Part II: CHAPTER 8—No Fear in Love

Rey felt as though she had live fish flip-flopping in her stomach as she gazed at the lightsaber hilts covering the table. Each one represented a person who was now dead. She noticed a pair of identical curved silver handles and wondered who they belonged to. But her attention was quickly stolen by a carved wooden hilt that seemed so familiar to her. She reached out but couldn't bring herself to touch it, remembering the visions she had last time.

"That was Lowie's," Luke said, interrupting her thoughts. "I went back to give them all a proper burial."

Rey could sense a wave of horror and darkness coming from across the room. Cody leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, looking down at the floor. He had been there too, had seen the bodies. Rey forced herself to stop thinking about it.

Luke picked up a bronze lightsaber hilt with intricate etchings all across its surface. "This was your mother's." He held it out to Rey.

No, she couldn't take it. She couldn't let herself see what had become of her mother. That was too much. She had seen Lowie die, seen Han and Finn in her vision of what might have been. She couldn't have her only real memory of this woman be her death.

Luke raised his eyebrows, still offering the lightsaber. "You should have it," he said. "She would have wanted you to."

Looking at the hilt, Rey suddenly saw something different in the lines and coils covering the metal cylinder. Something told her—the Force perhaps—that this weapon symbolized hope, not death. She reached out to touch the smooth surface. At first nothing happened as she felt the weight of it in her palm. She liked how it felt. It was smaller than Rey would have preferred for herself, but it had an elegance to it that the blue blade hadn't. She imagined if she ignited it, the blade would feel controlled, not like the sparking, crackling saber wielded by Kylo Ren.

Then Rey began to see images, a face at first, pale and freckled and always smiling. Red-blonde hair whipped in the wind. The whole person began to take shape, a woman in a purple tunic, fighting unseen enemies with the grace of a dancer, her green blade lighting up the battle field.

Rey saw the woman lying in a bed, drenched with sweat. In her arms, a black-haired infant slept. A man's hand brushed the hair from the woman's face.

Rey saw a jungle, teeming with life, the woman and the man played with the black-haired girl. The vision became clearer, and Rey recognized Cody—and herself in the little girl's face. The sun was high overhead, nearly blinding. Then everything went dark. It was raining. The same place as before but the happiness was gone.

Sky ran into the clearing in front of a massive stone building. "You have to run!" she said, brandishing her lightsaber toward the path that she'd just come down.

"I'm not going without you," Cody shouted through the downpour.

Sky grabbed the front of his shirt with one hand. Her hair stuck to her face and water droplets flew from her lips as she spoke. "You have to get Rey out of here. They will kill you. And then they'll kill her. You have to go, Cody."

His gaze never wavered from hers. His intense stare revealed the agony of the choice before him. "I can't leave you," he said, so quietly that the storm almost drowned out his words.

"I love you," Sky said roughly then kissed him hard. She didn't repeat herself as she turned her back to him and raised her lightsaber once more.

Cody picked up Rey with one arm, letting her arms and legs wrap around him. With his free hand he drew his blaster. "I love you, Sky." She wouldn't hear him, but she would feel it. Then he ran.

"Mama!" Rey cried, reaching out as if she could pull her mother along with them.

But the distance between them only grew as Cody ran into the jungle. The last thing Rey saw was two red lights in the distance joining the green one.

~oOo~

Rey's fingers scraped against the rough wood as she leaned on the table for support. In her other hand, she still held the bronze lightsaber hilt. It seemed so innocuous now, just a cylinder of metal, warmed by her tight grip. A dark mood permeated the room. Not darkness like Kylo Ren's anger, but sadness bordering on despair.

Rey looked over at Cody, still staring at the floor. You left her? she thought. Why did you leave her?

It was a horrible thing to think. She couldn't even say it. He had to protect Rey herself. He couldn't do that and save her mother at the same time.

But you left me too. The thought came to Rey's mind before she could stop it. No, I can't think like that. He only did it to protect me.

Rey brought the heel of her empty hand up to her forehead as if she could knock out the unwanted thoughts. She rested her other hand on the table with the lightsaber pinned under it. Her breathing came in gasps.

A hand on her shoulder startled Rey, and she turned to see Luke standing next to her. He was looking past her though, nudging her in that direction. She followed his gaze to Cody who seemed almost glued to the wall, frozen in place. Part of her didn't want to go to him. Part of her was angry.

Beware anger... Master Yoda's voice echoed in her mind.

Rey left the lightsaber on the table and moved across the room to stand in front of her father. He wouldn't look at her. She brought her hands to rest on his shoulders. Still, he was distant from her. She moved her hands to the sides of his face, and then she began to feel his thoughts. Not words or images, but ideas. She felt the nightmares that plagued him, dreams of watching his wife die while he stood by helpless to save her. She felt his guilt wash over her, almost overwhelming in its scale. She tried to send him peaceful thoughts, comfort, the knowledge that everything would be all right, though she hardly believed that herself. His sadness was not diminished. If anything, it became stronger than ever, threatening to envelope his whole being.

Rey struggled for the right feeling, the proper response to bring Cody out of the darkness. Saying everything would be all right wasn't enough because nothing would ever be all right. Perhaps it was the nature of the universe that all suffered loss. Rey reached deep inside herself for what she did know, what she did believe. Hope was faint, but love was strong. If she had nothing else, she always had that. Even when she was alone and couldn't remember her family, she knew she loved them. Nobody could take that away. She pulled Cody in closer, letting his head rest on her shoulder as she poured into him every spark of love she had.

And she forgave him. For leaving her, for never coming back. She let go of her anger and pain. They were together now. They couldn't get back what they lost, but that didn't have to destroy what they still had.

Rey felt Cody's arms around her, sensed all those feelings returning stronger than ever, multiplied by his joy at finding her again, his desire to protect her, his pride in what she had become. Rey's own feelings were pitiful in comparison, but they had been enough. Even the tiniest amount of love could stave off the darkness.

~oOo~

The sun had sunk below the horizon, leaving a yellow glow across the water that would soon fade. The smell of something cooking came from inside the hut, and Luke remembered how much nicer it was to eat whatever Cody decided to make than the rations he'd been living on for thirteen years. Perhaps he'd been a bit hasty in telling Cody he wanted to be alone every time his old friend tried to keep him company during the first couple of years.

But thirteen years of solitude had cleared Luke's mind. He knew what he had to do now. Perhaps that was what made Ben always seem so wise. All those years in the desert seemed pointless to Luke at the time, but when one had nothing to do but think, one did a lot of thinking.

Luke sensed Rey's presence before he heard her coming from the hut. She walked slowly, as if lost in thought. If she had merely been coming to tell him dinner was ready, she would have been faster.

Instead, she came to stand beside him as he looked out over the water. "It's so beautiful here," she said with a kind of conviction usually absent from such small talk.

"Growing up in the desert makes you appreciate anything else," Luke replied.

"Is that why you left me there?"

"I was referring to my childhood on Tatooine."

"I thought you lived on a spaceship."

"For a while. We had to leave."

"Why?"

Luke shook his head. "Ben never fully explained it to me, but I knew something bad had happened. Your grandmother might know the whole story, but she never liked talking about it."

Rey sighed. "It seems like every time I learn something new, it only leads to more questions."

"That's called being an adult. We all hate it."

That got a little smile out of her. "It's better than the alternative. I'd rather know something than nothing."

"Lesson one: there will always be more to learn."

"Does that imply there will be a lesson two?"

Luke cast Rey a surprised look. She gazed back expectantly. He hadn't consciously decided to train her, but he knew he would before she came back up the hill today.

"It's going to be difficult," he said.

Rey nodded eagerly.

"And take a long time," Luke continued.

"But I'm going to be a Jedi? A real Jedi?"

"If you succeed... yes."

Rey's smile got bigger, and in that moment, she looked so much like her mother it was painful to see. "We can start after dinner," she said.

~oOo~

Rey did her best not to hurry through the meal, though she had more than one reason to rush. Of course she was eager to begin training with a living teacher, but she was also always hungry. She didn't recognize anything on her plate, but it tasted almost as good as the fish, and several times better than portions and rations.

In the corner of the room, Artoo let out a frustrated beep, and Luke looked at him with a frown. "Not this again," he said.

Across the table, Cody seemed to be weighing whether he should side with the droid. "I'm sure you have a good reason for missing it," he said as if he would very much like for Luke to explain himself.

"Yes, I do." Luke glanced toward Rey. "We've got a lot of work to do, and not nearly enough time."

"The council seems confident."

"They always seem confident; they're dead."

"It's not as if she's entirely new at this."

"She also hasn't got a hearing problem," Rey said, not looking up from her plate as she shoveled in another bite. Though she couldn't see their faces, there was a faint sensation of sheepishness.

"Our lack of socialization must be making us rude," Cody said.

"This is really nothing compared to how Ben and Yoda talked about me," Luke added. "I was too old or too impatient. I'm merely being realistic about how difficult this will be. But it's always difficult."

"That's what all the ghosts—the council—seem to be saying," Rey replied. "But whatever we have to do, it's best just to get to it, isn't it?"

Luke nodded. "I suppose you're right. Have you finished?"

Rey scooped up the last few bites of dinner and nodded rather than speak with her mouth full.

Luke stood. "I have one more thing to show you tonight. We can begin the more physical training in the morning."

"Guess I'll clean up then," Cody said, sounding as if he were used to it.

As Rey left the hut with Luke, she had to wonder if it were a challenge for her father to be constantly surrounded by Jedi and never quite part of things. He seemed all right with it, though, probably because he'd been doing it so long.

It was dark now, and Luke led the way toward the ruins Rey had seen when she first arrived. She had wondered if it was the Jedi temple Han had spoken about, but the events of the past few days had kept the question completely out of her mind.

Luke moved silently up the steps, undeterred by the shadows that seemed to take on a life of their own. At the temple entrance, he waved his hand and a row of torches along the wall lit up with blue light.

"How did you do that? " Rey asked as they walked into the main hall of the ancient temple.

"This place is filled with Force energy. It only needs a little persuasion."

"I thought the Force was everywhere."

"It is. Some areas are more concentrated."

They moved down a stone corridor filled with sculptures, damaged beyond recognition. Rey expected they were Jedi masters from thousands of years ago. Though she couldn't make out any of the faces, she imagined they were all looking down on her. She wasn't sure whether that were a good thing or not.

The passageways began to twist and turn, making Rey certain she would never be able to find her way out of this place again. They took another narrow passage, barely the width of Luke's shoulders. It ended in a set of steps descending into a circular room. There was moonlight coming from somewhere, and when Rey looked up, she saw that the ceiling was a perfect mirror of the floor of the cave, only where the pool was in the center of the cave, the ceiling opened to reveal the sky. Their footsteps echoed on the perfectly smooth floor.

Luke moved to the center of the room and turned to face Rey. "This was where the Jedi order began," he said solemnly. "Drawn here by the Force, people from all parts of the galaxy gathered with a common goal—to pursue peace and justice, to bring order to the galaxy, and to gain greater knowledge of the Force."

"What happened to them?" Rey asked, turning around to get a better look at the room. The pillars surrounding them looked like extensions of the ones below the ground.

"Time changes many things. The order became larger, more diverse, more organized. The Jedi Order of my father and your grandfather had become a political and social institution, having built their temple on the Republic capital of Coruscant. Though they had traditionally been peacekeepers, their role was increasingly militaristic. Which the dark lord used to corrupt them. I don't mean to say that Jedi shouldn't fight. That would be very hypocritical of me. By all means, we must fight if we truly care about justice. But our job is not to be soldiers or law enforcement. That's why I tried to build an academy. A place for the Force-sensitive to learn and grow without the constant threat of violence or the intervention of political agendas. But nowhere is safe from the threat of the dark side. No one can escape its temptation. And inevitably... some fall."

Rey could sense how difficult it was for Luke to speak of these things, even after so long. "Because he lost someone he loved?" she asked.

Luke nodded. "Loss—or the fear of it—can drive otherwise good people to the darkest places. Fear almost turned me into a monster too. In the end, the answer is not to simply bury it or pretend it doesn't exist."

"It's love," Rey said, already understanding where he was going. "I can sense it in you, love for... your sister?"

Luke smiled sadly. "You are very perceptive; don't let your senses overwhelm you. Yes, it was love for my sister and my friends that kept me from the dark side. The Jedi Order of my father's day often misunderstood, equating love with unhealthy attachment. But to truly love someone is to accept that we cannot control their actions or what may happen to them."

Rey rubbed her arms, suddenly feeling cold. "That's why... why my father left my mother?"

"She had to make her choice. I wish I could have saved her, saved all of them."

Rey took her mother's lightsaber from her belt, looking at the dull hilt in the moonlight. She couldn't fathom the loss Luke had endured. But he was still willing to fight for the light. She could see the pain in his eyes and feel the sadness that would never leave him.

"We can still stop him," she said. "We can protect the people we still have."

Luke gestured for her to join him in the center of the room. "You should make yourself comfortable," he said. "This will be a long night."

Rey moved to stand under the skylight. "What are we doing?"

Luke sat on the floor, crossing his legs. "We will meditate until sunrise."

Rey sat facing him. Sunrise was a long way off. She laid her mother's lightsaber on the floor next to her and settled into a comfortable position, closing her eyes. She could feel Luke's mind almost immediately, full and complex, shining like a sky full of stars. Rey let herself be pulled into the flow of his thoughts, feeling the Force swirling around and between them as if she could reach out and touch it. She lost consciousness of the physical world, sinking completely into the Force.

We're back to our regular posting. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep doing once a week after the first of the year, but we'll see how my schedule looks. Next week we check back with Rex, Finn, and Chewie on Ahch-To.