I would apologize for the cliff hanger last chapter but…It was necessary. And I also know that I said some questions would be answered in this chapter but the plot bunny went left when I said turn right. But the build up is the point in this story. Someone once said, that everything is not what it seems. To me that is the best plotline for a story. So without anymore ramblings. Please read and review. Plus a huge thanks to all that do review that is like feeding carrots to my plot bunnies and alerts make the author very happy. Peace my friends….Hemmy
Chapter 11
I Need You To Stay
'I'm sorry'
Carole and Ruth are on their feet and running into the kitchen when they hear Finn scream Noah's name. They stop at the doorway seeing Noah, the steel blade of the cutlery reflecting in the light poised at his stomach. Carole put her hand out stopping Ruth from running to the frightened Jewish teen.
"No! You're not sorry! If you were sorry you wouldn't be doing this Noah!" Finn takes a couple of steps towards the smaller jock. "You promised me! You promised me that you wouldn't leave me, that you wouldn't do this!"
"I can't take it anymore Finn! I can't take the loneliness! Feeling like the world is laughing at me! I have never been enough for anyone! My Dad! Quinn! Beth! You! I'm always going to be the town whore! Good enough to use, but never good enough to keep around!" Noah cries at the taller teen hoping he will understand. "The only reason you stick around is because you feel like you have to, that I'm like a dog someone dropped off. You feel so sorry for it that you let it hang around."
Finn can see a red line begin to slip down the tanned skin from the tip of the sharp steel point of the knife. He stops, knowing that if he makes any sudden movements he would never reach Noah in time to stop the blade from plunging in the soft flesh.
"Noah I love you! You're not some stray dog/animal to me! You are the man I want to spend the rest of my life with! There has never been anyone else for me but you! Don't do this PLEASE!" Finn is crying begging his boyfriend.
"You deserve better than…THIS!" Noah points at himself, at his body. "I'm pregnant Finn! By HIM! I DON'T WANT THIS THING INSIDE OF ME! I DON'T WANT SOMETHING TO REMIND ME OF WHAT HE TOOK AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO BE A FREAK!"
"BABY PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I NEED YOU! PLEASE!" Finn reaches his hand for Noah to take.
"It hurts so much when you touch me Finn! I used to dream about a life with you, being in love. And now when I dream about us; you turn into HIM! All I ever wanted was for you to love me! And now that has been taken from me too! Please just let me do this, let me stop the hurt!" Noah 's hands were trembling so fiercely, he pushes down a little, causing more blood to run down the smooth dark skin. He is so focused on begging Finn to let him go that he doesn't even feel the sting of deepening the cut.
A noise from the backdoor surprises everyone. The voice is unmistakable. Carole and Ruth say silent prayers of thanks for the man standing in the doorway. Finn watches as his hero steps into the room.
"NOAH PUCKERMAN! LOOK AT ME!" Burt Hummel had walked through the back door. Carole had text him and told him she needed him, that Noah needed him. Burt had been terrified when he walked in the door to see the Mohawk'd teen holding a large kitchen knife to his stomach.
Noah looks at Burt his body shaking with sobs, but the grip on the knife remained tight holding the steel instrument against his abdomen. "Please go away Mr. H"
"Son I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me. You are worth so much to everyone in this room, including me. I can't begin to understand what you are feeling, hell I have never been good with feelings and shit." Burt Hummel looks at the young man standing in front of him as he quietly takes steps closer to the distraught Jewish teen. "You can get through this! All of us will help you!"
"Why do you want to help me? No one has ever wanted to help me before! No one has ever given a shit about me! Everyone chooses someone else over me! I wasn't even good enough for Beth, MY OWN DAUGHTER!" Noah's breath is ragged, his cheeks soaked with tears.
"I'm tired of hurting Mr. H, I am tired of just existing. No one sees me, no one even notices if something is wrong. It's like I am not even in the same room as everyone else! When I signed those fucking papers no one asked me if I was okay, they all ran to Quinn to make sure she was okay! Everyone believed her without even asking me what happened that night! They all treated me like I r-raped her! I was the one that was drunk! She was sober! I told her no but she told me that my dick said I wanted her! I was mad at Finn for choosing her! I wanted to get back at him, to make him hurt like me, so I just laid there and let her!" The dark hazel orbs flash so many emotions at Burt.
"At the party I froze; I couldn't stop him! I was so scared and it hurt so fucking much! I couldn't even scream! I let that fucker take the only thing no one else had touched, the one thing I had never used for sex! Now I have nothing left! Except a baby that I don't want!
Do you know what it is going to be like when everyone finds out I'm pregnant? It's only going to get worse for me! For Finn! People already look at me like I'm nothing but a dirty slut and now they are going to look at me like I am a FREAK!
I cant take it anymore! I can't handle the nightmares! The notes! The looks from everyone at school! It's like they all know what happened to me, they look at me like I deserved it!" He tightens the his grip on the knife handle. "I don't want to be here anymore! I just want the pain to go away! The memories to go away! I just want to find peace!"
"Noah this isn't the way to find peace son. You may not feel anything anymore but there is a little girl sitting in my truck right now that would be devastated if you do this. You're mother needs you. Carole and me, we need you too." Burt watches as Noah's hand begins to tremble, relaxing the grip on the knife handle.
"And that overgrown giant standing right here needs you more than he needs to breath. I see the way he looks at you, the way he hovers around you. Finn needs you Noah. If you do this you will leave him behind to feel exactly how you are feeling right now. I know you love him and you don't want him to feel this way too."
Burt takes the final step to stand in front of Noah placing his hand over the smaller dark hand holding the knife. He gently pulls the steel blade from Noah's hand passing it to Finn before pulling the Jewish teen against his body, holding him tight. Burt hears the broken words from Noah's burning throat, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Burt tells the young man that it isn't his fault and that they would make sure he made it through this mess. Burt didn't realize he was crying along with the dark skin teen.
Finn throws the knife in the garbage can and runs to his mother. His heart feels like it has been torn apart. Noah was right, no one ever asked him what happened that night with Quinn. He had never asked Noah about that night. They all assumed it was Noah that was responsible for Quinn getting pregnant. Hearing Noah's words made him want to choke the life out of the cold hearted bitch. He buries his face in the crook of his mother's neck sobbing openly at everything he had heard.
Ruth watches as Burt holds her son like his own. The tears he is crying are for her son. She knows that he needs this burly man more than her right now. Ruth watches Noah clutches at Burt's flannel shirt begging for unwarranted forgiveness. She feels a long arm suddenly wrap around her small frame pulling her into an embrace with Finn and Carole. She finally breaks down after all the events that had happened today.
Finn notices when Noah calms in Burt's arms and gently pulls out of the embrace from his mother and Mrs. P. He walks over to Burt and Noah looking at Burt to make sure it is okay before wrapping his arms around Noah. Burt nods at the freakishly tall teenager and gently turns Noah so that he is facing Finn. Burt steps over to Carole and Ruth letting the boys find their way to each other.
Noah standing on trembling legs takes a tentative step towards the open arms of Finn. He collapses on the floor in front of Finn, exhausted from the tears, the pain, the memories that flood his mind. A dark hand reaches up from the floor, reaching for the one person he loves more than life. He can feel the strong pale arms wrap around him, being scooped up, and then carried into the living room.
After laying Noah on the couch Finn quietly talks to the emotionally scarred jock. Letting him know that he would always be there for him no matter what; no matter how long it took for Noah to be okay, he would be there for him.
Ruth and Carole find the necessary medical supplies to clean the self inflicted cut on Noah's stomach. The cut is about an inch deep and a little over two inches long. Ruth calls Dr. Joe and asks if he could bring a suture kit by the house, she explained that Noah had an accident. Dr. Joe agrees knowing the truth, he could hear it in Ruth's voice.
Burt heads out to his truck to talk to Sarah and try to explain to her that Noah wasn't feeling good and he needed her to go up to her room for a little while. Burt couldn't stop the tears as the little girl with huge brown eyes asked if her 'NoNo was going to be okay'. He told her that he and Noah's moms were going to make sure he was better than okay before giving her a hug and walking her into the house.
Dr. Joe arrives a little while later with a suture kit and a mild sedative for Noah. He also has the name of two excellent therapists that he believes Noah desperately needs in dealing with all of this drama. He looks at the wound on the dark teen's abdomen, it was just below the bellybutton. He knew what the Jewish boy had been attempting, to get rid of the baby.
When he arrives Noah begins to panic until Joe calmly talks to him. Joe tells the frightened teen that he is not there to judge him but to only take care of him. Noah begs Joe not to knock him out but Joe asks Noah to trust him about the shot, that he needs to rest. Noah finally agrees after Burt and Finn both promise to be there if he has a nightmare.
The cut wasn't deep enough to hurt the embryo, but it did warrant two stitches. The nummer and the mild sedative put Noah out in a matter of minutes. Finn stayed in the living room with Noah sitting on the floor beside the couch while holding the smaller darker hand in his. The four adults go to the kitchen table to sit and talk about Noah and how to handle him.
Dr. Joe sees the kitchen knife in the trash can as he is walking by. He begins the discussion first.
"I know you probably don't want to admit it yet, but Noah needs professional help Ruth. He tried to kill himself today, he could try it again and succeed." Joe looks at Ruth without judgment in his eyes. He lays the two cards he brought from his office on the table. "Both of these doctors are the best in the business and they will see Noah at a minimum cost to you."
"I barely make enough money to keep a roof over our heads thanks to my ex-husband. I still get notices in the mail threatening to take me to court over bills he ran up. I can't afford the extra cost and I can't afford not to I know." Ruth wrings her hands trying to figure out what to do for her son.
"Joe what if I gave him a part time job at the shop? I mean I could help keep an eye on him and he could earn the extra money to pay for the shrink." Burt knows that Noah is proud, even in this situation, the boy still has a semblance of pride.
"I think that would be a good idea for him. It would help to build up his confidence again and make him participate in something that benefits him. Plus it would keep his mind occupied and off what is happening to him. I think it would be a good idea as long as there is no heavy lifting or harsh chemicals." Joe looks at Ruth and watches her nod in agreement.
"I am going to ask what everyone is afraid to ask. Joe could he have an abortion? I mean if that is what he wants. We heard what he said to Finn and Burt. He doesn't want to be a freak and he doesn't want the baby." Carole looks at everyone sitting at the table. She doesn't necessarily believe in abortion but in this case she feels like it would be best.
"He could and right now would be the best time to do it if his mental state wasn't so fragile. Noah gave up a child once for adoption and I have heard from my own daughter that he desperately wanted to keep the baby. So for me to say, I think it would be best right now, no. In a few weeks maybe. The child is innocent in this case no matter what the sins of the father might be and I think with Noah's heritage and beliefs that it would hurt him more to get rid of the fetus." Joe states what he believes is the truth no matter what could benefit the hospital. His first and foremost concern is the young man in the next room.
"What if I wanted it? Since I am his mother and he is under eighteen, I could sign the paperwork right? I could make the decision for him." Ruth thinks it would be for the best if Noah got rid of the fetus and deal with life afterwards. "He could get the therapy he needs to get on with his life and get past this part of it."
"Ruth if you made the decision for him and it isn't what he really wants; he could hate you over it. I know Noah isn't the most strict in his faith, but to 'get rid' of a child…I don't know if he would really want that." Carole looks at Burt for support.
"Ruth I agree with Joe and Carole. I think this is his decision to make, not yours. I know you want what is best for him and you want this mess to be over for him quickly but I honestly think you will hurt him even more if you make the decision for him. Let's get him started working with a shrink and see what happens before you make any rash judgments. Okay?" Burt reaches for Ruth's hand as a gesture of comfort.
"Okay. I will see how it goes with the therapist and I think working for you is a good idea too. Noah seems to like you Burt and he needs a father figure, a good man to help him make the right decisions. Thank you." Ruth offers a small smile at the three sitting at her kitchen table.
Finn walks into the kitchen looking for Noah's backpack. He had been replaying everything that Noah had said to all of them before being knocked out. When Noah said something about the notes it made him wonder what Noah was talking about. He had never said anything about any notes and it made Finn wonder what kind of notes they were.
"Uh sorry to interrupt but Mrs. P do you know where Noah's backpack is? I want to look at the notes, something isn't right about that." Finn stands with his hands in his pockets.
"I think he left it in the car. What notes Finn?" Mrs. P asks as she hands him her car keys to unlock the Volvo.
"Noah said he couldn't take it anymore. And then he said the notes. I am guessing they are from the guy that…I just wanted to see what they say." Finn feels the rage building up inside of him at the thought of the rapist sending notes to his victim.
"Go get the backpack son and bring it in here. I think we all need to see them." Burt looks at Finn nodding his head at the tall teenager. "We need to know what is going on with Noah if we are going to be able to help him."
Finn walks out to the car unlocking it with the remote. He finds the bag in the back floorboard and carries it into the house. He goes into the living room checking on Noah to make sure he was still a sleep. Finn gently kisses Noah's forehead before walking into the kitchen. He hands the backpack to Burt who has his hand outstretched to his lanky stepson.
Burt unzips the main part of the bag pulling out Noah's notebooks and a couple of school books. He unzips the front pocket and pulls out over ten notes scrawled in thick black ink. The notes make everyone at the table cringe. Ruth starts crying again and Carole is white knuckling one note that stated what a good little bitch Noah was that night. Burt is seeing nothing but red as the note he is reading, it makes him want to punch the wall or better yet grab his shotgun and shoot the balls off the bastard that wrote them.
Finn is staring at the note he is holding. The heavy lettering telling how the rapist was gonna rip him in two make him scream. Finn barely makes it to the bathroom before throwing up. Carole walks in trying to calm him down but she is just as upset as Finn. Both end up crying over what they read.
Joe speaks his thoughts, "how could someone be so cruel to this kid?" His note is scary 'Its not over faggot'. Joe stares at the note trying to figure out how to deal with this crap. He looks through the other notes on the table with Burt before speaking again. "Whoever is behind this is either extremely smart or psychotic. Either way they are scary. They knew what to say to Noah."
Finn walks back into the room with Carole, still clutching the note that made him sick. The wording wasn't the only reason he felt sick, he recognized the scribbling. But it just cant be that person. He hands the note to Burt and Joe watching their faces pale at the words. "What are we going to do Burt? This guy is still going after him. How can we stop it?" Finn is on the verge of tears again, but fights them back down and lets the rage take over.
"I want you to go back in there with Noah and sit with him. He needs you and you need to be near him right now. Let us figure out what we can do since Noah didn't go to the police. Carole and I will talk to you about it later. Okay son?" Burt knows what he is asking of Finn but he doesn't want his stepson freaking out anymore than necessary. Carole nods her head at Finn, hugging him before he walks back in to the living room.
"So what do we do? What can we do Burt? You know the school is not going to be any help. Hell Figgins won't stop the bullying so he won't care about this." Ruth dries her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. "What about the Shuester guy, the Glee coach? Would he help?"
"No I don't think Figgins or Shue will be any help. But I do know of someone that just might help us out, Emma Pillsbury. She and I had a conversation about Noah today and she was the one that alerted me to how bad his mental state was." Carole sits next to Ruth trying to comfort her friend.
"I have an idea but it is going to take some planning and a lot of luck. We need Coach Sylvester in on this too. She always stood up for Kurt and I think she always had a soft spot for Noah." Burt looks at the other three adults before continuing in a low voice.
"We are going to set up a nanny cam in Noah's locker. We will need an empty locker close by to house the note book that will be recording everyone that passes by the locker and if we are lucky the stupid bastard will slip another note in Noah's locker and we've got him."
"What are we going to do to him once we 'got him'? What can we do?" Joe looks at Burt knowing full well what the slightly larger man would like to do, the same thing he would. Kick some ass. Except he thinks Burt might actually shoot the guy.
"We take the notes, film footage to the cops and explain that this guy has been harassing Noah. If Sue is in on it maybe she can help us get the guy expelled and the cops can handle the legal part. So what do you think?" Burt looks at Ruth for her approval and then to Carole seeing the slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"I think if Emma and Coach Sylvester will help us it will work. Noah needs to feel safe again." Ruth nods at Burt.
"Are you sure you are only going to hand him over to the police Burt Hummel? I know you remember. I don't want you going after this creep with a blowtorch or a shotgun. If we do this we hand the guy over, no roughing him up or anything like that, got it?" Carole raises her eyebrows at her husband making him squirm in the wooden chair.
"Yeah I got it. What about you Joe? Are you going to be involved in this too?" Burt looks away from Carole's knowing stare. The woman knew him inside and out.
"I think I have the video equipment that we are going to need and the note book. So, yes I am in. Noah deserves someone fighting for him." Joe Lopez feels like he just made a deal with his daughter from the gleam in Burt Hummel's eyes. "Just no violence Burt, I am a doctor remember."
The adults continue their conversation until all the details are worked out. Carole and Ruth would go talk to Emma to ask for her help. The men would go talk to Coach Sylvester and ask for hers. Everyone agrees to meet up the next day at the school. Good byes are said with each adult vowing not to talk to anyone else about their plan, not even Noah.
Joe is the first to leave. Melina would be worried since his shift was over two hours ago at the hospital and he knew his dinner would be cold when he got home. He told Ruth to call him if she needed anything, that it didn't matter what time it was. Ruth thanked the kind doctor before he left.
Ruth asks if Finn can spend the night to help with Noah if he should wake up. Burt and Carole think it would be a good idea to let Finn stay the night. Burt talks with Finn before leaving tell him no matter what to stick by Noah in school the next day. Finn hugs Burt thanking him for letting him stay and that he will take care of Noah in school. Carole kisses both her boys goodnight before hugging Ruth telling her to call no matter what time it is if she needs them. Ruth thanks the pair for all their help.
Finn carries Noah back up the stairs to Noah's bedroom. He lays the snoring jock on the rumpled bed. He removes Noah's shoes, socks and jeans before covering the dark teen with a quilt. Finn takes his shoes off before settling down on the floor beside the bed. He wants to hold Noah, to comfort him but he remembers Noah saying how touching him hurt and he didn't want Noah to be scared or to hurt anymore.
He also remembers how Noah snuck out of the room without him knowing or hearing him so Finn tries to think of something that would alert him that Noah is leaving the room. Suddenly Finn has an idea. He grabs his Converse's and pulls the laces out of the eyes, tying them together he makes a slip knot on each end placing one over Noah's hand and the other over his own. If Noah did get up he would pull Finn's hand alerting him.
When Noah becomes a little restless Finn sings to him softly.
Lying beside you
Here in the dark
Feeling your heartbeat
With mine
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love
Be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms
Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
And now that you've come back
Turned night into dayI
need you to stay
Noah calms at the sound of Finn's soft voice.
Ruth went to talk with Sarah after Finn put Noah to bed. She knew she had to explain part of what was happening to NoNo. Sarah was really too young to completely understand what had and was continuing to happen to her big brother. Ruth told Sarah that something bad had happened to Noah and that someone was still trying to hurt him.
The tiny dark haired girl was told by her mother that if NoNo started acting weird or crazy again that she needed to call her or Carole, it didn't matter what time it was, she had to call one of them. Sarah told her mother she would and that Uncle Burt told promised her that NoNo was going to be okay, that everyone was going to make sure he was. Ruth smiled through the tears in her eyes at her daughter's faith in Uncle Burt. Sarah slept in her mother's bed that night.
Ruth made a pallet on the floor beside Noah's doorway. She felt better knowing that she was closer to Noah. She slept very little that night just listening to the sound of her son breathing.
Both boys sleep through the night.