Sorry it took me long to update. If anybody even reads this anymore. I hope that the length of the chapter makes up for it, it's actually twice as long as most of the others. I suck, btw. Bye.

So, we finally reached our destination – our house at the seaside.

The house is quite tall, but narrow. There are 3 bedrooms, each on one floor, and the kitchen and the bathroom are on the ground floor. I have no idea why I'm describing the house in my diary, I know how it looks, for fuck's sake. Whatever.
Quinn and I are staying in the room on the last floor, better say it, attic. It's basically my room now that my great-grandfather is dead. I don't mean to sound harsh or emotionless, but I didn't actually get a chance to get to know him. I never even tried, actually. All I remember about him is that he read a lot of books, and most of them are still here in his room, and he used to make really funny jokes about his wife, my great-grandmother. She passed away last summer, and he's been chillin' underground since autumn 3 years ago.
Anyway, there was a lot of shit around the room that we won't need, so Quinn and I spent about an hour shoving all that crap in the closet. We re-arranged the furniture a little bit, too. The room looks totally vintage, by the way, and I dig it. When you walk in, the first thing you see (read: the first shit you can stumble across) is an end table on which we put our make up, perfumes, hairpins, bracelets… And we put a mirror on the wall above the table. It's round, not very big but it's still a mirror, and the border is blue and made of plastic. It doesn't fit in with rest of the wooden furniture, or the flower-patterned sheets and rugs, but it'll work.
When you pass the, as I call it, wannabe make-up table, there's a round, wooden coffee table with flower-patterned tablecloth, and 4, also wooden, chairs.
At the end of the wall is a small window, and Quinn already took one of the chairs and put it in front of it. She also put all of her books on the coffee table. She says that this room seems like a perfect place to read, and she has a great view from the window. At least that's what she said. All you can see is a piece of sea, a lot of boats, and people walking through the town. Better than the view from my window, I see our neighbour's roof.

So, saying that you just walked into the room, that was the wall to the left. Right across the room is Quinn's bed and next to is my window. My great-grandpa had one of those awesome rocking chairs in this room, and I put it in front of the window as soon as I found it. Sitting on it felt a little uncomfortable, so I took one of Quinn's pillows to sit on. She'll never know that it's the pillow from her bed. This is my room, anyway.
On the wall to the right are my bed and my nightstand. Quinn doesn't have one, sucker. Though, she put like 5 of her books on it, saying that I might like them. Like I'll read them. Okay, maybe, if I'll be really bored.

We decided not to unpack because it'd be a lot of mess, and I actually like having a clean room for once, so we left our clothes in our suitcases.

I don't even know why I'm writing a stupid diary, I just found this empty notebook while cleaning up the room earlier and decided to keep it. It's nice, dressed in black leather, and every page has a place to write the date on in the upper left corner. I have no idea what date's today and my phone is too far away to check, so, no date today, diary. Sorry.
So, I wanted you to know what my room looked like. I really like it.

Until the next time I won't have something better to do,
Santana.

''What the hell are you doing?'' Quinn asked as she walked into the room.

''Nothing,'' I said and quickly hid the notebook under my pillow.

Not even a second later, my phone buzzed on the coffee table.

''Don't even think about touching it, Fabray,'' I shouted as Quinn started walking towards the table.

''Whatever,'' she said and rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest.

I got up from my bed and grabbed my phone.

Lunch.

''Who is it from?'' Quinn asked.

''My mom. The lunch is done. Hungry?''

''Starving, actually.''

/

So, I'm writing to you again. I don't even know why, it's fucking 4 am and I can't sleep. Quinn fell asleep hours ago.
It's the second day of our vacation, and it's actually not as bad as I thought it'd be. Quinn and I went to beach yesterday after lunch and we went to some club in the evening, but we didn't meet anybody interesting. Today we stayed in the house the whole afternoon, reading. I have no idea which book she read, but I started reading The Little Prince, and I actually like it quite much. I finished like half of it. I don't know why I didn't like reading before, it's relaxing.
In the evening, we took a walk to the beach. We met some cute guys. Actually, we watched them play the guitars until they came to introduce themselves. They're twins, 19 years old and they both have light brown hair and shoulder length hair. The only difference is that one of them has blue, and the other green eyes. The blue-eyed one, Matthew, reminds me of Brittany. Well, his eyes do, at least. Quinn took a liking to the other one, Francis. We're meeting them tomorrow morning for coffee.
I got pissed after I saw a missed call from Brittany. I could've talked to her while I was hanging out with them… Anyway, she texted me that she just wanted to hear my voice and that she misses me. How cute is that? Oh God, I can't believe I'm blushing while writing a stupid diary.

If anyone ever reads this, that's it, I'll have to kill them.

Love,

Santana.
No, I don't actually love you, diary, it's just what people write. Oh, and once again I have no idea what date is it, so I'll just put ''Vacation – Day 2'' to the empty space on your upper left corner. xo

''Hey, we thought you guys wouldn't show up!'' Francis said as he stood up and let Quinn sit in the chair next to him.

''Of course we showed up, it just took Santana a little while to find a way to the café.''

''Well I'm sorry that I wasn't here for three years so I got kind of lost,'' I said and rolled my eyes at Quinn.

''What are you girl having?'' the waitress asked as she approached us.

''Coffee with milk, please,'' I said without even thinking. I always order coffee.

''Warm or cold milk?'' she asked as she smiled at me.

''Warm,'' I replied and politely smiled back.

''And for you?'' she asked and looked at Quinn.

''Umm, cappuccino.''

''Coming right up.''

''She likes youuu,'' Quinn teased.

''Oh shut up, no she doesn't,'' I rolled my eyes.

''Well I hope she doesn't because we planned on taking you girls out tonight, and Matthew would be really disappointed if his date replaced him with some waitress,'' Francis said, smiling playfully at me.

When I thought about it, the waitress was cute. She had a long, wavy red hair, tied in a pony tail. She didn't seem much taller than me, though I couldn't tell because I was sitting, and she was, well, standing. And she had a nice body. And by body I mean boobs, because they really were nice.

''A date?'' realizing what the guy that Quinn was interesting in was talking about broke my from my thoughts and my eyes widened and I stared blankly at him. Yeah, I forgot his name, so what.

''Well, only if you want to. We thought we might show you guys around a little,'' Matthew said, smiling at me, as he took a sip of his coffee.

''I don't need anybody showing me around, I've been coming on vacations here since I was one year old,'' I tried explaining but Quinn interrupted me.

''We'd love to!''

''Okay, I guess it can't hurt…'' I sighed.

I immediately thought of Brittany. I have no idea what's going on between us, but it's something. I don't know if she'd like me going on dates with other guys. I don't even like guys, for fuck's sake. Chill out, Santana, have some goddamn fun already.

''So, what do you say about meeting us at the beach, same spot as the other day, 8 o'clock?'' Francis asked.

''We say we'll be there.''

''Hopefully on time this time,'' Matthew added, still smiling at me.

I forced a smile back at him. Don't wanna seem impolite to the guy I'm going on a date tonight.

''Here you go,'' the waitress said as she brought us our orders.

While she was walking back to the bar, she turned around and winked at me. I frowned a little, thinking whether what Quinn said was true. Does she really like me? Get real, Santana, of course she doesn't.

I looked around, from Quinn, who was sitting in front of me at the table, to Francis to my left, and then Matthew to my right, checking if they saw her wink at me too. They didn't.

I took a little bag of sugar and sipped it in my coffee, and when I took the other one I saw a phone number written on it with blue pen, and below it said ''Call me, A. ;)''

I raised one eyebrow and took my phone out of my pocket without even thinking and typed the number in it. I though about saving it as ''A the cute waitress'' but I typed just ''A'' knowing I won't forget who that is because it reminded me of A from Pretty Little Liars.

''So, you said you've been coming here since you were 1? I live here and I don't remember seeing you around before, and this town isn't that big,'' Matthew said, trying to have a conversation with me.

I looked at Quinn and she was flirting with Matthew's brother, smiling and touching her hair and stuff. Gross. I rolled my eyes and looked at Matthew.

''Umm, well, I actually haven't been here for 2 or 3 years now, and I changed a lot since then.'' I moved my position from sitting with my right leg crossed over my left one to turning to my right and putting my leg on the chair so that I could sit on it.

''That explains it.''

''So, what are your plans for tonight?''

''Honestly, I have no idea. Francis didn't even tell me that he was planning a date with the two of you tonight.''

''So, he's the one that makes planes for you, huh?''

''Kind of. I'm actually really, really shy.'' He smiled shyly and looked down at the almost empty cup of coffee that he was holding in his hands.

''It's alright, I'm not and I promise you there's no need to be shy around me.'' I took a sip of coffee and he looked up and smiled at me.

''What should I wear? I don't feel like wearing this,'' Quinn said as she looked down at her outfit.

I was in sitting on my bed, leaned on the wall, with a glass of wine in my left hand and a cigarette in my right one. I took a sip of wine as I looked over to Quinn to see what was the outfit she wasn't satisfied with.

A small laugh escaped my lips as I saw Quinn standing in front of her bed, wearing skinny blue jeans and a flower-patterned t-shirt.

''Well, maybe you should change your shirt, because it looks like you made it from one of the sheets.''

''I'm serious, Santana!''

I rolled my eyes knowing that she really was serious. She was always like this before a date. Or before school. Or before anything that involves going out of the house. Quinn was pretty much obsessed with her looks, especially the clothes she was wearing. Why couldn't she simply wear black like I do? It's simple but hot, and you can put any shirt you want on black jeans, or any jeans you want on black shirt. And you can put black Doc Martens boots on anything. I even wore them to beach today. I dare you to say that I don't look hot in a black bikini and those boots. And sunglasses. Hot and mysterious. Perfect.

''Wow, calm down. If you don't feel like wearing that why the fuck did you put it on?'' I asked and sighed.

''Because I have no idea what I want to wear! Should I wear a dress?''

''Wear whatever you want.'' I put the glass of a really good wine on my end table, replacing it with my phone. I wasn't that interested in Quinn's outfit so I let her make a complete mess of her suitcase digging through it looking for a better outfit and I logged on to facebook and the first thing I saw was a photo Brittany posted 2 minutes ago. It was a photo of her and some guy holding her really close by the waist and the description said we totally have to go clubbing together again, asap ;).

I guess I wasn't the only one going out with guys.

''What are you wearing?'' Quinn asked. I closed the facebook app and put my phone next to me on the bed, letting it slip from my hand.

''Um, this,'' I replied and looked down at my outfit. Which was way too hotter than Quinn's. Black skinny jeans, tight black t-shirt and black Doc Martens' boots.

''You look like you're going to a funeral,'' Quinn said as she searched through her suitcase for a new outfit.

''I look hot,'' I said and picked up a hairbrush from our make-up table and started brushing my hair.

''Is this okay?'' she asked as she took out a short, blue dress from her suitcase.

I put the hairbrush down and took a black belt from my suitcase.

''Put this on, too,'' I said as I threw the belt on her bed, ''and put on those new black shoes.''

''Thanks, Santana,'' she said as she started undressing herself.

I took the eyeliner from the table and started putting it on, but I couldn't help but take a look at Quinn's body in the mirror. It's just a habit, you know, checking girls out.

She put her new outfit on and sat on her bed.

''So, does Brittany know about your date?''

I tried to look at her in the mirror, but the bed was out of sight so I stared at myself for a couple of moments. I took the pink lip gloss and put it on, finishing my make up.

''What do you care? It's your fault that I have a date.'' I said angrily, with a serious look on my face.

I walked to my bed, sat on it and took the last sip of my wine.

''You didn't seem to complain about it this morning.''

''I didn't want that guy to think I don't like him.''

''You mean Matthew?''

''Whatever,'' I said and rolled my eyes for probably hundredth time that day.

''Why are you like this all the time?''

''What do you mean?''

''Well, most of the time you're quiet, in your own world and everything, but when you talk you seem happy and everything seems to be okay. But there are days when you're like this, cold and distant.''

Well, most of the time I'm thinking about Brittany and how everything would be okay if I was with her, wondering what she's doing, what we'd be doing if we were together, wondering if she's thinking about me as much as I think about her. And when I finally convince myself that I have nothing to worry about; I get out of my ''world'' and back to reality and I try to look as happy as possible. But sometimes it's hard. On days like this, it's hard. On days when I do things I don't want to do. When I go on dates with guys even though I don't actually want to. When I do things because other people want me to. Quinn would be disappointed if I refused to go, Matthew's confidence would be crushed… And then I remember I'm just leading him on. What if he starts liking me? What if eventually he falls in love with me? It happened before with guys. And I can never, ever, return those feelings. And then I remember I'm on a vacation and it'll be over in a week and I won't have to think about Matthew, and hopefully, I'll never see him again.

''It's nothing,'' I answer.

Quinn gives me a suspicious look and I continue, ''Leave me alone.''

I get up from my bed, pass her, looking at the floor the whole time. I walk down to the bathroom and lock myself in until I'm ready to deal with the real world again.

''Ready?'' Quinn asks me. I nod.

''Quinn told me all about the guys. You girls have fun tonight,'' my mom says with the biggest smile I've seen her wear in weeks.

Of course she's happy. Why wouldn't she be? I'm far away from Brittany and going out with a guy. Things have been weird with her lately. At first she liked Brittany, then she got all weird and I hear ''I don't think Brittany's gay'' from her at least once a week. That's why I never wanted to come out in the first place. That's why I never want her to know anything about me; she's never satisfied with who I am. I'm never good enough for her. Or anybody else.

I roll my eyes, again, and I just walk out the door.

Dear diary,

I miss Santana.

That's all. That's all that I've been doing today. Missing her.

Love, Brittany.