I don't like this chapter. I think it fails. Feel free to tell me if you agree. I'll give you 89 reputation points.

Also, bit random, but is anyone out there a fan of the Saw franchise? If so, PM me. We're soul mates and we have loads to talk about. I'll buy you some Taco Bell and errythang yo. :}

Enjoy (though I doubt you will.)

SPENCER'S POV

My breath catches in my throat and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I can't believe I said that out loud. I can't take it back now. I can't shove it to the back of my mind and pretend it isn't how I really feel. This isn't me. Divorce isn't supposed to be in my life. It's not part of my plan. I know it's not really a part of anyone's plan, but what the fuck? It's not how my life is supposed to turn out.

"Spencer…"

Ashley's voice pulls me out of my revere and I look away, out of the window and up at my house. Our house. The one I share with Aiden. The one that was supposed to be forever. I don't even know when forever stopped being what I wanted.

I don't even know if it was ever what I wanted.

Ashley's hand is rubbing circles on my back; that universal sign of comfort, but it doesn't feel like that right now. It feels like more weight added to my ever-growing burden and it feels like it's going to break me.

"It isn't a horrible thing, Spence," she whispers, attempting to break the silence and find her way inside my thoughts.

"It's divorce, Ashley. It's a betrayal of every promise I ever made to him. It's a fucking sledgehammer mean to break the life we've built together. It's a bullet in a fucking gun and I'm the one who's going to pull the trigger. Maybe it's not horrible to you, but you haven't been here. You haven't stood in front of a church full of people and vowed a love that will last until death. You don't fucking know."

I cover my eyes with my hands and put my elbows on my knees, trying to hold myself together, literally and figuratively. I close my eyes against the threat of new tears and ignore Ashley as she tries to pull my hands away.

She finally pulls away and I hear her heave a heavy sigh.

"I know I don't get it entirely, Spencer. I'm not trying to act like I know what it's like. But you have to do what makes you happy. You can't stay in a marriage that no longer makes you feel all the things you're supposed to feel. It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to him. There's going to be a lot of hurting, on both sides, but you can't just spend the rest of your life living a charade."

She pauses and as I turn my head to look at her, she pulls my left hand away from my face and threads her fingers through my own.

"I'm here for you, okay? Whatever you need. If you want somewhere to stay till you get it all figured out, you're more than welcome to stay with me. If you just want to yell at me about how shitty life is, I'm right here. But you can't just let this kind of thing play out on its own."

She squeezes my hand gently and gives me a small smile.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight and lean back against the seat, letting out a sigh.

"Just tell me what I'm supposed to do, Ashley."

She pulls against my arm until I look at her, and then she wraps her arms around me, finally causing my tears to over flow as she breathes against my neck,

"Whatever makes you truly happy, Spence. Whatever it is. That's what you do."

ASHLEY'S POV

Spencer finally went into her house after about twenty minutes of crying and worries about what her life was going to turn into. I wish I knew what the right thing to tell her was. I wish I could have all of the answers for her.

I wish I could tell her that I wanted a chance at making her happy.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't want to see her going through something as fierce as a divorce, but you can't imagine the way my heart erupted when she told me that it's what she wanted. It's like a shining ray of hope for me.

Bleaker than Paris Hilton's brain cells, but a ray nonetheless.

I drove home that night and nearly crashed into a light pole when I saw Emily's vehicle parked outside my apartment complex. I didn't want to go up, she was the last person I felt like dealing with after tonight, but the faster I forced her out of the door, the faster I'd be in bed.

I took a deep, collecting breath as I unlocked my door, and then stepped through. She was sitting on my couch, watching my television, drinking my wine and wearing my pajamas.

"Hey, gorgeous," she grinned, looking up from the television.

I nodded in response, setting my purse on the kitchen counter and kicking my shoes off. I so did not feel like doing this tonight. I made my way back to the bedroom and dug around in a drawer till I found something comfortable to wear to bed. Upon succeeding this mission, I turned around and—

"Sweet fucking lord, Emily," I gasped, "Don't you knock."

She smiled lightly and shook her head.

"I find the sneak attack usually works more to my advantage," she teased as she made her way to me, snaking her arms around my waist and pulling me closer to her.

I groaned. But not in an aroused sort of way. More in a "where the fuck is a falling anvil when you need on?" kind of way.

"Emily… not tonight. It's been a long day. And an even longer night. I really just want to throw these on and crawl into bed."

She rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Ash. It's been awhile."

I hated when she called me that. It never sounds right if it's not coming from Spencer's mouth.

"Really, Em. I'm exhausted."

She sighed exasperatedly and pushed me away.

"Fine. I have to get up early in the morning for work, would you mind getting up with me and fixing some breakfast?"

"Can't you grab something quick on your way there?"

"I'd really rather not."

I bite my tongue. I'm not getting into an argument over something this stupid tonight.

"Fine, yeah, just wake me up when you get up."

She says something back but she's walking back down the hall now so I can't quite hear it. Probably a good thing.

As I'm plugging my phone into my charger and crawling into bed, Spencer texts me and I rush to open it.

I hope u sleep well. Thx 4 lstnin. Call me 2moro.

I smile and quickly text back:

Nethin 4 u, gorgeous grl. Gdnte.

God, what I wouldn't give to tell her how I feel.

Yeaaaah.

Big fat fail. Sorry if it makes you lose all faith in my writing.

Read and criticize :P I ought to have another one (hopefully a better one) up tomorrow. It depends if I decide to wallow in depression because Tony Romo is injured.