I own no one but my own people

Olivia sat on her couch wearing her most comfortable sweats, her hair still dripping wet from her most recent shower, the third one today. Her knees were brought up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Tears had slowly streamed down her face with no hints of stopping for the past hour.

She wanted to crawl out of her own skin. The detective could still feel him touching her, could still feel his huge chapped lips on her neck, on her lips… But what was the worst was the constant unwavering pain in between her legs. Not only from where he had violated her with his own body but with her gun, which she now had locked away in a shoe box in the closet, but from the kick he had given her in her own building. Even with the medication it still hurt her to walk or do anything really.

Her phone rang again and she didn't even bother glancing at it. All day she had gotten rude horrible disgusting calls from the cops in McNulty's precincts. After the tenth time she had just ignored her phone entirely, not caring rather or not someone from her own precinct called or a victim or whoever wanted to get in touch with her. She just wanted to be left alone…

Unfortunately her one simple wish was already being broken by a light timid knock on her door. "Nooo!" moaned Olivia as she used the coffee table to get up from her current position on the couch. She moved slowly to the door, already deciding there was no chance in hell of making it to work tomorrow. By the time she got to the door she was ready to collapse again. Maybe she shouldn't have sent David away…

Olivia glanced through the peep hole and felt a rushing wave of emotions ranging from relief to fear and everything in between as she saw the face of her new partner standing there behind her front door. Desperately hoping this was just a casual visit and that he had no idea what had happened to her and this was just a casual visit, Olivia took a deep breath, put on the bravest face she could manage, unlocked and opened the door.

One look at Amaro's face told her everything she needed to know. He knew. He knew everything and he was mad…

"Hey," she greeted softly, almost flinching at the look in his eyes.

Amaro said nothing. He just looked her over, the rage in his expression melting from anger to sorrow and pity… Olivia blushed a deep red and glanced down at the floor unable to take the sadness in his eyes.

"Hey, Liv," he breathed, as if he was afraid speaking too loudly would blow her over. He swallowed hard, still looking her over, almost surprised t what he saw. There were no marks on her body. Her hair was tussled and slightly knotted but he had expected bruises, scratches, scars… but there was nothing except the pain so evident in her eyes that screamed something had happened far louder than any physical mark.

Besides, he reminded himself, his anger for the situation flaring up yet again, she had been raped by a cop. He'd know how to restrain her without leaving a mark.

Olivia cleared her throat and motioned inside her apartment. "You wanna come in?"

Amaro nodded and silently slid past her, careful to not even brush against her as he did so. Olivia shut and dead bolted the door behind him, praying he wouldn't think the Veteran officer rude for not offering to get him a drink but she could barely stand much less walk over to her fridge...

"You… you mind if I sit?" asked Amaro, again fearful that mere words alone would damage her.

Olivia shook her head no and, with a slight wince of pain, sat back down on her couch. Amaro, who had sat down in the arm chair, curled his hands into fists when he heard the near silent exclamation of pain. She was hurt. Bad. And David refused to prosecute the bastard who had damaged her.

He would kill him…

Olivia glanced down at the carpet, struggling to keep the emotions out of her voice. "I assume this isn't some casual visit?" she asked him still hoping he would answer yes even though the real answer was glaringly obvious as of now.

Amaro shook his head as he too gazed down at the floor. "He… Cragen brought him into the station an… and he sort of yelled it out for everyone to hear… I'm sorry, Liv."

Tears caught in the Detective's eyes that she hastily wiped away. "And..." She cleared her throat, "and, Rollins? Does she know too?"

Amaro bit his lip what Olivia took to, correctly, assume that the answer to her question was an unfortunate yes. She let out a laugh mixed iwht a sob throwing her hands up in defeat. "Perfect! So not only does the whole precinct know about it and not beleive me but-!"

"Liv, no one is buying this guys story," Amaro assured her. "They all know you wouldn't lie."

Olivia raised her brow at her partner. "No?" She picked up her phone from the coffee table and tossed it to him. "fifteen texts and twenty three calls all accusing me of lying about this whole thing, of ruining an innocents man life and, this was my personal favorite, 'that I'm disrespecting real victims everywhere by lying about it'. Apparently it's not disrespectful to accuse someone of lying about getting attacked with zero evidence."

Amaro shook his head. "That's just McNulty's friends being pricks. Okay, Liv, the entire precinct believes you. Cragen believes you, Fin believes you, I do, Rollins, hell even Tucker knows you aren't lying. Okay no matter what Haden says."

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion at the man sitting in the chair across from her. "What does that mean? 'No matter what Haden says'?"

Deep down Amaro knew that moment probably wasn't the best moment to inform her that her boyfriend, who was supposed to be a secret, was abandoning her in the moment she needed him the most, but she didn't need any more surprises in her life right now.

The detective sighed as he glanced down at the ground, unable to look at the pain he would inevitably put on his partners face. "Somehow... somehow McNulty knew that... that you and Haden were dating."

Olivia's eyes went wide with shock as her jaw dropped. She tried to process the information but far too many things were going through her mind all at once. She tied to speak but could only manage a few stunned syllables, finally landing on the something similar to 'what?'

Amaro shrugged. "I don't know how he got the information but he did and he told Tucker, who believed him. Not, not the lie about the fact you told him you were having troubles with your relationship but that you were dating Haden."

"We're not-... I don't..." Tears prickled at Olivia's eyes as she struggled to speak. "I never... I didn't tell him ANYTHING about me and David!" she finally managed to blurt out, her voice shaking with a cry she so desperately wanted to release. "He- he must have seen him coming out of my apartment this afternoon or- or something!"

Amaro picked his head up to narrow his eyes at her. "He knows where you live?"

Olivia nodded, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. "Yeah. He... after I got back from the hospital he was in my lobby." She sniffed and cast her eyes towards the ground. "He threw me against the wall and threatened me. I thought he left but he... he must have hung around and saw David leave."

A whole new rage filled Amaro. His hands curled into fists as he snarled, "I'll kill him. Why didn't you report it, Liv?"

"I don't know, Nick! Okay, I just- I just wanted to sleep and then me and David got into an argument-."

"About what?"

Olivia sighed and rubbed her temple, "I don't even remember right now, but I sent him away and he must have watched him walk out and assumed we were dating." Olivia glanced down at the carpet, almost muttering her next words, "and now I just want David here with me and he's not and I can't handle this without him..."

Amaro shook his head. "No you don't. He's not good for you."

"No offense, Nick, but I REALLY don't need the overprotective partner role right now, okay? I had enough of that with my last partner, I don't want it with you."

"I'm telling you the truth, Liv. Hell, I'd tell ANY victim who was dating their attackers cousin the same thing."

Olivia gazed up from the carpet again, unable to even remotely comprehend what Amaro had just said. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Cursing himself for letting that slip, Amaro drew back his bottom lip and gnawed on it. Olivia spoke again, her voice trembling from anger and betrayal. "Nick... what the hell did you just say?"

"I didn't mean to tell you," Amaro explained as quickly as possible. "It just came out but... but your... the man who attacked you is Haden's cousin. ." After a moment to let that information begin to sink in he continued. "He also wants Haden to be his lawyer. He... he didn't say yes but he didn't say no either."

The brunette detective felt her whole world swirl dangerously. Her boyfriend, the man she loved more than anyone in thi world, who had picked her up in her darkest hour, was the cousion of the man who had violated her in the worst possible way. Clutching the arm of the chair to keep her at least slightly grounded to the world, she almost choked on her next words. "Any... anything else about- about him I should know?"

Hating himself for even beginning to bring it up, Amaro nodded. "Yeah. He... he doesn't... he doesn't exactly think you lied about the attack but he doesn't totally disbelieve his cousin either who's basically saying that you consented to everything that he did to you."

"I didn't consent to anything he did to me!" Olivia cried out, a fresh wave of tears making their way down her face. "He raped me!"

"I know that, Olivia," Amaro assured her as gently as possible.

"David doesn't! My own boyfriend, the man I love, thinks I'd lie about this! How can a jury or the people I work with or hell even IAB believe me if I can't even get him to believe in me!" A sob ripped past her lips but she didn't even put up an effort to try to hide it from the younger detective. "He raped me Nick! He held me down, ignored me when I was screaming no, and he raped me! Then if that's not bad enough people think I'd lie about the worst thing that has ever happened to me!"

All at once every flood of memery came sprinting back. The touch of his cold calloused hands, his hot breath on her neck, him stretching and ripping her as he slammed into her, making sure his every single inch was inside her, laughing as she screamed out for the one person she thought would be able to save her when in reality, that one person put is faith in the person who had violated her.

She felt an unfortunate heat rise from her stomach. Olivia quickly got up from the couch, ignoring the throbbing pain inbetween her legs. "I'm gonna be sick," she gasped as she sprinted towards her bathroom.

Olivia had just managed to collapse infront of her toilet and get the seat up when she emptied her stomach contents into the porcelean bowl. She hadn't even noticed that Nick had come in and was holding her hair back from her face, gently rubbing her back as she dry heaved, having nothing in her stomach to come back up any longer.

After she was sure she was finished, she jerked out of his comforting grasp. "Leave," she panted, her chest heaving, tears running down her face.

"Liv, you need someone to help you," Amaro pleaded.

"I said, 'LEAVE'!" she shouted still not turning to face him. "I had enough people ignoring what I tell them to last a lifetime..."

A slap to the face would have hurt less. Amaro swallowed his retort and nodded before he stood up. "I'll be back to check on you in the morning. If you need ANYTHING, day or night whatever hour, just call. I'll talk to you later, Liv."

Olivia didn't respond to him and instead just continued to stare down at the ground. Sighing softly, Amaro headed out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

The moment she heard the door latch click, it happened. She curled her knees up to her chest and began to sob. Her whole body shook almost dangerously as let out the occasional scream through her cries, just wanting this whole miserable day to be over, wanting to just run away and never look back.

She had no idea how on earth she was going to get over this. She almost wanted to laugh for all the times she told survivers that with counseling and talking about it that they would get better. It almost felt like she was mocking them with that advice because right now she saw zero hopes or chances of her ever feeling normal again...

Minutes, or perhaps hours it all felt the same to her, passed before she finally calmed herself down enough to where she could stand up and walk back out into her living room. It had gotten dark and her stomach was growling. Olivia almost felt betrayed by her own body. How could an emotion as normal as hunger be on the forefront of her mind with every other thing going on with her?

Deciding that left over Chinese food would surface, she managed to make it all the walk over towards her kitchen when there was a light knock on her door. Almost wanting to weep at having to walk all the way back over and to deal with another person she managed to head back to the door. She looked through the peep hole and froze when she saw the face on the other side.

Olivia wanted to scream and weep and hit something as hard as she could all at once as her heart pounded dangerously hard against her ribs almost making her wince in pain. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she wrenched open the door as he lifted his hand to knock again.

"Go away," she barked at David who came bearing takeout Italian from the smell of it.

David swallowed hard as he stood at her doorway. "Liv, I'm sorry for earlier. Okay, I never should have said what I did, and the LAST thing I want is to push you right now or to get you upset-."

"Why would you care about rather or not I'm upset?" she demanded crossing her arms. "You think I'm lying about being raped so clearly I have nothing to be upset about right?"

David looked honestly confused as he looked her over. "What? Olivia, I don't think that at all, I know you're not lying."

"No, you just think your cousin is telling the truth about me and him having sex with me in the back of his car the first time I met him."

His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open as Olivia continued her icy glare. The normally well spoken detective stammered out several unintelligible words before he finally managed to get out a sentence. "Wha-... who told you that I was related to him?"

"Nick came over and told me everything. How you're not sure if you're going to be his lawyer, how you're not quite sure i your cousin or me is telling the truth meaning that some part of you thinks I'm lying about being raped."

"I never said you were lying," David told her, struggling to keep his anger at Amaro in check. He would deal with the rookie detective later, right now yelling was the last thing that Olivia needed. "And I NEVER said you weren't raped. Ever."

"Then what did you say because from where I'm standing that's pretty much exactly what it means. And the worst part is you're thinking about defending him. The man who ra- who raped me." She choked on a sob as she looked at him, hating herself for not hating him as much as she knew she should. "I called out for you, David," she told him as tears ran down her cheeks. "When he was hurting me, I screamed your name because I knew you were the only person who would be able to save me, you were the only person I wanted right then."

David's face fell as he processed the information, his anger at the whole situation instantly washed away with hatred at his own self for EVER doubting her even in the slightest. "Olivia, I'm... I'm sorry."

His voice was so soft spoken and Olivia hated how safe and actually loved it made her feel when she knew right then that love and safety from ANYONE was the last thing she deserved right now...

Olivia sniffed and wiped her tears only to have more replace what she had wiped away. "It doesn't matter what you say you are, David. You don't believe me."

"I do believe you, Olivia!" pleaded David almost desperately. "I swear to God I do!"

"I don't ever want to see you again," she continued as if he hadn't even spoken.

"Olivia, please!"

"Go."

Without giving him another chance to respond she shut the door in his face. Not wasting a single moment, Olivia slid down the door and began to cry once again, not knowing the man on the other side was dangerously close to doing the exact same thing...

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