The next morning, Jack woke up and remembered the conversation from last night. He had actually slept a few hours, so maybe all of the talking was therapeutic, who knows. He just knew that he while he was talking to Sam, his own problems were pushed to the background. Now, in the light of day, he hoped he didn't lead her to believe that he was fine and ready to have a relationship. He meant every word he said last night, but now with the weight of the rest of life constricting his chest, he didn't know if he would ever be ready for anything but a coffin.

It felt so good to hold her in his arms like he always wanted to, but he didn't deserve it at all. And she didn't deserve to be saddled with a bitter old butcher like him. But he couldn't bear hurting her now, so he wondered how he could convince her that she would be better off leaving him to his own hell and finding someone that is more deserving of her.

...

Sam and Jack ambled along a handmade trail in the woods, for the most part in silence, just taking in the scenery and the clean, unblemished air. Jack would point out various places to her where times and events in his life took place. The lake where he has actually caught fish, the waterfall where he would play as a kid, the tree where he, and eventually Charlie, learned how to climb. Sam was astonished at how openly Jack has spoken to her since she arrived. She figured that he always kept so much about him a secret to protect himself. To keep people from knowing so much that they could judge him, or that he would need them. She didn't know if she should be flattered or frightened that he was sharing all of this with her. He might not feel that it's worth the effort to protect himself anymore. Either way, she would take advantage while he was being forthcoming and try to learn as much as she could about the man, hopefully finding a way to help him.

"You know, before I came up here, I thought this place would be too much like our missions to be a vacation. But the serenity and untouched beauty is remarkable. You can't help but relax out here," she commented while they continued their leisurely stroll.

"It's the only place I can go where no one dies and no one is trying to kill you. For a long time now, I've needed to know places like that still exist."

She gave him a loving look and linked her arm with his as they walked.

...

They spent the next two weeks in a similar fashion. Exploring his land, relaxing, and talking. He was still talking to her, telling her things she figured he never would have before. He told her about Sara, how he couldn't even look at her after he killed their son and let her down so badly. How when he got the divorce papers, he knew he deserved it, and deserved to be alone for the rest of his life. He told her about Iraq. She had never cried so much in her life, and she couldn't believe he was still alive even before the incident with Kishar. His will to fight and survive was unfathomable.

This also brought the guilt rising in her again. As hard as these two weeks have been at times, they had also been the most calming and wonderful two weeks she'd had in years. Just his presence was enough for her to enjoy herself, while he seemingly did nothing but suffer the entire time. She didn't deserve him, and for all of her trying to convince him that he could make her happy, she wondered if she could even do the same for him.

"You all packed?" Jack asked her.

"Pretty much. I've got quite a drive to the airport, so I'd better get going soon."

"Thank you for coming, Sam. You don't know what it means to me."

"Jack, as difficult as it's been, it's been amazing, too. Don't thank me. I loved spending time with you. I wish you were coming back to the Springs."

"You're just aching to get me back in your chain of command, huh?"

She glared at him.

"I said the Springs, not the SGC. I just...I'll miss you. I wasn't lying when I said that being around you makes me happy. I just wish I could return the favor," she answered, her voice trailing off solemnly at the end.

"Sam, you don't get it, and that's probably my fault since I never told you. When we met, I was dead inside. On the first Abydos mission, Daniel convinced me not to kill myself, but that didn't mean I wanted to live. You brought me back to life. Your passion and excitement for life, your kindness, those incredible eyes, that gorgeous smile..."

She beamed one at him with her eyes tearing up.

"Like that. I felt things again other than emptiness and death. Since you've been here, none of that has changed. Yes, I'm miserable. I don't know how long that will be the case. But I've had more enjoyable moments the last two weeks than I probably had the prior two years. You've pulled me back from the ledge again. Everything you did for me then, you are doing now. And if you want to try to keep doing it, I won't stop you."

Sam just stared at him, touched deeply by what he told her.

Jack walked up to her and kissed her softly on the lips. After a few seconds he broke it.

"I love you. No matter what happens, good or bad, just remember that."

"I know, Jack. I love you too," she replied, her eyes retaining the earlier moisture, though she fought to keep herself from shedding anymore tears on this vacation.

"I'll see you soon. Have a safe trip."

"Bye, Jack."

...

Jack watched Sam pull away from his cabin and drive off and pondered the events of the last two weeks. It appeared that Sam did it again, put a spark of life in him when he thought there was nothing left in him to ignite. When she showed up, he just wanted her to leave, to let him brood in his misery until he grew the balls to end it for good this time.

But she didn't deserve his anger, and he didn't have the energy to be the bastard that he apparently needed to be to get rid of her. Instead, he opened up and showed her everything, the miserable, despicable mess of a man that she claimed to love. Surely, he thought, that would run her off. Who the hell could love someone like that? Even Kishar knew that. But she stayed the whole time. She put up with his crap, shed tears over his pain, and finally got him to enjoy things again. He had no idea how she managed to do that.

Now, he had to figure out what to do next. He didn't really want to die anymore. If Sam meant everything that she said, he could even know what it was to be happy again one day. But did he deserve to be happy? Did he even deserve to live? Of course not. But Sam deserved to be happy, and from what she told him, he could do that for her. He didn't believe it for a second, but who was he to argue with a genius like her? Or was he just making excuses for selfish reasons? Surely she would be happier with someone else.

He sat down on the couch and leaned back while all of this ran through his mind.