Jay's phone buzzed on the table, signaling a text from Nate. Jay was in the kitchen chatting animatedly to Zoey about Alicia, the relatively new fighter in the gym, so Zoey tipped the phone towards her while she waited for him to come back to the sofa.

More bills got here, Nate had written. There's no way we'll be able to afford them by Friday. Maybe we ca…

That was all that the preview allowed her to see. She quickly slid the phone back and sat back on Dad's couch as Jay returned. Fuck.

"…but she's a little firecracker, so you gotta fucking watch out. You better never piss that girl off, cause she'll say fucking anything to get one up on you. But Ryan seems to really like her. They fuck a lot, but they also fight a lot, too, so nobody really knows what's going on. I don't even think they do."

Zoey nodded. Jay handed her a ham and cheese sandwich, which she took a grateful bite of.

She wanted to help with the bills, but how? She wasn't ready to get a job yet… she couldn't regularly speak, which was kind of part of having a job. She'd always figured she'd spend a summer working in the arcade or a t-shirt shop on the boardwalk, but life happened and it didn't exactly work out. But she was older now, and she wanted to contribute somehow.

She thought back to the money she'd made in Arizona. It wasn't fun, but it was a lot very quickly. If she took a step up from blowjobs and did actual sex, she could charge more. WAY more. These stupid tourists would pay anything. Fuck. She was going to do it. That's what she was good for, after all.

An hour more with Jay and then she found herself putting on a skimpy dress and heading down to the beach.

Almost immediately, a cute guy came up to her. He was maybe a little older than her, clad in red swim trunks and a black snapback. Luck was in her favor, because her voice decided to come out. A few minutes after, he worked out that she was offering to sell him her body, and he eagerly agreed. They went back to a hotel a few blocks away, and within an hour, she'd made a hundred and fifty bucks. It actually felt good that time. He was so nice to her and she'd been so pleasantly surprised with the experience that she blew him before she left for no extra charge.

When it was over, he finally asked her the question that most people would have asked at the beginning. "What's your name?"

She leaned forward, gently spit the semen out of her mouth, and grinned at him. "Christina," she said, cum still dripping down her chin.

By the end of the week, she'd seen him three more times. Carson, his name was. He was from Nevada and was on vacation with his family. They were filthy rich.

He was the youngest sibling just like her, and he explained that it had been a bit of a struggle to get the whole group together since there had been a mix of college schedules and taking time off jobs, but it worked out in the end. He had two older brothers and one older sister. His dad was in the oil business, which was why they had so much money, and he'd divorced Carson's mom to marry his sugar baby.

Zoey listened, genuinely interested. It had been a long time since she'd had a friend, and it had been nice to hear about someone else that had family drama. He told her about the yachts they took out after dinner and the massive fire that he and his brother had accidentally set on one of the private beaches. Whoops.

Zoey made six hundred dollars in four days from just one sweet guy. This could definitely be something she could keep up. So long as she didn't get a pimp like her mom did, this could be really good for her. She would be in control, making all the decisions. She could have money.

On Thursday afternoon, she spent an hour in bed with Carson before his family flew home to Nevada. They fucked half the time and chatted the other half, and then she made her way back to Dad's. She dropped five of the six hundred dollars on the kitchen counter for Jay.

"What the fuck is this?" Jay asked, eyebrows shooting up.

Zoey shrugged and disappeared upstairs into her room.

"Zoey Grace! Where the fuck did you get this?"

She clicked the lock on the door and stepped into the shower. Carson was going home that day, but he'd told his friends about her, some of them locals he'd met while he was hanging out on the beach. She'd already switched her messages to come up as private on her phone; she never knew what these guys were going to say to her. She figured that out quickly.

When Zoey got out of the shower, it was mere minutes before Jay was knocking on her door. "Zee, what the hell? You need to come out here and fucking talk to me."

She cracked the door open and tapped her throat, acting like she couldn't talk. Oh, she was terrible. Her voice had been cooperating all day.

"I don't give a fuck. Where did the money come from?" he demanded.

She gave him a smile and started to close the door, but he stuck his foot in the way.

"If you're sucking dicks again, I'm gonna kill you," he threatened.

She shook her head innocently and shut the door.

Jay leaned against the wall. "Fuck," he hissed.

"So, how's the journaling been going?" Sam asked the next morning.

Zoey nodded.

"Good?"

Yes, she wrote on the iPad. She pressed the green button to send the word to Sam. Then she added, I wrote something like every other day.

"That's great, Zee. I'm glad. You look a lot better this week."

She silently huffed a laugh. I've had some time to adjust.

"To being back at home?"

Nod.

"How's that going?"

Okay. I've spent most of my time with Nate.

"He's your middle brother, right?"

Yeah. He's 22. Jay's the oldest and then Nate and then me.

"That's good right? Being with Nate, I mean." At her nod, he prompted, "So what didn't go so well?"

Zoey took a calming breath and started to slowly type.

My dad and Jay live in two different houses, remember?

"I do, yes."

Okay, so when I got home they were only letting me stay at my dad's. Which was fine because I didn't want to see my mom, but the longer I was there, the more I wanted to go back to Jay's. That's where I really feel at home, you know? But every time I brought it up they got weird.
Turns out my insane mom wanted them to move to a new house. It's only two bedrooms so Jay can't even sleep in a fucking bed. He's been staying on the couch.

Sam furrowed his brow. "Hm."

Zoey shrugged, her frustration written across her face. It's whatever. I was really upset at first but I'm okay now. Jay seems okay with it and that's what matters to me.

He nodded in understanding. "So… the journaling's going well for you, and you're transitioning back into being with your family. How are you doing with your self-worth?"

Zoey blinked at him.

He gave her a crooked smile and said, "You seem like you don't have too much respect for yourself."

Zoey thought briefly back to this past week with Carson. Now that she thought about it, Sam was probably right.

It's fine.

Sam nodded absently and jotted something on his notepad. She didn't bother trying to see what it was.

"And your voice?" he asked.

It works sometimes. Mostly it doesn't but there are moments when I try to talk and it just comes out.

"That's so great, Zee," Sam said. He looked happy. "That's huge."

She shrugged.

"It's a process," he reminded. "You're moving quickly as it is."

That much she could agree with.

"And the more you work through what happened to you, the easier it will be to speak. You're doing great."

She tipped her head sideways. You think my voice is working because I'm talking about what he did to me?

"I know it is," Sam affirmed. "You're not having to work so hard to cope by silence because you're coping in other ways now. You're talking to me, and you're writing your feelings out. Maybe you're doing other things that are helping too, like spending time with Nate. There are many different ways of healing, and it's different for everyone. But you told me that your mutism started when you ran away. You isolated yourself. You're not doing that anymore, Zee. That's good."

Zoey nodded slowly, thinking. I haven't cut myself in four days, she confessed.

"You engage in self-harm," Sam stated, staring at the iPad. He looked up at her. "You didn't tell me that before."

I didn't want to.

"That's understandable. What changed?"

Well. I think it was the journal actually.

"Really," he said curiously.

When I found out about the house I confronted Jay. And then I went home and normally I would have cut myself but all I wanted to do was write it down. I didn't even think about my scissors I just had to get it out of me. You were right.

Sam smiled. "Zee. That's incredible."

She looked away.

"I'm serious! That's a huge deal. Huge. You should be proud of yourself."

She nodded a little. Maybe she was.

"Zee, I need to talk to you," Lisa said, smiling ruefully.

Zoey got up from where she was watching Joe Daddy teach a kids' class and followed her into her office. When they got inside, though, it was unrecognizable. All the posters were down off the wall, the framed photo of Nate was gone, and her wall calendar was missing.

"There's been some stuff going on," Lisa said, drawing her attention back from the empty space. "I know you've picked up on at least a little of it, but it's been so busy… I haven't been quite sure when to talk to you. This is…" Lisa looked away and then looked back.

Zoey shifted nervously.

"Look, I don't know if Nate or Jay talked to you about me going…?"

Going? Where was she going? Zoey shook her head.

Lisa blew out a breath. "Okay, um. Well, you know things haven't been going so well between me and your dad."

Zoey nodded.

"Well, because of that, I'm moving back to San Francisco for a while to be with my family. I'm going to have the baby there." At Zoey's shocked and upset face, she added, "I know it seems sudden, but this is something I've been thinking about for a fucking long time. Since before you came back. Actually, I stayed almost a week longer than I was planning to because you came home. But Nate's out packing my car for me right now."

Zoey's eyes widened. Now?! No, she wanted to beg, please don't go. But her voice wouldn't come out.

"I know," Lisa said apologetically. "I didn't want to tell you, so I just kept putting it off, and now…"

Zoey nodded again, trying to be understanding. She knew Alvey was a pain, and Lisa wasn't family – she didn't have to stay. But Zoey had really thought that they could be together forever, especially with the promise of the baby. Disappointment was a massive understatement. And not only were Lisa and Alvey separating, but Lisa was leaving her.

Zoey looked down at the ground.

"I'm really sorry," Lisa murmured.

Zoey followed Lisa out of the office and through the gym to the parking lot where Nate stood, waiting. He gave Zoey a tight smile and then said to Lisa, "It's all in there."

"Thanks," she replied. They both reached up to shut the trunk together. She turned to him. "This is fucking weird."

"It's super weird," Nate agreed, tucking his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. "I don't like it."

Lisa sighed softly, taking in the two Kulinas standing together. She'd started to think of them as this mix between her siblings and her children, and now she had to leave them both behind. If it weren't for Alvey, she could stay. She could have stayed with his kids and let them be her family. God knew Jay would have taken care of her if she'd let him, would have welcomed her happily with open arms and an inappropriate joke. Oh, she loved all three of them.

"Hey, I got you something," Nate said before anyone could get upset. He dug in his pocket and grabbed a small, black box. It was the size and shape of a mouth guard case.

Lisa took it curiously, and Nate looked away awkwardly as she opened it. Nestled inside was a hot pink mouth guard; Lisa lifted it and read it out loud with a smile. "'Mama.'"

Nate shrugged.

"I love it," she told him genuinely, hugging it to her chest. "Thank you." She shut the box. "We're gonna talk all the time cause you're gonna have a ton of questions," she said.

"Yeah, I'll try not to bother you too much," he offered sheepishly.

"You better fucking bother me!" Lisa told him, giving him a shove for good measure. "I'll miss you."

They embraced, and Nate let himself rest his chin on her shoulder. "You, too," he agreed.

She let go of Nate and looked at Zoey. "And you," she said, curling a lock of Zoey's hair back behind her ear.

Zoey shut her eyes and squeezed them tight as Lisa hugged her.

"You call me whenever you want, alright? I'm always gonna be here for you."

Zoey nodded into her shoulder. She pulled back a little to kiss the older girl on the cheek.

"Yeah, I fucking love you, too," Lisa murmured.

As soon as the girls were separated, Nate stepped forward and opened the car door for Lisa. "You better go," he said, not unkindly. "Traffic."

"Yeah." And then – "Hey…"

"Yeah?" Nate asked.

"Can you…" It was clear Lisa was stalling, trying to think of something to say to make the moment last just a little bit longer. "Can you water my plants for me?"

"Every day," Nate promised, wrapping a comforting arm around his little sister as he spoke.

Lisa put her seatbelt on and started her car. She gave the twins a small wave and tried not to watch as Zoey turned her face into Nate's chest.

"Shh," he whispered.

Lisa couldn't help the tears of her own that escaped her eyes as she drove down Market Street and toward the I-10.

Jay sat outside with a bowl full of Cheerios and milk. The picnic table was a little cramped in the much smaller yard of the new house, but Jay was mostly okay with it. He sat across from Christina as they flipped through pamphlets that advertised rehab centers nearby.

"Mmm. Now this one is deluxe," Jay stated, holding up a brochure with a photo of the ocean on the front. He read slowly. "While based on a twelve step program, we offer a variety of evidence-based treatment modalities including – but not limited to – yoga and meditation, acupuncture, art therapy-"

"I don't want art," Christina breathed.

"Fuck art," Jay declared. "Art's off the list," he smiled. "Dialectical behavioral therapy," he continued, "very cutting-edge."

"It sounds expensive. We can't afford any of this," Christina complained.

"We're just… browsing."

"But why? We're broke! I don't have insurance," Christina hissed.

Jay reached across the table and gently took her fingers in his own. "You're not backing out of this. And we'll find the money."

Christina looked at him nervously, her chin wobbling as she tried to keep her composure.

"This is going to happen," Jay soothed. He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand like he used to do for Nate and Zoey after they had a nightmare. "We're not gonna live like this anymore."

It was 3pm, and Nate was still passed the fuck out in his bed. Jay pushed his younger brother's bedroom door open and crawled across the ground on his hands and knees. He whimpered softly, making sounds like a kitten as he moved. He climbed up on Nate's bed and leaned up to lick Nate's arm. He drew his tongue over his brother's shoulder, and Nate yanked it away, shoving Jay off and blinking awake.

"What the -?!"

"Wake up, sleepy head! We're having a party."

"What, right now?" Nate asked, annoyed.

"Right fucking now," Jay confirmed. "I mean, I imagine guests are arriving as I speak." He unceremoniously drew back the curtains. "Indeed. Why don't you power up, pal? Get some fluids in there. Ah!" He took a long drink and then passed Nate the bottle of rum. "Upsy-daisy. That's my fucking brother, dude," he grinned as Nate took a pull.

As soon as Jay's back was turned, the younger boy winced at the taste.

Jay dug swim trunks out of Nate's bottom drawer and threw them at him. "Here, toss on these shorts. And then, later, when we're cooked to fucking perfection, we can go see the Black House fights, to which your presence has been personally requested." He smacked his lips. "Oh, and uh. Zee's coming over. So just, be ready for that, I guess."

"What?" Nate asked. "Why?"

Jay shrugged. "Ryan said something to her about the party. She said she wants to fucking come, which is weird as hell. But I figure it's about fucking time she should see the house."

Nate shrugged in agreement and sighed as Jay left the room. He hoped there was cocaine.

Zoey showed up at the front door a few hours later and actually knocked.

"It's open!" she heard Nate call, but she waited until he actually came and opened it. It didn't feel right to just walk in.

"Oh, hey," he greeted. He seemed a little nervous to see her.

She nodded at him and stepped curiously into the house. It's little, she wanted to say, but her voice hadn't been working, so she didn't bother to try. It was definitely a step down from the (amazing wonderful perfect) home they'd lived in before, but she assumed the rent was lower, which she knew was better for Nate's stress levels. God knew Jay didn't give a fuck about his credit score.

"You want the tour?" Nate asked. He scoffed a little to himself. "It's really fucking small. I mean, there's not even much of a tour to take, but…"

She nodded anyway. She wanted to see where they'd been living while she'd been gone. All the time she was away, she'd kept picturing them in their house – the old house, she figured she should call it now. She kind of thought as long as Jay didn't get them evicted, they'd be there forever.

"Okay, cool. Here; uh, this is the living room, obviously. That's where Jay sleeps," Nate added casually, motioning to the couch. "And this is the kitchen." He led her into a teeny kitchen barely big enough for both of them to stand in.

She pursed her lips and looked at him, clearly upset.

"I know," he said, shrugging lightly. "It's… you get used to it, I guess. Uh, here, my room's through here." She followed him to a room with blue walls. Nate's bed took up the entire room – literally. His dresser was crammed into a corner with just enough space for the drawers to be opened, but other than that, the bed was all that fit. There were some clothes and shoes that lay discarded on the floor, and he'd put up some of the posters from his old room. Zoey felt better about that.

She gave him an approving smile. Then she peeked out back to where Jay and his friends were.

"You wanna go outside?" Nate asked.

She shrugged and then nodded.

"Alright, come on."

They walked together out into the backyard. There was a pool, and it was truly a good size. And the yard was fenced in, which was good as well. Jay had set up some music, and there was a table of topless girls sitting around Mac, who was dealing out drugs to them.

"Yeah! Fuck yeah, man!" Ryan cried as they walked out. He was grinning, clearly high as a kite. "Come here, man," he said to Nate, pulling him into an embrace. "Come here, big babe."

Zoey snorted a laugh, but all that did was catch Ryan's attention.

"Aw, Little Zee, my baby girlll," he grinned, tugging her into a hug with his other arm. She made a face as he squashed her against his sweaty chest. "Oh, I fucking love you two, you know that? I watched you guys grow up. I fucking love you. How the fuck are you? Where you been?"

"Chillin'," Nate answered. "We're good. We're great," he muttered, pushing his brother's best friend off of him. "Get – let go," he said, tugging Ryan's arm off of Zoey.

Ryan just laughed.

"What's up, Keith," Nate said, bumping the larger man's fist with his own.

"Hey- hey, Nate," Keith smiled, looking excited to be acknowledged. "Hi, Zoey."

She smiled back and gave him a wave.

"Get these kids some drinks, will you?" Ryan said to Keith, giving him a solid punch on the shoulder.

"Ah, that didn't take long, Jay," Nate called.

There was a girl nestled between the oldest Kulina sibling's legs, and the younger two watched as she untied her thin bikini top and let it fall into her lap. She settled back against Jay, and he slid his hands over her breasts. "Sex, weights, and protein shakes, young ones," he crowed at his little siblings.

They both rolled their eyes in perfect sync.

"Hey, what's – what's – what about you, man, what's up?" Ryan asked, smacking Nate on the shoulder. He was overexcited and speaking too quickly, and Nate was a little nervous, but Zoey felt comfortable; this was the Ryan she knew as a kid. "You taking some time off?"

"Yeah. I had to see what's good. I'm not really sure what my options are right now."

"That's good," Ryan said. "Hey, take it easy, man. Hey. Look at me."

Nate obliged, and Ryan knocked his shot glass hard into the younger man's.

"Give the body a rest, okay? That's right."

Nate and Zoey clinked glasses. "Salute," he muttered to her in Italian. She smiled and raised her glass a little as if to toast him back. Then they poured the alcohol down their throats together.

They took a few more shots and then Nate looked at his sister. "Hey, you wanna go down to the pier? Get an ice cream cone?"

She nodded.

"Alright, cool." He turned to Ryan. "Hey, we're going down to the beach."

"The beach!" Ryan cheered. "The fucking beach! Fuck yeah, man! Oh god, I love the beach."

Nate would have sworn that Ryan Wheeler had never been so excited about anything in his life. He chuckled a little in spite of himself. Then he said to Zoey, "Let me grab some coke and we'll go, okay?"

She nodded, watching as he went over to the table Mac was watching. He pocketed a white baggie and came back to her.

He bumped her shoulder into hers, and she smiled up at him. It was that blinding smile he'd missed all those months. Every time he missed her at night, it was that smile he saw, with light in her eyes and complete faith in him. God, he'd missed that kid so much. He smiled back. "Come on."

Twenty minutes later found the youngest Kulinas sitting in their spot on the dunes with their favorite vanilla ice cream. The ocean roared loudly in Zoey's ears, making Nate's silence – and especially her own silence – seem even quieter.

Zoey laid her head on Nate's shoulder and stared at the cloudless blue sky. There had always been clouds in Arizona.

"You okay?" Nate asked. He softly cleared his throat.

She swallowed and tested out her voice. "Yeah." It was gravelly and barely more than a whisper, but it made Nate smile, so at least there was that.

"Your ice cream's dripping," he pointed out.

She shrugged. Sticky fingers weren't a big deal, not anymore. She popped the last of the cone in her mouth.

"You know, when we were here last year, you told me you wanted to run away. And then you did."

Zoey looked away, chewing slowly.

"Anything else I should know?" he asked, but he wasn't being mean. He sounded concerned.

She shook her head.

"Really? Cause you told me once that you wanted to kill yourself."

She swallowed nervously at the memory but didn't comment.

"Look, Zebra, you seem better, but you're… you're not okay." He sighed. "Are you still cutting yourself?"

She wished she could crawl into a hole. This was supposed to be fun, not an interrogation.

"I know," he exhaled, even though she hadn't said anything. "I'm sorry, just. I'm fucking worried about you."

She cleared her throat twice and then whispered, "I'm okay."

Nate nodded at her. He knew better than to believe her, but he let it drop regardless. They'd been through enough.

Several hours later, Zoey headed to the gym for the Black House sparring session. She wore a pair of athletic shorts, a soft tank-top, and her gray Navy Street hoodie. She was on the hunt for her brothers, and she was excited to finally meet Alicia.

"You guys, quiet down real quick, real quick," Alvey called over the chatter. The fighters, coaches, and spectators fell silent. "I want to thank coach Kenny Johnson from Black House MMA for coming tonight."

Everyone applauded.

"A few things before we get started; there is no prize money obviously, and this will not go on your records. You all signed a waiver, so any damage that you inflict or is done to you is on your own. As agreed, Joe Daddy is gonna be officiating."

The Navy Street family cheered as Joe stood up.

"Yeah," Alvey smiled. "Okay, we're going to have three five-minute rounds. Amateurs must wear headgear. Pros, you do whatever the hell you want to do. Uhhh… there are no decisions, so you must finish. Coach Kenny, you want to say anything?"

The other coach stepped up to where Alvey was standing. "Let's fight hard, be safe, and have a good time," he said.

"Yeah, have fun," Alvey agreed. "Welcome to Navy Street."

Zoey turned to Joe Daddy and hugged him for luck before he went in the cage. Then she hopped up from her chair and resumed looking for Nate and Jay. She shook her head as she saw Jay, Mac, and Keith following Ryan into the gym. What a lame posse.

Alvey called Ryan away to talk to a sponsor, and the rest of the guys walked up to her.

"You seen your brother around?" Jay asked, giving her a hug. "The young philosopher king?"

She shook her head.

"Alright, we'll find him later. Come on. I want you to meet Miss Mendez."

Jay led Zoey back to the locker room. He knocked three times on the metal door.

"What?" Alicia called.

"It's Jay! I got somebody I want you to meet!" he yelled back.

She slid the door open and smiled when she saw the youngest member of the Kulina family. "Hey! Zoey, right?" she asked.

Zoey nodded, a little bit pleased that Alicia already knew her name.

"I'm Alicia Mendez."

"She knows," Jay supplied. "She, uh. She can't talk right now, but she was really excited to hear that there was a girl making waves around here."

"Do you fight?" Alicia asked her.

Zoey shook her head.

"Naw, she's just a big fucking MMA fan," Jay grinned, giving her an affectionate noogie.

Zoey pushed him off of her and ran a hand over her hair.

"This is your big brother, huh?" Alicia inquired, motioning to Jay.

Zoey rolled her eyes a little but smiled as she nodded.

"And Nate, too, then. Dude, that's got to be a fucking handful."

"Excuse me, Miss Mendez, but Nate and I are absolutely fucking delightful," Jay stated.

Alicia chuckled.

"Alicia, what the fuck are you doing?" Alvey called. "Stop talking to my kids and go get ready."

"Sorry! My bad," Jay cut in before Alicia could say anything. He turned to his sister. "Come on, let's go get seats." Then back to Alicia as he pulled Zoey away, "I'm sure if she could talk, she'd say it was nice meeting you!" Zoey whacked him.

"Nice to meet you, Zoey," Alicia smiled as she shut the door.

Ninety minutes later, Zoey was squished in a mob between Ryan, Jay, and Nate because Alicia had won. Everyone was chanting and cheering, but Zoey felt uneasy.

She took a few steps away from the crowd and glanced around the gym; someone new had walked in and was standing near the entry. He wasn't looking at her, but her blood ran cold anyway.

She darted around the Navy Street family, her breath caught in her throat. She made it to Lisa's old office and slammed the door behind her, locking it firmly and then checking it twice.

She sank down on the couch and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

Clint Walker was here.