Chapter Eleven

The ride from the coffee shop to her apartment had been awkward at best, and now, walking into her kitchen, she's desperate for a glass of water and some space. Looking at him from the corner of her eye, she watches as he stops just inside the front door, his fingers twisting, his silent stare traveling around her temporary space.

She hasn't taken much time to decorate, unwilling to make this place into a home when she knows it's not somewhere she'll be for more than a few months. The walls remain bare, the trinkets and knick knacks she'd been able to salvage are still packed in boxes and stacked to one side, stuck in limbo, in transition, reflecting the rest of her life right now.

"Want something to drink?"

"Uhh. Yeah. Just some water, thanks."

He comes closer, stopping to lean against her fridge as she pulls two glasses down, filling them both from the tap. She can feel his eyes burning into her back, making the hair on her arms stand up and her hands shake just a little.

His fingers graze hers as she hands one glass over, making her pulse jump, and, being shorter since she'd removed her shoes, she has to tilt her head up to look at him. His eyes are dark, shuttered as though he's closing himself off from her, and she hates it. Hates how badly they've screwed things up with their poor timing and even poorer communication skills.

"Castle, Alexis was in danger last night."

His eyes slam shut, and he twists away from her, tearing his fingers through his hair as he begins to pace.

She won't let his denial or his agitation scare her away though, won't stop saying what needs to be said. "This isn't something that can just be brushed under the rug. Not when it's happened more than once."

Stopping suddenly, he spins to face her again, and anger burns in his eyes, turning them black as coal.

"Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?"

"I saw her last week at a bar. A fight broke out and she disappeared before I could really talk to her but she was drunk, Castle. Bloodshot eyes, shaky legs."

With two long strides, he's standing a hair's breadth away, looming into her personal space, and when he speaks his voice is low, tightly controlled, his hands balled into fists. "Why don't I know this already, Kate? She's my daughter. You had no right to keep this from me."

She refuses to let him bully her or confuse what's happened, and she stands up straight, her face only inches from his.

"I called you as soon as I realized she was gone. You never bothered to call me back, so don't you dare put this on me."

"You…" He pauses, staring over her head, and she gets a whiff of his scent. Woodsy and earthy, it forces her eyes closed, an unexpected wave of desire coursing through her veins. God, he smells good.

"What about the guy you were with?"

"Huh?"

She's hazy with him being so close, her brain slow to remember what they were talking about, and then it hits her. That's why he didn't call her back? Because he heard Josh on the voicemail?

"You could hear him?" she asks, her own indignation rising as she sees the confirmation on his face.

"Loud and clear."

"And that's why you didn't call back?! Are you joking? You don't have any claim over me, Castle. I can see who I want when I want, and it's none of your business."

A glum chuckle escapes his lips. "Don't I know it? You've made that quite clear."

She turns away, rage burning in her veins, her heart racing, and she rolls her eyes, trying to get herself under control. Blowing up at him won't help the situation, even though it's all she wants to do.

He can't possibly think she would wait around pining for him after he left the way he did, and she pushes away the niggling thought that, no matter how hard she'd tried to forget him, she actually did miss him.

Secretly, she mourns the loss of him, the time they'd spent together, can't help but wish she'd handled everything better. Been more patient. More vocal.

But he's been gone. He'd walked away without a second glance, one perky blonde ex-wife at his side.

Speaking of… She whirls around, fists clenched at her hips, her body tense as she locks eyes with him again. "And what about Gina? Where is she for all of this?"

He looks away, taking a breath before he cuts his gaze back to hers. His voice is steady when he speaks, and his words knock her to the ground. "We broke up. I haven't seen her in weeks."

"What? Why?"

He chuckles again, his shoulders shaking with the effort, but it's not right. There's no mirth; it's not the full-bodied laugh that she knows so well.

"You don't get it, do you?"

No. No, she doesn't get it. She'll never understand what happened, how she got them so wrong.

"She wasn't you."

Kate shakes her head, her hands trembling, the fight draining out at his confession, and she runs her fingers through her hair.

He appears in front of her again, but it's different this time. He's gentle, and when he touches her, she can't stop the shiver that races down her spine.

"I just want you."

Her skin is so soft, and he traces the line of her cheekbone before he wraps his hand around her neck, resting his thumb just under her jaw.

"I just want you."

She's quiet, frozen as he says the words, and he holds his breath. This moment will make or break them and it's all up to her.

"I broke up with Demming."

Her face tilts up as she speaks, the green of her eyes deep but clear, and he's a little surprised by her confession and the fact that she's brought it up now. On his better days, he'd figured as much was true – after all, she's not the type to agree to a weekend getaway with one man when she's dating someone else - but hearing her say it out loud lifts a weight from his shoulders he didn't realize he'd been carrying around.

He opens his mouth to respond but she beats him to it.

"Because I wanted to go with you that weekend." Breaking eye contact with him, she shrugs, her hands staying limp at her sides. "But then…"

"Because you wanted to go with me…" He says it to himself mostly, thinking back over that day, that terrible day and all the things they'd said to each other. She'd broken up with Demming because she wanted to go with him. She'd chosen him. "But you backed away. You said you'd made a mistake. You wouldn't even talk to me after Gina showed up."

"I was embarrassed, Castle!"

The outburst startles him, and she's out of his arms and across the room before he has a chance to stop her. She paces back and forth, her arms flying around as she talks, apparently unleashing every thought and feeling she's had over the last few weeks.

"I'm not that person. I don't let people in, I don't chase after things I can't control because the second I do, the second I let anyone see me, I get knocked on my ass. Tossed aside. Left behind."

"Kate-"

"And when Gina showed up it was like that was happening all over again. I waited too long to tell you I wanted to go so you just threw me away. Found yourself another shiny new toy to play with."

"Kate-"

"And I get it. I know I waited too long. I know I never gave you any reason to stick around, any reason to hope or to wait for me. I can see that now, but at the time…"

She stops pacing, turning to face him, defeat and disappointment written into the lines of her face, and his hands twitch. He aches to reach for her, to touch her, to fix this no matter what it takes, but he waits her out. Waits for her to say what she needs to say.

"I was embarrassed, Castle. I thought maybe I'd gotten it all wrong. Misread the signs. Maybe you didn't want me for more than that notch on your bedpost. Maybe I wasn't worth anything more than that to you."

"Stop. Stop right there."

He puts his palm up to halt her tirade because he can't take it any longer, can't sit here and let her think those things about herself or about him. He's had enough of the assumptions, and if this is ever going to work, it's time to get a few things straight.

"You're right." The look on her face at those words is devastating, as though he's confirmed every fear she's had about him, but he forges on, fighting for what he knows they can be together if they can just get past this. "You didn't clue me in. You turned me down flat. Multiple times in fact. Paraded your new boyfriend around in front of me - whether it was intentional or not - and made it crystal clear that you had other plans."

She takes a step toward him, opening her mouth to say something, but he shakes his head. He's on a roll now, and it's his turn to say his piece.

"But that doesn't mean what I did was the right way to handle things either. I shouldn't have jumped right to Gina and I know that now. Not just because of you or what I feel for you, but because I know that she and I don't work. We never did and I don't know why I thought it was going to be different-"

"No, Castle. Don't say that. You don't give up on people and that's something I've always admired in you. You don't give up, not even when I deserve it."

He sighs, his heart aching at the sadness in her eyes and the frown on her lips, and he crosses the room to her. Reaching for her hands, he tangles their fingers together, palms kissing, and he's never felt anything more right than her touch against his.

"But can't you see, Kate? You don't deserve that. We both made mistakes that day. We both said things we shouldn't have and we both pushed the other away." Touching his forehead to hers, he takes a deep breath, inhaling the sweet lingering scent of her coffee and something underneath that's unique to her. "But I don't want to push you away anymore."

She nods, the knock of her head against his jostling them both, forcing him to put an inch of space between them, and when she settles her gaze on him, offering a small, hesitant smile, he can't help the hope that rises within him. Could this be it? The breakthrough they needed?

"Castle."

Lightly squeezing her hands, he tries to keep the erratic beat of his heart under control, tries to stay calm as she decides what their next step will be.

"I'm so sorry, Castle. For everything. Everything I said and did, didn't say and didn't do. There's been no one else. No one but you for so long. I don't want to fight this anymore."

"What do you want?" He whispers, unwilling to break the spell, the connection he can already feel binding them together. "Tell me what you want, Kate."

"You. I want you."

His heart stops.

Never, in a thousand years, would he have imagined that hearing Kate Beckett say those words could feel this incredible, this empowering. It washes over him, the sense of peace, the freedom, and he lets go of her hands, choosing instead to cup her cheeks as she looks up at him.

Resting his forehead against hers again, he whispers his own apologies, closing his eyes to just be in this moment with her. He breathes her in, reveling in the warmth of her skin and the steady beat of her pulse until she surprises him with the gentle weight of her hands on his sides.

She tucks her fingers through his belt loops, tugging their lower halves together, and a surge of heat floods his senses at the feel of her body so close, the raspy sound of her voice in his ears.

"Castle."

"Hmm?" Brushing his nose against hers, he hums, lost in the feel of her so close.

"Castle. Why aren't you kissing me?"

He chuckles. There's the bossy, demanding Beckett that he knows and…

No. Not yet. He can't say that yet. Not even to himself.

Opening his eyes again, he sees the fire burning in her gaze, and it stirs his own flame, setting him alight.

"Kate," he murmurs, and she sucks in a ragged breath, the smooth roll of her hips pushing him to act. He tangles his fingers in her hair, twisting the strands into a knot as he tugs, positioning her exactly where he wants her before he covers her mouth with his.

He swallows the strangled moan that rumbles up her throat, his tongue swiping over her bottom lip, drawing it between his teeth. She tastes like coffee and dark chocolate, the combination intoxicating, and he sips from her like a man drowning.

And he is drowning. Drowning in her.

She whines when he separates from her mouth, but it turns into a hiss as he lands on the soft skin of her neck, dragging his teeth along the tendons before he sucks on the spot just behind her ear.

"Oh God. Castle."

He slips a knee between her thighs, wrapping an arm low around her hips as he walks her backward, one step at a time until they bump into her kitchen counter. Her spine bows over the cheap laminate surface, pressing her chest against his, and, pulling away just enough, he slips his hands under the hem of her shirt.

Spreading his fingers across the plane of sinfully soft skin, he uses his thumbs to pull the fabric up, exposing several inches to the cool night air. He looks up to catch her gaze, silently asking permission, and what he sees takes his breath away.

Her eyes are fixed on his every movement, pupils blown, lips parted as her chest rises and falls in quick succession. She's gorgeous. Hair tousled, cheeks flushed.

And he did that.

Keeping his gaze locked on hers, he drops to his knees, pushing her shirt up further until she takes control, pulling the fabric over her head to reveal a flawless stretch of pale skin, broken only by the black cotton encasing her breasts.

And that fact, that he's discovering her in casual and functional instead of sexy but impractical, does all sorts of delicious things to him. A Kate Beckett that's laid back and relaxed is one version he's desperate to get to know.

Finally breaking eye contact, he leans forward, attaching his lips to the skin just under her belly button, and he nibbles when he feels her fingers thread through his hair. He traces a path down to the button on her jeans, dipping his tongue just below the denim, and she shivers, her hips bucking, her grip on him tight.

He wraps both arms around her waist, drawing her away from the counter as he walks his fingers up the line of her spine, stumbling over every vertebra, and stopping when he reaches the clasp of her bra. Popping it loose, he draws the straps down her arms, freeing her breasts from their cotton cage. The sight of her above him, open and wanting, sends all his blood south, stoking the inferno of arousal and need that's coursing through his veins.

He can't help but stop and stare, his chin resting on the toned expanse of her stomach as his hands roam. His fingers travel up the ladder of her ribcage and trace under the line of her breasts before cupping them, and he sighs at the perfect weight.

She whispers his name, calling for his attention, her gentle touch and low voice breaking through the haze of arousal.

"Come here, Castle."

She can't take the sight of him kneeling, as though he's worshiping her. She doesn't deserve it, hasn't earned the right. Not yet.

At this moment, they are partners, equals in their mistakes and in their penance.

She wants him level with her, face to face, chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh, as they heal what they'd almost destroyed, mend what their stubbornness and miscommunication had broken. She brushes her thumb along his jaw, scratching her nails through his slight stubble, and calls his name.

"Come here, Castle."

When he tilts his head up, her heart stutters at what she sees in his eyes, the passion, the adoration, and the arousal all vying for his full attention. And one other emotion - something she's unwilling to name at this point - but it's there too, burning brightly, echoing the relief and joy she feels racing through her own body, beating strong and steady for him.

Always for him.

She was a fool to think that she could walk away from this, that someone else could ever take his place, and tonight she'll prove it to him. Tonight there is nothing else, no one else to fill the empty spaces.

His body slides along hers as he stands, and the cotton of his shirt against her bare nipples sends a bolt of heat straight to her core. She's denied this for too long, pushed him away again and again, too scared to allow herself to feel what he does to her, the desire, the happiness, the need, and the joy, but not anymore.

She takes a deep breath and dives in, claiming his mouth the moment he's within reach just as he'd claimed her heart so long ago. There is no turning back.

Moaning at the taste of him, at the sharpness of his teeth and softness of his tongue, she can't contain her desperation any longer. She tangles her fingers with his, tugging him with her as she whispers against his lips.

"Castle, take me to bed."

Kylie and Jo, as always this would be nothing without you both.