I've got an extra day off this week! So you get an extra chapter! I hope you all enjoy it :) I own nothing blah blah
Pain And Hurt
"So let's talk." Dean said, his hand gently cupping my face.
I moved away from him and re-took the seat that I'd claimed earlier, grabbing my beer as though it was a life saver, well I'd need a bit of dutch courage for this, that was for sure.
Dean sighed and put down the hood of his precious car before taking a seat on it. "So, we both know that we belong together." Dean said with an attempt at a smirk, trying start our chick flick moment. That more than anything made me realise how much he wanted this, wanted me back in his life.
"Dean you hurt me." I said softly, raising my hand to stop him as he went to interrupt me. "Let me say it first. I know you thought that you were doing it to protect me, but it didn't. It cut me further than you know."
Despite my request Dean couldn't help himself. "Then tell me." He said his voice low, gentle, yet pained.
"You sure?" I asked, knowing how much things affected him, knowing that it would hurt to hear this coming from me. But still, he should know what he'd done surely?
"I'm sure sweetheart, I can handle it." He said, no sign of his usual cocky playfulness, instead I was faced with the serious side of the hunter that very few people had ever seen.
"Ok, you know I've been having nightmares?" I asked before taking a sip of my now luke warm beer.
"I've noticed." He replied wryly before picking up his own beer.
"Well when Edward left me, he left me in the middle of the woods near Charlie's, it hurt like hell at the time, but I didn't know that I could have been hurt much worse. How much it hurt when someone I really loved left me." I took a deep breath as I saw my words stinging the hunter, he needed to know, I needed to get this out there, show him why I couldn't just go back to how we once were. "At night I dream I'm back in the woods and for once I catch Edward, he stands there and tells me that he doesn't want me anymore, that I'm worthless, all that crap. And then I turn around and there you are. Telling me that I'm worthless as well, that I'm not good enough, telling me you couldn't possibly love me, that you pretended." I took another sip of my beer when I'd finished. Looking anywhere but at Dean, not wanting to know what he thought of that, just in case it was true.
"C'mon sweetheart, you know that's bull. Just a stupid dream that doesn't mean jack." Dean said softly, I looked up to see him staring at me with worry on his face.
"That's how I feel though Dean, he didn't want me, you didn't want me. I feel worthless, like there's something wrong with me." I told the man, meaning it.
"There is nothing wrong with you Bella!" Deans voice held a slight edge to it now. Pissed with me for thinking so low of myself I'd guess.
"Well that's how you made me feel." I said in a voice lower than a whisper, I wasn't even sure that I wanted him to hear it.
His sharp intake of breath let me know that he had heard it. Dean got of his perch and came over to me. "Sweetheart you are NOT worthless, there is NOTHING wrong with you, do you hear me!?" Dean said his voice urgent and insistent as he grabbed my shoulders and looked me deep in the eyes.
"I might have believed you Dean, but then the other night..."
He looked really confused at that. "What about the other night? What other night?" Yeah confused. Great, now I'd just relive my embarrassment to the man himself. But I wanted him to know how I felt and why. Then maybe we could work on something? Maybe we'd be stronger for it? Or maybe it'd just go to hell like everything else? Whatever, I had to try.
"The night I told you I loved you, the night we kissed, the night you pushed me away and told me no." I said quietly, Dean was still crouched down in front of me.
"That doesn't sound like me." Dean said with a frown, obviously trying to remember, guess he was more drunk then I'd thought he was.
"Well ya did." I told him bluntly.
"Sweetheart, if I did that, then it wouldn't be because I didn't want you, or didn't love you. It would be because I didn't want to take advantage of you." I raised my eyebrows at him for that, somehow that didn't ring true. "Okay, I was drunk, I don't have a clue why I did that. But believe me, I want you. I... I love you." My heart raced at his words, hearing the sincerity behind them. But could I? Could we?
"I know that you said you did it for my own good, but why, why didn't you talk to me first? Didn't it hurt you? That's what bothers me so much about this. You say you want me back, say you love me and won't let me go or hurt me again. But you gave me up in the first place. And I sure as hell couldn't have given you up." My voice was still low and I went back to looking at the floor, that's what's it all came down to. If he had loved me, did love me, how could he have just thrown it all away?
"Did it hurt me? You want to know? Then ask Sammy, ask Bobby, they'll tell you what I was like after you went. Of course it hurt me sweetheart, it crushed me. But you dead would have killed me, at least I knew you were out there having a life, I knew you were alive. Safe. With me you weren't. Or I didn't think you were, I've since come to the conclusion that the safest place for you is by my side." I could hear a smirk in his voice. So it had hurt him to leave me then? Maybe I would talk to Sam and Bobby, see how bad he was? But for now I'd just believe the sincerity in his words. Well now I was feeling a little better...
"Dean, I'm not the only one with issues here. I couldn't do this and have you holding something against me, it wouldn't work." I said, talking about the lyrics that he sang at me. Which even saying in my head sounded weird, there was something defiantly odd about that.
He stood back up and walked to sit on the Impala again. He looked down as he started talking, obviously not wanting to look at me as he shared his feelings, this must have been hard for Dean, a full no-holds barred chick flick moment.
"You were with another guy." Dean said, I waited for more, but that seemed to be as much as he would say.
It was my turn to walk to the hunter, sitting on the hood next to him and sighing before I addressed his statement. "I was with Edward for five months, he was controlling, patronising and had a disdain for humans, I was beginning to realise that when he left. But before that I had that feeling, that something was missing. That it wasn't right. It was you Dean, you were what was missing, I could never truly love Edward because my soul belongs to you, even when I couldn't remember you I didn't stop loving you." I realised the truth of my statement. I'd never stopped loving Dean.
"So what now then sweetheart?" Dean asked looking at me, a small shining bit of hope in his amazing green eyes.
"I don't know." I said with a sigh while staring back into his eyes, if we were doing this then we had to do this properly, no matter how uncomfortable it made us feel. "How you feeling now?" I asked.
Dean rolled his eyes but took a deep breath then answered me. "Better, not perfect but better. I kinda understand, I guess, but I'm still not thrilled with the whole thing. You?" Dean asked me, still looking hopeful.
"Better, kind of. I feel like maybe... But I can't just rush in again, you hurt me too much for that. But I want..." I sighed, there seemed to be a lot of that, but I didn't know what to do.
"How about we just see how it goes then?" Dean suggested, I could see in his eyes that it wasn't what he really wanted. But it seemed he'd give it a try for me, and that meant a lot coming from the hunter.
"I could live with that." I said smiling as he leant in, to seal the deal as it was.
As our lips touched I felt that spark, the electricity. Our lips moved together in imperfect synchronisation, making butterflies in my stomach. It was perfect. His hand moved up to cup my face again, and mine went to his huge muscled shoulders. The kiss was sweet and tender, nothing like I'd imagined our next kiss to be, and because of that it was even more special. Like we were starting over again. Trying something new, and hopefully better.
We pulled away at the same time, both smiling almost shyly. As though we'd never done that and more.
Applause rang out around the echoy garage as Dean and me were looking into each others eyes and finding our love again. We jumped apart as though we were teenagers that had been caught making out on the sofa by our parents.
"About time too ya igits." Bobby said from the doorway, he was beaming though, obviously happy that we'd finally got our acts together.
"Shut up!" Dean said jumping down off of the Impala, but he was still smiling. He turned and took my hand, helping me down from the car, despite the fact that I didn't need help as he well knew. But even that small bit of contact had my body sizzling.
"Aww... C'mon don't be embarrassed that you're in lurve man..." Sam said with a smirk that he'd inherited from the man he was teasing.
"Sammy, you really wanna go down the embarrassment route?" I asked putting my hands on my hips and raising my eyebrows at him. Funnily enough he didn't say much after that, ah the power of blackmail.
"So now you two have your acts together you fancy... Oh I don't know? Doing some work!?" Bobby said to us his voice gruff again.
"You got something Bobby?" Dean asked, back on the job just like that.
"Got a whole lot of somethings, things that go bump in the night don't just stop so you can have a honeymoon ya igit. Now c'mon and put the girl down for a minute." Bobby grumbled but shot me a small wink. I stifled a laugh as we followed the old man back to the house, Dean and me holding hands the entire way.
~0~
Dinner was on the table and so were mounds of books, newspapers and two laptops. A normal dinner in the Singer household.
"You do know we can't do anything till my baby's fixed right?" Dean grumbled around a mouthful of beef casserole.
"That don't mean we don't look, besides you three think you're the only bone heads I've got out there working?" Bobby growled from behind his paper.
"You've got other hunters Bobby? I'm hurt, I thought we were special." I said while pouting at the man.
He rolled his eyes at me before replying. "Oh you're special alright kid. Real special." Bobby joked making Sam and Dean laugh.
"Got one in Oklahoma, five dead, four missing, no leads, victims hearts missing. Lunar cycles right." Sam said from his laptop after he'd finished eating.
"I'll give Gareth a ring." Bobby said before getting up and going to his phone.
"Who's Gareth?" I asked the guys in a whisper, they both just shrugged at me looking as mystified as I was.
That night we sent five different hunters to five jobs, some of them I was glad to be missing, like the one down in New England where babies and mothers were dying. But one or two I was genuinely pissed at having to give away. One was in a mental asylum that had closed down, similar to a case Dean and Sam had worked years back, but old closed down buildings with ghosts in were always too much of a cliché for me to pass up. And the other was what looked like ghouls, I loved ganking ghouls. They were hard to track down and you had to use all the smarts you had, making them a great hunt. Well as great as a hunt ever got. On the scale of one to fun, they were still down there at number two.
After we'd opened up the whiskey, Dean and Bobby started playing cards whereas I carried on looking for jobs. Maybe there was something near by that we could do? I'd been resting for too long in Forks to feel like sitting on my ass and having a vacation. No I wanted to be out doing something productive.
I found something to do alright. It was for a week and a halfs time, enough time to get the car on the road. And it had me almost salivating. This would be a number five for me on the fun scale. The highest a hunt ever reached.
I looked up at the other hunters eagerly. "I've got something. Can we do it? Please..." I asked sounding like a hyperactive child, feeling like one too. I was about ten seconds away from bouncing in my chair.
"Why do I not like the sound of this?" Dean grumbled, but his eyes sparkled as he looked at me. Making me tingle all over.
"It's being advertised." I said now I had their attention I was so gonna string this out.
"Advertised?" Sam asked looking confused.
"Spend the night in the worlds most haunted building. For the first time in a decade, the house is opening it's doors at night. But after ten they'll be closed and you'll have to survive the night!" I read out in a spooky voice from the website.
"It's not..?" Bobby asked looking worried at the back of my laptop.
"Oh yeah." I said back with a smile.
"What?" Sam and Dean asked together before looking at each other.
"Ok, what use to be open for ghost nights but got closed down a decade ago boys?" I asked with a smirk. I'd have got this easy. I loved the myth surrounding this house.
"How would I know? Disney land?" Dean said with a frown before picking up his whiskey and taking a sip.
"Nope. Even better. The Winchester Mystery House." I said with a huge smile.
"You fools can't be thinking of going." Bobby said with a frown. "And I'm sure as hell not sending any one on that suicide mission."
"Why's it a suicide mission?" Dean asked.
"Dude you do know the lore surrounding the house right?" Sam asked Dean, looking like his brother just tossed back the prize fish.
"Yeah, lady builds a house guided by 'spirits' use senaces to help her, house ends up a managed mess, no blueprints so no-one knows anything about it really. Yada yada. That about right?" Dean asked, using his fingers to say spirit so that we all knew he though it was bull.
"Well yeah, but it aint crap." Bobby said.
"People get lost in there all the time Dean. Come out shivering wrecks saying that they'd seen things. Ghosts." I said with a hint of a smile.
"And? No-ones dying, not our job to track a lost tourist who comes out later anyway? Or are we being search and rescue today?" Dean huffed at me.
"Dude, we're always search and rescue. Anyway, there did use to be deaths, or people never coming out of the building anyway." Sam said, sounding like he was talking to a small child. Dean glared at him, picking up on the tone. Bobby and I shared a smirk at that.
"So?" Dean asked.
"So that was every time they use to do this whole, stay the night in a haunted house thing. And now they're doing it again." I said.
"Girl, you'll never be able to find all the ghosts and all the bodies in that place even if you torch it. So what's the point?" Bobby growled at me, apparently bored of history class now Dean had mostly caught up.
"Three hunters. Four if you fancy it old man. We can make sure no-one else go's missing. We can protect them. Keep them safe."
"And you get to go to your version of Disney Land?" Sam added for me making me smirk.
"Hell no, I'm still going to see Mickey one day." I teased him.
"So we save a load of smucks who pay to see a ghost, stay up all night in a huge haunted building that no-one knows their way around and stop us all getting killed. But we don't actually gank anything?" Dean asked before adding sarcastically; "well sign me up!"
"That's the spirit! Now we've gotta get there before eight next Friday." I stated as though it was all agreed. Ignoring the stink eye I was getting from the other three hunters.
So what did you think? I've re-read this chap a million times, edited a hundred, I want your views. Bells finally forgiven Dean, well mostly, what did ya think off that - are their problems all resolved do you think? Hmmm... Well until next time, Love always Tametiger xx