Chapter 11: Ecstasy and Euphoria (edited 8-26-07)

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Shot down,­ said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance

--"Easy Tonight" by Five For Fighting

He stared down at her, but she wouldn't look at him, opting to stare at his shoulder instead. He watched her bite her lip, and knew she was waiting for him to chew her out again.

Had he ever felt so small before? So much like a complete failure as he did now?

Ducking his head, he tried to meet her gaze. "Kagome?"

She smiled brightly up at him. "It's all right, Inuyasha. I'm not mad." Her smile faltered, and she lowered her gaze back to his right shoulder.

"I know you're not. Hell, I want you to be mad at me." He started to panic when he smelled the beginnings of tears. "Kagome?"

"I…I should go."

"No—wait!"

Her overly bright eyes met his own, and it took all of his will not to pull her into a hug then and there. She looked torn, teetering between a potent anger and a quiet hurt. "You'd really ask Kikyou to replace me?"

With a wince, he grabbed her shoulders, only to have her pull away from him. "No, I was mad, Kagome—"

"I didn't do anything," she cried desperately. "I can't think of why you're so mad at me! That look you gave me back there—you've never looked at me like that! You hated me!"

"I don't hate you—I've never hated you," he murmured, but she ignored him.

"I should be the one that's mad," she sniffled, "after that stunt you pulled. You could have died, Inuyasha. And then where would I be—?" She gasped when he dropped to his knees to wrap his arms around her waist. She stood there for a while, too stunned to move with his face against her stomach, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

"Sorry… I'm sorry"

Since when did Inuyasha whimper?

Her fingers found his hair and buried themselves in it, cradling his head against her. "You should be," she sniffed weakly. "I was worried about you. Why would you do that to yourself?"

He shook his head, and she sighed. "It's all right, Inuyasha."

"No," he whispered, "it's not. I'm sorry. How I acted…"

"I forgive you. There. Now you have to forgive yourself."

Sweet, innocent, naïve Kagome…

'Oh fuck, I'm about to cry again, aren't I?' His eyes were burning again; he tried to ignore it.

'Lo-o-oks like it.'

'Shit.' That's all he needed—Kagome to see him crying like a little girl. Hell, he never cried. Not until he met Kagome. He'd cried two—almost three—times now, and it was all for her. 'Shit,' he thought again, sourly, pulling her closer.

When she pulled away from him, he flushed with shame and tried to hide the evidence. But he should have known…

He couldn't hide anything from her.

Instead, he glared at the ground while she wiped his tears away with the pads of her fingers. "Hey," she murmured, a soft smile on her face as she kneeled on the ground in front of him, "why don't you tell me what happened, okay?"

"I wasn't thinking," was all he said. Why was he still crying? He honestly didn't know—maybe out of shame that he'd treated her that way, fear that she would leave, maybe relief that she hadn't…

"You weren't thinking," she repeated. She pulled him closer to settle her chin on his shoulder, and he heard her sigh.

"It's just…he looked like you, and he smelled like you…" And suddenly she stiffened against him.

"What?" she asked faintly.

"Naraku."

"Oh…"

She was going to cry again, he was sure of it. So he held her even tighter. "I met him by the river where the jewel was broken. I thought he was you. I'm sorry, Kagome."

"What…what did he say to you?"

"Things that I should have known you'd never say."

"Inuyasha! What did he say?" She tried to pull away, but he held her close.

"He called me a filthy half-breed, Kagome," he sighed.

She shivered as his breath tickled her neck. "What else?" she asked stiffly.

'Aw, did you actually think I'd let you love me? Touch me? …Fuck me?'

"…You don't need to worry about it."

If it was worse than calling him a half-breed… A sob tore free of her throat, and she buried her face in his chest. "And you thought it was me?"

"I wasn't thinking, Kagome—"

"No," she moaned, "you weren't."

"Kagome…don't cry, okay? I hate it when you cry."

"T-too bad—b-because I want to," she snapped back petulantly, though her tears did stop. She was actually tired of crying. She was exhausted, and hurt, and she wanted to forget that this had ever happened.

—Inuyasha flayed open against the well…

With a shuddering sigh, she relaxed against him again. Now he was the one holding her.

"I was being stupid. You said it yourself—an ass. But you have to know…if I have one weakness, it's you. Shit, Kagome—do you think I could think clearly when you called me a 'filthy half-breed'?"

"You couldn't think clearly because you've been waiting for me to say it, haven't you?" she murmured softly against him. "You were waiting for me to hurt you?"

"That…is not true," he whispered vehemently.

"It is, isn't it?" She sighed suddenly, and her voice became more forceful. "All right, listen up. I'm only going to say this once because I shouldn't have to ever say it to you again, okay? You are not worthless, Inuyasha. You are not dirty or filthy or rubbish. You are not a 'half-breed'; you're a hanyou. And you should be proud of that. Youkai strength and a human heart—the best of both worlds, right? No—shut up and let me finish," she demanded, pinching his side when he opened his mouth. "You should be proud that your parents loved each other enough to go against the norm. That they died protecting and loving you. You should be proud of who you are, Inuyasha, because you raised yourself, and you're still a good man. And another thing, none of us have ever hated you. We've never thought you were anything less than what you are. Our friend. We all love you too much to hate you. You, Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Kaede—even Kirara—you're all part of my family, like you told me a while back. You should know this already," she finished quietly, suddenly aware that she was leaning into his bare chest.

Very firm, and sculpted bare chest.

"Family, huh?" he asked with a small smile.

The last time he'd had family… He remembered fire, and blood, and Sesshoumaru. 'Inuyasha, leave. You may no longer stay here.' Some goddamn family that had been…

"We're more sociable than Sesshoumaru, I swear," she teased weakly and pulled away to smile back up at him.

And he was grinning. "Yeah, well, I don't really think that's saying much, do you?" He suddenly pulled away from her, plopping back in the grass under the shade of Goshinboku, listening to Kagome giggle.

It really did feel as though nothing had happened for just the moment.

And then she was leaning over him, a hand on either side of him, propping herself up as she stared. She looked like she was studying him, looking for something in him, and he almost laughed at her. In fact he was hard pressed not to—she just looked so serious.

Her fingers found his lips, and his grin instantly faded.

Shaking her head, she suddenly realized what she'd done, and blushed, starting to pull her hand away.

This was stupid, and he was so sick of these games. If it meant he had to be the one to make the first move, then so be it.

His large hand easily covered her small one, and all it took was a gentle tug to send her sprawled against his chest with a small grunt.

"You should smile like that more often," she breathed, grey clashing against fierce gold as he lifted his head, his lips looming closer. "It makes you look so…" She could almost taste him. "Look so…" She was aware of an arm wrapped carelessly around her waist and of a warm hand against her cheek. And he was smirking now, she knew that, too.

"Kagome. Shut up," he smiled.

She obeyed—her head was so fuzzy all of the sudden, and she was confused when the hanyou gently pushed her away with a furious curse. She wasn't positive because she'd never been kissed before, but she was pretty sure that wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"Get up," he whispered in her ear. "Naraku's here."

Her blood ran cold, but she nodded her understanding, and stood quickly, searching for her bow. Grabbing it from where it leaned against Goshinboku, she notched an arrow and stood silently beside Inuyasha, who'd already unleashed the Tessaiga.

"I don't feel anything," she murmured. "He's gone." She continued to probe the area before her, searching for something—anything. "That was weird…"

"Shit."

Brows furrowing, she looked up at Inuyasha—to say he was pale was an understatement. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Shit!" he swore again, more vehemently. "He saw us, Kagome. You have to get out of here."

A sudden spike of energy cut off any retort she was forming. "Behind us!" She whirled around, calling her purity to the surface even as she moved. Maybe there'd be enough time…

A wall of nothing collided and warred against the pink shield she'd barely managed to erect, and even as the darkness faded, a black twister of miasma whirled away, and Nazakaki had fled.

"Aw, fuck!" Inuyasha growled loudly.

"Kagome!"

A ball of red hair launched itself at her, and she caught the kitsune in her arms, stumbling back a few steps. "Shippou, what are you doing out here alone? It's dangerous!"

"M-Miroku saw a youkai," he panted. "It sounded like that girl—Nazakaki! I had to tell you—"

"We've seen her, thanks," the hanyou spat, jamming Tessaiga back into its sheath.

To say he was in a bad mood was an understatement.

"He was just trying to help, Inuyasha," the miko said quietly, still cradling the young boy in her arms. He was almost too big to carry now, though he hadn't grown that much over the years.

"And he was a fucking big help, too, wasn't he?" He sighed when the miko narrowed her gaze at him, and dragged a tired hand down his face. "Are Miroku and Sango still at Kaede's, Shippou?"

The kitsune shook his head. "They're looking for you, too. Sango's on her way here, I think, but she had to get Hiraikotsu. She'll be here in a couple of minutes."

"Go tell them that we're fine, okay? Nazakaki's gone. We're on our way back."

Shippou sniffed indignantly and crossed his arms, but nodded nonetheless. "Fine."

"Thanks…"

Shippou's scowl disappeared when the hanyou ruffled his hair, and he was gone in a matter of seconds.

The two stared at the opening in the ring of trees for a while before Kagome cleared her throat. Inuyasha's gaze snapped to her.

"I'm going home."

He was quiet for a while before he nodded. "That's probably best."

Gaze narrowing again, she cocked her hip to the side, and he carefully hid his smile. "I'm coming back though."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she shot back. "I'm coming back because you're not replacing me with Kikyou."

"Wouldn't dream of it, wench."

Frowning, she shifted uncomfortably. She'd been readying herself for another fight. That's normally what happened after they got too close. "O-okay then." She tried to maintain a hold on her anger, just in case. "Because I'm the one that broke the jewel!"

He chuckled. "I know. I was there, remember?"

"I know that," she snapped and he held up his hands in defeat.

"Just making sure. Geez, wench. Now come on, and I'll walk you to the well. How long are you going to be gone?"

"Not too long. Why?"

"We all know what happens when you try to walk yourself to the well and back. I need to know when to be at the well."

"Funny, Inuyasha."

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "It wasn't supposed to be, Kagome."

And she had nothing to say to that. They walked in silence for a short while before the tension got to the hanyou. He had a couple of questions for her, and they really couldn't wait any longer.

"Sango…said I was out for three days. Is that right?"

Frowning, she nodded. "Mm. That's right."

Freezing in his tracks, he grabbed her hand and pulled her around to face him. "How am I healed already?"

"Doubting your hanyou abilities, Inuyasha?" She swallowed when his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Not doubting, no. I know my abilities and limitations, Kagome. I know that at the very least, I should still have some pretty nasty wounds. …Unless they weren't that serious to begin with?"

She shook her head. "No. They were…they were that serious. You…were missing half of your chest. At least it seemed that way. I wasn't lying when I said you had almost died."

"Then how…?" He drifted off when she covered one of his hands with her own before grabbing one of his fingers and lifting it to her palm. His confusion morphed into horror when he saw the deep red liquid pooling from a shallow cut on her hand.

His claw reeked of her blood.

"The fuck, wench!" he shouted, ripping his hands from hers. "What the hell are you doing?"

She offered him a calm smile. "It really didn't hurt—"

"I don't want your goddamn blood on my hands!"

"Inuyasha—"

"Don't ever do that again, Kagome! I'm fucking serious."

She watched with furrowed brows as he tried to wipe his hands clean, letting out frequent curses. "I'm sorry…"

"Yeah?" he snapped back, glaring at her, "you fucking should be. I have yourblood on my claws." He froze suddenly and shot her a pained glance, his ears pinned back. "Are you okay?"

Face softening, she grabbed at an ear with her uninjured hand, and tried to pry it back up. "Inuyasha…I'm fine. Watch, and I'll show you." She pulled away to wipe the blood on her skirt so that he could see the cut more clearly. Then she ran a finger over the wound, and waited for his reaction.

"How long have you been able to do that?" he asked finally, folding his arms across his chest as he scowled at her.

She sighed and glared back. His mood was like a freaking force of nature today—more unpredictable than it had ever been before. "Since you tried to kill yourself," she shot back. "Surely you haven't forgotten about that…"

"I didn't mean it like that—"

"Like what? That it's a curse? It saved your life!"

"I know, but think, Kagome. Nazakaki's been skulking around for a while—if this reaches her ears…"

"Then nothing will change," she finished for him. "Naraku will still want me dead, just as he always has. He's after all of us, Inuyasha, because we have the jewel."

Sweet, innocent, naïve Kagome…

He smiled sadly at her. "Do you really believe that? That nothing's changed?" He sighed when she lifted her chin stubbornly. "You're strong, you know. Stronger than me, that's for sure." He chuckled when she gasped. "Don't act so surprised. You're a miko—you've always been strong. But you've gotten better this last week, haven't you?"

"A…a bit."

"Stop being so fucking modest. I've never even heard of anyone who can do what you just did. If Naraku hears about it… You'll be another goal for him, Kagome… If he wanted to kill you before as much as he wants those shards, he could have. Several times, as much as I hate to admit it."

"Inuyasha," she said firmly, slowly, "nothing has changed. I can take care of myself, and if I can't—you can. Just like it's always been."

Her complete trust in him left him speechless, so taking her hand again, he led her to the well.

"When are you coming back?"

"At ten tonight." She bit her lip. "You do know when t—"

"Yes, Kagome. I know when ten o'clock is. I've known how to work those stupid watches ever since I met you."

"Right… Well. Bye." She turned to climb over the well, but a hand clamped around her wrist stopped her, and she turned to see what he wanted.

"Ye—?" All rational thought ended when his mouth swallowed the rest of her voice.

And this was how she lost her first kiss to Inuyasha: pressed against the back of the well, her hands clinging to the wood behind her as he pinned her there, one hand still wrapped around her smaller wrist, the other supporting them both against the well.

His lips were burning, rough and gentle at the same time as he kissed her, and even if she hadn't been able to see who it was, she'd know it was Inuyasha. He kissed the way he lived.

'Well…?'

'…'

The voice in her head sighed and broke through the constant fuzziness. 'Kiss him back, sweetie.'

With her initial shock fading, she gently pulled her hands free from his to wrap them around his neck, drawing his closer as he grinned against her. The fangs that were pricking her lips did nothing to alleviate the sudden ache that was blossoming in the bottom of her stomach as their mouths clashed.

She'd never felt quite like that before… She liked it. A lot, actually.

He nibbled and sucked, and he certainly knew how to use those fangs to his advantage…

Her palms slid from his neck down to his chest when he pulled away with a smirk. "By ten, then?"

Her breathy giggle reminded him that he needed more air. "By ten," she agreed quietly, her face flushed.

With one last smile, she pulled away and was gone.

Mmmm…a kiss.