Esper frowned in concentration, careful hitting the ice sculpture with the chisel. His craft project was coming along well, hopefully the sculpting teacher and the magic teacher would be impressed with the piece.
He had carved the likeness of a small bird in flight, the sculpture carefully displaying the intricately carved wings and an unfinished body. He was currently working on the body, chiseling small details into the bird's breast.
It was a required project that covered both his Advanced Elements and Sculpting II class. It was a sort of precursor to the final project that would be due later in the year. Before he graduated it would be expected of him to somehow incorporate most of his classes into one final project that would be displayed to his graduating class and anyone who decided to come by the school.
Esper wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do, but he was pretty sure that he could make another ice sculpture, this one displaying two pooka in battle. He would carve symbols into the statue that would allow him to manipulate the ice pooka into moving in an intricate battle.
That would satisfy his Advance Elements, Ruins, Illusionary Magic III, and P.E requirements, however, he was stumped as for what to do for History of Pooka and Language Arts. He might be able to fit History in if he carved the fighters into someone important to the pooka, but he couldn't figure out anything for L.A. He could skip it, but a lot of point would be docked.
He sighed, shaking his head, he should focus on the project at hand, not one that wouldn't be assigned for another week or two. This one was due in a few days. He was nearly done, but he still had a lot of details to add on the body and on the legs.
Esper was so distracted that he didn't notice Aspen come up behind him until he spoke. "Are you working on an azure finch?" The young buck asked, peering over Esper's shoulder. Esper yelped, whirling around. "Geez Aspen, don't scare me like that!" He hissed, somewhat annoyed.
Aspen chuckled, "sorry Esper, didn't mean to scare you."
Esper huffed, "Yeah, it's supposed to be an azure finch, but it's not finished yet, I still have a lot of work to do." Aspen laughed, "I'm so glad I picking writing, it's not nearly as stressful as sculpting seems to be."
The white doe nodded, "yeah, I suppose it probably is. So what brings you here after school? I thought you and Amaya were doing something today?" Aspen shrugged, "we were supposed to work on a project together, but she never showed up."
Esper frowned, "that's not like Amaya. Maybe she got hung up on something." Aspen nodded, "yeah probably." They didn't say anything for a moment, neither finding anything to say.
"So, are you nearly done for today?" Aspen asked. Esper shrugged, "I could, I made a lot of progress earlier in class, so I could finish up if you want to do something." Aspen grinned, "Awesome!' Esper grinned and put down the chisel, carefully picking up his statue and bringing it back into the room. He opened a charmed cabinet that would keep it frozen until he could get to it tomorrow.
"I never got how you managed to keep that from melting while you worked on it," Aspen said, coming up behind him. "A lot of frost magic," Esper answered, turning to face the brown buck.
"So, what did you want to do?" He asked. "It's a surprise," Aspen said.
Esper raised a brow, "Oh? Will you at least tell me where we're going?" Aspen shook his head, "nope, you'll just have to wait." Esper gave a fake pout, "Aww, come on Aspen, pleeassee?"
The buck rolled his eyes, "Esp, just because you think that looks cute does not mean I'll do whatever you ask." "Crud, my plot's been discovered," he said, winking at his friend.
Aspen sighed, "what ever will I do with you?" Esper smirked, "love me." "That's it, I'm done with you, I try to be nice and you just sass me," Aspen said, turning to leave. Esper laughed, "Fine, fine, take me where you will." Aspen smirked, "alright, come with me."
He led Esper out of the building, taking him in the opposite direction of their burrows. The two didn't speak, choosing to just enjoy the scenery and each other's company. Eventually they reached the base of a nearby mountain range, the sheer cliffs reaching hundreds of feet above their heads. Aspen pulled him towards a curtain of ivy.
"Through here," he murmured, walking towards the ivy. He pulled it out of the way, revealing a small crack in the rock just large enough for a single. Esper looked at him, "Ladies first Aspen," he said, smirking and gesturing for Aspen to go through first.
Aspen rolled his eyes, "I think that you'd fall under the category of 'lady' more than I do Esper." Esper growled, "Shut up." He walked through the crack, pinning his ears to his head so they wouldn't snag on anything. Once he made it inside he looked around the cave, trying to figure out what was so special about it. The cave briefly fell into darkness as Aspen came through the crack after him.
"Come on, the surprise is this way," Aspen said, leading him towards a dark corner of the cave. Esper frowned and followed after his friend. To his surprise, there was a tunnel hidden in the shadows. They walked down the tunnel, their usually great night vision failing them in the near complete darkness.
After a minute or two of walking Esper's eyes picked up a faint glow at the end of the tunnel. A little more walking took them around a corner and into another cave, this one larger than the other and covered in bioluminescent moss. "Whoa," Esper breathed, walking past Aspen into the cave. The moss glowed with a soft, soothing, blue light that illuminated the entire room.
Aspen chuckled, "You look like you have blue fur." Esper looked down at his chest. His usually silvery white coat looked like it was glowing a light blue. "Huh, I do," he said, "This is really cool. How did you find this Aspen?" He asked, turning to his friend.
One of the buck's ears twitched in embarrassment, "I found it when we were thirteen. It's been my place to just kinda get away from everything since then." Esper was speechless, why would Aspen show him something like this? It was clear that it was very dear to him, it made no sense that he would show it to another person.
"Aspen…" He said, unable to find words. The buck came up behind him, pressing his front into Esper's back, causing the doe to blush. Before now he had never realized the changes that growing up had caused in Aspen.
The buck was nearly four inches taller than him, and he had the muscle to back up his height. Esper could feel the powerful muscles in Aspen's chest, their close proximity causing Esper's hormones to rise. Here was a strong buck, they were alone in a place that could very easily serve as nest, and he seemed to be interested in Esper. The doe shivered as he felt Aspen put a hand on his shoulder. "As…"
"Esper please listen to me," Aspen said, turning the doe around. Esper frowned, "what is it?" Aspen exhaled a shuttering breath, "I've been meaning to tell you for a while now, and if I don't tell you now, I'm never going to work up the nerve. Esper Harlow, I've loved you since we were kits. I've been waiting for years for us to reach adulthood before saying this, but will you please let me court you?"
Esper looked up at his old friend, shocked, "Holy shit, how do I respond to that?" He said, dumbstruck.
"You could say yes," Aspen suggested nervously. "I know, but Aspen, we're not adults yet, we won't until we leave school…"
"Which is in two months, we're twenty one, technically adults," Aspen pointed out, "Esper, I'm not asking you to mate with me immediately after we finish school, I just want a chance to have something more with you. Something more than just friendship. I asked Amaya for permission earlier, and she gave me her full blessing."
Esper laughed softly, "Aspen, I think the tradition is for you to ask my Dam, not my sister." Aspen rubbed his head nervously, "I know, but I wanted to ask the last of your blood relatives."
"Fair enough," Esper said, "look, Aspen…" The buck flinched, Esper was going to reject him, he knew it. "I honestly don't know what to think about this," Esper said, "Can I have a little bit of time to think about this? Please?"
Aspen nodded, relieved that Esper hadn't outright rejected him, he still had a chance, no matter how minute it was. "Sure," He said, smiling. Esper smiled gratefully, "thank you." Aspen turned to leave. "Also, Aspen, great place to ask." Aspen grinned and walked out of the cave. Esper sighed and slumped down into the moss.
The soft cushiony plants released a soothing scent that seemed to help clear Esper's mind. Did he really like Aspen like that? Yeah, he had a crush on the guy when they were kits, but they were adults now. He really liked Aspen, they were best friends for goodness sake, but he wasn't sure if he like Aspen as a mate. He could see himself spending the rest of his life with the buck, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to.
Esper exhaled, trying to picture himself with Aspen. He could see himself staying with him, living together and falling in love, but as soon as he tried to picture in a sexual relationship with Aspen it felt wrong somehow, as if he was betraying something.
Esper sighed, shaking his head. This whole situation was throwing him for a loop. He hadn't expected anyone to ask to mate him, at least not until he and Amaya revealed themselves to the galaxy. He had no idea what to do about this, he was pretty sure he didn't want to accept, but he really wasn't sure.
He needed to talk to someone about this. Someone that preferably wasn't his sister. Mind made up, he turned and ran out of the cave, blindly feeling his way back to the first cavern. Just as the dark began to unnerve him he reached the exit, squeezing out of the ivy covered crack. He darted back to his home, letting his paws guide him back to the familiar school house and then back to his family's burrow complex.
In his haste he nearly bowled over Snowdrop, the other white doe having been standing in front her litter's burrow.
"Hey watch it big brother!" She yelped, jumping back to avoid being run over. Esper skidded to a halt, chuckling nervously. "Sorry Snow," he said, leaning towards her and rubbing his cheek against hers affectionately. She huffed before rubbing back at him. "What's got you in such a rush big brother?" She asked, pulling back.
Esper coughed, embarrassed, "I need to talk to Dam," he said, avoiding his little sister's gaze. Snowdrop smirked, "Aspen asked to court you didn't he?" "How'd you know?" Esper asked, surprised. She laughed, "Big brother, I could tell that he liked you when I was four. Four years old Esper, it really wasn't that much of a surprise."
Esper sighed, "I guess not. Anyway, where's Dam?" "In her burrow. Da's gone to talk to Kale Bunnymund about something, so golden opportunity to talk to Dam about all things doe related." Esper chuckled, "thanks Snow," he said, turning and disappearing into his parent's burrow.
"Dam, where are you?" He called, walking into the sitting room. Lilliana came out of her nest room. "Yeah Esper, what's up?" She asked.
Esper bit his lip, "Uh Dam, you might want to sit down."
"You aren't pregnant are you?" Lilliana asked, panicked, "Esper, you are too young to get pregnant!" "I'm not pregnant Dam!" He yelled, his ears pinning back.
Lilliana sighed in relief, "Oh thank the gods, you haven't even mentioned a buck yet so I panicked. I thought you'd rushed into mating." Esper shook his head, "no, that's not what this is about."
Lilliana walked forward, examining her oldest son. "But it is about a buck isn't it?" She asked. Esper nodded, "yeah, it is." She sighed, "Of course it is. What happened?" Esper looked at her and then looked down at the floor.
"Aspen asked to court me," he muttered. His Dam's eyes widened, "Oh, Esper that's wonderful sweetie!" She exclaimed, engulfing her son in a hug. Esper hugged her back, pushing his face into her soft chest ruff and inhaling the warm, familiar scent of his Dam.
A moment later they broke apart, Lilliana keeping a grip on her son. "Did you say yes?" She asked, curious. Esper shook his head, "I told him that I'd think about it, this came out of nowhere, I'd never thought about Aspen and I together as mates."
Lilliana frowned, "what's stopping you from saying yes? Courting doesn't necessarily mean that you'll mate." Esper shrugged, "I don't know. I really do want to think about it, I'm just really not sure what I want to say."
The elder doe nodded, motioning for him to sit down on the couch. Esper sat down gratefully, his Dam sitting next to him. "I don't know what's stopping me. I like Aspen, I really do, but I'm not sure if I like him that way. Like a mate I mean."
Lilliana nodded thoughtfully, "could you see yourself with him? Becoming his mate, sharing a burrow with him, eventually having kits with him?" Esper sighed, "I can see myself with him, but when I think about us in a, a sexual way it feels… wrong somehow."
"Is there another buck you're interested in? That might be it," Lilliana pointed out. Esper blushed and looked away, "Kind of. I-I might kinda have a small crush on Aster Bunnymund."
His Dam chuckled, "I really should have seen this coming. Do you know if Aster's interested in you?" Esper shook, "I really don't know, I haven't spoken to him since before he left for the military. I know that he liked me when I was fourteen, but it's been a long time since then."
Lilliana nodded, "Is this 'little' crush stopping you from courting Aspen? On another note, how long has this crush been going on?" Esper flushed, "Since I was thirteen. I don't know, I just can't stop thinking about him. We didn't talk much in the end, but I really miss him now that he's gone."
She smiled, her son was too cute, he had absolutely no idea that he had fallen in love with Aster. "Esper, this is going to be really embarrassing for you, but have you ever thought about Aster during your heat?" She asked gently. Esper frowned, "yeah, isn't that normal though?"
She giggled, "Sometimes. Let me guess. You're constantly caught up on thoughts of his barging into your nest, pinning you down and mating you until you can't think straight. Am I right?" "DAM!" He yelped, his ears pinning to the back of his head. She quirked and eyebrow, "Well?"
He bit his lip, looking away from her. "I-I can't stop thinking about him, I spend the entire heat thinking about him finding me and t-taking me and breeding me. I always end up Calling for him at least once before it's over," he said, refusing to meet her eyes.
She smiled softly, "That's why you don't want to court Aspen," she said, "both you and your instincts have chosen Aster, not him. Your instincts have decided that Aster is the better buck, so they want you to mate with him." Esper's eyes snapped to meet with hers, mouth agape.
She laughed, "You'll end up catching insects if you keep your mouth open like that Esper." His jaw snapped shut. "Did I really choose him?" Esper asked, baffled.
Lilliana smiled softly, "yep. I did the same thing when I met your Da. The first heat after I met him I couldn't stop imagining him with me, taking care of me. I called for him, just like you did, and I knew, that was the buck I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My instincts agreed with me, I had seen how good Hawthorn was with kits and I was sold."
Esper shook his head, "but Aster's so grumpy all the time, why would my instincts choose him? He'd be so short-tempered with our kits." Lilliana smiled, "You really haven't seen him with kits before?" Esper shook his head.
The elder doe laughed, "Oh Espy he's amazing with kits, he may be harsh and gruff to everyone else, but as soon as he's with a kit he's the softest thing you've ever seen. He's a complete pushover when it comes to kits."
Esper blinked in surprise, "You've seen him with kits?" Lilliana nodded, "yep. His nieces and nephews to be exact."
Esper frowned, "did Rose have kits? I had heard she mated, but I didn't know that she had kits already." "Fawn, her mate, gave birth about eight months ago. I happened to stop by when they did and I saw Aster with them."
Esper was silent, processing the new information. He could feel the more primal part of his mind stirring at the thought of Aster. We've seen them fight before, his mind whispered, we've seen Aster beat Aspen soundly in both physical and magical combat. He is stronger, he can protect us better.
A memory of Aster and Aspen came unbidden to the forefront of his mind. He could see Aster easily defeating Aspen, his fighting skill clearly much higher than the others, never mind his disability.
"I-I think I made a decision Dam," he said. Lilliana smiled, "what would that be?" "I'm not going to court Aspen," Esper said, "It just doesn't feel right. I don't know if Aster likes me back, heck I don't even know if he's coming back, but I think I really like him Dam."
Lilliana smiled softly, "If that's what you want to do Esp, I'll support you the entire way." He smiled back, his expression somewhat bitter, "Yeah. I still feel horrible for rejecting Aspen though, we've been friends for so long I don't want to hurt him."
"Oh Esper, you've grown up to be such a fine pooka," Lilliana murmured, pulling her son into a hug, "I know that it will hurt, and Aspen may try to avoid you for a little while, but it may be the best thing to do. After all, it isn't fair to Aspen if you go after a relationship with him but you're not in it whole heartedly."
Esper nodded into his Dam's shoulder, tomorrow wouldn't be a good day, but it would be necessary.
The Next Day
Esper's foot twitched, from where he was sitting he could see Aspen's back, the buck sitting three rows in front of him. The wait was making him nervous. He hadn't seen him earlier in the day. Aspen had come in nearly late for first period, taking his seat in the back of the room after smiling at Esper.
That smile was making him feel so guilty, Aspen really did love him there was no doubt about that. Amaya frowned at him from across the room, easily able to see her twin's nervousness. Luckily for Esper, the bell soon rang, releasing them from their last period. He looked forward and locked eyes with Aspen, the handsome brown buck giving him a large smile.
Esper nodded his head towards the door, trying to signal that he needed to talk to him in private. He could see Aspen's beautiful hazel eyes light up, he thought that Esper was about to accept his courtship. Esper's hearts clenched painfully, he was about to hurt Aspen so badly.
He turned and walked out of the class, walking slow enough so that Aspen could follow him through the crowded hallway. Just as he reached the door Aspen caught up to him, holding the door open for him. Esper walked through the door, going towards somewhere they could be alone.
Aspen followed after him, the buck just barely brushing against his shoulder. Soon they reached a small break in the trees out of sight of the school. Esper turned to face the buck.
"Did you think about it?" Aspen asked. Esper nodded, "Yeah, I did." "And?" Aspen prompted, nervousness barely hidden in his tone. Esper sighed, "I'm sorry Aspen, I really like you, but only in a friendly way. I'm sorry but I'm saying no."
Aspen's eyes widened, his shoulders slumping sadly, "oh" He muttered. Esper winced, "I'm sorry Aspen, I really am I just…" Aspen held up a paw. "I-It's alright Esper, you don't need to keep apologizing. I just really thought you would've accepted." Esper flinched guiltily.
It was unusual for a doe to reject a buck's advances right off the bat, usually they at least let the buck try to win them. It helped that usually a buck didn't ask until they were fairly sure they would accept. "Are you interested in another buck? Is that why you're saying no?" Aspen asked. Esper could hear the heartbreak in his voice.
Esper sighed, "Yes I am. I might have said yes to you if I wasn't, but I really care for them." Aspen nodded sadly, "Alright. Thank you for at least thinking about it Esper. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Aspen…" Before Esper could complete his sentence the buck had left, sprinting away so that the doe couldn't see his tears. Esper felt tears prick at his eyes, quickly spilling over and down his cheeks. He didn't want to hurt his friend, but he needed to do this. Esper sobbed, running a paw over his ears guiltily. He really hoped that he hadn't rejected Aspen for nothing.