I slid slowly onto the floor, listening to the running water both outside and in the bathroom. I sat, between the bed, the uncomfortable, single bed provided in this crappy inn room with my knees pulled to my chest, trembling slightly. My mind was so mixed and clouded. I closed my eyes and tried to pinpoint every little thing I felt; my heart still pounding, my sex throbbing and wet, the violation, my skin on the cool, wood floor. I took a deep breath and tried numbing all of these things. What had just happened was a fluke. Sure, I thought Sasuke was handsome, and when he had freed me from Orochimaru like he had promised, I had felt the need to flirt just a bit. I wanted him to know I adored him, that this is what I wanted all along, but I never thought it would happen! And I am positive he has no real emotions towards me, he was just caught up in the power of his own lust, even though it came at quite an inconvenient and rather bad time. Couldn't he have held off till he was alone with some young girl? Or maybe some female member of the Akatsuki could catch his eye. Why now? Why cause problems? Of course I could just play dumb, let him know I realize all of this and I am fine with it.

Then again…

What if…

What if Sasuke does feel something for me?

I pulled my legs tighter to my chest, hugging myself, forcing my pounding heart to remain in my chest. How could I let myself think things? Did I want to get hurt? It wasn't a feeling people tagged me for having, but I wasn't an iron wall. Things got into my head and they hurt. Yet they look so much prettier when I am the only one who sees them, when everyone else sees only how far I come physically and hear my cold words, see me kill mercilessly. These painful things, they aren't so bad until I am left alone with them, until I am left to their mercy…to my own mercy. These things tortured me for years trapped within Orochimaru's holds. Until Sasuke came. He spoke to me, told me of his brother and of his clan. He consoled his every ambition in me. I didn't say much, just listened, so grateful for the distraction. He promised to come back for me, he would set me free. And he did. He saved me.

Now…

Now I am not sure what to think of him. What else does he hide behind his nonchalant façade? Is there a person capable of loving, even me, within that cold shell?

The shower stopped. I heard Sasuke's footsteps, they stopped just before the door. All was silent for a moment, then the sound of shattering glass pierced the room. I turned and looked over the bed towards the bathroom. Sasuke came out and lay back heavily on the bed, his arm flopping down. When he was still, his hand gripped the edge of the bed and he stared blankly up at the ceiling. His knuckles were shredded and bloody. He slowly turned his head, realizing I was there. Our eyes met, he stared at me for the longest minute of my life. I released my legs and reached up. I hadn't even reached his hand when he yanked his arm away.

"Don't touch me."

Another one of those things. I stood up and walked over to where my pants had been discarded and pulled them on. I found my shirt and shoes and put those on before walking out the door

…

I got back to Konoha at the end of the first day. I met Kakashi just outside of the village.

"So what is the news?"

"Well, he is planning to join the Akatsuki in order to get closer to his brother."

Kakashi nodded as we walked towards the centre of the village.

"Also, he suspects me of not really being in tis to help him. He dropped a hint that he knew I was betraying him."

"Okay," Kakashi rubbed his chin as he thought. "It isn't really much, we suspected Sasuke would affiliate with the Akatsuki eventually., but it does help." He looked sideways at me, "You don't want to continue this."

I didn't respond, after all there wasn't a question there. I didn't want to chance orphaning Fuyu, as my father had done to me.

"Just stay with him, if things get real bad just get out and try contacting me immediately. Here," Kakashi held out his open hand without looking at me this time. I grabbed the two devices he held, they were radios. "One is for you, the other for Suigetsu. They are our best models; waterproof, small and easy to hide. The earpiece disconnects from the main part there and is connected to it wirelessly, just strap the main piece to your neck under your collar and this will pick up anything you say. Connect to line seventeen and you will reach me directly, I will wear one from this point on as well. The only thing is, you have to be within sixteen miles of the radio you are trying to connect to."

"Thanks," I put on one of the radios and pushed the other into my pocket.

"If you need it, Suigetsu's line is twenty-two." He looked at me, I nodded. This could be useful.

"Well, I suppose you would like to see your son?"

"Definitely," I hadn't even thought of this. Fuyu was on my mind but I had this stop in my mind as a quick report and then I would leave I was enlightened to hear I would see my son. After all, Sasuke had given me the feeling that he would shorten my time with Fuyu if he suspected any more of me.