Dislclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist

Lady Monozuki: A big thank you to Orange Singer and wishfulliving89 for reviewing. I hope that you all will continue to read/review! I know that this chapter is short, but I decided to cut it off here.

Chapter Eleven: Direction

His eyes snapped open for the third time that night. His mind drifted back to the previous day, the source of his inability to sleep. The phone call made him realize two things: his vulnerability and his lack of recovery. No place in Central could be considered safe anymore. Military headquarters didn't bring him the same sense of security as it had before. Roy sat up and glanced at the window. He wanted to walk over there and stick his head out into the cool night, to try and cool himself down. But he was afraid of what could happen if he even stepped outside.

Ever since hearing that voice, he didn't want to return to his office. Hawkeye understood but made him agree to do some work at home during his leave. He gave her the benefit of the doubt, knowing that if he refused, she would make him come in. A shiver ran down his spine. He hated being in this situation.

"Damn it all," he muttered.

I thought I got over this feeling years ago. Now I feel like a coward for confining myself in here. I'm no safer here than I am at the office. What the hell is wrong with me?

Roy curled his fist and left out a growl. He hated being effected by something that took place so long ago. He rubbed his eyes. Even though his body begged for sleep, his mind continued to race on. Part of him wanted to forget that this even happened, but he knew that he couldn't let go. A hand traced over the scars on his wrist again. Even after seventeen years, he could still feel the rope against his wrists, biting and cutting deeper with each pull. Hands roamed all over his body, reminding him that he couldn't prevent anything from happening. The whip bit deep into his flesh and stung, leaving behind marks and stinging pain.

In that one incident, he lost everything. His family abandoned him, his friends drifted further away, and the carefree lifestyle he knew before disappeared. Mistrust and paranoia became his first feelings when meeting people. That's why he kept everything a secret…that's why he vowed to never expose his weaknesses again. A soft chuckle escaped his lips. He had failed. His kidnapper knew where he was and could come at any moment. His unrest would seem natural to anyone. But he detested his behavior.

Heh, there are two sides of me. A part of me is scared of what will happen to me and the other is determined not to be like this ever again. What a contradictory person I am.

He realized that now he stood at a crossroad. Two clear directions lay before him. He always knew that a choice needed to be made years ago. He never thought that a situation would arise that called him to do so. But right now, he could continue to live in fear or he could move on and find the bastards who destroyed Ed's spirit.

The choice seemed obvious in his mind…but he didn't want to take that road. Something kept him rooted in place, afraid to move on. His mind went back to that night when he found Ed. The teen reminded him too much of himself. The ordeal that he went through several years ago kept him from moving forward. His body shook.

The choice is clear. So why, why am I afraid to move on from this point? I built myself up from a point where most people would give up all together. But I can't get past this point. I don't know why that now I'm having trouble deciding where I stand. I always put other before me. I made that a part of my personal goal. When my parents left me, I decided to never let another person down. No…I let Ed down. I couldn't prevent the misfortunes of life from befalling him. Even though I strived to protect them, I failed.

Because of my weakness, I couldn't help him….

The words sounded strange, even in his mind. Why did that thought seem unfamiliar and distant? He frowned and tried to think of why. He knew that being with everyone of his subordinates was impossible. Going out of his way to protect them seemed like the logical solution. But even still, the teen disappeared from underneath him and ended up like him. No, that's not the real reason.

He sighed. That one word held all the source of his troubles. All he was concerned about was himself. He didn't stop to think about Ed's situation. That alone was the difference. His subordinates understood and could separate their own emotional problems in order to be there for others. Being supportive physically wasn't the only thing that people needed. They needed the emotional support as well, something he couldn't offer.

Because of my weakness I can't help him. I'm caught up in my past. I see this as my personal hell, not his. He's the one in the hospital bed fighting for his life and I'm…stuck. I can't get past this because I am afraid. I'm scared that if I solve this mystery, there won't be anything left to drive me. The problem isn't my past.

I'm standing the way of my own future.

Roy picked up his military jacket and walked out of his room. His mind continued to focus on his previous thoughts while his body acted on its own accord. Right now he needed to visit two places. One was the alleyway where he found Ed and the other was the hospital. He opened the door. The darkness that shrouded his vision made him hesitate. He stepped outside and headed down the road.

This is the path that I'm going to choose.