Chapter Eleven

"Shay! Call out!" Severide screamed, running across the building, desperate to find his best friend.

"Shay!" He yelled, as he found her lifeless, Dawson doing everything she could to bring her back to life.

"Shay! Come on, Shay!" He said, pounding her chest, pleading for her to come back to him.

"No no no no! Shay! No, Shay!"

"Severide," Dawson said entering his room, "Severide, wake up."

Severide opened his eyes and sat up, confused. "Dawson?"

"You were screaming Shay's name."

"Oh," he said, rubbing his face. "I had a dream that I was back in that building. I didn't mean to scream."

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I haven't had a dreams like that in a while. I guess it makes sense I would have one today. Has it really been a year?"

"Yeah. Hard to believe. Hey, I have a couple of things to do before shift, but I can hang out here if you want."

"No, I'm fine. Thanks though."

"Okay. I'll see you at the firehouse."

After she left, Severide tried to compose himself, but that dream really shook him. It had been a year, but it still felt like yesterday. Would be ever be himself again? Would he ever get past losing Shay?

He knew Dawson was struggling, too. She and Casey had been fighting for months now. Severide pretended like he didn't hear them, and he didn't think it was his business, but he felt bad for them.

Casey didn't spend the night at the apartment. He just couldn't take getting into another fight with Gabby. He crashed on his sister's couch and then came into work early. He was looking at his schedule, and he saw the date: May 13th. He had forgotten.

Their whole world had been turned upside down a year ago. How could he have forgotten? Dawson was probably upset and needed someone to talk to. He hadn't been there for her. He felt like such a jerk.

He was getting ready to call her, when Boden asked him to come into his office. "Have a seat," he said, closing the door.

"How are you, Casey?"

"I'm okay, Chief," he said, caught off guard by the question. "Why?"

"I know that today is going to hard. I just want to check on everyone."

"You don't need to worry about me. You should focus on Kelly and Gabby or Mills. That day changed his life, too."

"I'm going to talk to all of them, but Casey, right now I'm worried about you. I know that you've been trying to take care of everyone, and I appreciate that, but sometimes you have to take time for yourself."

"I forgot until I looked at the date on my schedule. I've been so wrapped up in my own problems... How could I not remember? Losing her has almost destroyed this house, and I've tried to be there for Kelly and Gabby, but I've done a terrible job."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You have helped them; you just can't replace Shay. I know this has been hard for you, too. I remember how devastated you were that day."

He nodded. "She was my friend, too. I had to be the responsible one because Kelly and Gabby couldn't function, but having to carry her body out of that building..." He paused, breathed deeply, trying to keep the tears away, "It was just so wrong. She shouldn't have died that way. We shouldn't have lost her."

The siren sounded then alerting them to a nearby fire. "Duty calls," Casey.

"Are you sure you're okay to work today?"

"Yeah, Chief, I'm fine, but thank you."

On his way to the truck, he and Gabby locked eyes, but she quickly turned away. He had to talk to her soon- they couldn't keep things the way they were.

After they got back from the fire, Casey cornered Gabby. "Hey, can we talk for a second?"

"Not now, Casey. Herrmann wanted me to do some training with him, and I have to clean. Besides, I'm really not in the mood for another fight."

"I don't want to fight either. I'm sorry for not being there for you today."

"Can we talk about this when we get home? I am barely making it through today, and I think another talk may push me over the edge."

He nodded. "We'll talk at home. I love you."

"I love you, too, Casey."

She sat down on the bench and willed herself not to cry. This day was proving to be even worse than she imagined. She loved Casey so much and she wanted to be with him, but everything seemed to be working against them. She had her doubts whether they would make it or not.

Mills had hoped they would be busy to keep everyone's mind off things, but they had only had one call. He and Brett tried to keep busy by doing inventory on the ambo, but they had finished that and were now playing cards with Cruz and Otis.

"Brett, it's your turn," Mills told her, but she didn't respond. "Earth to Brett. Brett!"

"What?" She said, leaving her trance.

"It's your turn. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just... I love 51. You all are amazing, and I couldn't have asked for a better home. But I wouldn't be here if you all hadn't lost Leslie Shay. I guess I just feel guilty that I'm so happy here while everyone misses her."

"No one blames you," Cruz said, squeezing her hand. "Shay was great, and I miss her, we all do, but we like having you here, too."

"I started the same way," Mills told her. "A candidate slot opened up for me because Andy Darden died. I always wanted to be at 51 because of my dad, but I wish it had been under different circumstances."

"That's how I feel. How did you all keep working after she died? I can't imagine how awful it must have been."

"We had some time off so we could grieve and go to her funeral," Otis told Brett, "but the first shift back was the hardest."

"I wish that I had been here," Mills said. "I hated being away from everyone. I felt so useless."

"No one knew what to say or how to act. Shay was gone, Severide disappeared... I don't think Dawson talked to anyone for two weeks."

"It's hard to believe it's been a year," Cruz said. "I remember carrying her out of that building... I'll never forget how awful that was or how Severide and Dawson looked."

"Where is Dawson?" Brett asked. "I haven't seen her since our last call. I hope she's okay. "

Mills realized he hadn't seen her, either. He had been worried about her, but he didn't want to cause anymore problems between her and Casey. Right then he didn't care; he just wanted to check on his friend.

"I'll go look her her," he told the others.

He went to the locker room, but she wasn't there.

"Dawson?" He called.

He walked back to the shower remembering that she hid there a few months ago. He was right: when he pulled back the curtain, Dawson was curled up against the wall crying.