Eleven

"What was California like?" Scott asked.

We were sitting on the ground of my living room, our backs leaning against the couch. We'd spent most of our time just talking about our lives. My voice was getting hoarse; I couldn't remember the last time I talked this much.

I shrugged. "Like any other state. A little sunnier, maybe. A few more stuck-up people with blonde hair and a fake tan."

"Were you in that category?"

"The blonde hair and fake tan category?"

He nodded.

"Nope," I said. "My tan was never fake."

Scott laughed. The noise sounded so familiar now; I had heard it so much in the past couple hours. "Did you ever travel to southern California?" he asked.

"Sometimes. My mom loved the beach."

"Then why didn't you just live there?"

I smiled, remembering. "My mom thought that if we lived on the beach it would become old and unexciting. She thinks that if things happen every day, they are dull and mundane. She likes them to be fresh and new and spontaneous. So we lived in Nor Cal, and we vacationed to the beach once in a while."

"Why did you guys move?"

"Move to New Jersey?"

He smiled. "Where else?"

I rolled my eyes, but then said, "My dad wanted to."

"Your dad?"

I nodded. "I was surprised too. My dad is always the low-key, go with the flow guy. He never states his opinion unless it is to agree with someone. When he said he wanted to move across the country, I was anticipating a fight. A big blowout. My mother loved California. But she just nodded her head, and said, 'Okay.'"

"Wow."

"I guess maybe she agreed because she knew my dad. And she knew that my dad really wanted this, if he was willing to even suggest it."

"So, you moved to New Jersey."

"Yep, we did."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What do you think?"

"Of Jersey?"

He nodded.

I thought about it for a moment. "No one here is tan."

He laughed. "Not much sun."

I shook my head. "Nope." It was silent for a moment. Then I said, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you lived here your whole life?"

"Yup, since my parents took me home from the hospital."

"Same house?"

He nodded.

"Wow, I can't imagine that. In California, my mom was always moving from house to house. Each time, she declared herself, 'Ready.' In other words, bored."

"That must have been great," Scott said. "I can't wait for the moment I graduate so I can leave."

"Bored?"

"You have no idea. Seventeen years living in this small town? Seeing the same people every day? Nothing ever changes."

I was silent for a moment. Then I said in a quiet, sure voice, "Some things could."

The moment the words came out, I knew what they meant. Scott shifted his gaze from the window and focused on me.

"Yeah," he said. "They could."

Our eyes locked for a second, and then I looked away. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't believe this was happening. I liked Scott Fields. A lot. And that scared the hell out of me.

He must have seen this on my face. "Annaleigh."

I looked up. "What?"

"You're scared." It wasn't a question.

I stared into his green eyes, feeling vulnerable, yet safe at the same time. Maybe that's what love is; letting out all your feelings, telling someone every little secret, but feeling secure. You give them the power to hurt you, but you know in your heart that they won't.

Scott intertwined our hands, staring down at them. "Me too."

He leaned in then, his eyes on me. I knew he was going to kiss me. This time he really was. Our lips were only centimeters apart when we heard a boom come from outside. We both jumped, startled.

I looked out the window to see the trees dancing in the wind and water splattering against the window. "Oh my God," I exclaimed. "It's raining."

"Jesus," he muttered to himself.

"Come on," I said, taking his hand. "I love the rain."

"Don't you want a coat?" he asked.

"Coats are for amateurs," I answered.

The rain was pouring hard when we got outside. My hair was drenched in seconds, and my clothes stuck to my skin. I didn't care, though. Standing in the rain always felt so right to me.

I turned my face up to the sky and opened my mouth, letting the drops of rain fall onto my tongue. I felt Scott's presence next to me, and I turned around to face him. He looked gorgeous in the rain, the specks of rain looking like crystals in his brown hair.

"Why are you smiling at me like that?" I asked him, raising my voice to be heard over the rain.

"Like what?"

"Like you're watching your daughter show you a piece of her artwork."

"That's a weird analogy."

"You look amused."

"I am."

"Why?"

"You look so happy in the rain. It makes me happy."

I smiled. "I love the rain."

"So I see."

"In the rain, everyone's hair gets messed up. Their clothes become drenched and their makeup runs down their faces. They have nothing left but themselves. They have to be real. It's like the rain comes and washes out their insides of anything bad. It makes everything better."

He looked at me in an indescribable way. I wished I knew what he was thinking.

"You and I are a lot alike, you know," Scott said.

"Really. How?"

"Well for me, all the girls in the school want to be around me. I've had tons of girlfriends—"

"Thanks!" I said, sarcastically.

He grinned. "—but I've never really cared for any of them. And you have all the guys following you like there's no tomorrow, but unlike me, you don't care. Nor even seem to notice. You ignore them all, while I go out with them all, whether I care about them or not. And then when I realized that I didn't like any of them, I would dump them. They'd be heartbroken. I guess that's how I got the title of the ass. But I had to try, you know? I had to see if they were the one."

I was silent for a moment. Then I said, "I've never been one for experimenting. I've always believed that the right one would find me. You can push through a whole mob, pushing and elbowing your way to the front, or you can stand there and wait for the crowd to disappear. That's what I decided to do."

He thought about this, then asked, "And are you happy?"

I smiled. "I am now."

I looked up at him. The rain was still pounding on us, water was dripping down our cheeks, my clothes were soaked, and it was perfect.

Scott took hold of my face, his hands on either cheek. He looked down into my eyes, as if checking to see if this was what I wanted. I heard Scott's voice in my head: There's no reason to be scared anymore, Annaleigh. Scott was different. He wasn't Riley. He wouldn't hurt me. Rosalina and Damien were meant to be together.

Slowly, I nodded. It was barely visible, but it was enough.

He kissed me then, bringing me as close to him as possible. We had kissed before on stage, when he was Damien and I was Rosalina. It had been staged, rehearsed, acting. It wasn't forced, since we were good actors, but I never really felt like I was kissing Scott Fields.

This was nothing like that. This time, I was really kissing him. And he was kissing me. It felt so right, with the rain surrounding us. It created a kind of private area, a place where only Scott and I existed.

---

The moment Anna showed up on my doorstep Monday morning, she knew something was different. Even I knew. I looked in the mirror when I woke up that morning and an entirely different person stared back at me. Someone who smiled. Someone who looked happy.

It wasn't like when I fake smiled in the mirror at school, when I was trying to perk myself up, trying to tell myself that everything was okay. I didn't have to do any convincing, today. I was just happy.

"Oh my God!" Anna squealed, walking in. "Either you got laid or you just ate a whole carton of ice cream! And I'm betting on the first one, 'cause with a figure like that, I doubt you eat anything."

I smiled — I couldn't help it.

"Oh em Gee!" she screamed again. "You did it! You did the deed. Tell me everything! Who was it? Was it amazing?"

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't do it, Anna. And keep it down — my dad lives here, too, you know."

"Oh who cares? Now tell me what's gotten you smiling. I've only known you for like, a week, but I know you don't smile much. Was it a hottie?"

I bit my lip and nodded.

Her jaw dropped. "The hottie?"

I nodded again. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself talking boys with someone like Anna. Or anyone, for that matter. But here I was, confessing my emotions to a girl who doesn't own a piece of clothing that's not pink. I couldn't help think that my mother would be proud of me at this moment.

Anna started jumping up and down. "You did it with Scott Fields?!"

I groaned and shushed her. "No! We didn't do it!"

She pouted, disappointed.

I smiled again. "We just…we kissed."

"You…kissed?"

I nodded.

"God, Annaleigh. You're seventeen! No one 'just kisses.'" She made air quotes. "There's always something after. Something to finish off the night. You don't just kiss!"

"Well Scott and I did."

She shook her head. "I always knew something was wrong up there."

I rolled my eyes.

"But how right was I? I told you, didn't I? I told you he loved you!"

"He doesn't love me."

"Of course he does."

I just gave her a look.

"So are you guys like, together?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you an item? Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Well we kissed. Usually that's a sign we're together."

"No, no, no! Do you know nothing?"

I sighed. "Anna, are you going to give me boy advice?"

"Hey, it worked the first time."

I looked at my watch. "We're going to be late."

"I don't give a rat's ass." She fluffed her hair and continued. "Just because you kiss, Annaleigh, doesn't mean you're together. Boys these days have all sorts of different ways of having a relationship. First off, they don't call it a relationship. They call it a 'fling,' or a 'hang out.' Sometimes even a booty call. If you've got a real keeper, he just calls it a 'thing.'

"They're all into the whole friends with benefits thing. No strings attached. Keepin' it loose. Casual. You have to set it straight with them. Tell them you want a relationship, not just a thing. Things are bad. You never want a thing."

"God forbid I ever have a thing!"

"You can joke now, Annaleigh, but don't come crying to me when you see Scott kissing another girl."

I sighed, picking up my backpack. "Let's just go. We're seriously late now."

She shrugged and walked outside. "Oh, Jesus," I heard her mutter.

"What?" I asked, and joined her at the doorway.

There was a car at the curb. A black Honda.

"Is it—?"

"Oh yeah," Anna finished. "The hottie."

As we walked to the car, she stopped me halfway. "Okay, so this could still mean it's a thing. You just have to watch how he presents himself, how he acts around you. What he says or how he says it. Trust me; I'm an expert at this type of thing."

"Right," I said, sarcastically.

I pulled open the passenger door and Anna got into the back.

"Hey," Scott said, smiling.

I smiled back. "Thanks for giving me a ride."

"Yeah, I'm just her plus-one," Anna called from the back.

"Well," Scott said, starting up the engine, "I couldn't have you two ladies walking to school alone. What would the people think?"

We drove down Cornflower Way as I saw Anna give me a look in the rearview mirror.

"So Scott," she began, "I assume you have good intentions."

"In what?" he asked.

"Oh you know," she answered.

Scott looked over at me and grinned. I rolled my eyes. "No, Anna. I don't know."

"With Annaleigh."

"What about Annaleigh?"

"Your …uh…thing."

"My thing?"

"Yes, your thing!"

I groaned.

"I don't know which thing you're referring to," Scott said.

"The thing you have with Annaleigh!"

"Oh!" he said. "The thing I have with Annaleigh." Anna nodded from the backseat. "What about it?"

"Do you think it's a thing?"

"Well you practically just told me it was."

"Did you think it was a thing before I told you it was a thing?"

"I don't know."

"Jesus," she muttered to herself. "Can't have a simple conversation with a boy without it going crazy."

I turned around in my seat to glare at her.

"What?" she asked, innocently. Scott just laughed.

It was silent for a moment. Then, Anna said, "So Scott, how was your weekend?"

He smiled at me. "It was great."

I laughed. "Sure was."

"Oh, I get it now," Anna said. "You guys have your own private jokes and I'm just stuck in the back like a third wheel." She paused. "You know I never really got that. I mean, cars have four wheels. Shouldn't it be fifth wheel?"

"I think it was meant for a bicycle," Scott said, "'cause they have two wheels."

"But no one rides bikes anymore! It's always just cars all the time. You don't see anyone picking me up with a bicycle."

"Maybe that's because you're not in a thing," I said to her.

Scott laughed, while Anna glared at me. I just sat there, enjoying the rest of the silent car ride.

When we got to school, Anna slammed the car door. "Have fun you two," she said, winking awkwardly, and left Scott and me leaning against his car.

I sighed, turning to look up at him. "I think all the pink has gone to her brain."

He laughed. "God, it was like being hooked up to a lie detector. I feel kind of scared, now."

I snorted. "Of the pink girl?"

He nodded, grinning. "Will it be this hard when I meet your father?"

"When you do?"

"Isn't that what you do when you're in a thing?"

I smiled. "I guess so."

He leaned down and kissed me, then, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"What do we tell the people?" I asked him when he broke away.

"The people?" he asked.

"The people at school. What do we tell them?"

"Well," he said, pulling me closer, "I'm sure Anna's already spread the word around about the thing. I'm sure it'll be on the 10 o'clock news by tonight."

I smiled. "So we're not keeping it a secret?"

"Don't see why we should."

"They'll probably think it's weird that we're together."

"Why?"

"Freaky iPod girl and the class womanizer?"

"Hey," he said, putting his hands on either of my cheeks. "Reformed."

"I know." I smiled. "Let's go inside. It looks like it's going to rain."

Scott grinned. "That's never been a problem before."

"Touché," I said and he grabbed my hand.

"And no one thinks you're the freaky iPod girl. They see you as the mysterious and beautiful iPod girl."

I laughed. "Right."

"Not me, though."

I shook my head. "Nuh uh."

"I don't think you're beautiful at all."

"Certainly not."

Scott lifted our intertwined hands and kissed it. "Not at all."

I knew we were going to hear them when we walked in the school. The whispers. The conspicuous mutters about the new relationship being displayed. Some weren't even whispers at all. They didn't try to conceal their shock, or in some cases, their former knowledge.

"I knew it," one said. "I knew it would happen sooner or later."

"Of course it would," another agreed. "They make out every day on stage."

Some were solemn. Cheerleaders pouted as they glared at Scott's hand in mine. They couldn't tear their eyes away from it, daggered eyes. In a way, I couldn't either. It was all I could do not to stare at our clasped hands. But not for the same reason. The last time I walked through these halls, debuting a new relationship, was with Riley. It's like we were on the red carpet, and everyone was inspecting our new proclamation, each with a new opinion.

"It won't last," someone whispered. "Fields can't maintain the rock."

Scott heard this, and glared at them, squeezing my hand. I swallowed. I could handle the spotlight on stage, but not in the halls. Now everyone was looking at Annaleigh, not beautiful Rosalina. I couldn't handle this.

Scott sensed my discomfort. "Let's go," he whispered in my ear.

He took a right at the next hall and led me with our hands to a quieter place.

I sighed.

"Everyone here needs to get a life," Scott said.

I laughed, a nervous laugh. It sounded forced.

"It's hard," he said. "But not impossible."

I nodded. "I know. There isn't really anything students here can do to make me hate them more. I'm used to it."

He gave me a sad look as the bell rang. "You okay?" he looked down at me.

"Perfect."

He smiled and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you in Health."

---

I hadn't expected to see him there. Not after last weekend. Not after what he said. Especially not since he'd never been in my Health and Life class before.

I was sitting with Scott, ignoring the constant whispers that we've both had to endure all morning. Anna walked in and said hello before she sat in her seat.

"Jeez you'd think someone broadcasted on the news this morning about the two of you by all the gossiping going on in the halls this morning. I only told a couple of people."

I decided to ignore her as she flounced away. I turned to Scott to smile about her, when I saw his face tense.

"What?"

I looked in his focused direction and felt my heart stop.

"Riley Fillmore!" Mr. Thompson exclaimed. "A pleasure to have you in my class again."

I heard some coughing in the other end of the classroom and found Anna. Him? she mouthed to me. Slowly, I nodded. When I turned my attention to Riley, I saw him coming over to Scott and me.

"How cute," Riley said. "Prince Charming and Cinderella together at last. The knight in shining armor gets his girl 'cause he's the good guy."

I put my hand on Scott's arm to calm him. I could feel his anger growing next to me.

"Go away Riley," I said. "I don't know how many times I have to say those words before you finally listen to them."

He shook his head, ignoring me, and turned to Scott. "You may be Prince Charming, but I guarantee there will be no happily ever after."

He walked away then, right as the bell rang.

"Psycho," I murmured to myself.

Scott half-laughed.

I sighed. "Sorry. I come with a lot of baggage."

Scott shook his head, said, "Don't worry about it," and went off to his seat.

"Damn!" Anna said, sitting in front of me. "That was intense!"

I nodded.

"And that Riley, he's hot! I mean, Scott is hotter, but I can totally see why you fell for him. Just not why you broke up." She waited for me to explain, and when I didn't, she said, "But jeez! That stuff never happens to me. I guess only to the DDG pe—"

"Anna?" Mr. Thompson called. "Were you and Annaleigh listening to a word I was saying?"

Anna, who knew how it worked in Mr. Thompson's class, said, "Not really, Mr. T."

"What were you talking about?"

She turned around in her seat to look at me, biting her lip. She knew she couldn't lie. "Just how hot your new student is. Well actually I was, Mr. T., not Annaleigh here. She has her own boyfriend now. The other hot one, Scott."

Mr. Thompson just laughed, and directed conversation to a new subject.

I groaned and put my head on my desk.

---

Scott had to go to the counseling office during lunch. It was probably for the same reason I had to: the terrifying aspects of our future.

When I was walking to my class after lunch, I heard some unfamiliar voices talking around the corner of the hallway. I would have ignored them if I hadn't heard them mention my name. And then if I hadn't heard a very familiar voice answer.

"Good job, my buddy! You finally got her down. You did the impossible."

"Shut up," Scott said. "It's not impossible."

"What'd you do? Blackmail? Remember what you did with Mary Anne? The whole setup? Pure genius, my friend. Genius!"

I winced. I didn't want to know.

"None of that," Scott said. "You just have to stop being an ass for two seconds of your life."

"So that's all you're allowing? After two seconds, you're back to your old ways?"

I heard Scott laugh. "You don't get it, my friends. We can be the huge jackasses we are, or we can stop and let people in. You'd be amazed what can happen."

They snickered. "We saw what could happen. You landed the hottest girl in school. But we know you, man. We know that you are who you are. And you can't change yourself."

I sensed Scott shaking his head, then muttering a "fuck off," and headed to his next class in the opposite direction.

---

"You're different," Candy said when I arrived at her house after school.

I walked in the doorway. "No I'm not," I said, smiling at her.

Her eyes widened. "Holy Mary you just smiled at me."

I rolled my eyes. "So?"

"It wasn't even a smile. It was a grin. A goofy grin. An in-love grin."

"Please. My smile was not a goofy grin."

"Was it in-love?"

I paused walking to the kitchen.

"What was that fancy schmancy car that dropped you off here?"

"No one." I headed to the kitchen. "You know I'm kind of in the mood for popcorn."

"Oh pish. Bull shit. You're never in the mood for popcorn. I have to threaten to call modeling agencies to get you to eat and now you suddenly want popcorn? Nuh uh. No way. You tell me what's going on right now. Or I will call the modeling agencies."
Candy took out her cell phone and gave me a look.

I bit my lip. "I'm with Scott."

It took a while to sink in. Then she blurted, "Holy Mary mother of Jesus."

Her mouth dropped a foot.

"You're so Christian today," I noted.

She ignored me. "So have you done it?"

"Why is everyone thinking we've done it?"

Candy gave me a look that made me feel like a little kid. "Uh, cause you're seventeen?"

I shrugged.

"Okay." She dragged me to the couch and looked me in the eye. "Remember when you first moved here, like 5 years ago? And 'member when I said that you can come talk to me 'bout anythin', like drugs or alcohol or any of that shit?"

I nodded.

"Well, if you need help with…that department…with Scott, you know where to find me."

"Gross, Candy."

"Hey," she said, holding up her hands, "better me than your pops."

I laughed. "True."

"So do you need me to give Scott a talk?'

I narrowed my eyes. "No!"

"Better me than yo—"

"I'd rather have my dad talk to him. At least then he won't recommend the best brand of condoms."

Candy laughed. "I really scared the bajeezus outta that Riley Fillmore, didn't I?"

I traced the pattern of the couch with my finger. "Yeah. You did."

She studied my face. "Sweets, I'm sorry."

I looked up. "For what?"

"I see what talking about him does to you. You face clouds over and your eyes get all sullen lookin'. It's almost as bad as when I mention Cynthia."

I felt my heart drop as I tried to swallow.

"Like that!" Candy said.

I smiled a weak smile. "It's okay, Candy. I see Riley every day at school. If I can bear seeing him, then I can at least handle you mentioning his name one time."

"But not Cynthia."

My eyes drop down again. "No. Not her."

It was silent for a moment. Then Candy said, "Well then. I dunno 'bout you, but all of a sudden, I'm having a major Rocky Road ice cream craving. It's like bein' pregnant, though not like I would know, but I've watched enough TV to get an idea. What do you think Anny? You want some Rocky Road ice cream?"

I nodded, standing up. "Sure. Rocky Road is fine."