sure this will be the beginning of a long-standing friendship."

The Hokage mutters something, the dark-haired woman cuts in with a nervous laugh, and moments later Haku and Suigetsu find themselves outside the Hokage Tower. Haku hums in satisfaction and sets off.

"Oi!" Suigetsu yells. "Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

He has plans, damn it. They involve alcohol, a sword fight, and a midget with red hair.

"Oh," Haku says with a sad, sad smile. "We have permission to look around the hospital here. Konoha has the best medical system of all the Hidden Villages, after all. But I'm sure it won't take long, don't worry. I'll treat you to yoghurt later."

Suigetsu groans.

Haku knows him too fucking well.

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The hospital is also way too fucking big. The tree huggers must be total pussies. Can't stand a few chopped off limbs, gotta run to the doctor for every damn papercut, and that's the real reason the Leaf's medical support is the best in the world, because everyone here is a fucking pussy. And seriously, papercuts? Real ninja don't do paperwork.

The nurses are hot though in their uniforms. Not as hot as- and no, that way lay bad things, stupid brain, don't think about Haku in a nurse uniform. Even if the guy's eyeing them jealously.

Fuck. Haku is such a girl. And Suigetsu might kind of be-

Nope! No way. Not Haku. Of all people. Sparkle-and-glitter Haku who loves peace and shit, just like the fucking midget, and shit, look at him, now Haku's smiling at some fat guy, does he like fatasses? And hell, Suigetsu is so doomed.

"Chōji-kun!" Haku smiles like the fatass is the answer to all of the world's problems. Suigetsu is going to kill the shit out of that guy. He can just see it, all that blood and fat splattering everywhere, can hear the bones bursting under his sword. Fuck that alliance Mei wants so much. "It has been such a long time since we last met. How have you been?"

"Huh?" The guy says dumbly. "Haku? From Wave?"

"I'm so glad to see you again." And fucking Haku smiles, birds sing, butterflies fly, the world is beautiful. Hell, Suigetsu needs to go kill something, preferably that fatass. "How have you been? Is your team well?" Haku continues on obliviously.

The guy droops like someone killed his kitten. Fucking weeny. "No," Fatass says sadly. "Shikamaru's in there." He nods at the door. "And Ino, and his family."

Shikamaru, Shikamaru... sounds familiar. The midget probably mentioned him some time. 'Cause she loves Haku and Chōjūrō, but Suigetsu is the one she talks to. So who's that Shikamasa dude again?

"Oh no," Haku murmurs, doing that comforting voice thing. "That's terrible. Is he-"

"Just exhaustion or something," Fatass says shiftily. "No one's really talking, though."

Exhaustion, pah. Fucking Leaf pussies.

"If there's anything we can do-" Haku says, and Suigetsu is seriously tempted to end the sentence for him with his sword, but Fatass talks first.

"You can go in there. I'm sure he'd like that." Fatass smiles tightly. "I'm just going to be outside a bit."

"Of course," Haku nods understandingly. "This must be hard on you. He's your best friend, isn't he?"

The guy sniffs. Fucking sniffs. Next thing he's gonna cry, 'cause tree-huggers are so bloody sensitive. "It's just - he's been hurt before. But the medics are acting all - and Riko is-"

Suigetsu stiffens. Right, Shikamako's the midget's brother or something. Which means she's here.

"Did something happen to her?" Haku asks sharply. "Is she alright?"

Fatass shakes his head, sniffing again. "Yeah. Just - try to talk to her, alright? She's just been, well-"

Suigetsu gets a sinking feeling in his stomach. Stupid midget. Should never have left Kiri.

Haku says something else, then knocks lightly on the door and enters. Suigetsu follows. There's a guy on a bed, looking dead asleep, emphasis on dead. There's a woman with brown hair sitting next to another guy that looks exactly like the sleeping one with his hair styled to look like a pineapple, both their eyes sharp on Haku and him. And a blond girl that looks up when they enter and smiles in surprise, and hell, she's hot. Suigetsu would hit that if it weren't for Haku.

But Suigetsu's eye fasten on the one other person in the room. The redhaired girl, sitting on a stool facing the sleeping guy, knees drawn up and hugging them with thin, scar-covered arms. Unkempt hair falls down limply, like all life vanished from it. Her skin is too pale, her cheeks hollow, her eyes sunken in and fixed solely on the guy on the bed. She hasn't so much as blinked in the entire time since they came in.

Fucking midget. His stomach turns. Not this again.

"...been like that since they came back from a mission," he hears the hot blonde whisper to Haku. "Not eating, not sleeping, not talking, just nothing at all. Just looking at Shika." And damn, hot-piece-of-ass is getting more unattractive by the second with the tremor in her choked voice.

And the damn midget. Bloody drama queen. And of course, who's the one who gets to deal with that? The one person in this goddamn village who isn't a fucking pussy, that's who.

"...anything we can do?" Haku asks softly, all concern and well-meaning, but that ain't what Ren needs.

"I don't know! She isn't talking, she isn't even reacting to anything except when one of the nurses tried to get her to leave, that was-"

"You know," Suigetsu interrupts. "I had a friend that did that exact same bullshit once. Ya ain't getting through with talking."

And Suigetsu hadn't gotten through to her after Sapphire Lake. She'd just lain there with open eyes, not sleeping or anything, all the food he'd forced down her throat vomited up the moment he turned his head, and it had been bad. She'd wasted away, and he'd been helpless. And then, one night, she'd just - vanished while he wasn't looking. And he'd gone and searched for her, and so had Ao, but they hadn't found her. But then they'd come back, and there she was, back in her bed, wrapped in a black cloak that was too big for her, sleeping. And when she'd woken up the next day, she'd eaten something. Hadn't talked at all, but she had listened. And Suigetsu knows something happened that night, but whatever it was, thank God.

She doesn't look half as bad now as she did then. This is more like one of those times when she spaced out for a few hours, when she was still recovering. And with that, Suigetsu can deal.

"You know what to do?" The brown-haired woman demands, and shit, she looks like Ren when she's mad. "Then do it." She jerks her head at Ren. "Now."

And yeah, that's not gonna fly. Suigetsu glares at her. "Gonna need some space. Get out."

She bristles. So does Blondie. "Now see here-" Blondie starts shrilly, but Haku gently interrupts.

"Please, trust Suigetsu-kun," he says gently, and it takes all the fight out of the harpies because that's what Haku does. He's so fucking sincere and kind. "I know he is a bit rough around the edges, but he is a good man, and he will do everything he can for Riko-san. I have full faith in him."

And doesn't that just make Suigetsu feel ten feet tall. Damn Haku. Suigetsu is so doomed.

Haku leads them out of the room. The only one who doesn't move is pineapple-guy with his sharp eyes. And Shiromaru and Ren, but they don't count. "You know my daughter," Pineapple says.

Suigetsu grins, baring his shark-teeth at the man. "Do I, now?"

Pineapple doesn't take the bait. "This has happened before," he states, nodding at Midget. Suigetsu barks a laugh and ignores him.

"Oi, Midget," he says. "Wake the hell up."

She doesn't even blink.

"Fucking drama queen," he growls, draws his sword Shibuki and pokes her with it. He's still being ignored. "Oi," he says. "I'm poking you. With my sword."

No reaction.

"My very big sword. I'm poking you with my very big sword that's also hard as hell, and fuck, how out of it are you?" he growls, because this should have at least merited a blink. "Fine, we're gonna do this the hard way." Shibuki is put back in its place on his back. His fingers twist into seals. A stream of water shoots from his mouth and blasts her off the stool against the wall. And Suigetsu suddenly can't move, because Pineapple has him choking on his shadow, but it doesn't matter because she's coughing and wiping water from her stupid face, and she's getting to her feet and looking around in confusion. Her eyes catch on Pineapple for a moment, but then she sees him. "Suigetsu?" she rasps, staring up at him with her giant green eyes, sounding like a little girl, and fuck, doesn't she look completely helpless right now. Stupid bitch. She looks around once more. "Oh," she mumbles when she takes in the mess he made. Her eyes catch on the shadow connecting him and her damn father, and some of the fight returns to her eyes.

"Let him go," she orders. "He's my friend."

Pineapple looks at her for a moment, his face unreadable to Suigetsu, but not to Ren, apparently, seeing as her face twists and she looks away sharply, frowning. Her gaze lands on Shabumaru on the bed. Her fists clench and unclench rapidly, and Suigetsu senses her already retreating back into herself. Pineapple apparently does, too, 'cause the shadows disappear damn fast and Suigetsu can move again. He steps forward, grabs her hair, and drags her with him. "Oww, what're you doing, asshole," she protests, trying to wrench out of his grip, but she's so weak, she can't even walk without getting wobbly legs. Bloody idiot.

"You're gonna get some food down your throat, and you're gonna be glad for it," Suigetsu snaps at her. "The fuck is this supposed to be, huh? The world ain't revolving around you!"

"HE DIED!" she suddenly screams. "HE DIED AND I- I-"

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" he yells back. "HE'S ALIVE, YOU IDIOT! BUT YOU ARE GOING TO STARVE IF YOU DON'T EAT, SO JUST, FUCKING SNAP OUT OF IT!"

She deflates, the fight gone from her. He lets go of her hair and instead drags her by her arm. She stumbles after him without protest.

Stupid, goddamn, idiot midget.

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Ren - no, her name is Riko here, gotta remember that - walks after him through the corridors of the hospital. Moving seems to do her some good, with every motion some fluidity returns to her movements, and some purpose returns to her eyes. Not the spark, though. She's just spent and empty. Like she usually is when returning to quarters after a battle and hours of healing.

She stops suddenly. Suigetsu pinches the bridge of his nose. "What the bloody hell is it now?" he growls.

No answer. She just walks into a different hospital room and stares blankly at the person on the bed, a redheaded girl who looks even worse than Ren - Riko - Midget with her chalk white skin that hangs off her frame as if she'd suddenly lost a ton of weight and the dark shadows under her eyes. Tubes are attached to her arms, and one of those things that help people breathe is on her mouth. Suigetsu rolls his eyes when Midget steps forward and grabs a plaque from the bedside and starts to read it, her face still completely blank.

Someone enters the room. A nurse with pink - pink! - hair. She blinks in surprise when she sees Midget and throws Suigetsu a confused look, but just shrugs his presence off. "Riko-san?" she asks cautiously.

Midget looks up, her blank eyes fixing on the nurse. She says nothing, just flicks her eyes to the girl on the bed.

"Oh, uhm, Karin will be fine. It's just severe exhaustion...overuse of kekkei genkai... we have to keep her comatose for now..." her voice trails off under Midget's gaze. "You should be resting, you were injured, too, and you need to eat something-"

Suigetsu bites back a laugh when Midget just walks off, not giving a shit about Pinkie. He follows right after and outside, drags Midget to the nearest café which turns out to be the creepiest thing he's ever seen, the kind of place Haku would love but makes Suigetsu want to run in terror. There's music, flowers, hearts. The cake placed in front of them is heart-shaped, too.

Midget stares at it blankly. She looks completely out of place here - so does Suigetsu, and people are staring at them, but she's the one whose clothing is ripped in places and stained with probably-blood. Someone apparently threw a deer-skin jacket over her so he can't see, but Suigetsu would bet that the back of her shirt sports the tell-tale rips of her wings breaking through.

"Eat," he orders. "Now."

She still stares at the cake.

"I will stab you with my big and hard sword-"

"Your big and hard sword that explodes on contact?" she asks semi-automatically. He growls at her, secretly relieved at the somewhat normal response. She looks back at her cake and picks up a dainty little fork. "The last time I was here, I kawarimi'ed out."

Can't blame her for that.

"Why?" he asks, just to keep her talking. Her gaze shifts to the side, her face infinitely sad, and he wonders what kind of idiot ever let her become a ninja, because she's too fucking soft.

"Cake was too sweet," she only answers. He rolls his eyes.

"So what the fuck happened?" he finally adresses the big, fat, bijuu in the room.

Her gaze turns distant again, so he kicks her under the table. She kicks back, his leg splashing into water. "You can tell Mei-chan that she was right."

Well, that tells him nothing at-fucking all.

"So now what?" Suigetsu asks.

Her thin shoulders rise and fall again. "I don't have a fucking clue."

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Riko

If anyone were to ask me how we got back to the village after that fiasco of a mission, I wouldn't be able to answer. I think I distantly remember Dad's face, so he probably got me here. Other than that? It's a big blank right up until Suigetsu blasted me into a wall.

What's he even doing here?

Do I care?

Suigetsu says something. I just nod and try not to look at his empty eye-sockets, the blood running down from them. His mouth that's too wide, splitting his face in two halves when he talks. The waitress behind us has no head. The walls are made from skulls. We're sitting on decaying corpses. The cake on my plate looks like a still-beating heart. I see everything through a red film, as if there's blood-mist all around us.

It's not real, I know that. That doesn't make it any less real.

"Oi, Midget!" Suigetsu says loudly.

"What," I answer.

"Eat."

I look at the heart on my plate. It lays in a puddle of blood. Baboom, baboom, it makes in sync with its contractions. The metallic scent clots my nose. To think that Suigetsu of all people would bring me to this café of all places. I think I liked it better when Fumio took me here so long ago.

"Not hungry," I say.

"Yeah right. You're just skin and bones. You look like a skeleton. Fucking eat, you bloody drama queen."

I look down on my body. He's wrong. I'm not skin and bones, I'm only bones. A walking skeleton. If I eat, the food will just fall through my ribs. What a waste.

Nevertheless, I stab the finger-bone fork into the beating heart on my plate and dig a piece of flesh out. It falls on my plate with a squelching sound. I feel Suigetsu's eyes on my as I stab the piece of flesh and force myself to swallow it.

I resist the urge to gag at the salty and slightly metallic taste.

"Too sweet," I only say, and push the plate away from me. Suigetsu pushes it right back.

"Eat. All of it. Now."

"Can't we get something else?" I whine.

"No."

Maybe that's a good thing. I don't want to know what a bowl of ramen would look like to me now. Brain soup, most likely.

Suigetsu pokes me with a slimy finger that looks like it's melting. "We are not leaving until you've eaten your cake."

Cake. Heart-cake. Is this punishment for being such a bitch to Fumio back then?

I force another piece of heart down my throat. "My, Suigetsu, who would've thought you'd bring me to a place like this?" I drawl. "Have you gotten in touch with your sensitive side?"

"Shut your face, Midget."

"I'm sure Haku appreciates it."

He attempts to smash the heart-cake in my face. I lean out of the way and it ends up decorating a wall. The headless waitress is pissed beyond compare and verbally kicks us out of the café.

"...yoghurt?" Suigetsu asks.

"Sure."

I keep my eyes fixed on Suigetsu's back as I trail after him while he uses his yoghurt-addict senses to find a yoghurt vendor. Above me, the sky is bleeding red, and black clouds form disturbing patterns. The ground under my feet squelches with every step I take. The people around us are skeletons, monsters, demons. The sounds reaching my ear are oddly distorted, loud one moment and distant and echoing the next.

Suigetsu only looks slimy and melting, so I'd rather look at him than anything else.

After he's gotten us yoghurt, we end up sitting in a park under a rotting tree. Having learned my lesson with the cake, I don't look at my food and just gulp it all down. I feel Suigetsu glare at me, but I refuse to look at him.

"The fuck, Midget?" he asks, sounding pissed off.

"Thanks for the food," I say.

He mutters something about ungrateful bitches under his breath while he slurps his yoghurt. Strawberry flavoured, I think. It's his favourite, he once told me. Normally, I'd be able to smell it, but my nose is clotted with the metallic scent of blood.

My head hurts.

"So, the plan's still a go?" he asks. "Or are ya too pussy to do it?"

I manage an eye roll. It makes me dizzy. "Fuck you, asshole. I'm gonna do it."

"Ya sure? Cuz you look kinda dead. Can't become one of the Seven Swordsmen like that."

I glare at him. Judging from his unimpressed face, my glare only reaches 'tired kitten' level.

"You just fucking watch," I say.

"Well you ain't gonna beat Kisame-senpai like that."

...true enough. I want to be one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. The problem is, I'm from Konoha. The only way it'd be accepted would be if I got the one sword that picks its wielder. Which is Samehada. Which belongs to Hoshigaki Kisame. As in, Uchiha Itachi's partner and a member of Akatsuki.

Perhaps I should try to come up with another plan. Hell, I had enough trouble with Hidan, and I'm fairly sure he doesn't rank as high as Itachi; and Kisame as Itachi's partner would be his equal. Bloody hell, I need to train.

A little boy runs past us, laughing. His skin is coal black. White bone like markings mar his face. He carries a red scythe on his back. Glowing eyes roll wildly in his eye sockets.

I press my eyes shut, take a deep breath through my nose and slowly breathe out through my mouth.

"Midget?" Suigetsu's voice seems to come from a different galaxy, it sounds so distant. "Oi, Midget! Fuck you, I ain't your babysitter!"

"Knock me out," I force out. "Now."

"The hell?"

"Hallucinations. Please. Make it stop."

"Why the fuck do you have hallucinations?" he demands.

"Because I fucked up my own mind while killing a god, can you please do something?" My head drops into my hands while my body curls up. I distantly hear Suigetsu curse up a storm about this looking really bad for an ambassador, and then the lights go out.

Naturally, that isn't the end of it. No. I end up in a junkyard, the ruins of my once proud mind world around me. I stand up to my hips in blood, and blood mist obscures the surroundings. The skeleton of the labyrinth hangs over me, only flimsily held together by vines. I groan and send up a bunch of chains to help.

"So the great Riko finally deigns to show up," a cold voice drawls. Dementia appears on top of a pile of body parts.

"Yeah," I answer. "I'd apologise for the mess, but I'm not sorry."

She rolls her eyes. "This would not have happened if you'd let me out," she hisses scornfully.

I return her look evenly. "But you wouldn't have saved Shikamaru."

"You sound sooo sure of yourself," she sneers.

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" I ask curiously.

"Does it matter?"

I raise an eyebrow at her. "You tell me."

"I ain't telling you a fucking thing."

"Fine then." I shrug. "Are you going to help clean up this place?"

She glares at me. "The Bloody Door is open."

"I figured." I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose. It certainly explains my royally fucked up mind. The hallucinations are a new thing, though.

"Quit as a ninja," Dementia says. My head snaps up.

"What?!" I ask incredulously.

"You heard me." She glares at me.

"Why the hell would you even say that?" I demand.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you came this close to actually going insane this time? Because you actually ran into death? Because you're too fucking weak to beat even one Akatsuki, and a brainless one at that?"

"I killed a god and won!" I snarl.

"And watched your brother die. Look at you." She gestures to me arrogantly. "Pathetic. Couldn't even protect your own brother, and shut down because of it."

"I'm not quitting!" I hiss. "Akatsuki is going to come after Naruto, and they'll have to go through me if they want him. I know I'm not strong enough now, but I will train until I can fight them. There's no way I'll sit back while they walk around threatening my precious people. They nearly took Shika from me!"

"He wouldn't have been there if not for you."

I stagger back a step. Dementia smiles gently. "Give up," she croons. "Let someone else handle the hard fights. Heal up. Teach at the Academy. No more killing, no more fighting."

I can see it. A peaceful life. No more walking down this dark path I seem to be on. No more assassinations. No more nightmares coming true.

"I can't," I whisper brokenly. "I'm sorry, I can't."

Her gentle smile is replaced by hateful rage. "So you choose this." She gestures to the carnage around us.

"There is no choice to start with," I say tiredly. "You think this is bad? It'd be a thousand times worse if I lost Naruto. Or Sasuke. Or Shikamaru, again. You'd probably disappear, too, if that happened."

She flings her hands out. Razor sharp vines shoot toward me, aiming to stab me. I don't move.

The vines stop a breath away from me. "Tch," Dementia hisses, and vanishes them. "So you say."

"Tell me I'm wrong," I answer. She suddenly stands before me, her fingers around me neck.

"You," she hisses. "Are going to get stronger. I don't give a fuck what you come up with. Get your shit together. Or else."

"Else what?" I ask. A grin suddenly takes over her features.

"How do you like your hallucinations?" she asks.

My fist snaps forward. I throw her off me. "You," I whisper. She laughs coldly.

"Did you honestly think I'd let you destroy yourself and me along with you? Don't be naive. This world is going to crush you." She glares at me coldly. "However, you are right, it will crush you even worse if you withdraw from the frontlines. But know this, the moment you lose your resolve to protect your little friends... I will make the choice for you. You can't protect anyone when have to fight against yourself."

I straighten and return her glare. "Rest assured then. I won't falter in my resolve."

Her green eyes meet mine. A long moment passes. Her lips curl in disdain. "So be it."

"So be it," I echo. "Now what do you say, we clean this damn mess up?"

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I open my eyes wearily. My body feels more rested, but my mind is tired.

I'm in a hospital room. Tsunade stands over me, her hand withdrawing from my head - she must have woken me up using her medical ninjutsu. Inoichi is there too, but that's it.

"Your father is with your brother," Tsunade answers before I can ask. "You can see Shikamaru when we're done here, right now you need to give us a report."

Silence. I blink up at Tsunade tiredly while sitting up. "I'd take that vacation now."

"And I'd give you the promotion," she retorts. "But I need your report first."

I look down at my lap, fists clenching. My fingers are drenched in blood. I blink hard and the hallucination goes away, but only after a long moment. My gaze darts around aimlessly.

Where is Suigetsu? No one is as good as him at dragging me back to reality.

Tsunade straightens. Her tone turns authoritative. "Report, shinobi!" she orders, and just like that, I straighten and my mind clears.

Shinobi. That's what I am. A soldier, a tool. I cling to that and start talking. About preparations, about breaking into the castle, about Sai's betrayal, about Hidan and Kakuzu. About Asuma and Shikamaru jumping in to save me. Tsunade and Inoichi's faces grow more grim the longer I speak.

When I get to the point where Shikamaru blasted Hidan to pieces, I choke on the words. Inoichi tries drawing it out of me, but I just. Can't. "No," I whisper and shake my head, images playing before my inner eye. "No, no, no, no..."

"Enough," Tsunade orders. "Is what you refuse to speak about going to cause harm to the village?"

I shake my head.

"Is it going to deter the medical treatment of your brother?"

I freeze. "I don't know," I mumble. "I just can't... I can't."

"We have gathered that Shikamaru had a very close brush with death but was saved?" Tsunade asks. I nod. "For your information, your brother should be alright. There is some trauma, but it has been treated. He should be fine once he wakes up."

I look up at her. "Really?" I ask quietly.

Her eyes soften just a little. "Really."

I nod. "Okay. Can I go see him now?"

"In a moment," Inoichi says. "There are some things we need to talk about."

I straighten once again and give him my full attention. "Sai," I guess.

Inoichi nods. "Do you remember your return to Konoha?"

I shake my head.

"After we got your request for back-up, a rescue team led by your father and Shizune headed out immediately. They found your team, but only Sai and you were conscious. And only Sai was capable of answering questions and giving a report. You on the other hand, were mostly unresponsive, but attacked anyone coming close to Shikamaru and yourself."

"Oh," I utter.

"Your father eventually got you to calm down enough for the medics to treat Shikamaru. You still didn't let anyone come close to yourself, though, and you refused to take your eyes off of your brother. Basically, you shut down."

Tsunade speaks up. "In case you're wondering, I treated your injuries while you were passed out."

"Thanks," I say automatically, but the word feels empty.

Inoichi continues. "That was five days ago. The only full report we received was Sai's, and he gave it only after a meeting with his superior."

"Shit," I say.

"You can say that out loud," Tsunade comments dryly. "As you can guess, your reports do not add up."

"What about Asuma-sensei?" I suddenly ask. "Yamato-taichō?"

"Yamato has regained consciousness, but seeing as he was nowhere near the fight with the Akatsuki, couldn't give a report on the relevant happenings. Asuma hasn't regained consciousness yet."

"Will he be okay?"

"His career as a ninja is over," Tsunade says bluntly. "But he'll live. In any case, until now we haven't received any report besides Sai's."

"But you have my report now," I reply with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Riko, it doesn't count for much at this point," Inoichi says gently.

"But Sai is a traitor!" I protest. "And seeing as he has no will or motivation of his own, he must have been acting under orders, which makes Danzō the traitor, right? Not to mention how someone fucked up Sai's mind, what if the entire ROOT is like that?"

"The only proof is your word!" Tsunade snaps angrily. "If we accuse Danzō right now, it'll be your word against his subordinate's, and seeing as you weren't in your right mind for days after the mission, there is no way anyone will take your word over his. Danzō still has a great deal of power in this village and sway over the council. You speak out against him, they'll put you in a psych ward and never let you out again. Hell, I'm not even entirely sure you shouldn't go there anyway."

"I'm not either," I mutter. "So they just get away with it."

"Hell no," Tsunade scoffs. "We may not have enough proof now, but the old bastard is going to pull more shit like this, and when he does, you can bet your ass we'll be acting."

"Or I could just kill him now," I offer darkly. "I'm good at assassination."

"Don't tempt me," Tsunade mutters. "The council would launch a full investigation and use it to get rid of me."

"I could kill them, too."

"Don't tempt me."

"Believe me, Riko, assassinating Danzō is above your level," Inoichi cautions. "He has survived more than one war, and his fair share of assassination attempts as well. He was on par with the Sandaime Hokage, the God of Shinobi."

And I killed an actual god. I wonder how Danzō stacks up against Jashin.

"The offer stands." I shrug. "So now what? I claim memory loss and get put on medical leave?"

"Yes," Tsunade confirms.

"That might be for the best," Inoichi says.

"This means your promotion is on hold, too," Tsunade warns me. "I promise you'll get it as soon as I can justify it, though."

I sigh and rub at my temples, trying to ward off the incoming headache. "Alright. Can I go see my brother now?"

"Of course."

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ -═══════ι▬▬

I meander back into Shika's room. He's still sleeping. Mom sits next to him, also asleep. Dad sits in the corner on a chair. I slowly walk over and sit down in an empty chair next to him. Tiredly, I lean my head against his shoulder. He ruffles my hair gently but says nothing.

"What do you do," I finally ask. "When you stop knowing where your nightmares end and your reality begins?"

"You find someone to wake you up."

I nod mutely.

Hour pass in silence where we just watch our sleeping family. A part of me is itching to run away, but I'm terrified to even take my eyes off of my brother. Is this what my family felt like every time I ended up in the hospital? Did they watch me, fearing that any breath I took would be my last?

And yet, every second that passes is one that I could use to grow stronger so I'll be able protect them. So Dementia won't have a reason to send me more hallucinations. So I can defeat my nightmares.

But I refuse to leave. Instead, I plan. Come up with options. Examine them. Discard them. Weigh possibilities, analyse what I can already do, what I need to learn, where my abilities fail me. Brain-storm for anything that can give me an edge.

What I come up with is crazy. And dangerous. Next to impossible.

"Dad?" I whisper.

"What do you need?" he asks immediately.

"Scrolls. On every advanced clone technique you know of."

"Alright."

"Thanks."

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ -═══════ι▬▬

Shikamaru wakes four days later. By then, I've read through all the scrolls Dad gave me, and am making notes on a scroll of my own. Said scroll falls to the ground as I just stare at my brother, not hearing a word he's saying. I might be crying, too, he's looking freaked out so it's likely.

Just then, a nurse come in, and upon seeing he's awake calls a doctor and from then on there isn't a moment of calm. It's only late at night when we're finally alone - Mom doing rounds at the hospital, Dad catching up on work.

"You look like shit," Shika rasps tiredly.

"Look who's talking," I mumble.

"C'mere, troublesome girl," he mutters, and taps the hospital bed beside him. I crawl under the covers and curl into him. Warm. He feels so very warm, and I can hear his heartbeat. I sigh softly. He does the same. His hand curls into my hair. "Thank you."

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ -═══════ι▬▬

A/N: So yeah, Shika lives. Riko's mind is turning against her. I promise though, future chapters will be lighter. They also won't be as frequent, since I've reached the end of my prewritten chapters and am once again in the middle of exams.

If you want to read something lighter, check out the sidefic 'Riko and the Plot Bunny' I published a few days ago. It's basically one long omake.

Until next chapter!