Disclaimer: Same old, same old – I do this for fun and nothing else; if you sue me I'm too poor to pay and all you get is a rust bucket car and a load of animal with attitudes that make House look like a cute lickle teddy:O)
Same disclaimer applies to the Sugarbabes song – just liked it and thought it'd be fun to include.
WARNING: POSSIBLE BAD LANGUAGE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.
'—' signifies thoughts.
"—" signifies speech.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Always Yours
Chapter Eleven – Pretzels
They dropped Molly off at school; Mike just laughed when Jess phoned to explain and said he'd take the tribe, especially as it looked as if she wouldn't be coming back any time soon. She, for her part, was beginning to feel ever so slightly ganged up on.
When they reached the hospital they literally ran into Sarah and Chase. All four were silently thanking God Molly wasn't there. The awkward questions and the even more painfully awkward answers would be nightmarish.
House however did feel a little fun was in order; he didn't want to lose his edge. As they went to exit the elevator he tweaked Chase's collar, exposing further the bruise on his neck "You got a hickey." Then he glanced at Sarah who was already trying, too late, to pull up her collar to cover hers "So have you. Who knew we had vampires loose round here – Coz they really went for an artery with you two!"
Chase bridled and went to say something in defence of Sarah, but Jess was already on the attack "oh shut up House – just because you didn't get any last night." She turned to the young couple and muttered in a loud whisper "his blow up doll was flat and he'd lost his puncture repair kit – boy, did he have a tantrum!"
She patted House's arm and went to walk past, stopping only long enough to lean up to his ear and blow in it slightly before whispering "touché Greg!" and wandered off.
As she got near Wilson's office she called innocently, and without turning "want a pretzel, House? I'm sure I can find a really bendy one." The others noted the way his grip tightened on his cane, but as they went to walk past they could see him smiling ruefully at the floor.
Cameron heard the last of the exchange as she arrived with Brenda in tow "I didn't think he liked pretzels?"
"No honey he doesn't, but I bet I know one he'd make an exception for." Brenda laughed as she followed her friend.
Sarah gave Chase a big smile and followed. Chase returned it with interest and watched her walk away.
"Got it bad, haven't you?" House muttered as he hobbled past.
"Well, you should know – you get the same look with Jess."
"Awww…the puppy bites back. Word to the wise: don't; the alpha male bites too – and my bark is not worse than my bite, trust me."
However House didn't realise how bad Chase did have it until Foreman asked "put out did she?"
"She did not 'put out' as you so eloquently put it Foreman! We made love if you must know! I had carnal knowledge of a brilliant woman and, if I play my cards right and she still likes me I might get to increase that knowledge of her!
She is a great person; and I don't normally go for personality -maybe because the women I usually shag don't have one. But she does, so treat her with respect right!"
House looked startled "and he goes from toady to lovesick puppy in the blink of an eye."
Chase went to storm out and glared at House "Bite me!"
"I would but then Jess might hit me; and we all know she punches like a man. Plus I'm trying to ensure I get some too – it's been so long I've forgotten who ties who up."
"That's probably how you punctured your girlfriend." Jess stood in the doorway "Don't piss off a nurse's boyfriend House – the nurses will revolt."
"They always do; well, me at least – but I am duly frightened. In fact the only one who doesn't frighten me is Cuddy, merely because I'm sure she's not really a woman…."
"But she has saggy boobs and you shagged her." Jess pointed out with an evil grin.
House flinched as the others stared horrified "1. I was drunk people; very, very drunk. 2. as Clinton said 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' get it?" the others looked more horrified.
Jess walked off howling with laughter "you may have been better letting them think you had sex!"
"You're scared of me?" Cameron was shocked.
"Only in as much as I worry your super sugary sweetness will eventually rot out all our teeth."
Cameron sighed and walked off muttering about how he'd never change.
Wilson stood in the doorway "Cuddy! You had sex with Cuddy?" he pulled a face and pretended to stick his fingers down his throat "You are seriously sick House – sick; really, really sick."
"No - I was really, really drunk and it was really, really dark."
"House you would have had to have been unconscious in a cave and I would still be saying both 'EEEWWWWWW' and 'what were you thinking?' " he looked at where Jess was rapidly limping to Mrs Mulholland's room before going to clinic "I'm surprised she didn't make you go through decontamination….and why doesn't she hate you for it?"
"She both knows and accepts I was drunk, unlike my other so-called friend – and anyway, we weren't together then."
"So you're together now? Did you…..?" Wilson quirked a hopeful eyebrow - if they did it today, he won the sweep; well he and Brenda had the same day, so technically they both won it. But the pot was up to $80 now – not bad. Well, that and of course he wanted House and Jess happy.
"Not together together. But you know, it's too soon so…."
"TOO SOON? House, it's been 20 YEARS! It is so far from too soon that you couldn't see it from a satellite!" He rolled his eyes "no wonder Chase and Sarah hit the sack on the first date – they're probably terrified if they wait old Rip Van TooSoon here will get them, and before they know it they're old and grey and still no nearer to each other!"
"I promised…."
"When did that ever matter to you before? And you promised what - to wait until Jess gets her pension?"
"See now this is why I don't share my deep personal longings with you."
"House you don't usually have 'deep personal longings'; in fact I'm not convinced you even know what that means – especially the deep part."
"Are you saying I'm shallow?"
"No, what I am saying is your sarcasm, natural pig-headedness, ego and general unpleasantness normally act as a natural filter against any pleasant feelings getting to that thing we all call a heart and you call a blood muscle." He smirked at the man before him "however, I do believe Dorothy has worked her magic and the tin man has a heart after all!"
"Shut up Wilson." House grumbled as he stalked out "that is just a vile rumour that I do not want bandied around as it's totally untrue."
0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Jess was with Abigail Mulholland "so, you feeling better?"
The woman was pale with pain "is it worse than this for him?"
"Yup…..a lot, lot worse."
"Then why did he keep the leg?"
" He didn't – his now ex-wife made the call."
"Yeah but he could have said later 'take the damn thing off'. I know if I came round to find myself in worse pain than this I damn well would have. In fact I'd have found the damn saw myself."
Jess chuckled "You don't know Dr House."
"Hmm….would you?"
"Yeah."
"You don't have to think about it? Even I had to think about it. You're saying that if they found the same with you you'd tell them to take the leg, no hesitation?"
"Yup – you forget, I've seen him suffer for the last 10 years. I don't know that I've got the strength of character he's got; this wears me down as it is – Thursday can't come quick enough."
"Thursday?"
"Yup, another 4 days – including this one – and I get a new knee." Jess grinned "I'll lose the pain once I get over the surgery and will be pain free for about 10-15 years; I'll even get to walk fairly normally and be more active." She smiled "I mean I won't be break dancing or climbing Everest; but hey, them's the breaks."
"But what about Dr House? Won't you want someone more like you then; more active?" Abigail had heard some about the two doctors from whispered conversations in the hall and from what had been said to her questions.
Jess stared at her "No, he's been in here since the first day I met him." She tapped her chest "course he doesn't believe that."
"He's a fool then."
"Yeah, mine. Well, someone has to keep him out of mischief." She added the latter quickly.
They smiled and she sorted out the woman's pain relief; there were things that Abigail told her about being infected that caused Jess to wonder if her worst fears were true. Still she could do some checking and then worry about confronting the guilty party.
She went to see Brenda "Bren when did you bet that me and House would 'do it'?" she smirked as she walked into the nurse's station.
"Honey that's cheating!" Brenda laughed, knowing why her friend was asking "but it's today. Wilson got the same day; that idiot Amber from Gynae forgot to take it out after I chose it, so Wilson got it too. We didn't care and agreed to split it."
"Amber? God I'm surprised she's still here – is she still wearing that MP3 player permanently glued to her ears? I swear to God it tells her how to breath; she is such a blond!" They laughed together "I love you Brenda, you been a good mate to me and Wilson is House's best friend like….Jaynie was mine." She took a breath, her friend's loss still smarted a lot; but she was dealing. She winked at the nurse before her "consider it a done deal."
"Oh come on Jess, this is House! Even you can't get round him like that; anyway, how you going to let us know?"
Just then Sarah walked in holding Chase's hand, their hickies still easy to see "like that." Jess smirked "so long as one of us has one you'll know, right? Even if I can't do that, don't worry – I'll make sure you all know. As to getting round him – he won't know what hit him."
Brenda fell about laughing "Jess remind me to always be your friend!" she crowed as her friend left "You know I almost pity that man – he sure has met his match in her."
"About time – he can be a real pill." Chase grumbled, and then smiled at Sarah "about 7? We can stay in; I'll cook."
Brenda chuckled as Sarah blushed "cook something you can reheat easily boy!" and left still laughing at people and the games they played.
Sarah stared at her friend and then Chase "I'm not easy you know – I don't normally….do that. You know, on the first date – but you….are nice, different."
"Sarah! Jeez, I know that! God, look, I like you yeah? I seen you round the hospital for a while now….." he took her hand "it was no one off for me okay? I'll see you at 7." He left.
She hugged herself with a huge grin, then rolled her eyes 'how lame was that?'
0-0-0-0-0-0
It was much later in the day and they were down in the clinic; everyone had been dealt with and House had earned himself two cuffs round the head from Jess, earning many smirks from the staff and even a few patients.
She had also mentioned pretzels frequently which, Cuddy noticed, caused him to become very agitated. In fact she'd overheard one such exchange.
House had been making his usual snarky comments to a patient as he showed him out and Jess wandered over and went close to his ear "want a bendy pretzel for dinner Greg?" she breathed so Cuddy could only just hear.
He gripped his cane very tightly, closing his eyes before smiling grimly "Keep it up, you harpy…keep it up." But Cuddy noticed he never said another word to the patient and Jess wandered off grinning mischievously.
Now Jess was stood in the empty clinic as Molly came running in hotly pursued by Chloe, her brothers and Mike; the new Sugarbabes record came on the radio "Oh Estelle! Turn it up – we love this don't we Mummy! Sing, mummy – do it with Sarah and Brenda!"
She was quickly dragged to the more open area, where Brenda and Sarah joined her, she began to sing along to the song with two nurses doing back up:
"I'm
busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think
about it
I Wanna kiss and
Everything around it
but
he's too distant
I wanna feel his body
I can't resist it "
she rolled her eyes and looked at House, who shifted his weight
uneasily.
"I know my hidden looks can be deceiving
But
how obvious should a girl be?
I was taken by the early
conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respect me
I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I
wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I
had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this
opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos
If you're ready
for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before
I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I
control
I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm
kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got
him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve
this mission" again another suggestive look – House gritted his
teeth and went and sat down.
"After waiting patiently for
him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I
wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very
beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it
'cos
If you're ready for me boy
(For
me boy)
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I
get the wrong idea and go
(Oh,
oh)
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
If you're
ready for me boy
(For me boy)
You'd better push the button
and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
(Oh, oh)
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
Ohhhhhhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhhhh"
The song was fairly suggestive and House, who was still sitting in one of the chairs facing her, was obviously becoming uncomfortable – even though Jess kept laughing and the other two were also subject to fits of the giggles. At the end all clapped – Estelle had phoned upstairs and Chase, in particular, nearly broke his neck rushing to get there to watch.
Wilson saw the look on House's face as Molly told them she was staying at Mike's because Chloe missed her "it's only tonight mummy – but she's sad. It's not a scheme honest." She crossed her fingers over her heart.
"I know punkin, she looks a bit fed up." Jess could see it hadn't been pre-planned; Chloe was obviously missing the little girl she considered a big sister "You go and have a good time and I'll see you after school tomorrow, 'kay?"
Molly hugged her mother and then shot over to House "I won't hug you….." but she hovered.
"You can hug me midget – but I won't hug you back." He rolled his eyes.
She fell on him and hugged him so tight he thought his eyes must be bugging. He patted her back and smirked as she stood away "Later House – it's all up to you now."
"I thought I heard you say it wasn't a scheme?" he quirked an eyebrow.
"Oh it isn't – but it couldn't have worked out better could it?" was the innocent reply "Chloe wants me to play with her tonight and you want……to move furniture with mummy." She winked as she ran off with the others.
Patrick patted her head "I hope you never scheme with me Mollster – I wouldn't stand a chance." He grinned.
She rolled her eyes "Nah, you know me too well."
"So do they and it doesn't stop you."
"They're different."
"Well, I hope I never am then."
She just grinned; she liked Patrick, he was funny.
0-0-0-0-0
House walked over to Jess "Well? Chinese or Pizza?"
"Pizza….less bloodshed as I remember." She smirked "but I still got some work to do. I need to check some paperwork, and then I'll leave – yours or mine?"
"Mine."
"I'll meet you there then."
"Everything alright?" he could see she was concerned "bring it with you – we'll both check it over, I'm assuming it's to do with Lung Fluke Lady."
"Not sure, thanks and she has a name."
"Uh oh, you're welcome and so what."
"Definitely, stop it - its creepy and so use it."
"I find these exchanges the most fascinating." Cuddy murmured to Brenda "it's weird though."
"Not really, they just know each other so well…." Brenda grinned; she thought it was cute, though she would rather cut her tongue out than tell either of them that – though in retrospect they'd probably do it for her if she did.
"Not good, I'm being polite and why?"
"Might be, don't - it's too out of character and because she has one."
"We'll see, fine and whatever." He raised an eyebrow and smirked as she stopped "HA! Got you!"
"Bollocks."
"Doesn't count…a cuss doesn't count as it was not part of the original statement – it's in the rules."
"Bollocks."
"Oh and a repetition…..you so lose."
"Oh shut up if you don't want to lose more than that." She eyed him in a way he didn't like.
"Like what, my pizza? I'm quaking."
"No – you're pretzel." She smiled evilly.
"Bitch."
"bastard."
Together they said "and you say that like it's a bad thing."
Cuddy blanched "Oh my God, she really is a female House."
Before anyone could retort they all heard a familiar "Hey Buddy! And how's my favourite girl?"
Everyone groaned – Hank Ditchfield had the timing of a contraceptive missile.