And you can sleep in a coffin,
But the past ain't through with you.
'Cause we are all a bunch of liars.
Tell me, baby, who do you wanna be?

"Now if you heh…cooperate this will go a heh, good deal smoother," Springheel Jack said as he took his time picking out a scalpel, "Heh, heart rates are difficult…heh things and I wouldn't want you to…heh…die from fright."

She had seen worse than what was happening now, so dying from fright wasn't exactly on her to-do list. The look Vanya gave him clearly told him he was going to have to try a lot harder than that.

"Heh…you're not easily heh, scared Ms. Carroll, I'll heh…give you that. But you probably have no, heh, idea what's going to…heh happen," he said.

Suddenly his nails grew a lot longer. He took the scalpel and sharpened them slowly and deliberately. This new development made her swallow. What was this freak? A groan was issued from Rumor. Absentmindedly Jack kicked her in the head. Once more Rumor fell silent. Vanya looked at her sister with concern.

"Don't worry about…heh her," he said dismissively, "She'll be…heh…fine. Heh, I was considering leaving anyway. Things are..heh..getting heated. Not before a, heh, quick snack though."

"A long time ago I was the…heh… scourge of London," he continued, "It used to, heh, be 'Lock your doors or Springheel Jack will eat your…heh…children!' Then it was, heh, 'Jack the, heh, Ripper strikes again!' Now I'm operating block by heh…block in a small area code. Can you, heh, even begin to realize how…heh humiliating that is?"

Her lips felt incredibly heavy or she would've made a remark about how he should've just stayed in England then.

"Now eating, heh, children is fine. They've got so many potential years ahead of…heh…them. At best you've only, heh, got forty. I live off of…heh…potential energy. Keeps me alive like, heh, food. So I did that for awhile. Ate…heh…children. But then I, heh ,found something much better," he said as he finished filing his nails into points.

At this point her eyes twitched slightly when he came closer.

"Heh…eating them before they're born," he continued, "heh, gives me much more potential energy. Not to, heh, mention it tastes better. Unfortunately heh…removing them tends to kill the women."

He raised his hand, the sharpness glinting in the light.

"The drug I gave you should…heh…keep you from moving around too, heh, much. And don't heh…worry, this should all be over in a matter of minutes. Ten at…heh…most."

Gathering what little strength she had she managed to roll off of the table and onto the floor. His hand left a dent in the metal where she would've been.

"That's what…heh…I meant about making this difficult!" he raged, picking her up by her short hair.

Pain went coursed from her head down. His sharp nails cut into her scalp. A few trickles of blood went down her face and made her eyes sting. Snarling he slammed her back on the table. Vanya saw stars and knew that the impact would leave bruises.

"Stay still this time," he muttered angrily, "I am heh…trying to save you from, heh, unnecessary pain."

A fist slammed into Springheel Jack's face, knocking him backwards into the wall. Jack quickly recovered and did a back flip so that he could face the offender. He glared at him.

"We sure as hell aren't going to show you the same courtesy," snarled Kraken as the remaining members of the Umbrella Academy filed into the room.

"Springheel Jack, major mythological character in England," said Spaceboy, "especially around the London area. First conceived by parents as a way to get children to behave. Or so they thought. I am going to have to ask you to step away from my sister."

"Adopted sister," Jack hissed, "I can…heh…tell. Heh…you smell like, heh, that. You smell adopted."

"I don't smell!" said Séance, hurt.

"You're going to have a hard time smelling anything when your fucking nose has been cut off," snapped Kraken as he unsheathed his knife.

"Astute observation," said .05 cooly, "Now if you would kindly do as Space asks, then perhaps you won't have superheroes killing you. Besides, we have to make this quick. My favorite diner closes in half an hour."

"I've read the…heh...tabloids," sneered Jack, "Superheroes, heh, have to like…heh each other."

"That's a nasty cough there," Séance noted, "Do you need a cough drop? Because I've got some ones that taste like cherry-"

"What the hell have you done to Vanya?" snapped Kraken.

"Just, heh, temporarily paralyzed," said Jack dismissively, "You ask a lot of…heh…questions."

"Answer me damn it!"

"You're the, heh, father, right?" continued Jack.

As Kraken hadn't shared his knowledge with the rest of the group, there was more then one 'What the hell did he just say?' looks on their faces.

"Step away," growled Kraken, "or having to spend the rest of your life with a colostomy bag will be the least of your worries."

"What?…Heh do you like the idea of being, heh, a father or, heh, something?" asked Jack distastefully.

"For the last time," snarled Kraken, "Step. Away. From. Them. Now."

"Heh, make me," Jack hissed.

Never needing an invitation to start a fight Kraken threw his knife. It hit the wall where Springheel Jack had been only moments before. Now he was sinking his nails into the flesh of Kraken's neck, narrowly missing the jugular. Blood trickled from the wound. Spaceboy grabbed Jack by the back of his head and threw him to the floor.

He started to get up but Séance quickly moved a nearby side-table. Throwing out his hand he moved it forward. The table slammed into Jack, splintering as it did so. Jack fell to the floor and lay still.

"That was easy," remarked .05.

Five seconds later a filing cabinet flew forwards, smacking Séance into the opposite wall. The wall behind him collapsed and not even Space could see how many meters back he flew. Getting to his feet Jack hissed at the remaining members, his nails growing out longer.

"Not, heh, yet," sneered Jack.

Spaceboy took out his laser gun just as Jack was about to charge. Jack laid himself flat on the floor as the beam shot above him, leaving a scorch mark on the wall. Space fired another shot. Moving quickly Jack clung to the ceiling and snarled ferally.

"Now you're…heh…starting to piss me off," he hissed, "I'm…heh hungry now."

As Space went to fire another shot as Jack scooped up a tray. On it were at least eight surgical instruments, laid out as though someone was about to get a bypass. Wrenching his arm back he threw the contents of the tray at Space's face. He managed to move out of the way of most of them. Of course, most being the operative term. One sliced his cheek and the other went through his shoulder, pinning him to the wall.

Howling with laughter at Space's obvious pain Jack moved out of the way of .05's attack.

"You're, heh, older then you look…heh kid," Jack laughed, "But so am I…heh. I'm at least one, heh, thousand years your senior. Heh, You're going to have to get up a lot earlier to, heh pull a fast one on me."

As he said this he pulled back his hand and slashed his nails across .05's back. Fabric and skin ripped with a grating noise .05 gritted his teeth as he fell to the floor, landing near his unconscious sister.

"All you've, heh, managed to heh…do is whet my appetite," said Jack satisfied," Piece of, heh advice you won't, heh, need. Never get between a man and, heh his."

As he leaned over to finish .05 off he stopped suddenly. A mixture between a grunt and growl came from his throat. Slowly but surely red started to stain his shirt. Looking down at the wound almost quizzically he put his fingers on it.

"I could say the same thing you ugly fucker," growled Kraken as he forced the knife sideways.

Intestines spilled out from the new wound and Jack made a low keening of pain. Slowly he sunk to his knees. Withdrawing his knife from him Kraken sheathed it. Then he placed both of his hands on the sides of Jack's head. A loud snapping was heard as Kraken twisted his neck. Fury still radiating from him he watched Jack's twitches slowly become less and less frequent before they faded into nothing.

"Alright?" he asked both of his brothers.

"I liked this shirt," hissed .05 angrily.

Spaceboy ripped the bayoneted surgical instrument from his arm. He winced as it dropped to the floor.

"I've had worse," he said, "Where's Séa-?"

"What I miss?" asked Séance as he hobbled into the room looking slightly dazed.

"Fine," said Kraken, taking deep and deliberate breaths, "You get Allison. I've got Vanya."

He walked over to Vanya and picked her up bridal-style. Gently he shifted her so that she would be more comfortable.

"When you get your motor activity back," he whispered, "I think it's safe to say we need to talk."