Episode XI- THE MACHINE
IntroIndeed, I seem to think I have found a solution to our problem, the harvest goddess told her enslaved sprite followers. It was a cool Autumn day, and the winds blew the leaves all around the forest with incredible force.
"Please don't banish us to the netherworlds!" Nic begged on behalf of his brothers. "I swear it won't solve anything!"
Oh, quit your yammering! the goddess snapped. I mean I have uncovered an ancient relic from my dimension that will help us in our mission to save the homeland!
"Y…you have?" the sprites were puzzled.
All this time we've been waiting for our savior to bring us to glory, yet we have done nothing to help him on his journey, she was speaking, of course, about Jack III.
"Speak for yourself," Nac whispered angrily under his breath.
What was that, Nac?
"Nothing, your fantabulousness!"
That's what I thought. Now, this machine, if used correctly, should help to magically correct our problem of understanding him.
The sprites looked at their employer in sheer awe.
"That sounds fantastic," Nic said with half enthusiasm. "But I have to wonder, how will he understand what we're saying? It isn't like he has ever learned how to speak a language…"
Yes, and this machine once again provides a solution. It is enchanted with a special item that temporarily allows us to hear his thoughts. That is, assuming that he hasn't been deaf since birth, his thoughts should come out crystal clear.
The sprites brightened even more at this.
I must warn you though, the machine is very old and very sacred. You must be sure that it is used correctly the first time, for it may only be used every one hundred years. The magic will only work for about a day, so you must make sure that Jack is quick in his actions.
"What happens if we use it more than once before one hundred years is up?" Nac wondered aloud.
If that were to happen, I assume it would destroy the person you used it on and anyone around it. But I could be very wrong, perhaps something far more dangerous would occur.
The sprites gulped in unison. It was then that the harvest goddess left them alone to test their machine.
"Great, now we just need a new plan," Nic stated the obvious.
"Maybe Jack has a plan…" Flak suggested.
"No, I don't want to test it until we come up with one or we'll have wasted our only day."
"Well, you never know what kind of ideas could be swimming around in Jack's head… maybe he does have something useful," Nac cowered a little, expecting to be hit by his elder brother for this.
"I…hmm," Nic thought a moment. "I suppose you're right, we are quickly running out of time. We'll go see what we can get out of him."
And so, the little sprites ventured off to the farm to, for the first time, gain insight into the mind of their savior.
Act 1
Jack III was plucking tomatoes when the sprites arrived on the scene. He hadn't noticed them when they readied the little device and aimed it at him ever so silently.
"Here goes nothing," Nic unleashed the transmitting power with the push of a button.
A few moments went by. Then a few more. Then Nic got mad.
"Hey! Turn around!" Nic kicked Jack III's leg as hard as he could. It didn't hurt, but it did manage to get his attention.
"Ah, bonjour, mes amis!"
"DAMNIT!" Nic yelled.
"Ca va?"
"Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit!" Nic jumped up and down furiously."
"Que'est que cais la probleme?" Jack III looked down in concern.
"Any idea what he's saying?" Nac looked at his brother hopefully.
"I understood 'problem'… I think."
"Did we use it correctly?" Flak wondered.
"We did, we just never expected him to speak a different language!"
The sprites understood immediately the impossibility of their situation, and that in bring the problem to the attention of the goddess, they were surely to be blamed for the predicament.
"Alright, we need to think long and hard about this," Nic tried to calm himself. "What language is he using?"
"Mexican?" Nac guessed.
"Is that even a language?" Flak pondered.
"No!" Nic bonked them both on the heads.
"Ahahaha, j'aime beaucoup mes petites amis!"
"Damnit, will you just stop thinking!?" Nic yelled at the deaf man. "We need to figure out what language that is and then somehow find a way to translate it."
"In one day? It's hopeless!" Flak cried.
"Shut up and think! Okay, now… what was the first thing he said in his mind?" Nic thought.
"Bone Joor!" Nac remembered this well.
"Alright, we need to find out what language that is… I'm pretty sure it is a way of greeting, so it should be easy to start at that. To the library!"
"They closed it down years ago," Flak reminded him.
"Well I… wait, what happened to all the books?" Nic cocked an eyebrow.
"Tony has them! They're right here somewhere on the farm!" Nac was overjoyed at this quick turn of events.
The sprites went right to work looking through all the books they could find in the basement of the farmhouse. It took them a while, but they finally came across a box of dictionaries, and found that the word 'Bonjour' was 'Good Day' in French.
"Well, we've wasted 2 hours, but now at least we can try and look up the words that come to his mind," Nic announced to the group. Unfortunately , when they went outside to find Jack III, he was nowhere to be found.
"Formidable!" the little device sounded.
"He's close!" they ran quickly to the old sheep pen where Jack III was amusing himself with his little dog. It appeared that they were playing Frisbee together.
"Ah, je suis fatigue," the device made it sound like he was almost out of breath.
"Quick! Fat Ee Gay! Look that up!" Nac bounced up and down.
"… I think it's like the English 'fatigue', meaning tired…" Nic and his brothers watched as Jack III headed inside the house. "This couldn't get any worse. You guys try and stop him from sleeping, I'm going to go and fess up to the harvest goddess," with that, Nic was on his way.
Nac and Flak jumped through the window of Jack III's bedroom and caught him in the act of getting into bed. They waved and jumped like idiots in an attempt to get his attention, but he had not yet noticed them.
"Geez, I love being bilingual, but thinking in French all day is getting pretty hard. Maybe I should try it out on Saturdays AND Sundays instead of just Saturdays now so I don't forget it completely."
Nac and Flak looked at each other in surprise.
"I didn't understand the word 'bilingual', but I definitely know the rest of those words!" Flak said.
"He's Canadian! I should have guessed!" Nac became very happy at this revelation. Running to the kitchen, he quickly found a pen and paper and began writing a message. When he finished he ran back into Jack III's room and presented it to him.
Jack, it is very important that you think in English today. We have been granted the power to read your thoughts, and we need your help to save the village from destruction!
"Impossible! I already did that when I found that special thread!"
Both sprites shook their heads sadly.
"So… you both know that I'm a closet Red Wings fan?"
The sprites both gasped. This was, indeed, terrible news.
"Nic can never find out about this, he'll lose all faith in Jack completely!" Nac shook in disgust.
"Damn, I just love how they hit, hit, hit! Injuring people is the only way to win a hockey game, you know?"
"I can't even look at him anymore!" Nac ran from the room. Flak began to cry.
"Oh no! Maybe I should have kept my mind shut about that… Jeez, I wonder what else they know about me… this is such an invasion of privacy."
Act 2
Nic returned to the farm a little bit banged up, as the goddess had dealt him a hard couple of lightning bolts for his failures.
"What has you two looking so down?" Nic asked his poor, upset brothers.
"Oh, it… it doesn't matter…" Nac sniffed.
"Hey, you guys! I think I have a few ideas about how we can save the village!" Jack III ran outside to join the sprites.
"You got him to think in English!? Amazing!" Nic was overjoyed.
"Okay, so the girls here are really easy. Why not just get them to sleep with the guys in charge?"
The sprites shook their heads no.
"Whore house?"
No.
"Porn videos!"
No.
"Can you guys get a hold of my parents for me? I really need them to come and take me home."
All three sprites gave Jack III the finger.
Aw, you guys are just pissed because of that Red Wings thing!"
"What Red Wings thing?" Nic looked at Nac and Flak.
"Uh… his cousin used to play for them," Nac lied.
"(GASP) That unholy bastard!" Nic looked sickly.
"I know, it's the kind of thing that would break your family apart," Flak sulked.
"Alright, so now we know that Jack is useless to us for ideas. Now what do we do?" Nic seemed to be talking more to himself than the other sprites.
"Fine but if I help you guys you really have to call my parents. What if we used the goddess pond as some sort of an attraction?"
The sprites froze. Could that really work? Could they get the humans to capture the goddess and exploit her pond for all it was worth?
"We would be free from her control for the first time in our lives…" Nic whispered. Gallantly, he looked Jack III in the eyes and smiled. With a simple nod, the deal was done.
"I'll write a letter to the amusement park committee immediately!" Jack III smiled at the dangerous game they were about to play.
"Only a bloody Red Wings fan…" Nac said incredulously.
Conclusion
Jack III's plan, surprisingly, was brilliant. Two days later, the fair officials arrived at the pond, optimistically hoping for an attraction way more thrilling to offer visitors than an amusement park. The goddess pond would become their property, but in exchange, the town would be able to keep living in the village for as long as they wanted. Tranquilizer dart guns all pointed at the pond now, as there were twenty men on sight for the expedition.
Carefully, Jack III stood back as he threw an offering into the pond. The harvest goddess arose from the shallow depths of the pond, too slow to retreat from the trap they had laid for her.
No! You, you cannot do this! she screamed as the darts hit their target. Nic, Nac, Flak! What have you done!? Without me, the village is… she was now fast asleep.
"We did it!" Nic rejoiced with the sprites in the bushes.
"No more bending to her every will!" Nac squealed gaily.
"I can eat whatever I want now!" Flak teared up.
Jack III was also happy now, because tomorrow, the sprites promised to call his folks and tell them he needed to be taken home.
When the rest of the town had heard what Jack III had done, they crowded around him and cheered for him. He was a hero, afterall! He had achieved what no one ever thought possible, and now the town would stay put.
Now, this would make a wonderful end to this story. Everyone gets what they want (except the harvest goddess), and they could all live happily ever after. Unfortunately, things would soon get much worse than they had ever been before, and Jack III's adventures in the village would take a fast turn for the worst!
Autumn the 20th
Well, all is well that ends well. It's really too bad that Jack III will be going home now though, he really pulled through for us in the end!
Nac.
THE END
(Words cannot express how sorry I am for abandoning this story for so long. My final year of university needed my complete focus, however, and HMTV went on the backburner. Rest assured, I am back! And for all those who have stuck around, I will be bringing a fan favorite back for next episode by popular demand! Keep reading!)