Author's Note: Yeah yeah, I know I know...you haven't updated in a month who cares about the holiday season you are not supposed to have a life besides writing us stories blah blah BLAH BLAH! Okay, so I finally updated, and now you can all be happy! I have taken the liberty of answering everyone's reviews through the review reply system, so be happy! Yay! New chapter! More crazy adventures! Sweetness! Thanks for all your lovely reviews, keep them up...and oh ya, everyone say it with me: Sixty reviews! w00t!
Kyle sat there in the Chamber of the sages, and said,"Screw that! There is no way I am sitting in this place for a couple weeks waiting for my bonehead friends! You can give them their crossbows of Fire and Ice!"
"But Kyle-" Saria started, but without anyother thought besides 'I always wanted to do this", he yelled and backflipped off the stand! He felt himself falling through blackness, then everything became hazy, and some colors of blue and green all in different shades blurred together around him and spun and then - THUD! He hit some ground and felt everything spin and the colors contrasted sharply, the blues melding to form the sky and the green making the Hyrule feild.
"Dude, that was so awesome!" Kyle said jumping up. "Hey look, my horse, and Lon Lon Ranch...well I now have a place to stay for a while!" Kyle said as he hopped onto his brown horse.
He rode into the ranch and started unpacking his bags in the stables next to the hay stacks, he was just about done when he saw a certain redheaded teenager walk into the room, she said," And just what do you think you are doing?"
Kyle said,"Moving in for a while!"
She said,"And who gave you permission to do that!"
Kyle, clearly enjoying screwing with her mind replied,"The Taco Bell Dog at the market of course!"
She then said,"Oooh...okay!"
Kyle, clearly having the tables turned on him said,"...", well nothing I guess, he was to shocked!
"But if you stay, then you must earn your keep!" She said, pulling out a bucket of pig food,"Go slop the hogs!"
Kyle looked at her like this was the easiest thing he had every been asked to do, and said,"Whatever," He then grabbed the bucket and proceeded to dump it on Malon.
"Urrggh!" She yelled,"I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" And with that, she pulled a loaf of bread from out of nowhere, and brandishing it like a sword, started to chase after Kyle!
Kyle ran laughing his ass off and, after a long chase he ended up cornered,"Any last words?" Malon asked pointing the bread at his throat.
Duran popped out of Kyle's hat and said," Hey look, a furry monkey!" Malon screamed and fainted!
"Good one!" Kyle said, taking the bread apart and munching on it hungrily.
Meanwhile, Richard was just about at the Goron's Tavern...
Richard rode forward...well as forward as you can go on his horse! His horse was teetering side to side on the mountain path, as if someone let it drink a keg of beer, and Richard was scared that the horse would go over he edge! After a couple of hours (it is a lot bigger then it seems in the game!), Richard made it past Dodongo's Cavern, and as he passed he spat on the ground and said,"Good riddance!"
He passed the red flags, and then a while later he made it to the Goron City. He dismounted and walked into the cave-city, and was greeted by...silence. "Hello?" He called out. "Anyone home?" he then had to do it: "Echo!" and just like he said, his voice bounced around the caves.
"Yawn...what are you yelling about Richie-poo?" Said the freshly waking oblivious redish-pink faerie Frenette.
"Damn it! I thought that horse tranquilizer would have killed y-...I mean how are you?" Richard said.
Unbeknownst to them, our to travelers were being followed in the darkness that was the night time caves...
Joe woke up, black hair in a mess, sweating and screaming," RICHARD LOOK OUT YOUR BEING FOLLOWED!" He then looked around and upon seeing only his startled white horse and his makeshift camp along the Zora River, he said,"Damn voice! I'll get you!" And then he went back to sleep.
Anyways!
Richard had found a chest with a red tunic, and he then put it on, he cringed as he pulled the shirt over his head, which frizzed his brown hair and then he buckled down his belt around his waist, and complained how that made him look like he was wearing a skirt. He went on complaining about the rest of his clothes, groaning things about the tights and mumbling stuff about how the red cap made him look like Santa's little helper!
As he was putting on his cap he was startled by some heavy breathing on the back of neck! He screamed and fell over! He looked up to see a Goron and he said,"What gives? And who are you!"
The goron replied," I am Darunia's son, Dick, named after the boy who saved us so long ago! Who are you?"
Richard blinked and said,"Wha-what? Dick? Don't you mean Richard!"
The goron said,"Nope...my father said that he forgot your name and he was about to give up on naming me, but luckily a blonde-haired teen reminded him!"
"KYLE!" Richard screamed,"I'LL KILL YOU!"
The goron jumped back and said,"Well you got to go save my freinds and dad! They are in the volcano! The entrance is behind a statue in my dad's room!"
Richard groaned and said,"I'll kill Kyle for bringing up my middle school nickname...but first I must do this I guess..."
He then traveled towards the room, Frenette bobbing behind him giggling. He then went in and moved the statue, and went in. He stepped in to the firey blaze, and said," Oh my god I AM HOT!" as he doused water on his face.
"No your not!" Frenette said.
Richard growled and kept walking on, and he saw the broken down bridge that he was supposed to pass. He saw the post with the target on it, and realised that Joe had the hookshot! "Crap..." He said, and then proceeded to do the one thing he did when he was frustrated...blow things up!
Richard lobbed a bomb across the gap, and it blew up in a shower of flames, Richard dancing around and saying,"Fire! Fire! Hee hee hee!" And by total accident and to Richard's bewilderment, the base of the pole burned down, and it came crashing down to form a bridge!
Richard saw the Fire Temple, and he was about to go in when...
"Oh my god transvestite!" Richard yelled as Sheik appeared as if from nowhere! "Oh never mind it's just you..."
Sheik seemed to not hear him and went on to just teach him the song. At the end of the Bolero of Fire, Richard cut off his little girly poems and inquired,"Have you seen Kyle? If you see him again tell him I said-" But he couldn't finished as Sheik started twitching and muttering and having a flash back! Sheik then ran screaming!
"Man that guy is so weird!" Said Frenette.
"Oh I know..." Richard said going into the temple."Oh jeez!" Richard said dodging some pots that were flung at him by seemingly nothing. He then heard that creepy chanting in the background, and he then drew his Foursword and shakily progressed forward.
He went through many traps and mazes, and then finally freed the first Goron from it's cage...and after hearing it's useless hint, he wished he hadn't!
He walk into a room, and then he saw some fire gathering towards the middle. It formed into a weird dancing form that came at him and attacked! He swung his sword and the flare dancer flew back and dodged it. The flare dancer kept on hurdling fire and drawing back every time Richard got close enough to attack. Richard tried for fifteen minutes to get at it, when it stopped in mid-air and started smacking it's would-be fire butt. "Oh no didn't!" Richard said in disbeleif," You pay for that now!" and he hurled his sword at the disbeleiving creature and it exploded into embers.
"That's right!" Richard yelled in triumph. He then went on to solve a puzzle involving lots of climbing, running, and Frenette accidently making you bomb the right switch. He ended up finding a giant chest. He swung his sword and busted off the crude lock on it and reached into the chest, and pulled out a huge hammer!
Some how and for no reason at all he new that it's name was the megaton hammer, and he moved on throughout the rest of the maze.
He made it to the last caged goron, and as he had it halfway open, he heard the goron say,"I have a tip for you!" And he promptly slammed the cage door and walked off, despite Frenette's protests!
After much maze going, he made it to the final door.
After much suspense, he was finally went in, and stepped onto the lavaey platform. Out of the lava came a huge beast, all scales and feirce teeth. It was a dragon, and it's sleek body heaved as it breathed out a large blast of fire, a display of power; as it flew around wriggling like a worm in a way, it faced Richard and let out an almighty-
Oh nevermind...it crashed face first into a wall and fell into the lava! Richard and Frenette fell over with laughter!
"Oh my god that was the stupidest thing ever!" Richard said.
"Yeah, maybe you were so ugly that it just died!" Frenette giggled.
Richard was about to hammer the faerie, when all of a sudden the dragon's sickening jaws came flying towards Richard, but they weren't opened wide enough so it just bashed Richard over. "Ow! What the-" Richard yelled as he rolled out of the way of some flames! Richard then realised that he had dropped his hammer, so he yelled,'Din's Fire!' And, extending his palm, shot a blinding ball of fire into the dragon's face as he scrambled for the hammer.
He picked it up and hammered the temporarily blind dragon in the face! It came crashing to the ground, and Richard, putting away his hammer, and not even bothering to pull out his sheild, he drew his blade, reflecting the flames, and weilding it two-handed, he chopped it in the face. The Dragon screamed and flew up.
As it flew it strafed Richard with flames that he dodged, and suddenly the dragon landed and came at him with his teeth. Richard jumped back, and then forward again as he slammed the dragon in the face with his hammer. He then sliced it a new smile, and then pulled out his hammer again.
Volvagia dove into the hot ground. Richard searched around frantically. He found nothing.
He stood there, not knowing what to do, when Volvagia broke the ground and bit a chunk out of his side. Richard fell to the ground mortally wounded, and then slipped into the cool blackness, muttering,"Can't...give...up..."
"Richard!" Frenette screamed. Volvagia stood over his new meal, and was about to take a bite when Frenette swirled around Richard, and using every ounce of her magic, brought Richard back to health in a swirl of reddish pink sparkles!
Richard said,"Now your dead! " And brought the hammer crashing into Volvagia's face, and then used that time to put a two-handed sword thrust into Volvagia's face! Volvagia screamed and died.
Frenette was now the size of a grain of rice and barely seeable, her wings nonexistent! She groaned and said,"It will be another month before I am back to normal..."
Richard said,"Damn your cool...screw Duran's magic replenishment and Navi's stupid knowledge, you are the coolest faerie in existence!" Frenette seemed to grow brighter, and they stepped into the red light, and came out to the Chamber of Sages.
Darunia and the others were there, and Darunia said,"Good job, we have some stuff for you. Take this Fire Crossbow from Rauru, and this Biggoron's Sword my brother made for you!"
Richard said,"Thanks!" and using Frenette's magic to magically transport his Foursword and sheild into a a magical interdimensional space. He then slung the greatsword on his back and strapped his crossbow and some bolts on to.
He then said thanks and chatted with the sages, and was teleported just outside the castle.
A/N: Tell me if you loved/hated it! And also, I want everyone to tell me what your favorite part was so I can know what type of action/humour is loved by my reviewers! Oh...and I almost forgot...if you don't review I will slowly stick an angry hornet into your ear while your tied down, and then duct tape it closed! cringe So review!