Epiphany
Chapter Ten
He did not need Heimdall's sword to open the Bifrost, as he still had the scepter, and it was much easier to lift when Laufey and three of his soldiers stepped through the portal. Seeing them in the golden glow that forever emanated from the city made Loki's stomach twist. They were creatures of the dark and the cold, not fit to walk through Asgard, but as they would serve his purpose, he needed them there. He faced them coldly, face blank of expression.
"Welcome to Asgard," he offered.
And Laufey smiled at him as if they were old comrades... Or father and son. Loki waved him and one of his soldiers to follow while the other two remained flanking Heimdall. The knowledge that Thor had defeated the Destroyer made Loki uneasy, but he did not have to tell the Jotuns that. All he informed them of was that Heimdall was strong and may not stay contained in his ice prison, and Laufey commanded them to stay. Grinning at the frozen god as if he knew just how it had occurred, knew that Loki had used the Casket to do it. Of course, the Casket was his originally, so it made sense the king would recognize its work. Loki spoke not of Heimdall's condition or what had been the cause of it, but he knew he did not have to. Laufey knew they were father and son, knew what Loki was capable of, so it was not surprising to him. And Loki was oddly fine with him knowing because no one could predict what he was about to do.
When the Jotuns approached Odin's room, Loki gave Laufey an icy stare to remind him who he had come to hurt, then disappeared into the shadows. Using their darkness to hide himself because he was not leaving. He watched the doors swing open, watched Frigga kill the soldier only to be swatted aside by Laufey. Unexpected anger tensed Loki's muscles, dared him to dive in right then and kill the Jotun for what he had done, but he held back on it. Held back even when he heard Jormungandr's soft whimper and expected Laufey to know better than to hurt the child. If the king hurt his son, Loki would not just kill him. He would hold the Jotun down with his magic, skin him, and pour salt and vinegar on his raw wounds until he screamed for the agony to stop. Abuse the raw, open nerves and leave him beginning for a death that would never come.
He stepped into better view of the room, silently lifting his helmet onto his head as he watched Laufey straddle Odin's prostrate figure. And the sight of Jormungandr, pressed into the fur, eyes wide and wet with tears, nearly undid him. But not yet. Not yet.
"It's said you can still hear and see what transpires around you," Laufey said, voice dangerously low as he loomed over the sleeping man. "I hope it's true, so that you may know your death came at the hand of Laufey." His hand fell to his side, forming a blade of ice, and as soon as he raised it, Loki removed the magic disguising his body and struck out with the power of the scepter, sending the Jotun flying across the room to land on his side.
Jormungandr leapt from his position on the bed and ran to Loki, burying his face in the heavy green velvet of his mother's cape. No longer were the Jotuns a familiar, safe people to him. They were now proper monsters, as they should be, and it would mean nothing to the boy when Loki eliminated them all. And he would. In one fell swoop. That was why he had lured them into Asgard and placed them in a position to make an attempt on Odin's life. Now, all of Asgard would see them as horrid beasts, and they would worship the king that had destroyed them all. Even Odin would not be able to fault him for bringing Jormungandr home, away from the things, and all would be well. Only Heimdall would ever be able to guess at his sorcery, and yet what would Heimdall's word be against his when he happened to mention the Gatekeeper had compromised his tender virginity?
He fixed Laufey with a cold gaze, resting one hand on Jormungandr's head. "And your death came by the son of Odin."
While Laufey was still staring at him, as if in disbelief, Loki blasted him to glowing embers with the scepter. He peered down at his son's face, offered him a reassuring smile as he wiped a single tear off of Jormungandr's cheek. It is all well again. Momma has destroyed the monster, and it will never hurt you or scare you. Ever again. He lifted his head to see his mother standing and stepped to meet her, not moving quickly enough to throw his son off balance. Just quick enough to convince the boy to move with him, which he did happily.
"Loki!" She ran to him, her face relieved and afraid and disbelieving all at once. "You saved him."
He caught her in one arm, curled her in against his chest and hugged her, setting the scepter down so he could keep his free hand on his son's head. Holding the three of them together for one gentle embrace before he stepped back. "I swear to you, Mother, that they will pay for what they've done today." He lowered his gaze to his son and smiled. "Momma will make all of the monsters go away, sweetling."
"Loki." The voice was deep, gruff, angry. And all-too-familiar. Was it possible? Had he truly made it back so rapidly? And how had he when the Gatekeeper was locked in ice?
But there he was, dressed in full armor, crimson cape hanging off of his shoulders, Mjolnir gripped tightly in his hands. That damnable hammer. There was no sign on Thor's ruggedly handsome face the Destroyer had fazed him, no cut or mark or scrape to mar the perfection that was his face, and Loki felt his heart throb in need. He wanted to apologize profusely, fall to his knees as he had so many times before and beg for forgiveness, but his muscles stayed stiffly in position. His body would not allow him to beg heedlessly when he knew Thor would hear none of it, not again.
"Thor!" Frigga hurried to him, and Loki forgave her that because he knew she was startled to see him when he had been gone so long. "I knew you'd return to us."
Thor embraced her when she threw her arms around him, but eyes as searing as blue stars pinned Loki in place, making him tense and lose much of his courage. What brought him out of his trance was the sound of little steps on the floor, Jormungandr wandering curiously over to Thor, unafraid of him. And when Frigga stepped back out of the embrace, Thor managed a smile as he dropped into a kneel, pulling the boy close for a hug. As if. He had been just as eager as Odin to remove Loki's children from Asgard, and there was no conceivable way he could feel anything for the boy that was pure Jotun and only appeared the least bit Aesir because of glamour alone. But the look he gave Jormungandr was sincere enough for the boy, who drifted over to Frigga while Thor stalked into the room, moving to the other side of their father's bed while Loki backed away from him. No. Not in front of his son.
"Why don't you tell her how you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends?" Thor asked, the words hurtled across the bed, dripping with accusation and hatred. "To kill me?"
"What?" Frigga's eyes were wide with shock, but already forgiving, already understanding. She loved him far too much to ever come close to despising him, even for trying to kill Thor. And in that moment, Loki loved her just as deeply, just as fiercely. He could never repay her for that love.
But he still had use of his silver tongue, and he used it on Thor. Just like always. "Why, it must have been enforcing Father's last command."
"You're a talented liar, Brother. Always have been." And though there was anger in his voice, Loki took the compliment given to him because he knew it was sincere as harshly worded as it was. Thor had always admired his ability to lie, after all.
"It's good to have you back," Loki admitted, allowing just a bit of his pain, his anguish, slip into the words before tucking them firmly back into his splintered heart. Where they belonged. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim."
He blasted Thor through the wall of their father's room, then fled from the room before either Frigga or Jormungandr tried to stop him. Not now, not yet, not when he was so close. His mount waited for him where he had tied the horse earlier in the evening, and he untied her swiftly and yanked himself atop her, digging his heals into her sides to urge her into a full gallop. Forcing the both of them down the rainbow bridge at a pace fast enough to break the neck of a human because he had to be quick about it. When he saw the puddles of water at the end of the bridge and the absent Gatekeeper, he realized Heimdall must have had more power than Loki had thought. But the sword was still there, and without hesitation, he thrust it into the altar, filling the room with the blue-white tendrils of power. And he used his ice to encase them, making it impossible to stop what he had begun. And when Thor arrived and saw what his baby brother had done, Loki felt a sick sort of pride and glee.
"You can't stop it," he informed Thor, watching the helplessness fill his brother's eyes. "The Bifrost will build until it rips Jotunheim apart."
When Thor tried to strike the ice with Mjolnir, Loki blasted him back with the scepter, ignoring the screaming, warring voice of his heart. Not now. Gods, not now. And when Thor forced himself to his feet, already wavering, Loki locked his heart away so it would not interfere with what he had to do.
"Why have you done this?" Thor asked, confusion evident in his voice. His anger was giving away to bewilderment, desire to fight to desire to understand.
Loki wanted to hurt him just for asking, but instead, he tightened the grip on the scepter and growled out the lie he had worked up just for Thor. "To prove to Father that I am the worthy son. When he wakes, I will have saved his life. I will have destroyed that race of monsters. And I will be true heir to the throne." As if any of that truly mattered. But if Thor wanted to be dense, he supposed anything could matter.
"You can't kill an entire race," Thor said, voice desperate.
"Why not?" Loki laughed slightly, shaking inside, shaking because he was beginning to think he had been wrong. And what if he had been wrong? What if Thor could be okay with his true origins, with Jormungandr's, and this time, stand beside him to bring his children home? Had the God of Lies missed the true right before his eyes? "And what is this newfound love for the Frost Giants? You could have killed them all with your bare hands." If you had known then that I was one of them, you could have killed me. My son.
"I've changed," Thor insisted, and Loki saw that it was true. Too late, he saw that it was true.
But now, it did not matter. "So have I." And while Thor's gaze was locked on his, he swung the scepter and smashed the flat side of the end against his brother's cheek, relishing the way Thor's head jerked to the side. "Now fight me." Swung the scepter again, this time using the bottom, knocking Thor across the floor to rest beneath the glowing, quivering web of ice.
It did not matter. Did not matter that Thor had changed, that Thor now understood, that they could have all that Loki had dreamed of and more. Did not matter because he was now the monster. But so be it. This monster would protect his offspring at all costs.
"I never wanted the throne!" The truth slipped from his lips as he rounded the altar, seeing Thor spread-eagle on his back and momentarily wondering just how inappropriate it would be to vanish his brother's clothing and ride him desperately while Jotunheim crumbled. "I only ever wanted to be your equal."
Thor pushed himself back up. Would not give up, even though his steps were unsteady. "I will not fight you, Brother!"
"I'm not your brother." Loki smiled wistfully at the knowledge, and his eyes swam with tears. Gods, but he had cried enough since all of this had begun. "I never was."
"Loki, this is madness," Thor insisted, so much pleading in his voice. Just stop. Just give up. It will all be okay if you just stop now before it is too late. Please just stop.
"Is it madness? Is it? Is it?" He was too vulnerable, too open, and he would not allow it. Not now. Not ever again. Instead, he changed tactics. Make Thor vulnerable, make him angry, make him fight. "Come on. What happened to you on Earth that turned you so soft? Don't tell me it was that woman. Oh, it was!" Tears slipped free of his eyes, but he was hopeless to control them. Hopeless to stop his pain as it welled out of him, concealed in a cocoon of anger and spite. "Well, maybe, when we're finished here, I'll pay her a visit myself!"
That was all it took. Thor leapt toward him, and Loki jumped to meet him, the scepter meeting Mjolnir and sending sparks flying through the room. Thor won the small clash, pinning Loki to the floor, but Loki pushed him off and stood, stabbing at him with the scepter. Would have connected, but Thor kicked his leg out from under him, and he was on his back again. Mjolnir came down toward him, and he angled the scepter to take the blow, knowing it could.
Metallic clang. Sparks. Light. Loki swung his leg up, kicking Thor in the chest just so he could have the room to maneuver back onto his feet. Turned and engaged, swinging the scepter only to have it meet Mjolnir again and again. Damn that hammer. Finally caught the right angle and swung Thor, sending him back onto the floor. Jumped, flying through the air, scepter aimed at Thor's head, he needed to die, but the damned bronze prince rolled at the last second, and the scepter hit the floor instead.
Hammer swinging near his face. Loki ducked, then planted the scepter firmly on the floor and swung his body around it, both feet slamming into Thor's chest, but his brother, his love, was hardly fazed. More engaging. Swing. Sparks. Light. Clangs. Elbow to the chin, stunning him, and then he was thrown across the floor. Mjolnir coming toward him, and Loki threw his power out against her, preventing her from hurting him, but when their bodies collided, they flew. He landed far from Thor, disguised himself instantly and hung his beloved double off of the edge of the bridge. Thor loved him too dearly.
"Thor! Brother, please," the clone begged, and of course Thor knelt to help him. Just as he vanished.
Loki was behind him, struck him with the scepter, filled the bridge with his clones. When Thor screamed "Enough!" and blasted him, he was stunned, and next he knew, Mjolnir was planted firmly on his chest as his brother beheld the Bifrost. The bridge was thrumming and running with rainbows of color, and it was beautiful, so beautiful it moved Loki to tears, as everything did, it seemed. He watched Thor regard the bridge, trying to move the hammer and finding she would not move for him now. Just the same. He settled against the bridge and watched Thor, breath hard.
"Look at you," he sneered, "the Mighty Thor, with all your strength, and what good does it do you now, huh? Do you hear me, Brother? There's nothing you can do!"
And then the weight on his chest was gone, and as he sat up, shocked at the loss of weight, the bridge shook. Thor. Lifting Mjolnir high in the air and bringing her down on the bridge, splintering it. Shattering it. Bringing spider web cracks. And Loki was stunned.
"What are you doing?" he demanded, screaming to make his voice heard to his mad brother. "If you destroy the bridge, you'll never see her again!"
But Thor would not stop, and so Loki seized the scepter once again, knowing what he had to do. Knowing he had to help.
And as he flew toward the crack, intent on striking the weakened space, he heard Thor whisper, "Forgive me, Jane."
The scepter and Mjolnir struck the crack, and everything went white.
He screamed, hand stretching out, catching the scepter, and the sudden jerk to his body made him look up. Thor's hand was around the other end of the scepter, holding him above a black tear rent into the stars, and above that stood Odin, holding Thor's boot. And all of the fight left Loki, and all he wanted was his father's love.
"I could have done it, Father! I could have done it." His chest hurt. Everything hurt. "For you. For all of us." Sure Father would understand and love him still.
"No, Loki," Odin whispered.
And he heard it. Very faintly, Loki heard it. And though Thor screamed his name, screamed no, he opened his fingers and allowed himself to slip. Felt the power of the hole suck him in, and Loki Laufeyson's final thought was that he hoped someone would care for his son now that he was dead.