Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 11: The Discussion
Someone tucked a blanket over his shoulder.
"Huh?"
"Shh. I did not mean to wake you."
"Professor?"
"Indeed."
Being 'tucked in' by Professor Snape was not something Harry would have believed could ever happen, at least not until recently.
"It was finally decided that I was healed enough to join the others in keeping an eye on you." There was something in his voice that seemed to suggest that Snape thought there was little reason to either expect something to go wrong or to anticipate Harry trying to sneak off somewhere.
"Anyone else here?"
"No." There was pause. "I thought you had decided to trust me."
Harry swallowed. "I'm sorry. I should have waited until after I knew you could react in private."
Silence for a moment, then a warm hand on his shoulder just under the edge of the blanket. "You were in no condition to make that your concern." The hand withdrew. "In fact, it should not have been your concern at all. What happened?"
There was no way either of them was up to this yet. "You stayed..."
"That... What... You weren't thinking like that. You needed to get those words out, whether or not it mattered so greatly to me. What made it so urgent, Potter?"
"Professor... I..." He felt like he was being questioned about the old potions textbook again.
"Damn." Snape's hand was on his shoulder again. "When you're ready. We're both emotionally reactive right now."
"I had to tell you. What do you remember me saying that night, about what happened?"
"That you had made it to the place between life and death, and been told you needed to come back to the living. And that you had promised truce with me until the battle was done, and been told why I have been doing the things I have done." The hand tightened on his shoulder. "You never said who you met there."
Harry wanted to just curl up and disappear.
"Potter?"
He just couldn't do this.
"Harry?" There was concern in Snape's voice.
It was odd to hear that kind of concern in Snape's voice.
Then again, with Voldemort gone he could risk it.
"I had to come back." It was all Harry could choke out. "I had to..."
The thing he wanted most at the moment was something not even the Resurrection Stone, if it existed, could give him.
"And you have already saved a very many other people's lives by doing so," Snape whispered, very close. "A great many." The hand left again.
It was worth it, of course it had been worth it.
How could it have not been worth it?
Arms gently around him. "Including mine. I hope you will accept my thanks for that, and for the bit of peace of mind I have no right to claim."
Harry tried to nod against Snape's shoulder, clutching at the center of the older wizard's shirt. "Had to. Horrible things were going to happen if I didn't."
"What sort of things?"
"You and Voldemort were going to kill each other, but he wasn't going to be mortal when it happened. And he was going to be resurrected faster this time."
"I was going to be able to kill him?" Snape seemed surprised at the thought.
"Not permanently."
"Doesn't matter."
"You would have died."
"Doesn't matter either. I could have..." he trailed off, voice rising in pitch slightly.
"And people would have died for it."
"I..."
He wanted to die.
Harry had wanted to wait to say what had happened. He understood now that he couldn't wait.
Professor Snape had built his entire adult life around avenging Lily Evans Potter, it suddenly seemed, that and defending her son. Voldemort and Wormtail were both gone now, and Professor Trelawney's role had been so passive that she still didn't know what she had caused: that left only one in the land of the living who had been actively involved in what had happened that October night.
If Harry had died, there wouldn't have been a clear reason for Snape to try for his own survival in the battle anymore. As it was, Harry was an adult wizard, almost of age by Muggle standards as well, and it was only a matter of time, maybe as long as it took Harry to leave the Hospital Wing, before it really would be time for everyone to let Harry fend for himself.
There was no time to wait, not as long as Harry had wished.
He tightened his grip on the shirt, hoping Snape would not notice. "Professor?"
"What?" The word was a pained growl.
"Get this in your head: She. Did. Not. Want. You. To. Die." Harry almost didn't manage to say all the words. As it was, it was only the strangled sobbing coming from Professor Snape that let him know he hadn't mangled the words past comprehension.
"It wasn't in those words, but..." he choked for a moment. He let Snape's shirt go. "It wasn't a hidden thing."
Snape shook his head, hair wild. "Can't be," he managed to growl.
"What reason would I have to lie about it? And what reason would I have had to trust you other than her telling me I should?"
Snape shook his head again.
"She told me that what you did the night of the battle was not Professor Dumbledore's plan." Harry loosened his grip a great deal. "Said you couldn't do what he'd wanted you to do, that you couldn't bring yourself to be the one to tell me."
"Potter..." It was a mix of sob and growl.
"Who else would I have trusted if I was told that?"
Snape didn't answer.
After a few minutes, he stopped looking so much like a cornered wild animal and seemed to calm down.
"She... she really..."
"She said you were the closest she ever had to a brother, even with everything you've ever done, and that if... if a lot of things hadn't happened you would have been like an honorary uncle to me." Harry took a deep breath. "And that you were sort of acting like one. Sirius was trying to keep me happy. You were more worried about..."
"...keeping you alive."
Harry nodded. "The Occlumency lessons were never going to work – and according to her, Dumbledore knew they probably wouldn't. But there were a lot of other times I should have listened better."
"Potter?" Snape suddenly sounded entirely like his old self.
"Yes, sir?"
"I am never letting you forget you said that."
Harry felt himself start smiling – he couldn't stop it. "I know you won't."