A/N: And here it is. Less painful, I promise. But it wouldn't be something by me if I didn't keep conflict. Also, I really didn't look back and edit, so, sorry if the language seems repetitive.

Christmas came and went far too slowly for Andy's liking, and that's how she knew things were wrong. She usually wished the season could last forever. People are at their kindest... mostly. People are a little more willing to open their hearts and homes. They were giving, and grateful. Of course the season didn't slow down for TPS, but they were more likely to witness random acts of kindness. More citizens arrests.

She spent her shifts leading up to the big day thinking about her life, Charlotte, her dad, everything.

"You're right. It's worse."

"You. You are my problem, Sam."

"I'm not walking out Andy, you're pushing me, and running in the opposite direction."

A broken record. Over and over and over again. But not a peep out of Charlotte. Andy has no idea what Sam said to her, but the girl didn't say a word concerning his whereabouts.

Christmas Eve they both worked. A case. Together. Traci had the night off to have her holiday celebrations with Leo, and Sam was up to his neck in a department store Santa scandal. Seems the old man in his sixties was stealing appliances and electronics early in the morning before shift, and his friend the janitor was his accomplice.

While Frank had her paired up with him to help out the D's, and their drive from scene to station, station to suspect, suspect to witness were all very quiet. If it wasn't about the case, neither spoke.

It was hard. More than hard. She's never had strep throat, but it has been described to her like 'swallowing tiny knives' and if that were the case, these knives were taking tiny little stabs at her heart with every beat.

His sideways glances weren't missed by her, and every time she felt her heart tighten, pulling those tiny little knives in just a little closer. Every beat after that was deeper. The blade stayed in longer.

At the end of the shift she thought there was a moment, that there could have been one. He said her name as she was walking to her car, but as she turned to him he seemed to choke on whatever thought he was struggling with. He shook his head in the end, breaking his big brown stare from hers and managed a 'Merry Christmas'.

On Christmas morning Charlotte came ripping into her room, shaking her shoulders, and eventually climbed into the bed next to her. Andy hid herself under the covers to get away. She understood the thrill of Christmas morning, waking up, drinking hot chocolate and sitting by a fire with the presents. But it was 6am, and they were supposed to wait for Tommy to join them before she started in on her gifts.

Andy threw the sheet and duvet over them both and grabbed Charlotte close to her, tickling her until she exhausted herself and calmed down a little.

"Presents?" She'd asked tiredly, realizing that this wasn't her body's nature. Andy smoothed the blond mess out of her girls face and rubbed her back slowly, soothing her back to sleepier state.

"Soon baby. We have to wait till Grandpa gets here." Andy whispers, kissing Charlotte's forehead and waiting until she was safely asleep again, before laying down for two more hours of sleep.

The day went smoothly. Charlotte shrieked and squealed appropriately when she saw her presents waiting for her on the hearth by the fireplace in the living room. She didn't even know where to begin so she gathered the wrapped presents in her arms and hugged them.

She held onto the plush cat pillow Tommy got her the entire day, and wore her new Cinderella princess dress and tiara. Andy swore she wasn't going to cry, but as Tommy told her to join Charlie for their first Christmas family photo together, she felt the smile turn watery.

The morning was great, the afternoon of Christmas classics and cooking was great, and dinner was great. She invited Chris and Dov, who worked the day shift and were too tired to get on the road to see their families, and they brought half the dishes required for a holiday meal, and surprisingly they were great. It certainly her small family feel bigger, and filled her house with a little more of the holiday spirit. She's pretty sure Chris could be vice president of her holiday fan club.

By all standards she set for the day they were met, if not exceeded by Charlotte's constant smile. But at the end of the night, after Charlotte was tucked in, the kitchen cleaned, and the weeks of leftovers were packed away, the hollow ache set in. She wasn't okay.

And now, two days later things had changed. Running around the house before work, Andy saw Charlotte sitting on the window sill. At first she thought that she was waiting on Tommy, but even after he came in and got situated she stayed there.

"Charlie?" Andy asks, coat on, waiting for a hug before she went on her way, but Charlotte paid no notice until her name was called.

She finally pulled her face away and looks at Andy absently, really just wanting to continue her staring match with the snowy streets. "Huh?"

"Bye buddy, I have to go now. Can I have a hug?"

Charlotte reluctantly pulled herself away, keeping an eye on the window, and giving Andy the quickest kiss and hug ever.

"Love you." Andy says, trying to get any last minute real attention from her girl.

"Wove you." She mutters, continuing to stare, and pulling away quickly, hustling back to the couch.

Andy and Tommy watch her for a moment before Andy finally has to be on her way without sliding into parade embarrassingly late and get a detail that no one wants.

"Keep an eye on her, dad. She's being weird." She says before leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Eh, she's a kid." Tommy laughs, giving Andy a knowing look. Andy was... an inventive child. To put it nicely.

"Mommy?" Charlotte asks quietly from her perch, still not giving them her full attention.

"Yes?" Andy replies almost as absently as she felt with her little girl today, picking her bag up off the floor, still standing next to Tommy.

"Is Sammy back?"

Andy stops moving all together, and lets her bag fall back onto the floor. She looks at Tommy first, eyebrow raised in case he knew something she didn't. But he seemed just as puzzled.

"Back from where, Charlie?" Andy asks, moving to the window sill to sit with her for just a minute. She can always spare a minute.

She runs a hand through Charlotte's hair, encouraging to look at her instead of out the window for once, and Charlotte concedes.

"From his trip! He said he has to go fo a while. He said he was sowwy he wouldn't see me on Chistmas." She smiles.

Andy can't find her voice. It's in there somewhere, but it's not making itself known. She continues to stare at Charlotte, figuring maybe she should have thought about what she was going to tell her about Sam not being around much anymore. It's been nine days. He's only been gone nine days. How did this get so serious so fast? Charlotte's been with her for five months, nine days of the man she's known for three of those months is just not here. And won't be.

And suddenly Andy is twelve years old again. Waking up the morning after her parents worst fight, expecting to find them silent on opposite sides of the kitchen... but both there. Instead she sees just her dad. And she feels everything rushing back, all the fights, all the words said, her leaving. Without a goodbye. The years where she felt lost and unloved, all because her dad withheld the fact that Claire still wanted her, but he wouldn't let her. Granted she didn't try hard enough... but maybe now, she gets it.

"If you're going to walk out of our lives, it's better to do it now than in a few weeks, or months, or god forbid years."

"I called every Sunday. Every Sunday. Your father wouldn't let me talk to you."

"You were confused. You were a little kid and you needed things to be stable."

She draws out a deep breath, and closes her eyes for a moment. The full weight of what's happened here hits her like a ton of bricks.

Before she can say anything to Charlotte, she looks back out the picture window and smiles widely.

"Sammy!" She shrieks as a silver pickup pulls up to the curb. Andy whips her head around to see what she's seeing, and suddenly her body moves into action. She stands quickly, pushing past Tommy to get to the door.

"Kid-"

"No, dad, I have to... I just need a few minutes. Just, make yourself scarce." She says, on the move out the door.

He's coming around the back of the truck with a gift bag under his arm when she hits the driveway and then she just stops there. When he looks up and stops his muttering and head shaking, and sees her, he stops too, seemingly taking his cues from her.

She finds herself taking a tentative step, which gets him walking again. He looks good. Keeping up his health kick, she guesses. His face looks a little less grave, and his shoulders a little less heavy. She guesses he went to St. Catherine's, spent some time with Sarah's family. If she even has one. Or his parents. If that's even...

She hopes he had somewhere. Why didn't she ask if he had somewhere to go?

"Hey, McNally. Look I know you don't want me here, I just had to drop this off, and-"

"It's okay Sam. It's.. okay." She says, immediately dismissing the fact that he felt like this was crossing the line. He was, but, all of a sudden that line was fading fast. Here, in front of her, was what was easing the hollow ache. Dulling the silver knives. "All of it."

He looks at her with an inquisitive brow and as he searches her guilty and sad eyes he relaxes, gives her a small smile.

"It was a weird day. You know? It was just one of those days where all of the voices in my head just piled up, and got the better of me." She admits, kicking at some of the snow between them. Her eyes are focused down, shamefully, afraid that maybe now he doesn't even want to be a part of their lives. Afraid the nine days of peace, and his normal single life reminded him of what he truly wants.

"I know that you care about us. I know that you are not the kind of person who would just leave. I mean, especially out of the two of us, that was always me, and I should know-"

"Andy!" He interrupts, trying to reel her back in a little more. "Hey, I got it. I get it. And I will be out of here in a second, I just wanted to drop this off for Charlotte. For both of you, there's one for both of you."

He hands her the poinsettia gift bag, and begins backing away, and she's trying to find a way to ask him to come in for a minute, say hi to the little girl waiting anxiously at the window. However she's saved by the bell with the call of "Sammy!" coming from the front door behind them.

Andy turns to see Charlotte gripping Tommy's hand as he helps her down the front porch steps in her snow boots and pink onesie pyjamas. She focused on her feet on the stairs, but once she hit the last step, she ripped her hand free of Tommy's and came towards them as her little feet would carry her.

Sam looks at Andy for permission to reciprocate the emotion, the excitement, to know if it's okay for him to give her a hug, and she simply nods in understanding, moving out of the way of the racing toddler.

"Hey Charlotte." He says, kneeling down to her level to accept the hug.

Andy turns her attention away from him pulling her gift from the bag that was now set in front of them, and looks to her father who's standing at the bottom of the porch, arms folded in front of him.

"You gotta work today McNally?" Sam asks, bringing her attention back to them.

"Yeah, I was actually just about to head for the station when..." She mutters, figuring he can figure out the rest of it.

The difference on his face from when he pulled up, to now with Charlotte perched on his knee staring at the wrapped present and waiting for permission is completely different. He adores her. She can see it. She knows it's not something that will just disappear for either of them. She knows that look because she's seen it in herself.

"Give me two minutes and I'll drive you. Give Charlie sometime to tell me all about what Santa brought her." He says, tapping the box in her hands. She beams at him happily and shakes the box again.

Andy smiles at them both before turning around and heading for the house to get her things.

Passing Tommy, she avoids eye contact and walks right into the house.

"Andy... I thought you talked to him." He says, watching her grab her bag off the floor .

"I did. I did, and I nearly believed that I was right. So thank god he showed up today." Andy says bitterly, slinging her bag over her shoulder and reaching for her travel mug.

"Kiddo, I know it seems like everything is all right for now but-"

"No! Dad, no. You swayed me on this once, but not again." Andy turns, giving him her full attention and fury.

"I thought you agreed."

"Agreed what? That it's okay to pull the only person she gets excited about out of her life? Someone who loves her unconditionally without biological or legal obligation?"

Tommy sighs and rubs his forehead, wondering exactly where they lost common interest.

"No, I thought you agreed that she needed stability." He says, trying to rub her arm, calm the hostility between them, but she shakes it off.

"You mean like for me when you refused to let my mother speak to me?" Andy nearly yells, letting the truth finally come out.

"Andy, she left us."

"She left you! She left you, and you wouldn't let her talk to me, I thought she didn't want me." Andy yells at last, losing the last of her control. She stares at him, letting the water in her eyes spill out over the brim, and he says nothing, but looks as hurt as she's ever seen him.

The look of hurt on his face suddenly rids her of her anger, recognize that this was not the time, and not the way to talk about him.

"Dad..." She starts, wanting to find away to apologize.

"You need to hit the road." He says under his breath, moving past her to the door and calling for Charlotte to come back in before she catches her death.

Andy huffs out a deep breath and follows.

"You okay over there?" Sam asks as soon as they're safely in the truck. They haven't even pulled away yet, and she's already breaking down her front. She lets her face fall into her hands and take another deep breath.

"Not really. Can we just..." She says, gesturing to the road ahead of them. He takes one last look at her, and she gives him a defeated smile.

"Yeah, of course."

They pull away from the curb and get two minutes away before she finally begins to acknowledge him.

"He's not happy about this." Andy sighs, continuing to watch the city pass by.

"About me?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Well, right to the point there McNally." He says, trying to let her words go through him and not sink in. Tommy was always someone Sam respected, and felt respect him in return, but this idea that he's been pulling the girls away from him, using their past to make Andy doubt him... it didn't sit right.

"I wish he'd just realize that not everyone is going to let him down. That he can trust people, that he can trust me to make my own decisions." Andy vents, using various hand motions, and getting more animated by the words.

"Kind of reminds me of someone..." Sam smiles, just small, letting her take a minute to smile, or give him a look, he'll take either one. Hearing her call him 'an idiot' will never get old.

"You're an idiot. And yes, I know, he passed down his pathological fear of abandonment, but I'm working on it. He's just... stuck." She sighs again, more sadly this time.

He doesn't really know what to do with that, so he stays quiet, figures that she'll just keep talking until she's come to her own conclusion as she usually does. But this is going into foreign territory, talking about her dad... her mom by extension.

"But I don't want to be stuck anymore, Sam." She looks at him when they get to a red light. He feels her staring at the side of his head, and knows she wants to look him in the eye before she continues. Get a feel for where his heads at. So he gives in, looks her way. "I want to let go of the fear that everyone is going to disappear. And by everyone I mean you. I want this to be good, I want us to be good, I want Charlotte to have you in her life."

"And I want to be there." He insists, confirming what she already knows, just in case.

"Good. Then we'll just start there." She smiles, closing the matter as they pull into the lot outside of the division. Plenty of time to get ready before parade.

She gathers her jacket and bag in her arms and reaches for the door to slide out and be on her way when Sam grabs her arm.

"You going to the New Years thing? The dinner, award thing?" He didn't even know where he was going with it until the words were out of his mouth, but there they were.

"Well I hadn't planned on it. I don't really have a dress or a babysitter or-"

"Go with me." He says quickly before she spit out all the reasons that it would be too inconvenient.

She bites back the giant grin that she wants to give him, trying to keep some of the balls in her court.

"I'll rope Izzy into sitting, or someone else, let me take care of it but- Let's just start. With this."

She can't hold back her smile any more, and let's it take over her face. She doesn't even know what she's doing when she leans in to kiss him on the cheek. And Sam, not expecting it, turns to face her, and their lips meet in the middle.

He tries to pull away, realizing that this was not her intention, this was not a slow start, but as he begins to pull back, Andy grabs on to his shirt and keeps him where he is. She holds him a little longer until he realizes that she wants him to respond.

Finally they hear more car doors closing and the rest of the shift arriving and they know they're running out of time, so she pulls back, swiping her thumb over the lips she's missed so much.

"Have a good shift." She smiles before sliding out of the truck with a dopey look on her face, and disappearing into the division.