Author's Note: This chapter is guest starring some of my favorite characters from Chicago Fire. I've never written for them, so I hope I got them in character.

Erin twisted restlessly back and forth on her bar stool. The hum of the crowd at Molly's buzzed in the background, but Erin's thoughts were elsewhere. It was "her" night out with the squad, and she was counting down the minutes until she could make her escape. Antonio had settled in a few seats over from her in deep conversation with Gabby. The upcoming holidays was proving a difficult one for both siblings, and they seemed to need some privacy. Adam had disappeared into the bathroom hallway with Kim a while ago. Either they were fighting again or making up. Quite frankly, Erin didn't want to see and didn't care which it was. Glancing around, she knew Atwater was about somewhere. Always Mr. Social, he was probably making his rounds, talking to everyone and making connections like he usually did. This left Erin alone with her thoughts. Not exactly a great place to be.

At the end of shift, Adam had declared first round on him at Molly's. Jay had declined stating plans, leaving Erin to accept. She had hoped a night out with the guys might make everything more clear or at least give her a break from thinking about her relationship issues. Her thoughts had had such highs and lows over the last month, she didn't even know how she truly felt anymore.

Jay.

Thinking his name made her lift her drink and drain the rest of its contents. Maybe the whiskey would give her the clarity she so desperately needed.

For a few weeks, things had been perfect. Kicking ass at work and mind blowing sex at night. What more could a girl ask for? If Jay had been unhappy with their arrangement, he'd hid it well. Then over the last two weeks, things had shifted slightly. A few less nights spent together, Jay claiming plans, tiredness, a headache. But then he'd show up again, or tease her with a text to come over. He had seemed distracted. Erin tried to pinpoint what was causing the distraction, but she wasn't sure. Maybe it was Jay's way of keeping himself from getting too close. Only problem was that it was having the opposite effect on Erin.

Nights spent away from Jay were filled with an ache that she couldn't quite name. She was restless and irritable. She'd lay in her cold bed and replay their conversations and moments together. Every few minutes she'd check her phone, hoping for a text or a missed call. Erin felt she was acting like a lovesick teenager. She knew it was ridiculous. She had put these boundaries on their relationship. So why did it seem like it was easier for Jay to live with them than for her?

Gabby suddenly appeared in front of her. "Refill?" Erin nodded, and watched as Gabby filled her glass.

"How's it going?" Erin attempted to make small talk. Gabby and Erin had never been close, but they had shared a few friendly conversations over the last few years.

Gabby's smile was small, life was full of both blessings and heartache this year. "It's been a bit rough, but there's a few spots of sunshine lately." Almost involuntarily, Gabby's eyes lifted and met her boyfriend Matt's gaze across the room. Her smile spread a bit more fully across her face.

Erin glanced over her shoulder to see who or what had caused the expression, and saw a matching one on Matt Casey's face. "Hmmm, looks like you two have worked things out." She smiled to herself. The romantic in her always liked to see two people who clearly loved each other make it work. She admitted the hypocrisy of her own life made it seem like she might not believe in love, but she really did. Just for other people.

Gabby eyed the young detective. She didn't know too much about Erin's history. She knew for a bit that Severide and Lindsay had dated, but that seemed like it had fizzled out as quickly as it had begun. At one point, she had assumed that Erin and Jay had something going on, but she hadn't seen them in here together in months. Lately, Erin was always alone. In here with the guys from her squad, but most clearly, alone. Sensing Erin might be in the mood to talk, she lingered in front of her. "What's been going on with you?"

Erin's glance revealed a turmoil of emotions. She shook her head sadly, "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

Gabby tilted her head in sympathy, "Why don't you start at telling me about the best part of your day?"

Jay.

There was no hesitation in Erin's mind. Jay was the best part of her day. Had been for as long as she remembered. Even when they weren't together, even when he was furious with her, he was the best part of her life. The light that kept her from sinking into darkness. An anchor that kept her grounded. Her mind was a slide show of Jay. Jay teasing her about driving. Jay losing embarrassingly at Scrabble. Jay comforting her after a difficult day. Memory after memory flitted through her mind. Unknowingly a smile had played upon her lips as she had thought about her partner.

Gabby grinned at Erin, noting the slight smile that had crossed her face, "Seems like there must be something good going on in your life for that smile."

Erin laughed softly in disbelief, "I don't know. Sometimes it seems so hard. Sometimes it seems so impossible."

Gabby looked at her contemplatively. "I don't really know your situation, but can I give you a little bit of unsolicited advice?" Erin shrugged, but encouraged Gabby to continue. "Don't wait. Whatever is holding you back, confusing you, keeping you from what you want, Screw it."

Erin laughed at Gabby's advice, "Screw it?"

Gabby nodded. "Yep, screw it. Screw them. Screw him. Screw the job. Whatever it is that has got you sitting here instead of where you want to be. Screw it. Go and get whatever it is that you want."

Could it be that easy? Erin lifted her glass in salute to Gabby, "Screw it!" Simple advice but possible the best advice Erin might have needed. Screw fear of commitment. Screw being afraid. Screw Voight. Screw Bunny. Screw the unknown future. Go and get whatever it is that she want. She wanted Jay. Simple and clear as that. She wanted Jay. All of him. Partner, friend, lover.

Erin took a deep breath as she loitered in Jay's hallway. Not that long ago Jay had lamented that Erin knocking on his door at night was the equivalent of a never ending nightmare. She bit her lip in anticipation. She was pretty sure that after tonight, Jay might take back that statement. She lifted her hand and rapidly knocked on his door, her heart was thumping in her chest. A murmuring of voices behind the door, confused her brain for a moment. Her heart dropped while her mind tried to make sense of the voices she heard coming from inside Jay's place. Before she could fully process it, the door swung open, and she was staring face to face with a surprised Sylvie Brett.

The other woman laughed lightly, "You're not the pizza man!" She held a few bills in her hand as she had clearly opened the door expecting to pay the delivery guy. Her eyes focused on Erin for a moment, and she tilted her head in recognition. "Lindsay, right? You're Jay's partner." She looked over her shoulder into the room. "Jay, it's your partner."

Upon hearing Erin's name, Jay had jumped up from the couch and stood facing the door frozen. Erin's shocked gaze met his blue eyes. Guilt flashed all over his face. Erin gasped in disbelief, her mouth dropping open in surprise as the truth of the situation slapped her in the face. Jay was on a date.

"Speaking of the devil!" Sylvie brushed past Erin into the hall, as the expected pizza man apparently arrived. Erin could hear the transaction being completed behind her back, but she couldn't move. Her body was paralyzed as her eyes continued to be locked on Jay's. He, too, remained still, unflinching. Erin's accusing eyes searched his for answers, but all she saw was emptiness.

Erin couldn't believe fate. After months of pushing Jay away, wishing that he would find someone new, the night that Erin decides, screw it, she wants to be with the man she loves, he decides it's time to move on. Although thinking back on the last couple weeks, Erin imagines maybe tonight isn't the first night. Jay's sudden distractions recently were probably due to the woman buying his dinner in the hallway.

"Ah, excuse me," Sylvie attempted to move past Erin carrying the large pizza box.

"Sorry," Erin muttered, pressing herself against the entryway to allow Sylvie to move past. Pressed against the same wall that Jay has pushed her up against time and time again as he would rain kisses down her body when she would arrive. Erin felt like throwing up.

Sylvie's eyes flickered to where Jay still stood transfixed, staring blankly at Erin. Not moving forward or inviting Erin in. She glanced back at Erin, who stood as dumbfounded as Jay. "Ummm, we were just going to eat some dinner and watch the game. Did you want to join us?" She lamely added, not understanding the tension between the two partners, but clearly realizing something was amiss. She looked back and forth between the two, trying to figure out what she should do.

Erin finally broke her gaze to look at Sylvie Brett's face. Erin only knew the girl in passing. She had bumped into her on a few calls, and they hung out in the same general circles, but she didn't think she'd ever really talked with her. She seemed nice enough. Pretty enough. And she was dating Jay. She was dating the guy Erin was in love with. Realizing Brett was expecting an answer, Erin threw a quick glance back at Jay, who still stood numb in the living room but had dropped his gaze to the floor. "No, I…I…." She forced a smile to Sylvie that she knew was transparent. "I forgot Jay had said he had plans tonight." She backed away further into the hall. "Have a …ah… have a good night." Not sure if she could keep the façade up a moment longer, she spun and fled down the hall.

Turning slowly to face Jay, still holding the pizza, she shut the door against Erin's disappearing back. "Oohhhkay. That was awkward." She walked into the living room and shoved the pizza box into Jay's stomach. Not expecting it, he stumbled a bit and grabbed it. The action knocking him out of his daze.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I mentioned I had plans. She must've forgot."

Sylvie snorted. "Yeah, I got that story." She sighed. She liked Jay. He was a nice guy. One night last week they had ended up chatting the night away at Molly's after Adam Ruzek had disappeared with Chili to do God knows what. Similar interests in music had led to a lengthy conversation and an exchange of numbers in order to get in contact to loan a bootleg copy of a favorite local band's music. Sylvie had been pleasantly surprised when he texted her to meet up for coffee a few days later. Coffee had been… nice. While there hadn't been an immediate connection, she had appreciated the attention of the handsome detective. During coffee, they had made the plans to watch the game and eat pizza on Friday night. Not a hockey fan, Jay had declared that he could convert her if given the chance. Was there a romantic connection? Not yet, but Sylvie had been optimistic that maybe tonight a few sparks might develop. After seeing the silent tension between Jay and Erin, it was quite clear why nothing had sparkled between them. Jay was clearly in love with his partner. If her devastated reaction to seeing Brett in Jay's apartment was anything to judge by, Erin was pretty in love with Jay, too.

Sylvie dropped onto the couch and looked up at Jay, "Sit. Eat. Talk."

Jay gave her a strange look, "I'm not a dog." Although he sat, and opened the box, pulling a slice out for each of them and sliding a plate over to Brett.

Sylvie gave him a dubious look, "If the shoe fits..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jay, still reeling from Erin's quick arrival and departure, wasn't quite following Brett's train of thought.

Sylvie gave him a look that clearly made it seem that she thought it was obvious. "It's kind of dog of you to be asking me out on a date when you are head over heels in love with your partner."

Jay froze with his mouth open, a slice of pizza halfway to his lips. "It's not quite like that." He set the slice back down, an apologetic look all over his face.

Sylvie rolled her eyes but let a laugh escape. "Clearly it is."

Jay shrugged, "I'm sorry. I really am." He opened his mouth to explain, but then just shrugged again. He kind of threw up his hands a bit in frustration. "I can't even explain it in a way that makes sense."

"You guys aren't together?" Sylvie questioned.

"Not really." Jay sighed, "Not how I want us to be."

Sylvie looked at him sympathetically. While they may have started the night on a maybe date, she kind of felt like Jay needed a friendly ear right now. "I am pretty sure she's in love with you, too."

Jay snorted in disbelief, "She just doesn't want to be with me."

"Then... why was she here?"

Jay leaned back and rested his head on the back of the couch. He rolled his head to look at Sylvie Brett. Tonight was a disaster. Last week he had bumped into her at Molly's, and the two of them had enjoyed a great conversation about local bands. Brett had been obsessed when she had found out he had a bootleg copy of a local band's recent set. Jay had gotten her number without even thinking about it, promising to make her a copy. He hadn't even really thought much more about the interaction until the next evening. Erin had arrived at his apartment, but she hadn't been in the mood to talk, and she had slipped out of his bed just an hour later. Jay had lay staring blindly at his ceiling until the wee hours of the night. He had decided he just couldn't do it any longer. Every time she walked away from him, the pain was just too much. His heart was raw and aching. He had to try and move on. Remembering the pleasant encounter with Sylvie, Jay had texted her the next morning to meet for coffee.

Their coffee date had been…uneventful. She was nice, but there wasn't much of a connection. Jay had spent most of the time thinking about Erin. Deciding to push forward anyways, Jay had offered the invite to watch the hockey game a few days later. His confusion over the next few days had been evident. He both felt guilty for trying to move on, and at the same time, he was desperate to reconnect with Erin again.

Since he was unable to be honest with Erin, he decided that being truthful with Sylvie was the next best thing. He gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm really sorry. You're nice and all, but you're right. She's got me all messed up."

"Well, as your new friend," She emphasized the word friend, "I'd be happy to listen if you had something to get off your chest."

His loud sigh was rather melodramatic, "Well, friend, I'm in love with her, and she wants to have a no-strings-attached kind of relationship. I want more." He gave Sylvie a half grin. "Nothing really earth shattering."

"I don't mean to pry, but why doesn't she want to be in a real relationship with you?" She only knew Jay casually, but he seemed like a nice guy. Cute, charming, and all-round good guy. If Jay Halstead was in love with her, she'd sure as hell be willing to give a relationship a try. Giving Jay a once over, she thought about it again. He was cute enough she'd almost be willing to give it a try knowing he was in love with someone else. Maybe he had some weird dark and twisted side?

Jay allowed his mind to wander a bit as he thought about why Erin kept him, and everybody else, at arm's length. He knew her upbringing had been difficult. He had seen firsthand the damage that Bunny could inflict on Erin's self-esteem. Even Voight, who had taken her off the street and given her a family, tended to manipulate her at times. He's the one who had pulled the strings on keeping them apart for the last year after all. Erin just couldn't accept that Jay wanted her as she was. Her past didn't keep him from wanting to be with her. In fact, he admired her for all she had been through. It made him more proud to know her and be a part of her life.

Noticing that Sylvie was looking expectantly at him, he responded, "She's got some intimacy issues." He ran his hands through his hair and gave a slight smile to Sylvie. "She wants me to move on, find someone new."

Surprise filled Sylvie's face, and she pointedly replied, "No. She. Does. Not." She had seen the look of shock and betrayal on Erin's face when she read the situation in Jay's living room. That was not the look of someone who wanted their 'partner' to move on.

Jay nodded his head adamantly, "No, she has told me repeatedly. 'Find someone more like you. Find someone you can have a future with.'" He gave Sylvie an almost desperate look. "I'm just trying. I'm still just trying to make her happy."

She gave him a sly grin, "She does not want you to move on. I saw the look on her face, Jay. That girl is way in love with you."

"It doesn't matter." Jay slumped down on the couch dejected. "I've been trying to get through to her for weeks. Months! Nothing seems to work."

Sylvie turned and grabbed Jay's hands. "Listen. I know you and I aren't that good of friends, and I really don't know all the details of this relationship. Yet, I do know a little bit about love. It doesn't come along all that often. For some people, I think maybe it only comes once in a lifetime. If you really love Erin. Really, deep, true, honest love. Why are you here with me? You should be chasing that girl and begging her for another chance. If she says no, beg again tomorrow. She loves you, and you love her. If that means anything in life, then you two should be able to find a way to make it work."

Jay gave Sylvie a hopeful smile, "You really think so?"

Sylvie nodded vehemently, "Go." Jay, suddenly eager to escape jumped up from the couch. "And, hey, if she absolutely turns you down, give me a text." At Jay's horrified look, Sylvie laughed. "Kidding."

Jay walked Sylvie out and then made his way to his car. He probably broke a million traffic laws heading over to Erin's apartment building, but once there, he couldn't get himself to leave his car. He saw Erin's vehicle parked in its spot, so he knew she had come home after leaving his place. He just wasn't sure what exactly he was going to say to Erin once he knocked on her door. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but she already knew that. He needed to figure out a way to get her to push past her fears. Of course at this point, he probably should just worry about her not kicking his ass after seeing him on a date with Sylvie. Resolutely, he got out of his car and headed determinedly up to her building. He could sense a change. One way or another, tonight was the night. Either he was going to make Erin see the light, or he was walking away… forever.

Author's Note: I think there is probably only one more chapter left. Maybe two, at the most! Thanks to all who take the time to read and review! Much appreciated.