She's bored. Well, okay, no. She's not bored, exactly. She's just never been much good at doing nothing. Even before her mother's murder, she'd always had some sort of project, something to work towards. And now nothing.
She's restless, can't stop tapping her foot on the floor even as she watches Castle make breakfast. He turns the burner off underneath the pancakes, slides them onto a plate and comes around to sit next to her.
His hand falls to her knee, stilling her. "What is it? Why are you jigging?"
She meets his eyes for a second, bites her lip and looks down at their breakfast. The understanding, the concern on his face is just too much. "I feel restless."
He tucks her hair behind her ear, leaves his fingers against her cheek for a moment. "Okay."
She looks back at him, shrugs. "I don't know. We made promises for the future, but I don't want my whole life to be about you."
His eyes flash with hurt. "Thanks."
She flinches at the bite in his voice, the acerbic edge that cuts straight through to her tender, aching heart. She reaches out to squeeze his fingers. "Hey, not what I meant. You're-" she shakes her head, closes her eyes for a second. "Of course I want to share my life with you, I just feel like I need something else. I don't want you to replace my job. I don't want you to be a crutch. I feel like I need to do something, you know?"
He smiles, laces their fingers together. "Okay. I get it. Now eat your pancakes."
She closes the door, leans back against it, her chest heaving against the confines of her sports bra. It's really, really hot outside, felt like running through water, the air too heavy. She wipes a hand across her forehead, brushes her hair off of her face.
She feels good, endorphins humming in her bloodstream. She bounces a little on her toes, doesn't want her calves to cramp. It's been too long since she ran properly, almost three weeks now, and it was tough.
Tough, but now she's worked up, raring to go. She needs to find Castle. A bead of sweat slides down the curve of her breast and she shudders. Yeah, she really needs to find Castle.
He looks up when he hears her, hitting the keyboard shortcut to save his document and closing his laptop. "Hi, good run?"
She beams at him, comes over to stand between his legs, her hands in his hair. "Uhuh. Felt good to push myself. And I saw something."
He raises an eyebrow at her, his hands drawn to her hips without conscious thought. He just – when she's sweaty and her chest heaves as she breathes and she smiles at him like that – he can't stop touching her. "What'd you see?"
She straddles his thighs, sinks down into his lap and oh, shit, his mind goes blank. She closes her lips around the lobe of his ear and sucks and oh, God help him, he doesn't care what she saw anymore. He wants to see her. In his shower. Right now.
Afterwards, they have lunch at his kitchen counter. Just sandwiches and a shared bag of chips but it's so very domestic and his poor heart can't swallow it, won't allow him to concentrate on anything. Except the way the sunlight streams through the window onto her, casting random strands of her hair into gold, a fluid outline of light around her face. She's luminescent and beautiful and he still can't believe she's here.
She swallows a mouthful of her food, grins at him and then brings her hand up to cover it. He can still see her teeth, the stretch of her lips through the gaps between her slender fingers. "You distracted me. I was telling you what I saw."
He laughs. "I distracted you? Says the woman who straddled my thighs and draped her deliciously sweaty self all over me?"
She grins slowly, bites her lip likes she's trying not to smile but she just can't help it and it fills him up, spills out of him. "I love you, Kate. Do tell."
Her eyes soften at the edges and she puts her sandwich down, brushes her fingers together to dispel the crumbs from them. She links her fingers and drops her clasped hands to her lap, turning on her stool to face him.
"Okay, so I was jogging in the park and this flyer got caught in a breeze and flew up and stuck to my face." She lets out a soft hum of laughter, warm and fresh like summer rain, at the memory. He joins her, grinning, incapacitated by her easy amusement. "I pulled it off and I was just going to toss it in the nearest trashcan but it caught my eye and I read it."
She pauses, takes a deep breath in as she beams, her happiness pouring out of her eyes. He waits patiently, lets her have her moment. "It's to volunteer to play and read with elementary school kids whose parents work in the summer. They need one-on-one time with a caring mentor apparently."
His mouth drops open and she grins, pushes a chip past his lips. He snaps his jaw shut, crunches it, swallows hard. "Kate-"
"I know I don't really have experience with kids or anything but… I want to do something different. I've seen such awful things, had such a dark job for so long. This would be so different. I really want to do it." She looks down at her hands, suddenly nervous.
He reaches out to tip her chin up, have her meet his eyes. "It sounds amazing. I think you'll love it."
She grins, kisses his fingertips, unclasps her hands to hold his. "You think I should go for it?"
He holds up her sandwich for her to take a bite from, watches her chew for a moment while he organizes his words in his head. "I think this is exactly what you need. Something with structure but not long term commitment, something to fill your time while I'm writing, something just as worthwhile as what you were doing before, but in a totally different way."
She swallows, jumps up from her stool to snag the flyer from the fridge. "It would be from ten until one, so not a huge chunk of the day but enough time for you to get some work done. Only Monday, Wednesday and Friday, too."
He takes the flyer from her outstretched hand, scans it. She nudges at his hip with hers. He turns to her, has to laugh at the childish delight on her face. "Good. So we can still have lazy mornings four days a week." He makes his eyebrows dance at her, leers just a little bit.
She rolls her eyes, swats at his chest. "Is that all you think about?"
He wraps his hands around her waist, pulls her against him, his arms sliding up to pin her chest to his. He finds her ear, traces the shell of it with his tongue. "Four years, I wanted you. Four years, I waited. It's not all I think about, but it's what I'm thinking about a lot of the time. We have some catching up to do."
Her eyes swim with sorrow, regret heavy at the corners of her mouth. He kisses her there, feathers his lips up to her temple. She turns her head to bump her nose against his. "I'm sorry."
He brings his hand up to rest against her neck, his thumb stroking at her jaw. "Don't be."
She slides her hand into his back pocket, fingers cool and slender, making him shudder. "I wanted you too. But I wanted this more."
He kisses the end of her nose, chuckling softly as her eyelids flutter. "Call them, Kate. Tell them you'll do it."
She grins, bright and happy. "Okay. I will."
"Great."
She kisses the hollow at the base of his throat. "Suprasternal notch."
He pulls back, grins at her. "What?"
She kisses the same spot again, darts her tongue past her lips to taste him. "That's what this spot is called."
He laughs, slides one hand up to rest against the back of her head. "By all means, please continue your exploration of my suprasternal notch."
She's laughing even as her teeth nip at him, testing the fragility of his skin.