The Usual Suspects

Chapter 11

Marvin tried to change the topic for Mr. Kaplan. "So I have some exciting news. Terrifying, but exciting news. Becky and I have been talking about maybe trying to have a baby."

"That's great, Marvin. That's really great. I'm happy for you."

Clearly Reddington meant it, because he lasted a whole sixty seconds while the others congratulated Marvin before he managed to use it to segue back into trying to talk Mr. Kaplan into breaking up with Vanessa.

"Marvin and Becky are going to have a baby. Brimley's going to get remarried again -"

"- Whoa!" Brimley protested. "Who said anything about me getting married?"

"Raincoats and assisted living?" Reddington grimaced. "That's no kind of life for you my friend. Tomorrow, you and I are going ring shopping. I know just the place."

Brimley didn't look convinced, but Reddington was already moving on. "Kate, have you noticed everyone around you is entering into long-term commitments. That's all I want for you, Kate, and I just don't see that happening with Vanessa."

"That's wonderful, Raymond, but what about what I want for me? I'm not looking for something serious or a long-term commitment. I just want something casual."

As if on cue, Mr. Kaplan's phone started ringing.

Reddington raised an eyebrow. "Is that her? Calling again?"

It kept ringing, but Mr. Kaplan didn't even take out her phone to look at it.

"High maintenance. Tell me something, Kate. Did you explain to her that this is just something casual."

Mr. Kaplan didn't respond.

The phone kept ringing.

"You're not going to pick up?"

Mr. Kaplan looked at him like he was being ridiculous. "With this audience? No."

"You're really not going to pick up?" Reddington asked again.

Glen tried to make her feel bad about not answering. "You're the worst girlfriend ever."

"I'm not her girlfriend. She's not my girlfriend. It's very casual."

Glen's tone sounded concerned. "What if it's an emergency?"

As it kept ringing, Liz began to wonder just how many times Mr. Kaplan's phone was set to ring before going to voice mail.

"It's not an emergency. There is a code for emergencies. If it was an emergency she would use it."

"Maybe she forgot it." Glen suggested.

By Mr. Kaplan's look it was obvious she found that unlikely, but Glen wouldn't quit.

He started going through all the worst case scenarios. "Maybe she got into a car accident and she's stuck on the side of the road in a ditch."

He gestured to Reddington. "Maybe the creep he sent her after got a little fresh and she's locked herself in the bathroom and is calling you for help."

Not getting the response he was going for, Glen kept on. "Maybe she's locked in the trunk of a car with her hands tied behind her back and the only button on her phone that she can reach with her perfect little nose is the redial button."

And on …

"Maybe the creep she is with pushed the car off of a pier and into the ocean and she's slowly sinking to the bottom of -"

With a supreme look of irritation, Mr. Kaplan finally took out the phone to answer. "Hello."

Liz didn't think Glen's grin bode well.

"No, I'm not working, but now's -"

Glen began making loud kissing noises.

"- not a good time to talk. Can this wait?"

Abraham joined in with the kissing noises.

"Try baking soda. If there's no baking soda try lemon juice. If -"

As Glen escalated to moaning the lyrics of Salt-N-Pepa's Grammy Award nominated Push It, Liz had had enough. Trying to help, she yelled at him and Abraham. "Be quiet! She's on the phone!"

"- Let me call you back." Mr. Kaplan hung up the phone.

Liz had just been trying to help. She wasn't really clear on why Reddington was staring at her like she had just done something wrong.

Mr. Kaplan gave Glen quite the displeased expression.

Grinning, Glen didn't seem phased at her glare.

When Mr. Kaplan turned off her phone's ringer and dropped it back into her bag before picking the bag up by the handles and standing, Glen seemed all the more pleased. "Oh come on! Don't leave on my account."

"I'm not leaving. I'm just going to step out for a moment."

"Was it something I said? Please tell me it was something I said." Glen chortled.

"If you're just stepping out for a moment ..." As she tried to pass, Reddington stopped her by touching her elbow. "... leave your bag so we trust that you're actually coming back."

Tearing her glare away from Glen to look at Reddington, Mr. Kaplan seemed to be considering it for a moment. She reached back into her bag before setting it back down.

Pressing his luck, Reddington offered. "I can play your seat while you step out."

Instead, still looking at Reddington, Mr. Kaplan countered. "Elizabeth ... do you know how to play poker?"

With a grin, Liz answered. "I do."

Mr. Kaplan left and Liz settled into her seat while Reddington fumed.

As soon as she was out the door, Glen was eying Mr. Kaplan's bag. "I've always wondered what women keep in those things. Dump it out and let's have a look."

"Been there. Done that. Learned my lesson. Not doing that again." Reddington told him.

Not trusting Glen to not still try to make a grab for it, Liz picked up Mr. Kaplan's bag and put it on her lap.

"You need to grow up." Liz chided Glen before turning to his fellow noise maker, Abraham. "You too."

Looking back at Reddington, she added. "And most especially you."

"I didn't make a sound." Reddington protested. "Believe me, I know better than to play games with one of Mr. Kaplan's girlfriends."

Reddington went on to scold her. "Next time, do not – do not – insert yourself into the situation like that."

"Insert myself into the situation? What are you talking about?" Liz asked.

"Mr. Kaplan likes what she likes. What she doesn't like, she doesn't like. Vanessa knows that. I don't see her feeling threatened by the manboys making noises in the background and even if she did -" Reddington shrugged. "- It's not going to be any great loss if Vanessa decides to rearrange their faces. Now your face on the other hand … Abraham might not have great fondness for your nose, but I do."

Liz dismissed the idea. "Vanessa isn't going to come after me. You're being ridiculous."

"No. I'm not. I'm really not." Reddington argued with her. "Not making eye contact with Shelby – that wasn't Kate being cute or shy or flirting. That was force of habit. The woman Mr. Kaplan was with when she first met Shelby was more than a little on the crazy jealous side."

When Liz rolled her eyes, Reddington didn't take it well. He insisted. "She once caved a waitress's skull in with a tire iron because she kept coming to the table to offer Mr. Kaplan more freshly grated cheese. She called me after to help her get rid of the body because she didn't want Kate to find out and think she didn't trust her."

Skeptical, Liz openly voiced her doubts. "She killed the waitress over freshly grated cheese?"

Reddington admitted. "I may have instigated the situation a tad. I knew she was the jealous type and overly dramatic. I was trying to start a tiff between her and Kate. Carla and I got to the restaurant first. While Carla went to go powder her nose, I told the waitress that Mr. Kaplan was the one that would be paying the check and she liked to be fawned over so if she wanted a big tip ..."

Reddington looked more guilty than Liz had ever seen him before. "... All throughout dinner I fed the flames. Going on about how attentive our waitress was towards Kate. Asking if that was because Kate came to the restaurant often. That sort of thing.

"When I got up to use the men's room, Mr. Kaplan followed me to tell me to knock it off. Unfortunately for our waitress, Kate's girlfriend tried to follow Kate to the ladies room. When she couldn't find her there, she didn't think to check the men's room. Instead, she got it in her head that Kate was off talking with the waitress."

"Because you put the idea in her head." Liz pointed out.

Reddington sounded sincerely regretful. "I was just hoping to start an argument. Maybe get her to make Kate sleep on the couch. I knew she was selfish and petty, but up until that point -"

Reddington turned to look at Brimley accusingly. "- no one had bothered to clue me in to the fact that she was also homicidal."

Brimley just shrugged. "Some things you can't be told. Some things, you have to figure out for yourself."

Reddington continued. "I didn't anticipate her going back to the restaurant the next day and luring the waitress into the parking lot to kill her."

Liz didn't know what to say.

"Now ..." Reddington finished. "... I know better than to play games with Mr. Kaplan's girlfriends."

"That's a terrible story, but I don't see how it relates to Mr. Kaplan's current girlfriend – or non girlfriend."

"You really want to test it to find out?" Reddington asked her.

Curious, Liz asked."So did you help her? To get rid of the body?"

Reddington sighed before admitting. "Only under extreme protest and duress."

"Hang on." Liz pointed out a problem. "If you helped her get rid of the body, how would Mr. Kaplan know to not make eye contact with Shelby?"

Reddington bit the inside of his mouth and didn't answer leaving Liz to put it together herself. "Unless … it wasn't the first time she had done it."

Brimley shook his head. "Every day with her was like an episode of I Love Lucy only it wasn't bonbons that that redhead was trying to stuff in every conceivable hiding space for Kate not to find."

"Wait." Liz frowned. "Does Mr. Kaplan have a thing for redheads or were your cousin and Reddington's waitress killed by the same girlfriend?"

Certainly, the modus operandi was similar to that of the knockout Brimley had mentioned …

Ignoring her question, Reddington told Liz. "The point is just don't ever do that again."

Mr. Kaplan's bag still on her lap, Liz could feel something inside it start to vibrate. Liz had seen Mr. Kaplan reach into the bag and palm something. Liz had assumed it was her phone to take with her to call back Vanessa.

Did Mr. Kaplan have more than one phone? That seemed odd, but since Mr. Kaplan was in charge of programming and passing out the cell phones for Reddington's organization it didn't strike her as that odd.

Despite his short stack, Marvin had managed to hang in until the hand right before Mr. Kaplan left. Dembe had taken out both him and Abraham with the same straight making it Glen's turn to deal.

Finished shuffling, his lips twitched as he looked at her.

Liz got a bad feeling.

"Seven card stud. Follow the Queen. Royal deck. Suit ranking."

Trying not to panic, Liz picked up her cards. She frowned. She had two ten of spades. "I have two of the same cards."

Glen looked at her like she was an idiot. "Geez Louise! Yeah! In poker that's what we call a pair."

Liz tried to explain. "I have two ten of spades."

Marvin was a little gentler with her. "As your sometimes attorney, I'm going to have to advise you not to announce what you have."

Liz tried again. "There's something wrong with the deck of cards. I have two of the same exact card."

Dembe explained. "Royal deck means we are playing with parts of two decks. Follow the Queen means -"

"-Hey!" Glen took issue with his helping her. "Queensbury rules do not apply! No training wheels!"

Quickly realizing that she was in over her head, Liz looked to Reddington for help. He pulled his seat closer to look at her hand with her.

He moved some of her cards around for her, but Liz still couldn't make sense of what was going on by the time Baz pushed in his whole stack and the betting came around to her. She again looked to Reddington.

"Baz is bluffing. He has such an obvious tell. Look at him smirking. He has the worst poker face."

Liz looked, but she saw no change in his expression. "Are you sure?"

"He's all in. Knock him out." Reddington advised her.

On his advice, Liz went in heavy with Mr. Kaplan's money … and ended up doubling up Baz.

"That's okay." Raymond told her. "We can get it back before Mr. Kaplan comes back. We just need to play boldly."

"I don't know ..." Liz was skeptical. "Maybe I should put in just the minimums until Mr. Kaplan gets back. What are the chips worth? How much of Mr. Kaplan's money did I just lose?"

"Don't worry about the money. Mr. Kaplan has more money than I do. Mr. Kaplan has more money than God does. In fact, I have it on very good authority that Mr. Kaplan has some of his money."

Liz wasn't following what he was saying any better than she had the cards.

Marvin answered less cryptically, but only slightly so. "I would say you just lost her one of the two bedrooms, the dining room, the kitchen and a half bath."

Liz just looked at him until Marvin added. "We're playing for real estate. Mr. Kaplan put up a charming little townhouse she owns over on Grant St."

Mr. Kaplan hadn't had the largest pile of chips when she left the room, but she was comfortable and had still been in the running.

Liz said it again. "I don't know..."

But Reddington again assured her. "I told you, we can get it all back before she returns."

Liz wasn't convinced, but she didn't stop him a minute later as he pushed Mr. Kaplan's entire stack into the middle.

OOO

As Mr. Kaplan returned, Reddington asked. "Everything okay with Vanessa."

"She wanted to know how to get a stain out of something. It didn't sound important. I'll call her back later."

"So you didn't call her back?" Reddington raised an eyebrow. He turned to Elizabeth. "I know enough not to play games with Mr. Kaplan's girlfriends, Mr. Kaplan on the other hand ..."

"She's not my girlfriend."

Glen did a very poor Inigo Montoya impression. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"Wait." Liz was confused. "If you didn't just leave to call Vanessa back, why did you just leave?"

Mr. Kaplan dodged the question. "Are we chit chatting or are we playing poker?"

"Some people in the room are, but some of us aren't." Reddington cheerfully exclaimed. "You busted, Kate."

She looked at the empty space that used to have her chips and then to Liz. "I thought you said you knew how to play?"

"I've watched some Texas Hold Em tournaments on late night tv -"

The others groaned.

Baz spoke. "- That's not real poker."

"- and I played a bit in college. I'm pretty sure I just got trickrolled. I'm not sure that anything of what just happened was actually poker." Liz protested. "Aren't Queensbury rules for boxing?"

Raymond shrugged and told Mr. Kaplan. "Should have let me play your hands for you."

"You did play her hands for her!" Liz protested as she handed back Mr. Kaplan's bag and got up from her seat.

Reddington changed the subject. "Why are you getting rid of the apartment on Grant St? It's so cute and centrally located."

"The FBI knows about it or at least they may soon."

"Oh? Do tell." Liz asked curious.

"Yes, do tell." Raymond agreed.

But Mr. Kaplan didn't.

Liz was happy to see Glen get pushed out on the very next round.

Heads up play between Dembe and Baz didn't last long.

"Time for the next buy in!" Reddington exclaimed rubbing his hands together with glee.

Dembe shot him down. "Raymond, you know the rules. You can only bet with what you have brought to the table. No IOUs."

Standing up, Reddington put his foot on his chair and lifted the hem of his trouser. He began trying to free the banded bundles of hundreds that he had duct taped to his leg.

Liz stated what she had long ago begun to suspect. "You knew exactly what Dembe and Mr. Kaplan were up to tonight the whole time."

"Of course I knew what they were up to. I just didn't know where." Reddington chastised them. "Next time, try not to be so obvious. At least change the day of the week."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to plan around everybody's schedule?" Mr. Kaplan asked.

A bit oblivious, Reddington answered back as he continued trying to free his money. "No. I usually leave that to you."

Reaching into her pocket, Mr. Kaplan produced a Swiss Army knife and offered it to him.

"Thank you, Mr. Kaplan."

Mr. Kaplan watched and waited until at the loss of much hair and a bit of skin, he had his money on the table before telling him. "Raymond, money is no good here. We are playing for real estate."

Reddington's face fell in disappointment for the briefest of seconds before with a look of triumph, he turned to Marvin. "Well it just so happens that I just bought -"

Mr. Kaplan cut him off before he could get his hopes up. "Residential real estate."

Leaving to go use the ladies room, Liz had to bit her lip to keep from laughing as his face fell again.

tbc

A/N Reviews are greatly appreciated.