Chapter Eleven

Regina's life had been in turmoil ever since she laid eyes on Emma Swan. Her daily routine had been completely altered. She no longer spent hours in her library reading, she couldn't focus for longer than five minutes before green eyes appeared to hunt her. She stopped taking long walks around her estate, the calmness of nature no longer enough to appease her wondering mind. The absence of friends in her life had never felt so suffocating before, she had never needed someone to talk to without fearing repercussion, someone to watch tv with, to discuss the weather. She never knew how empty her life was until she met Emma Swan. Emma with her easy smile, her goofy jokes, her easy banter.

Not everything had changed for the worst though. Regina found that she didn't need to take her anxiety pills as often as before. Dr. Archie had been glad to find she didn't need a refill to her prescription at all. Regina seemed more relaxed, no longer so focused on fighting internal and external wars. He could tell there was something else in her life that was occupying her thoughts instead. Dr. Archie was thankful for whatever or whoever it was. After the accident Regina had been involved in when she was seventeen, he had feared she would never fully recover. Regina had woken up that night, in the hospital, with no memory whatsoever of the accident, and with a growing anxiety only strong medication seemed to mitigate.

Now Regina seemed to have it under control. She knew it was because she wasn't focusing on it too much. Before she used to let her anxiety control her life. She would drive her car without a roof, always, for fear of being in closed spaces. She never rode the elevator or entered small, crowded rooms. She always medicated herself before boarding an airplane, but mostly avoided them when possible. Now she has other thoughts occupying her mind. She still avoids closed spaces but now she only thinks about it after the fact, an afterthought in the back of her mind.

That was just one of the effects Emma Swan had had in her life. Regina saw things differently now. She sometimes catches herself looking at people and wondering about them, what their struggles are, their dreams. She wonders if they know Emma, if she's changed their lives too. She knows it is silly. Eight million people live in New York, there's no way Emma has had an impact on even one hundredth of them. But Regina can't think of anything else.

She wonders when was it exactly that she fell for the blonde. She thinks it might have been the day she hugged her under the rain, when they went back to their bodies. She swears she felt a connection to the younger woman then, a need to protect her from the world.

It could have been sooner, that first day when she saw her fighting five men by herself. She remembers how her blonde hair had caught the sun, how her eyebrows had wrinkled in concentration. She remembers how confident Emma had seemed, how precise her movements. Regina had been captivated immediately.

It could have been anytime in between, she thinks she falls for her every time Emma smiles at her. That sad smile that graces her face every time she thinks Regina isn't looking. Or when she laughs with Regina, or more accurately, at Regina. The way her eyes twinkle and her nose scrunches up. It's mesmerizing.

It doesn't matter when, Regina concludes. What matters is what comes next. Regina needs Emma in her life. She will not let others get in their way, not even her mother. Regina knows Emma loves her too. She has to, there's something in the way Emma looks at her that gives her hope. When Emma looks at her, hopeful, earnest, resigned, Regina's heart contracts. She can physically feel her heart contract.

So that's why she went to Emma two nights ago. Waited for her for hours and opened her heart to her. No more lies, no more games. She needed Emma to know how much she had changed. But more than anything, she needed Emma to accept her proposition. Regina knows she's lacking, that she can't give Emma everything she deserves, but she wants to try. She wants to take the first step, move forward together, until they can no longer fight the world. Because Regina knows that day will arrive eventually. She loves Emma but she's not strong enough to fight the world for her. She knows she couldn't possibly win.

There will be so many obstacles on her way, she knows, the first one will be her mother, she still doesn't know how to get around her, but for now she hopes the older woman will stay away after the confrontation they had, Regina is confident that she succeeded in appeasing her. Next will be her grandfather, he will take her mother's side of course, threaten to take her position away, her inheritance, then the rest of her family, they will all be eager to contribute to her fall of grace, earnest to step on her to get farther ahead. But Regina will not let it come to that. She will find a way. But first she needs Emma on board. She doesn't want to do this without her. She needs them to try, to give this a chance.

She told her as much that night, and was grateful Emma hadn't cut her off right away. She stood there, listened to her emptying her heart. Emma hadn't said much afterwards. Just looked at her sadly, resigned. Regina knew this was too much to dump on Emma at once. So she asked her not to say anything right away, she suspected her first impulse would have been to back down, to say no. And Regina was not ready to let go yet. So she told Emma to think about it. To reconsider. Thankfully Emma had agreed and Regina went back home. Hopeful. Resolute to make it work.

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Regina had been wrong to think Cora would back down so easily. She realized her miscalculation too late though. She had been sitting down in her grand father's dining room with the rest of her family when she saw Milah come in on Cora's arm, she could feel Killian's unease when Cora announced Regina would be marrying Milah the following spring. When her grand father gave his seal of approval, all that was left to do was nod and smile for her mother. She almost wanted to get up and congratulate her on her bold but efficient move.

Killian had not been as complaint. He had left the table right away and after a while Milah had gone after him.

-"How far are you gonna take this? You are barely beginning, aren't you?"

-"Perhaps"

-"Why are you doing this Milah? You really shouldn't have come here"

-"I came because Regina's mom invited me. Couldn't really decline now, could I?"

-"Even if she had kidnapped you shouldn't have come here"

-"And why not! I wanted to come. I wanted to see you squirming in your seat, looking sad and miserable. "

-"What the bloody hell is your problem? What do I have to do for you to leave me alone? What do you want me to do?"

-"Before you can do that, you need to figure out why I'm doing what I'm doing, don't you think? Killian hesitated for a second, Milah went on "I know I've changed. I wasn't like this before, but thanks to you I've become capable of anything. What were you doing while I was changing like this?" Killian looked away, uncomfortable. He legitimately did not know what the fierce brunette was talking about

-"You know, a woman, no matter how ordinary can still become a queen, and no matter how precious, she can become a maid. It all depends on how she is treated. You want to know how far I'm going to take this? I guess you will find out the next time we see each other."

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Killian was mad at Milah, mad at Cora, mad at life, but mostly Killian was mad at Regina. What was she thinking going along with this? Why was she being so weak? So when Regina had approached him later on that night, begging to talk to him and hoping to reassure him, Killian had taken her phone in front of her and asked Emma out. He had enjoyed Regina's sad eyes when she heard Emma agree to see him right away. He knew his cousin had been unsuccessful contacting the blonde

Now he sat in front of Emma, in a small, cheap restaurant on 32nd street

-"I can't believe you brought me here luv" said Killian while looking around the place

-"I've come here with plenty of people before, the food is really good" replied Emma, suddenly starving

-"Never with a celebrity, though, am I right?"

-"I brought a celebrity's cousin once" she said casually, Killian's face fell immediately "Does it count?"

-"I really don't want to talk about Regina right now, luv"

-"Did you guys fight?" Asked Emma, curiosity getting the best of her

-"Lets just say she did something to upset me"

-"Yeah, that sounds like her." She agreed "She's not very considerate" they both sipped at their drinks, both thinking about the brunette

-"You know, I've met plenty of women in my time, but I still don't understand them. The first and last woman I ever loved recently returned to my life, as a villain. I'm not sure what to do about it."

-"All the villains in life are just people who've been hurt. All women, on their own crazy, messy way, are just looking for someone to love them. It sounds like there is a misunderstanding between you two"

-"I know. But she won't talk to me and tell me what it is. And in all honestly, I'm afraid deep down that I already know. I'm afraid to find out it was me who did something wrong, who hurt her so badly she became this way."

Emma looks at Killian drink his sorrows away. She thinks about Milah. She knows she's who he's talking about. She hadn't liked the brunette much at first, but she had learned to respect her. A week before Milah had approached her and apologized for her irrational behavior. She seemed genuine so Emma accepted her apology. She had been surprise to learn Milah was willing to marry Regina knowing the older woman didn't love her. She had easily told her that if Regina was going to marry for money, then she wanted to be the one she chose, but that she was secretly hoping love would prevail after all. She considered telling Killian as much, but she suspected Killian wasn't ready to hear it. He had some issues to over come first.

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A couple of days passed and Regina still hadn't heard back from Emma. She had called her a couple of times but the blonde hadn't picked up. Regina hated that they had regressed to that. She called Tim, and found out they were going to be at a resort in the outskirts of New Jersey in a sort of retreat for the academy for the weekend. She decided to tag along. When she arrived at the site Emma had been surprised to see her.

While Emma was wearing hiking boots and several layers of sweaters, Regina wore high heels, a purple fitted dress and a knee length black coat. She stood up like a sore thumb, but Emma didn't tell her to leave so Regina didn't mind it at all.

The first group activity was hiking. After settling down in the hotel the group hastily got ready for the adventure. August and Emma led the way, and as much as Regina wanted to keep up, she ended up sitting down at the side of the trail waiting for everyone to come back. She was frustrated and humiliated and exhausted, but sat there anyway. Eventually Emma made it back and took pity on the freezing brunette, she extended her hand and walked back the rest of the way with her. Regina counted it as a victory.

Back in the hotel the group split in two. They had reserved a big suit for the men and a single bedroom for Emma. August had tried to get an extra room for the brunette but Regina had insisted the extra expense wasn't necessary "We will behave, dear" she told him and refused to hear anything else on the matter.

Regina took a long shower before joining the blonde in their queen bed. After leaving the bathroom having changed into her pajamas already, she noticed that Emma was on her side of the bed pretending to be asleep. Regina found it amusing that Emma was so shy. They had seen their respective bodies already. They truly had nothing to hide. Regina was applying lotion to her calves when she felt Emma turn towards her "Sorry dear, did I wake you?" Emma blushed and reluctantly closed her eyes again. Regina smiled to herself. "Truly Emma, there's no reason to be so shy" "I know" replied the blonde. Emma sat down on the bed and pulled her knees to her chest.

"We don't have to talk if you are not ready Emma. I didn't come here to push you to give me an answer. I just wanted to see you. I've missed you"

"Yeah?" Asked Emma, tentatively. She had been fearing Regina wanted a final answer from her. She wasn't ready to reject her quite yet. Regina's confession that night had surprised Emma. She didn't think the brunette was capable of opening up her heart like that. Emma wanted to see more of that Regina. "Yeah" replied the brunette, smiling.

Regina sat next to her on the bed and brushed Emma's hair from her face, she put the golden locks behind fair ears. They looked at each other intensely. Eyes wondering from eyes to mouths. Regina smiled again. She moved her hand from Emma's face down her arm. Traced it with a single digit and smiled internally at the goose bumps she created. She then put her arm under the blonde's shirt and placed it right around her the blonde's heart. Emma caught her breath. Regina moved closer to her. "I loved your tattoo" she whispered. Emma placed her heart on top of the brunette's "you weren't supposed to see that." "Yeah well, I loved it." Emma's face morphed from startled to flirty. Noticing the new spark in the blonde's eyes and not ready yet to take things too far, Regina pulled back her hand from the blonde's grasp and moved it back to her face instead. She then kissed her sweetly on the lips "Good night Emma" The blonde was disappointed when the brunette turned her back to her. "Good night" she replied after a short while "Sweet dreams."

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Waking up next to Regina felt surreal to Emma. Sometime during the night Emma had managed to throw herself half on top of the brunette. Emma was awoken by a light warm breath she felt on her nose, she slowly opened her eyes and was met by Regina's face closer than she'd ever seen it. She stayed there and took the opportunity to just look at the brunette. She seemed so small, lying there with her hair covering her forehead. Plump lips slightly open. The scar on her lip exposed. Long eye lashes resting peacefully on high cheeks. Emma had missed Regina. She had spent long minutes in front of her mirror tracing her features once. Now she traced them lightly and smiled when Regina reflexively crunched her nose.

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Emma and Regina spent the next morning together giving each other shy smiles and yearning looks. August and the rest of the team had left earlier in the morning but they had chose to stay a bit longer. Regina chose to spend the time asking Emma about herself. They walked around the large estate while Emma told her of her childhood. Of her favorite memories with her dad. She didn't remember her mom much, she had died when she was only a little girl, but her dad she remembered clearly, she missed him dearly. Regina listened to Emma talk about her father as she felt her respect and love for the younger woman grow stronger. Emma was such a passionate person, full of love, full of life. Regina wanted nothing more than to stay close to her as long as she was able. Emma also told Regina about her dreams. She was very excited about the movie audition. Recently Emma had submitted her action video and was hoping to hear from them soon, the next rounds of auditions would be only 10 actresses who would learn a routine and perform it for the renown Hollywood director. Regina was confident Emma would get it. She had seen the blonde in action and knew she was the real deal. She wanted Emma so badly to succeed, but she also feared for her, her job was not something Regina could get behind easily, the risk of the blonde getting injured way too high for comfort.

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That evening Regina dropped Emma back at her house and then went back to work. She was approving the last details for their company's Christmas party (a prestigious affair with only 50 VVIP attendees) when she received a worrisome call from Killian.

He had stopped by Emma's house to pick her up for their rock climbing session when he saw Cora's car on her driveway. When he went inside Emma's house he found Cora yelling at the younger woman who had broken in tears. While going up the stairs he heard Cora mocking Emma's upbringing and shaming her parents legacy. He didn't know much about Emma's parents but he understood why Emma had failed to defend herself. Cora was a vicious old lady and knew exactly how to cause the most damage. Killian had gone inside and asked Cora to leave Emma alone. Cora had seemed satisfied at her actions and left a crying Emma behind with a smile on her face.

Regina hang up immediately and drove to Emma's house. She didn't even try calling her for she knew Emma would not pick up. She stood in front of Emma's house but no one answered her pleads. She then went to the academy, she knew Emma sometimes slept there over night. But Emma wasn't there either. Frustrated Regina went to confront her mother instead.

-"What did you say to her mother? How did you abuse her this time?" Asked Regina, hand on her hair walking one side to the other on Cora's living room

-"I did what had to be done dear" responded Cora, cooly. She looked up from her magazine and at once put it down, she had been expecting her

-"Why would you go to her mother? Why couldn't you just come to me instead?"

-"So that you can nod obediently and then do whatever you want afterwards? I'm done with your rebellious strike Regina. You have no idea what you are doing child. How are you going to handle your grandfather's siblings you know they are all waiting for you to fail"

Regina had been expecting this. All her mother cared about was prestige and power "I will handle it mother. I know what I'm doing. Don't ever go near Emma again"

-"You think I want to waste my time with that skank? Do you like her that much? I'm disappointed in you Regina. She doesn't even want to see you! She thinks you are worthless"

-"Did she say that?"

Cora could not deal with this insolence any longer "Fine" she told her daughter "Do whatever you wish with that girl. Go after her, embarrass yourself in front of everybody. Go ahead, give up all your money, position, and power. Everything you have, give it up for her. Do you think I am going to accept her eventually? That I'll grow complacent with time, with age? You'll give me a grand child and I'll welcome you back with open arms? You are mistaken Regina. That woman will never be invited to this house. She will never belong to this family. So go ahead do whatever you want, but remember my words."

That night Regina went back to Emma's house and knocked on her door. But still the blonde refused to acknowledge her. So Regina went back to her car and waited outside her apartment building. When Emma left for work the next morning there Regina was. Hair and make up slightly out of place, but looking as regal as ever. Regina saw Emma walking towards her, face washed, eyes puffy and got out of the car at once

-"I told you before that I would do anything Emma. Waiting at your door over night is nothing to me now" Emma refused to meet her eyes so Regina went on "It was absolutely freezing last night, you probably didn't know" still nothing "Emma, look at me." She took a step closer "I thought about it all night and I still don't know how to properly apologize to you"

"You don't know how?" The blonde finally spoke "why? Have you ever even apologized to anyone before? Probably not. You are probably used to getting away with whatever you want all the time" Regina looked at her, ashamed, not ready to defend herself. "Your mother is a piece of work, you know? She used to make me stand and listen to her curse my existence in her fancy living room, now she does it in my own house too. Now I have to think about the words she said to me yesterday every time I eat, joke, breath in my house. So don't come and brag about your eight uncomfortable hours, when I have to live uncomfortably all the damn time" Regina looked down, she knew Emma would be hurt, and she wanted nothing more than comfort her, but how could she when it was her own mother who had cause the harm? "Please leave me alone to my miserable life now, Regina, just go and have fun in your pretty fairytale life" Regina couldn't do anything but please Emma on her request and watch the love of her life slowly walk away.

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