A/N: I dunno about you but I think the last chapter was kinda sucky….I hope this one makes me proud….wompty…

Warnings: The usual crap that makes up this story…oh and mentions of the piercing of areas that might be a bit gross to some and bring forth horrible mental images….

Pairings:Envy + Ed

Disclaimers: Not mines.

Chapter 10: To Bullshit
The situation I found myself in was bad. Very Bad.

I'd run to the end of the earth to avoid the fate that awaited me. There was no WAY…I just couldn't…

"C'mon, baby, just pierce 'em for me…!"

Envy and I had been playing a nice battle of wills in the middle of Tuckerwood Road for a good while now. I'd waited until we were a good enough range from the house where my parents wouldn't suspect me of being psychotic…or with anyone equally so…and then did a nice tuck-and-roll out the car – since Tuckerwood was one of the less populated streets…if 'populated' can even be used to describe it, since that would imply people actually drove or even walked along it now and then…

Stupid, unhelpful, abandoned road…Damnit all…

This day found Envy in a good mood and, instead of cursing and carrying on like he usually would in such a situation, he simply reversed the car and looked out the open door to stare down where I lay flat on my back in the middle of the street. A sly look passed over his face, equipped with grin and all. "Edward, baby, what are you doing?" he cooed, cocking his head and frowning in a somewhat curious manner. It might've seemed adorable to anyone else…but I was so not fooled.

"Envy, I really can't do what you're asking – no – forcing me to do," I tried fairly. I think I was being pretty fair considering how rock-like Envy was being with his stupid stance.

My nose and throat burned. It was cold.

Envy snorted. "And just why not? Marlynn's the best! You should be blessed to have your little virgin ears pierced by the great Marlynn…and for free too!" so Envy continued…in a manner disturbingly close to that of a giggly 'black widow' Granny trying to convince her 5-years-old that she really wasn't trying to feed him candy arsenic and that mommy really was lying, since Granny would never harm her 'favoritest' grandson… (1)

This guy was scaring me more than usual because, since the last time I saw him, (let's do a recap) he had: drugged me and let me participate in some psychotic orgy, tried to kill me (with a damn pillow no less) and then had thrown me out his car. Now, he was trying to do me a 'favor'? Is it just me or does that sound kinda off?

How could he expect me to just get up and go, "Okay, I trust you with having some stranger put holes in my ears that could possibly lead to infection and the inevitable removal of said appendages! Why not? You're the greatest, Envy!"? Whether the guy was happy, angry or sad, there was always some reason to fear him, goddamnit! You were just better not knowing his ass at all! A whimper escaped me at this particular thought.

If only I'd had the choice in the first place…

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Envy eyed me with a sly look, his grin taking a more mischievous turn and becoming more in tune with the dark side of him I was used to. "Look babe, how 'bout we talk this over in the car? Because, frankly…even if you did set your mind to running home…" A snicker. "I'd probably mow you over with this Honda here before you got too far." His tone was far too cavalier…and dangerously smug, letting me know his threat was not an idle one...maybe he'd ran over other people with his Honda? I could definitely see Envy running me – or anyone else who bothered him – over and leaving me to die any day. Sabbath be damned. It was ironically characteristic of him, considering (once again) how we had originally met (if you can call it that) in the first place.

The chill of the current season became more obvious to me as minutes ticked on by (still without a car or person in sight) and the wind picked up, making a faint howling sound. Envy's grin eventually melted into more of a smirk, and it became apparent that I would soon have to throw in the wash rag where this fight was concerned. A smirk was much more cheerful than an actual grin when considering Envy; he could be pissed and he'd still be grinning – manically, yes, but still a grin all the same – while a smirk just radiated pure, candy-coated, heroin-streaming satisfaction.

So here were my choices (cue jeopardy music):

A) get in car with obvious psychopath and risk actually consenting to having someone mutilate what my mother had always told me was God's temple (aka 'my body'), therefore forsaking all I've been brought up to believe…

or…

B) get run over by said psychopath's Honda and have not a person in the world to witness in the unlikely event I would actually haul my ass to court to sue.

or the default choice that I can mentally list for nothing more than laugh, seeing as how it's not really a choice… (hard de har har)

C) lay in the road and stare in defiance and continue The Battle of Wills (which was already lost, by the way) until the Lord's coming…dun dun dun…

"Ed, you're letting all my heat out. I really don't appreciate that. It costs money," Envy warned flatly, his patience now obviously wearing down to its final straining threads...

Buzzbuzz.

I let out a breath. If I didn't make up my mind soon, Envy would make it up for me.

"Today, Ed."

I could actually see the metaphoric threads fraying. Gray eyes narrowed at me.

It was kinda cold…my numbed cheeks were a testament to that…both sets of 'em…

What is A, please?

Grudgingly, I got up and dusted myself off before sliding into the passenger's seat and pulling the car door shut, making sure to slam it as hard as possible. Can you say, 'attitude'?

"Don't be cute, Ed." A short statement from the driver himself, accompanied by a glare.

From this point and onward, there was officially no patience to be displayed in the small vicinity of Envy's black Honda Accord. The threads holding together our patience snapped simultaneously and floated haplessly among all our other frayed nerves in the form of a ragged sigh from Envy, and the sucking of teeth from me.

The car sped forward, making a sharp turn on the sidewalk in order to turn around and get started back on the right track.

"I'm not letting you let some guy pierce anything on my body," I stated, glaring at Envy in what I knew for a fact should be a threatening manner…

Envy's laugh said he thought otherwise. "Ed, it's really not as fucking serious as you think."

I snorted. "It's not even about it hurting or any stupid shit like that – I know people who've pierced things, fuck you very much – I just don't want anything pierced!" I huffed. I was on the road to sounding like a temperamental child and I knew it…but if that's what got me out this car and safely back in my house, then age-appropriate behavior be damned, damned I say!

Envy cocked his head to the side, pouting and furrowing his brow at me in a 'poor-baby' expression. "Aww, now, let's just slow down, Ed…what's really bothering you about this? Do needles scare you, babe?" Envy simpered in the patronizing tone I hated from just about anyone, ESPECIALLY him.

"Don't fucken patronize me," I gritted out, slumping in my seat and crossing my arms, my eyes never leaving Envy as they glared on and on and on…

"Okaaay, maybe not," Envy whistled. "Well, unless you give me a good reason, we're just gonna pull full steam ahead to Marlynn's."

I was feeling challenging today, it seemed. "Why don't you give me a good reason why I SHOULD pierce anything?" I shot back.

Envy wiggled and furrowed his brows in thought. "Hummmm…how 'bout 'cause I personally believe it would be sexy, and you did saaaaayyyy you'd be more open-minded…?"

A blank look on his part, a roll of the eyes and scowl on mine. "'Open-minded' does not mean 'willing experimental doll'…It implies that one considers things fully before taking action and-"

"Blah blah blah! Okay, then! You haven't even given piercing a chance, Eddi-boy!" he pushed.

"I shouldn't have to! I have nothing against it on other people, I just don't want it!" I hissed, pushing back and eyeing Envy unhappily, seeing as how my patience was long gone when considering this whole farce of a debate.

"Okay, well, I think a good enough reason would be because I said so, so there. You said you wanted to give peace and equality a chance. Well now, I'm giving you the test of the first step and it seems you'll need a bit of a push. Trust me, you'll thank me later," Envy finished his little lecture flatly and went back to concentrating on driving his decrepit demon mobile. Ha. That was a laugh…trust him…?

"Please…the guy can't poke a damned thing on my body if I don't consent to it," I muttered.

A smug feeling came over me as Envy laughed a bit and nodded, as if astounded I came up with the counter on my own and finally acknowledging that I really had him at this point. I should've.

"Very good, Ed, that's good." A chuckle. "But…" Oh God. Here was the cutter. "You misunderstand, oh blond one. I've been being a bit too nice, it seems, 'cause now you think you actually have a choice." A pointed look in my direction. "You may not consent, but if Marlynn doesn't do it, then…Martel's always good with some duct tape, a few good hands, a needle and flame," he whistled, like we're about to have a redneck bar-b-que.

If there was ever a time where all possible blood drained from my face, this moment was it. Envy threw a 'winning' smile over his shoulder at me, flashing dangerous grey eyes and perfect white teeth in my direction before returning his focus to all things navigational.

I gave it one last try, "Envy, I really can't."

"Why not, Ed?" he asked gruffly.

"Because my parents would have my head on a pike." I sighed.

"Why?"

"…"

"Well?"

I sighed again. "They just don't approve," I snapped impatiently.

"What? It's not like you guys are Christians or something," Envy snapped back, with an equal amount of attitude to back it up.

As cliché as it sounded, my silence spoke volumes and therefore, answered for me.

"…you're a church boy?" Disbelief? Wonder? Disturbance? Foreshadowing of the sadistic pleasure to come from mocking me with this confusing discovery? Oh, I think so. Oh God, I really think so...

Instead of the storm of laughter and jeers I was expecting, Envy simply laughed it off after a good minute of intense, uncomfortable, shameful silence. I know I shouldn't be ashamed of my beliefs and stuff and never had I been…until now…Something about the whole situation suddenly made me feel really uncomfortable…like in one of those cliché Guide quarterlies we got, in which there was a teen who was trying to fit in that got asked the ridiculously-ominous question like 'Have you ever smoked?' or 'Are you a virgin?'…questions with answers that really weren't shameful at all, but in the current company seemed so much more than just shameful…they were down right embarrassing.

And in addition to ashamed, I could tell I was also nervous because now, I was mentally rambling…Oh God…

Despite how fucked up everything was – even life –, I still felt a tiny push that kept nagging at me to prove myself, that I wasn't somebody to manipulate and that I could handle something as silly as having someone put a hole in my ear…or shove their cock down your throat.

Naturally, I was competitive…and so, when met with challenges, I was cautious…but usually came around to meeting them all the same. This was no different.

Maybe when it came to my ego, I was nothing but a flaming sacrifice and slave to it...

Today was a day when I was feeling testy.

Envy had been smirking and shaking his head this whole entire time, snickering to himself for the last five minutes after discovering I was a 'church boy'. "Please, don't even try to hide behind that Christian bullshit. You're only as 'Christian'-" This was said mockingly. "- as your parents make you…which, if I heard correctly about you religious lambs…" An 'iffy' sound and calculating tilt of the hand. "…only entails…let's see…you going to church on Saturdays, not eating pork, drinking or smoking when mommy or daddy's there blah blah blah…" Envy rolled his head to the side to eye me boredly, a mean grin on his face. "You're already fornicating on a regular basis…Give it another year and you'll be selling your soul to the devil and sacrificing neighborhood pets."

Envy laughed the rest of the car ride. I just stared out the window.

(X)(x)(X)

Marlynn was an old man who lived a top Strawberry Hill.

Yes. I'm being serious here. Very serious.

Strawberry Hill was a steep road lined with many small businesses and the like: kiosks, stands, whole in the wall cafes. It was also renowned for its many drug hook-ups and what not, hence the name 'Strawberry Hill'. You name it: they probably had it. Marlynn was a mean-faced, 'jiggity-hip' old man who maintained a career as a pediatrician…but made a small piercing shop as his hobby for whatever spare time he had when he wasn't shoving popsicle sticks under toddlers tongues, and using ye old stethoscope to monitor their mounds of wax.

Thus the statement: Marlynn was an old man who lived a top Strawberry Hill. There.

When I first saw Marlynn, I thought the actual 'piercing dude' had his grandpa over to play receptionist for profession's sake…with punk décor and all…but it appeared I was wrong. The state of the building really should've given it away.

The 'receptionist' was the 'piercing dude' and happened to be very capable of dressing himself. He liked converses…his only complaint was the lack of support they gave him when concerning his old brittle bones that already suffered from a year or two of osteoporosis. He himself didn't appear to have any piercing...probably for business' sake with the kiddies' parents.

I looked at Envy. I looked at the old man.

Even if I hadn't believed this trip over before it actually began…now definitely would've been the moment when I sternly announce, 'This trip is over' and stalk out the place with an obedient and subservient Envy in tow.

…but obviously, I didn't have it like that, or I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

The whole manner of the place was so sterile and welcoming it was eerie. Between the old man, who was softly smiling at us with his hands behind his back (in a selling manner quite reminiscent of the late Wendy's dude) to the little pastel animals riding along a magical carousel at the very border of the clinic's wallpaper.

The old man's black grip gloves and AC/DC shirt stuck out very much (must've been of kid hours).

It smelled like antiseptic and grape Pedialite…mixed with alcohol.

There was Queen playing from the small radio on the counter beside a cute little cheetah bobble head.

Envy was smiling like a gentleman.

The old man was still smiling back with that quaint little close-mouthed smile…still very mean-faced though.

This was awkward.

I think I was the only one who felt this way because, in the next moment, the old man was walking over to Envy and playfully punching him in the arm. "What can I do for ya today, Nat-"

"Envy, Marlynn," Envy cut in, trying to hide the brief flicker of agitation that crossed his face. Wonder what that's about. Can't get annoyed with the guy for forgetting a name, can ya?

"Envy, yes. What can I do for you today?" Marlynn's voice was surprisingly clear of that congested sound most old people are plagued with.

Envy grinned and nodded over at me. "The shorty and I wanna get a bit holey-" He sneered over at me and wiggled his eyebrows. "-up in here, Marl. Him first though."

The old man looked over at me where I stood a bit behind Envy and flashed pearly-white dentures my way. I think he was baring his teeth at me.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure this little guy can handle it? He doesn't look like he's down like us, Envy."

Envy humored the guy and made a nice 'click-click' sound as he extended his index finger like they were the barrel of guns. How corny..."Aww, you gotta be nice to the kid, Marl. Would I bring somebody who wasn't as down as us?" Envy pretended to be truly appalled at the idea, slumping, putting his hand on his hip and feigning concern for extra affect. It was official: Envy so got an A for acting, effort and humoring. I could just never see Envy and old people together...unless you could get whatever you wanted pierced at a serious discount, then I suppose you could get somewhere with the elderly when push came to shove…

"'Course not, E! You guys come back here with me." Marlynn motioned for us to follow him into one of the rooms beyond the front and I followed with a bit of a tug and pull from Envy. Of course, he was mad at ease compared to me...I was getting more and more nervous by the second.

The room was just like any room at a doctor's office: clean floors, a jar of long cotton swabs, a sink, the little bed thingamajig lined with paper…the random pictures that are supposed to take your attention away from whatever kinda evil the doctor is doing…

The only difference was the multiple racks of various earrings, belly rings, tongue rings and whatever else you could possibly want a damned ring for.

"Why don't you go pick yourself out somethin' over there?" Marlynn suggested while rummaging through his draws and fiddling with a few things that I assumed were prep for the piercing of my ears.

Envy looked at the rack longingly and then looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. "You mind?" he asked, looking like a kid in a candy store.

I shrugged, swallowed and looked away. "Sure…knock yourself out," was my meek reply as I hopped up on the bed while trying to avoid ripping the tissue paper.

Marlynn grumbled something that sounded along the lines of 'punk pussycat', but I chose not to hear it.

It seemed like everyone ignored me in the time it took before actually piercing my ears. Envy was too busy browsing through the damn hedonist…symbolic ear pieces…and Marlynn was busy taking out this case and that bottle and this instrument and that.

After a few minutes, Envy took something off the rack and showed it to Marlynn. He looked down at whatever Envy held in is hand and nodded his approval. "Good. Now, go over to that fridge and get the kid some ice." Marlynn threw a look over his shoulder at me and snorted before returning to whatever the twisted old geezer was busy doing.

He wasn't a very nice old man…and this wasn't even church. Were old people mean everywhere?

If I played my cards right, I'd outlive the guy anyway. So forget the old fart bag.

Envy walked over to me with a paper towel rapped thinly and loosely around a piece of ice. "I'm assuming I don't need to tell you what to do with this." He threw the ice up and down, catching it each time and raising a slender eyebrow at me, just to be spiteful.

I snatched the ice out the air and glared. Hell, I'd seen 'Parent Trap', of course I knew what to do!

I held the piece of ice to my ear and just waited for the numbing to kick in. Envy continued to eye me with a smug and somewhat amused look. I looked back at him and I guess he got the message because he simply began to inspect and admire his nails, probably making sure they were all in shape for the little drag pageant I was sure he had to attend.

"You shouldn't be so nervous. Marlynn's a professional. Besides…lobes are really not that extreme. You should see the frenum (3) and inner conch I'm getting done…oh yeahhh…" Whatever Envy was talking about…I could tell he was a bit excited. I, on the other hand, remained nice and confused.

"English, please?" The question was punctuated with a nice twisted facial expression that I hoped said, 'I can't stand you but curiosity doesn't discriminate'.

Envy simply shook his head and laughed. "You'll love the frenum, Eddi-babe. Trust me. Just brush up on the anatomy a bit, kid…" he leaned down to whisper lightly in my ear, tracing the inside lightly with his tongue before moving away and watching Marlynn's back expectantly.

Goosebumps prickled up my back, over my shoulders and down my arms.

There was a needle. When Marlynn turned around, there was a needle…and a spray bottle. But for now, I just wanna focus on the needle.

"What the hell? I thought he was a professional!" I all but squawked, wondering if it was too late to flee as I turned tail on the bed and scurried as close to the wall as possible. Sounds of the paper being crushed and ripped could be heard.

Envy rolled his eyes and Marlynn started to turn blue…I think I insulted him. "Professionals use needles, you ignorant little blond sock-poppet!" Marlynn shouted at me. O-KAY. Can't say I understood that one, but that wasn't really important right now…understanding Marlynn's weird English…understanding the intent of that needle was.

"If you ask me, that needle looks like it falls in the 'home-made piercing' category!" I shouted right back, resisting the urge to copy Envy and give him the finger.

Marlynn gave Envy a look that I think meant he wanted the lazy green-haired one to intervene, and maybe smack some sense into me. I continued to scowl and glare at both of them, wondering what exactly I could arm myself with in order to take on the old man and make my escape. Of course, they couldn't see I was the only one with sense in this place. They'd never take me alive!

"Ed, the needle is signature, damnit." Envy sighed with irritation and I took off my shoe – a size 9 Timberland – and shook it at Marlynn in as threatening a manner as possible. Both Marlynn and Envy seemed as if they weren't the tiniest bit impressed…or threatened.

"They used needles in 'Parent Trap'!" I yelled.

Envy rolled his eyes again. "This is a different needle, Ed. It's hollow. It's actually for piercing," he explained dryly.

"How the hell would you know? You guys could be lying to me!"

"You calling my work a lie?"

"Edward, what did I tell you about acting up in public?"

"Bite me, dreg!"

"Don't tempt me…"

"Hey! You shakin' that thing at me, kid? Why I oughtta-"

"Cool it, Marlynn, sudden movements might frighten him further. It's not his fault."

"I'll beat that shrimp's little white ass-"

"Who you calling a shrimp?"

"You! Ya puny little-"

"Don't call me puny!"

"What are ya gonna do? Pelt me with the size 2 ya got there?"

"We are so wasting time with this…Is there any way we can just tie him up and get this done, Marl?"

"I'll take the little guy and string him up by that damn hair of his-"

"Oh, why don't you go fuck yourself, old man!" I growled. During the last few minutes of useless bickering, I had grown even more tired and even more anxious. By now, I knew my shoe was useless (and small). Ironically, it was yet again I who was outside the 'circle of trust'(4). Isn't that just the shittiest thing ever?

Blondie's 'One Way or Another' was drawling on and on in the background somewhere.

We all stopped to listen to the bridge for a moment – focusing on different things in the room – until Envy finally broke the silence, putting the back of his hand against his forehead as if faint, "Ok people, we gotta get this drag show on the road. Ed, let's make a deal."

"I don't wanna make a deal. I wanna go home!" I was wailing now.

Envy ignored me. "You and your pretty little ass cooperate like the good little boy you are-"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"-and I won't cut that beautiful gold rope you sport on the regular."

I rolled my eyes and head in exasperation. "Is that the best you can come up with?"

A sigh on everyone's part, a pout on Envy's. "Ok, maybe that did suck. How about you do this for me and we call it even?" Envy had the habit of stating things more than asking them…the things that should be asked anyway. This was no different of course.

Said dark-haired hedonist raised his eyebrow and smirked at me. That caught my attention a bit better than anything else. Marlynn sat down with his instruments, looking bored and like he was waiting for something – anything – to stab with his needle.

"What do you mean by that?" Suspicious me.

"Well, it's no secret that you've practically paid your debt five-hundred times over by now…" He grinned. I blushed…angrily. No secret? Just what the fuck was that supposed to mean? I hated talking about this particular subject…

"The kid owed you money?" Marlynn perked up, as if overjoyed at the prospect of being able to rough me up like some prehistoric gang-banger.

"Heh heh," I gave him my best sarcastic laughter and stick my tongue out at him.

"Yah, anyways…So this can be the sign that you're officially a step up from where you were a week or so ago. You can roll with us and be one of us for a while." Envy shrugged and looked at me lazily, like it didn't matter to him either way. Bullshit. I wasn't that retarded.

What could be in it for him? I asked.

"Why you of course, gorgeous," he purred and batted his eyelashes at me, reaching out to stroke my chin before I pulled away and hacked in disgust.

"What if I don't want to be one of you guys or hang around with you? What if I said my eyes have been opened, and I believe you and your dreggy buddies are the worst evil to walk the earth, and should go take your offer to shove it right up your asses." Today, I must've been on a roll. I was lucky Envy hadn't tried to beat the proverbial shit out of me yet. Maybe it was one of those moments similar to those when children only misbehave and show off in front of company, because they don't think mommy will beat them right there in front of the neighbors.

Envy wasn't my parent though.

"I'd say that's bullshit," he leered at me.

"You're full of shit yourself," I leered back, a bit nastier than was character of me.

While I may not be lying in my belief that Envy and his buddies made up the worst evil to tread this planet, I couldn't honestly say getting on to the next level didn't intrigue me. Surely, the kinds of stuff I was into with Envy, without all the 'sex-slave abuse', could be great…something I could get hooked on pretty quick…but I had friends, family…a brother who I believed in and who believed in me. Why would I need anything like what Envy was so suspiciously offering me? I must be insane. But if those 'friends' found out what I was becoming…would they be my friends anymore? And if my family also found out – mom, dad, and Alphonse –, would they see me in the same shining light they always had? They couldn't…then they'd be the insane ones.

How much could one little needle cost me?

Don't tell me you've forgotten so quickly…

I hadn't but…this wasn't the same thing…I had a decision to make and if I said no…I'd stay in the same place…being fucked and drugged by strangers for fun and never having a choice because I had no guts to make a decision.

Like they say: 'no guts, no glory'...

There was no way things could get any worse with Envy. No way. He couldn't be lying if he was offering me a hand up from the little pit I was digging myself, there was no way anyone could pull me but up…even if it was just a tiny bit higher…

I looked up at the attractive dark-haired boy across the room from me. He looked back and twiddled the earring he'd picked for me earlier between his fingers.

"Fine. To bullshit," I said simply, a weary smirk hitching up the corner of my mouth.

Envy laughed and tossed me an earring. "To bullshit."

I nodded and caught the earring in my hand, staring down at the small metallic object: a black band with a snake winding around a cross engraved on it.

"Let's do this, Marlynn."

Suddenly, the room seemed a lot lighter…well, in terms of Envy and Marlynn anyway. I wasn't sure what I was, whether I was happy, sad, or just plain doomed…Now, I knew how those guys who made fake toasts at unsupported weddings felt. Never tried the stuff but damn, it felt like one of those moments when alcohol would come in handy…

(X)(x)(X)

An hour after leaving the office, my ears still burned in remembrance of the actual piercing…it had felt like someone had the lobe pinched between their fingernails and wouldn't let go…not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Like I'd ever admit that to Envy though. I glared at him to let him know how I felt, all the while playing with the band in my right ear.

"It wouldn't hurt so much if you stopped playing with it," Envy grumped at me, sliding forward a bit in the driver's seat and wriggling up as straight as possible, only to sit back again and grimace. His right eye twitched just the slightest – you gotta strain to see it – and his expression was kinda weird, like someone spat in his lemonade. Something told me my glare wasn't having THAT good an effect on him. Yeah right, I wished.

"What the hell is your problem?" I spat, tired of watching him wriggle and twitch in his seat like a crack-addict.

"Definitely not one of my best ideas…" Envy moaned to himself, ignoring me and continuing what could've been whimpering. I eyed the small silver stud thingamajig imbedded in his inner ear…the inner conch piercing I'm assuming he was bragging about. That left the frenum…

"But it'll all be worth it," he cackled insanely behind the driver's wheel.

Suddenly, I was kinda worried about the pale-faced guy next to me…Just what did he get done to himself…?

"Envy, what else did you pierce?" I asked slowly, cautiously, eyeing him wearily.

He shook his head and tried to focus on the road, his hands trying to grip and drum the steering wheel at the same time, fidgeting.

"It." Short, clipped, miserable.

"What the hell was 'it' supposed to be?"

"Ittt…" Whining. Very annoying whining by the way. Not very becoming of a rapist slash exhibitionist slash hedonist slash dreg…

"Envy…"

"IT, Ed! My fucking dick!"

It took a moment for that to register. In the mean time, I cocked – no pun intended – my head sideways, blinked, stared, and did all sorts of things that had nothing to do with how long it took me to process Envy's last tortured statement; the kind of stuff that was mostly just there to be dramatic and keep a guy in denial.

/"IT, Ed! My fucking dick!"/

"…"

"You're kidding…"

"No, damnit!" Hiss, snarl. Ouchzah.

"Oh my God…" I couldn't help it…but I gasped and did a nice whimper myself. Questions just kinda flew outta my mouth: Is that even possible? Do people really get this done? Are you pulling my leg? How do they do it? Where does the needle go? Can you have children after?

Envy sighed brokenly. "It burns…"

(X)(x)(X)

(1) The Giggling Granny. Notorious 'Black Widow' who I believed killed off her grandchildren and a few husbands by poisoning them with arsenic or smothering them or some such thing….

(3) You just gotta look this up. I swear it's on my top list of freakiest things I've seen guys had done. They say it burns rather than causes excruciating pain. I imagine it's uncomfortable to burn there…….

(4) Meet the Fockers/ Parents. That was so funny to me, I dunno why….see that movie…witness the Circle of Trust!

Author's Note: Yah. Thats it. There should be another on the way shortly after this one so hopefully the wait won't be as long as this one was...ehhee...sorry about that...