A/N: Nanao's been bitten by the Santa-bug!

I'm sorry if this chapter is somewhat short; I'm currently working on my other unfinished works and that's leaving me a bit swamped and brain-dead, to be honest. I've had to delete two of my on-going stories to make some room in my schedule, and I still have five more.

Thanks to ChieLuvsBleach for ideas!

Disclaimer: Last time I Wikipedia'd it, it said Bleach belonged to Kubo Tite, not me… Any other brands mentioned in this chapter are also property of their respective owners, of course.

Recap:

"That is quite a problem you have there, Ise-fukutaichou," Byakuya murmured sympathetically. He'd experienced similar crises. "However, Yachiru and Zaraki-taichou introduced to me a solution, which I'll be glad to pass onto you."

Nanao brightened up. "Seriously?"

The sixth division taichou hesitated. "It may sound a bit…insane. But I assure you of the validity of this."

"I'm all ears."

10. Ise Nanao

Nanao sat in her office, so deep in contemplation that she didn't notice the piles of paperwork stacked on her mahogany desk.

Had Byakuya been telling the truth? Was there really a human man who walked around giving presents?

True, the steely sixth division captain had no reason to lie to her. Unless he'd found out that her main need was a picture of him in a compromising position for the annual SWA calendar of hot guys.

It can't hurt, Nanao decided, pulling out some paper, an envelope, and a pen.

Dear Santa,

My name is Ise Nanao, and I am the fukutaichou of the eighth division of the Gotei 13. I have gotten myself into quite a fix; that is, I am in need of something I do not possess. I would deeply appreciate it if you helped me, though I realize this may be an unreasonable request.

I have heard from Kuchiki-taichou that you allot each person ten items. Don't worry; I will adhere to your rules.

First of all, I need a new box of inkwells. Last week, an inebriated Kyouraku shattered all of my glass inkwells by knocking them onto the floor.

Secondly, I would appreciate an herbal tea set, for when I am forced to work overtime.

Thirdly, a new file cabinet for my large mounds of paperwork would work too.

Fourthly, a new pair of glasses would be nice. Maybe from that Silver Dragonfly Eyewear shop, it seems to have reasonable prices.

Fifthly, replace all, and I mean ALL, of Kyoraku's sake with water. This is will difficult, as he protects his sake with him life. But if you manage to do so, maybe he'll finally sober up.

Sixthly, a bag of Konpeito candy to keep Kusajishi-fukutaichou distracted. I wonder how Kuchiki-taichou manages to keep her in line…

Seventhly, well…Matsumoto mentioned something in the human world called breast implants…who am I kidding, I don't want silicone boobs. Instead, I'd rather have a push up bra, thank you very much.

Eighthly, I need a photograph of Kuchiki-taichou, preferably half-naked. No, not for the reasons you probably suspect. But I do need it for the SWA calendar. It would probably be hard to get such a photo—unless you are really Yamamoto in disguise as a chubby, happy-go-lucky man. In which case, I am extremely creeped out.

Ninthly, confiscate all of Kyouraku's haiku equipment, especially that haiku kit he obtained from Izuru-fukutaichou. His haikus are ridiculous.

Tenthly,

"My dear Nanao, what are you writing?" A whimsical voice sang out from behind her.

Nanao swirled around, one hand covering the letter and the other on the hilt of her zanpakuto. She relaxed her tense posture after a moment. "Oh. It's only you, taichou."

"Only me?" Kyouraku frowned mournfully. "Am I not enough to satisfy your desires, Nanao?"

The strict fukutaichou ignored his comments. "Go…do your paperwork or something."

"Nanaaaoooo, you're looking unusually flustered, hmm? Were you having naughty dreams about m—OW!" He was cut off by a sharp slap to the arm he was stealthily trying to wrap around Nanao.

"Of course not. Now go."

Kyouraku pouted childishly, but moved away from her. Instead of striding out of her office, however, he flopped onto her plush sofa, a stubborn expression on his face. Nanao sighed in annoyance, but didn't prod her taichou to leave. It was obvious he wasn't going anywhere.

Fully ignoring the alert Kyouraku staring curiously at her from his seat on the sofa, she summoned a Hell Butterfly. It fluttered its thin wings as she folded the paper into thirds, sealed it into an envelope, and attached it to the Hell Butterfly.

As the Hell Butterfly flew off, Nanao briefly wondered if Kyouraku actually liked her. Not just as a cute crush to pass time with, but actual love.

She knew he didn't. His 'love' for her was merely an affectionate, playful puppy love. Not one of those full-blown romances she voraciously read about day and night.

As if to further prove her point, Kyouraku called out from his spot on her sofa. "Nanaoooo-channn, I'm bored." She was definitely convinced that he viewed her as a source of entertainment.

"If I recall, there's a ready stack of unfinished paperwork waiting for you in your office, Kyouraku-taichou."

Her blunt tone didn't help her in matters of romance either. Nanao knew she wasn't especially charming or attractive or nice. Her breasts weren't big like Matsumoto-fukutaichou. She wasn't as bubbly and cute as Kusajishi-fukutaichou. She wasn't even particularly skillful or petite like Soi-Fon-taichou.

"Don't be like that, Nanaoooo."

"Shush." Nanao was surprised Kyouraku had even stuck with her for so long. The only thing she was good at was paperwork; he wouldn't allow her to fight or participate in battle.

"Heyyy. Tell me a storyyy, Nanaooo," Kyouraku begged beseechingly.

"If I do, will you go away and let me do my paperwork in peace?"

"Whatever you say, Nanao-chan!"

Nanao thought for a moment. "Okay. So once upon a time, there was a guy in the human world named Santa Claus."

Kyouraku's eyes started sparkling, and he leaned forward, as if eager to hear the rest of the tale.

"Santa Claus was fat. The end."

His face fell. "Nanaoooo, that didn't count! Who's Santa Claus?"

She frowned. "If I tell you, will you really go do your paperwork?"

"But of course! When do I not do your paperwork."

Nanao had never—in a hundred years—seen Kyouraku even touch a sheet of paperwork. But maybe he'd really get out of her hair and go do something productive, like write a list or take a walk. That was the most she could expect of him.

"Fine," she agreed, staring longingly at the piles of paperwork, just sitting there and waiting to be completed. "Every year on December 25, Santa Claus gives presents to everybody. But you have to write him a list and give it to Orihime-san, who is his helper. And the list can only have TEN items."

"Ooohh, how fun! Did you wish for me, Nanaooo?"

Nanao looked down, startled. She hoped he didn't notice her reaction. "O-Of course not, you baka. Now go away. You promised."

Kyouraku tried to sway Nanao with his best abandoned-puppy-dog-face, but his steely fukutaichou remained resolute. Finally, he slowly got up and walked off dejectedly.

As she watched him leisurely glide down the hallway, Nanao remembered what she'd written for the tenth wish.

Tenthly, I wish Kyouraku truly loved me.

A/N: Next is Kyouraku. Please send me ideas in a review, if possible. I have no idea what he'd want, besides Nanao and sake.

Thanks for reading!

Review!

~HauntedMoonlight~