hey there,

sorry it took me so long. I will be able to post at least one more chapter this week, maybe two, but don't get your hopes too high. Real life is a b**** these day's and I'm really, really, really sorry I made you wait.

Thanks for all the support and the friendly bump (*wink*). I need the motivation, I really do. And I love every single review (or pm for the matter of fact), please keep them coming.

Okay, so this is a little different to my last chapters, it has a switch of places somewhere in the middle, please let me know if you liked it. I would write the next chapters like this one, but only if it suits you.

Yours Yana

On different ways

- Chapter 11 -

Joey cried as she passed the "Thanks for visiting Capeside"-sign. Bittersweet memory's flooded her with such an enormous impact, that she parked her car on the sideway and let her head fall on her steering wheel. She missed him already and she wasn't so sure at all, that going back was such a good idea after all. But she had to move eventually, staying would somehow mean to wait for him and living with the possibility of seeing him around frequently, without being able to be near him. And this would surely break her heart.

After a while she took a deep breath and wiped away her tears. She looked at her mobile, but withstood the urge to text him a good-bye and got back on the street. On her way back to Boston she felt less like Joey with each mile she drove further away from Capeside and closer to Boston. By the time she reached her street she was almost entirely Josephine again. Somewhat cold and bitchy, she closed up her heart and prepared for all the people she'd surely have to meet once she had unpacked.

The moment she got out of her car, she knew it would be easier to go back into her old life, than she'd thought it should be. But the heavy air almost literally hit her in the face as she stood in the drive in front of her parent's house. She already missed the fresh air, the birds and the constant bubbling of the creek nearby. Her two dogs came running barking and fawning towards her as they caught her scent and she felt bittersweet about it. 'Hey you boy's.' She knelt and patted them, but found herself thinking about, how excited Daniel would be with the two of them. As she'd told him story's of the two to get him to sleep as Pacey was in the hospital, he always wanted to see them one day and she promised him, that he would get to visit them. She just hoped, that she could keep that promise.

'Could this be my daughter's return?' Joey heard her father say form the stairs that led to the front door. She saw him standing there, her beloved dad, who always made the pain a little less stinging and the worries a little lighter to carry with only his arms around her shoulder. As she was a girl her favorite place has been his lap whenever he was around. And even at times he had been covered in work, he had always found the time to hold her, talk to her and most important, listen to her very carefully. Almost every time he'd came up with some wise word or at least with the comfort of having someone who knew. And as she grew up, he never ceased to found time for her whenever she needed him. He was the first to know about Benjamin asking her to be his wife and the first to know, she'd decided to get a divorce. He was always the first to know, because she just knew, he would never judge her. She looked at this tall man, clad in a house dress, he looked amazingly good. He met her eyes with his own and she felt her heart went out to him. Her father, with this huge beating heart of bis, with those kind eyes looking at her as if he already knew everything that was going on in her heart and soul. As he smiled at her, his arms wide open, she found herself literally falling into them.

She let out a breath of relieve as his strong arms wrapped around her and she took in his familiar scent and it smoothed her aching heart. 'Hello Josephine!' He said after a long while and she looked up at him.

'Hey dad.'

'It is good to have you back here again.' He told her, holding her close in a way only he could, making all the pain and worries suddenly seem smaller as they have had only a heartbeat earlier. Making her want to lay all before him in the childlike certainty, that he'd be able to fix it up for her.

She didn't say anything, just let him hold her. She felt like could stay in his arms forever.

'You seem awfully tiered, Josephine.' he said at length. 'Why don't you take a seat in the backyard and I'll join you as soon as I ordered us a tea and some bisquites?'

Joey nodded, suddenly aware that she must have been crying, she wiped her tears away a little embarrassed. 'Sounds great, dad. Thanks.' She kissed him on the cheeks as he held her by the shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes.

'You're very welcome, child.'

She walked around the house, to avoid meeting any of the employees. She didn't want to meet her mother either. Not that she had any differences with her, but all she really wanted was her father. And she was so unbelievingly happy, that he had been at home. Somehow he always seemed to be exactly where she needed him to be.

She sat under the arbor in her mothers rose garden, taking in the intense odor of dozens of different roses.

After a little while her father showed up, followed by a young employee. Joey smiled at her.

'Good afternoon, Alice.' Joey looked at the young woman, which smiled back at her.

'Good afternoon, Miss McCarroll.' She dropped a curtsy and then placed the tea along with the bisquites on the white table, before she headed back towards the house.

'So, tell me, Josephine.' Her father looked at her, while taking his cup in one hand and a bisquit in the other, looking utmost soigné.

Joey sighed, placing her hands in her lap and sighing sadly.

'I fell in love, father.' She found her voice uncharacteristicly shaky and full of emotion. 'Really, really hard. Total unexpected and hopelessly deep.' She let her eyes wonder and her father remained still. Just watching her, as she sorted her thoughts. 'And I met my sister. She's amazing, you would love her, dad. She has a beautiful business and a wonderful little family. I bought a house there, as well. Thinking about moving down.'

'Tell me about him.' Her fathers voice interrupted her thoughts and brought her back to the main reason she left Capeside.

'His name is Pacey. He is...well, he's everything I could wish for, dad.' She felt her eyes sparkle at the mere thought of him and her heart ache, because she missed him so badly already. 'He's kind and handsome, responsibly and funny, but profound and caring. He's strong and I can spent hours just talking to him, or not talking for the matter of fact. We laugh together, go on picnics with his son. He's romantic and caring and he has such a big beautiful heart. He reminds me of you in the way he sees things, in the way he treads his son. And his eyes dad... I could drown in those beautiful blue 're as deep as eyes can possibly be. And the way he used to look at me, make my knees weak and my heart beating like crazy.'

Her father looked at her and nodded.

'And yet you are here and not with him. What happened?'

Joey sighed heavily and than she began to tell her father Pacey's whole story, as far as she knew it. 'And now I'm back here father, because...' She swallowed hard and closed her eyes in an attempt to force back the tears, that once more bubbled up in her. 'Because whatever chance I might have had with him, I just destroyed it.' She opened her eyes and looked at her father, aware of the tear, that stole it's way down her cheek. 'I just wanted to help him keep his son, but he...' She bit her lower lip and her father let her, without objurgating this time. 'He felt as if he had been my little charity-project.'

Her father nodded. 'And?'

Joey looked at him confused.

'…was he right?'

'No, of course not, I...' Joey fell quite under her fathers eyes. Taking a moment to over think everything. 'I mean... I don't know. Maybe I should have waited until he could give his permission, or as he finally was awoke, I should have asked him, but he would have never said yes father and...'

He father's eyes looked at her soft-gloved and so was his voice. 'At least it would have been his choice, Josephine.' Her father raised a brow and Joey looked at him, feeling abashed.

'Yeah, but...'

'I know, Josephine. But you degraded him. At least he feels that way obviously. Given his position and the possibility's you have just because you were lucky to be raised as only child in one of the most wealthiest families.'

'Yeah, I believe you're right.' Joey nodded at length. 'But, what choice did I have, dad? Honestly?'

'You could have let him fall, let him down, make his own mistakes. But that isn't you. You love this man more than I ever saw you love someone. And you love his child. You knew, it would break him to loose his child and so, frankly, you didn't had another choice.' He cupped one of her slender hands in his strong ones. Forced her to look him in the eyes. 'You were raised in the spirit of generosity without expecting anything in return, Josephine. And I'm very proud of you. You've done nothing wrong and still.' He looked deeper in his daughters eyes. 'All you could have done – and this is out of the question – is at least ask him. Tell him, by the time he was well enough to listen. Made him understand the urgency. Embedding him. Showing him pictures. Let him tell you, what changes he wanted to be made and which not. If he even liked the idea of a sofa bed or a chimney in the main room. Let him decide, what color the walls should be paint in. Make it clear to him, that if he wouldn't let you help him, he looses his son. And believe me,' he kissed Joey's hands. '...the moment that fact had have time to sink in, he would have let you do anything willingly. But as things are, I fear, you will just have to wait for him to realize it in the aftermath.'

Joey nodded and they sat in silence for a long time.

At length her father rose, but hesitated a moment.

'Josephine?'

'Yes, father?' She looked up. She still felt hurt and alone but comforted and so she managed a small smile.

'Don't make a report against his father.' He stated in a quiet voice and she looked at him with eyes full of disbelieve.

'But why in seven hells should I let him get away with it?'

'Because you won't do it without asking Pacey. You won't make the same mistake all over again.' He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and cupped her head in his hands. She sighed an then nodded. She watched as he left the garden and sunk back into the seat with a heavy sigh.

Joey sat in the rose garden, even long after her father left. And at length she flipped her mobile open and wrote.

JMcC: I'm sorry. Joey.

And in the long silence that followed, she decided to just wait.

Meanwhile in Capeside

'Hey Bess.' Pacey had his hands deep in his trouser pockets. He wore a Hawaiian shirt and had a sad look on his face.

'Hey Pacey.' Bessie came up to him, laying her hand on his arm. 'Are you all right?'

Pacey laughed an uncertain, quite bitter laugh. 'No...' He looked on the ground and shifting on his feet uncomfortable. 'No, Bess, I'm not all right. Not at all.'

Bessie looked at him knowingly, saying nothing. Just led him towards the outside suite, filling a glass with lemonade and offering it to him.

'Thanks.' He nodded and took the glass. His eyes searching the garden for his son and as his eyes met Daniels, the boy just turned his back on his father quite literally. Pacey sighed heavily and took a deep gulp off his lemonade.

'So' Said Bessie after a long moment of silence. 'Wanna talk about it?'

'No, actually.' He shook his head and chuckled. 'Not really.'

'Okay so – why did you come over? I didn't expected you, at least not alone. I heard you aren't allowed to drive yet.'

'No, I walked.' Pacey lowered his eyes and met Bessie's. 'She left me this and I'm not quite sure what it means.' He reached into his pocket and laid the key on the table.

Bessie smiled and reached over to pick it up. She lifted the key quite enough that it dangled in the air. 'This means you get the opportunity to work as a chef along with Bodie in the Ice House.'

'I... what?' Pacey's jaw dropped open. He stared at the dangling key as if it was some kind of a real bad joke.

'You can work as chef, if you want to.' She beamed at him. 'Sure, we have to do some rebuilt, refurnish, refurbish yada yada. But than...' She took one of Pacey's hands and placed the key into it. 'We have our own business. Like we always dreamed we would.'

He looked at her, his expression almost blank, but some dangerous fire began to blaze deep down in his eyes. His gaze forcing Bessie to explain.

'You're copartner at the Ice House, Pacey. In fact half of it belongs to you already.' She said, her eyes glistening with exitement.

'But... why... with what money?' Pacey didn't get it and looked at Bessie as if she had to be mad.

'Well, Joey...' Bessie began and Pacey got on his feet in a second.

'Yeah. Joey. I could have figured.' He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to laugh or to cry or to just yell at Bessie. Joey just so made him copartner and bought him half the Ice House. Had she at least thought about asking him? When did she get the right to just take control over his life? First his house and now this? He shook his head in pure frustration. 'Tell you what, Bessie. As much as I wanted that job. As much as I appreciate the effort. No, thanks.' He placed the key on the table, forced himself to be calm, because Bessie couldn't be blamed and if he would allow his emotions to boil over, they wouldn't get out of it uninjured. With wide steps he walked across the meadow, back where he'd come from. Bessie followed him with her eyes, wondering if she should say something, if she should hold him back but she decided to just let him go. She was sure, he would take the offer in his time.

Pacey walked home. A long way. He couldn't deny, that it bothered him. Everything. Oh hell, he would just love to take this job. He would love to have any job for that matter, but he just didn't want to get it on a silver platter. And he sure as hell didn't want half the Ice House just so. He wanted to earn it. To work hard for it and earn it for gods sake. And he was just so angry. He could feel the anger bubbling up inside him with such impact, that he was barely able to look straight. Oh, he could just punch someone in the face or crash something. Anything.

'God damn it!' He yelled while kicking some old can lying on the street hard against a wall.

He drove his hands through his hair in pure frustration. Man, he wanted her. Like real bad. Even though he kept his distance after that kiss, his mind spun around her day and night. If she just wasn't who she was. If she just was anybody, he had slept with her lightyears ago. He began to ran. Just wanted to get rid of her face in his head. Everything had seem so much easier to bear as she was around. They could so easily laugh together, they have had so much fun. They talked all through the night and Pacey had felt like finally being understood and unjudged and … well, and as if he really could come home in her arms. Hell, he missed her. Missed everything about her. Her laugh, her voice, the way she saw things, the way she treated his son. How she made both of them feel, like they had finally found the missing piece. But he was afraid. He couldn't let her near him, although she knew almost everything about him, he held back. Sure he wanted her, more than he had ever wanted anyone in his life, but than again, he didn't want her to want him. She loved him and honestly? It freaked him out. It scared him bone deep. If she just wanted him, physically, he wouldn't have a problem to obey, but he knew she wanted him to be her other half. And he was almost sure, it would work, because they just fitted together. But he just couldn't. Because he was sure, they would never be able to get equal in a relationship and he didn't want to be the handsome appendage of Miss Josephine McWhatsoever. He wanted to be seen as who he was, respected for what he had accomplished and not for things she served him on a silver platter.

Yeah, he was thankful for what she'd done for him. She was at the hospital almost all the time. Jack had told him, she was with him the day his heart stopped and without her, he sure as hell would be dead by now. She's taken care of his son. She'd taken care of his house and she had managed to create him the job of his dreams... No doubt, she would cover all the costs. And that was the point exactly.

He unlocked the door to his house and still felt like a stranger here. Yeah, it was nice. He even got hot water in the shower and it was recreative to lay his son to sleep in his own bed. Everything was nice and he could feel save here and comfortable, it was homely and warm. But hell! He crashed the door shut and while hanging his jacket on the new hall stand and putting his shoes on the new shoe board he felt nothing but distance and reluctance and he almost got a sick feeling in his stomach that took over his whole body.

She managed to made this a home someone could actually be proud of but really, he didn't want it. He didn't want any of it. Not her. Not her charity. And for sure he didn't want anyone's pity. He didn't want her to mother his son. Who, by the way, ignored him ever since he chucked Joey.

Pacey filled a glass with water and sat on the new, and without doubt comfortable, sofa. He looked at his mobile, that lay abandoned on the table since he got up that morning. He saw the massage light blinking and opened the chat.

JMcC: I'm sorry. Joey.

'Yeah, me too.' He whispered sadly and placed the mobile back where it had been lain before, without responding. Than he opened the back door and stepped outside, letting the mild breeze caressing his face and wiping his thoughts away.

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