A dream of falling startled Holly awake.
It took a couple of seconds to realise she was on her own couch, still dressed but with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She felt a pressure across her middle and leaned forward to see what it was. Her head throbbed.
A mop of blond hair met her gaze. Gail was sleeping in a crouching position on the floor. Her head resting against Holly's hip and her arm across her middle. Holly pushed up her glasses and couldn't help but smile. Gail looked so childlike and vulnerable curled up in a ball beneath her.
She reached out and touched Gail's hair, gently, not wanting to wake her. She ran her fingertips through her hair and brushed the nape of her neck. "Mmm" she hummed to herself, quietly. It was so good to have Gail back that she almost forgot how angry she was feeling.
"What the.."
Her fingers froze suddenly at the realization that Gail's hair was short!
She sat up suddenly to get a proper look, startling Gail from her sleep.
Gail began to sit up and rub her eyes. She peeked out at Holly who was looking directly at her. She froze also, at the sight of Holly's surprised face.
G: Hey?
H: Gail..
Holly's eyes were focused on Gail's hair. Gail instinctively put a hand to it and then stopped, squeezed her eyes shut and then open again.
G: Yeah, that.
H: Yeah that! You cut your hair?!
G: Oh Goddd.
Gail sighed into her hands and pitched her forehead down on to Holly's torso. She remained there in silence for quite a few seconds before raising back up to look at Holly.
G: I don't even know where to start, Holly.
H: Start somewhere. What's going on?
G: It's all just so fucked up. I mean, all I seem to do is cause trouble.
H: That's why you cut your hair?
Gail continued without acknowledging the question.
G: First there was Jerry and then Oliver and then, because of that, Sam.
Gail was waving her hands around now, talking quickly and almost incoherently. She didn't say much about what she was feeling most of the time, but when the floodgates opened, it was like a tidal wave, spilling out.
G: And then I read that message from Rachel and so when they came by to ask me about the undercover job, I thought, yeah, fuck it! But then I read your card after 3 months had passed and I was wondering all this time what it said, and I got your voice mails which sounded like you didn't understand that I thought you'd be lying to me and I wondered had I made a mistake? But then it had been 3 months and I couldn't just call you and ask you if you'd lied because now I was the bad guy who had just upped and left without even telling you. Then I got death threats..
H: Death threats?!
G: They think it's related to the undercover job but it could be the guy that abducted me - the guy that killed Jerry - making threats through somebody else. They really don't know but I thought it was better for everyone if I just hide and I thought this was a way I could do that without leaving.. You.. You know?
There was silence, except for Gail's rapid breathing.
H: What did I lie to you about, about Rachel?
G: The message, it flashed onto your iPad screen in London.
H: That message from Rachel? I.. I.. Literally scoured my brain and everything I own to try to work out what I did wrong, Gail. I left you a voice mail, one of MANY voice mails to explain that - as well as just about everything else I could think of. Didn't you listen to it?
Holly was shouting now.
H: I stripped myself of every tiny bit of fucking dignity I had to desperately reach you and explain my entire LIFE to you in the hope that something I said would pinpoint the thing I did wrong. Then, with the help of my friends, I let myself believe that actually YOU did wrong by ME and then finally that you maybe couldn't call me because of whatever job you were on. I have ridden a fucking roller coaster for you, Gail, only to discover it was just that shitty little message from Rachel that meant NOTHING!
G: You told me you hardly knew her.
H: That was true!
G: She said she missed your Sunday lie-in's.
H: She said 'lie-in' singular. And you don't deserve a bloody explanation anymore. You should have listened to the one I gave you when you had the chance.
G: I'm sorry.
H: Damn right, you're sorry. You're an idiot.
Those last words were almost inaudible as Holly broke down in tears into the palms of her hands. Gail got up from the floor and went to her, tentatively cupping her hands around her head and then, when she wasn't shrugged away, wrapping her arms around the brunette's body. Gail squeezed her eyes shut tightly, she knew she had done wrong.
G: I'm really so, so sorry, Holly. I have made a huge mistake and I regret every bit of it. I should have trusted you. There are no excuses but I have never, ever felt for anyone the way I feel for you. Please give me another chance to show you that I can be better.
Holly let herself cry like that for no more than a few minutes before breathing in deeply and unfolding herself from Gail. She looked into Gail's eyes and, with more sadness than Gail had ever seen from anyone, said..
I'm with someone else now.